Having no clue where to go in life.

[F1GTRUeno]

Anyone else hit that massive brick wall and had no idea what to do?

I learnt that I'm a massive waster who can't stick at anything, has crippling anxiety and self-confidence issues and literally doesn't know what to do next.

I'm 24 so will inevitably get the 'you're still young' comments but it really doesn't feel like that. Feels like I've already wasted every opportunity to make something of myself.

I went to uni straight from college, hated the place so I dropped out after 1st year. Went on to either be on the dole or work in jobs where I had zero interest but needed money and always wanted to go back to uni and get a degree in something I might be interested in.

Somehow, by an absolute miracle I got back in last year and went to Sheffield to do a programming course specialising in video games design. I love games, I wanted to learn programming anyway, seemed like a win win. Never been so happy in my life.

Long story short, I fked up. I got so swept up in being back in uni and meeting new people and loving being there that I basically spent the year drunk or in bed and failed the year. I was passing fine upto christmas, wasn't top of the class but wasn't barely scraping it either but then stopped being able to sleep when I went back and drank to solve that problem which obviously didn't solve anything and meant I missed so much and of course, failed.

All my fault obviously, I'm a complete fk up though I hated my coursemates (nobody spoke, nobody helped out when you asked, they all seemed like the types to spent their lives on World of Warcraft than say hello and make friends in real life) so that made it a whole lot less worth going in for.

Uni said I would be able to resit the year as they've seen this happen a million times before and I desperately wanted to go back and make things right but then student finance said after failing twice I'd have to fund it myself. Obviously I'm not made of money and neither are my parents (not that I wanted to lend the money off them because as mentioned, I'm a fk up and I'd probably end it all if I wasted that much of their cash) so now I'm stuck working for barely minimum wage in McDonalds and have absolutely no hope in life, I actually feel worse that they hired me because I seemed semi-positive in the interview and I'm just not at all, not worth employing.

I've been up visiting people from Uni and being in Sheffield where I love and every time I get the train back and come back to reality I wonder why I bother and why I bother waking up in the morning.

Beyond a basic understanding of programming I have absolutely no skills, no determination, no hope and no clue what to do now so does anyone have any ideas of how I can get myself out of this?

Edited by F1GTRUeno on Sunday 19th October 23:53

[F1GTRUeno]

RedBull said:

You sound close to the edge and I hesitated to respond in case I somehow unwittingly tip you over it , but here goes anyway:

Firstly, dropping out of Uni and then failing the course later is not the end of the world, maybe it's just not for you. I never went anywhere near Uni and I'm happy with how I'm doing in life. Anyway, if you found your course mates boring and unfriendly then there's a chance you'd have found the same with colleagues in that occupation and ended up unhappy in work. That's how I'd look at it if it were me.

It may not seem it to you, and I know you're expecting this, but 24 is definately still young, with time to sort things out for yourself. I would suggest having a long hard think about what type of work you would be comfortable doing. It is never too late to get some sort of apprenticeship for example. I know a guy in his thirties and another in his forties both of whom are, through choice, undergoing complete career changes right now, and both getting on with it just fine.

People are different, but having had jobs when I was starting out where I dreaded going to work, as in physically struggling to get up in the morning due to sheer dread that this would be the rest of my working life, a pretty unsettling experience and one I still remember some 30 years later. I now take the approach that I work to live not live to work, and as such I feel that a job which I don't mind doing each day and doesn't occupy my mind when I'm not at work is good enough (assuming other variables such as pay and conditions are acceptable of course). I do not expect to have a job that I adore doing so much that I'd keep working even if I won the lottery. There simply isn't anything I can think of that I would want to do that much, with the possible exception of porn star or MotoGP rider, neither of which I really think I'm cut out for.

Finally, I can't quite understand the reference to Sheffield: If you love it there so much then why not just move there? I can't see that a job in McDonalds would be a reason to stay where you are, or have I missed something?

I definitely figured out pretty early on that I didn't want to do what I was doing for a career. I was considering my options for this current year when I found out it wouldn't be possible to go anyway.

The Sheffield reference was simply because I lived there and loved it, made so many friends last year that I'd do pretty much anything for and most of my friends back home are tied up in their lives so I barely see them. I can't move there because I have no money whatsoever and given the complete lack of skills I have, I'm not exactly going to find a job with a decent enough wage to enable me to live anywhere but where I am right now. I could be wrong but that's what it feels like.