On the subject of life and women
Discussion
On the subject of life and women
Guys -I dont want this to sound smug, its me in a a slightly over-refreshed post but tonite, but me and two great guys got together for some supper and we got chatting. The two other guys are divorced many years ago, and me widowed after 5 years and at last being able to move on from a great marriage sadly ended too early, So all singles and free from being told what to do and have the fredom to make choices. Within reason, money is not a problem cos we paid our bills, didnt start to blow it until now relativley late in life and so we are starting to think again about life's priorities in latter years and enjoy ourselves. Some might say rather late cos while younger we didnt have fancy holidays, smart motors or big houses with mortgages to match. No, we were Mr Ordinary in truth.
Anyhow we got together over a rice and seafood meal, a fancy supermarket ready prepared starter, some cheescake and rounded off with more cheese, plenty of wine, a few beers and ended off with a rather nice port. Each brought a bottle so £30 for the food split 3 ways for the meal - not crazy but just right, in fact cheap enough not to ask for a contribution cos its somebody elses turn next time. A bit of cool background music set the scene. Just the right environment to talk as genuine mates with enough banter to test if the stories are true, which I think they were.
We are all recently retired, have worked bloody hard to just get here.
Yes we have had stupid job titles, had regrets at 20, wondered what to do at 30 with £11k in the bank, but actually I think we are just Mr Average. We count ourselves as the average Mr Pistonhead who laughs loudest at the Sean Connery jokes and roll on the floor at the best insults ever heard. Tonto's saddlebags - whatever next, I squealed with laughter ! Even had a 'I don't love you anymore ' cos she found her ex husband was available again after splitting 14 years ago and now getting back together so I became surplus. I realised later it was not me who had to live with the deceit but left me a very wise pussycat. Growing up rather late but I understood.
Yes we have had a few ladies between us, X round the corner was a go-er etc, mostly all divorcees, as it turns out all bitter and twisted, mixed up from previous relationships and yet we haven't got any baggage between us and beginning to question what happens next.
Ladies we have encountered have all been dishonest with something to hide, mixed up and slightly bitter with past baggage, To be fair many have been treated badly, but us guys can still pick up the pieces and have some fun. That is the point I suppose.
Guys - where does this bring us to ?
I've read some heart wrenching stories on here, ( and I will admit to reading a few fruitcake stories on Mumsnet - they should come on here to get a glimpse of reality ).
Tomorrow I'm wrapping up warm, putting my walking boots on, planning a 10 mile cross country hike, hopefully broken with a mid day beer at a little country pub, and back for a village meeting where the ladies ( very few men come to the garden club ) will ask what I have done, was I out in my little Sportscar, what have I been doing cos they have not seen me about in the village etc etc.
I suppose I want to say that life can be good, I've had my upsets in the past, miss a bit of occasional nookie ( or just a cuddle as a few of the ladies now ask me for ), or do I ( ? ). have come to terms with life and wonder should I expect more. I don't think so.
I love Pistonheads Lounge forum but just putting a marker down that in the end things work out. We all share the same things, points of view, laugh at the same things.
Keep pressing the envelope of Life as far as it goes cos life is too short and we are a long time gone. Start tomorrow with a new vigour.
Perhaps surprise that special lady with a bunch of flowers. Do something different, even if its making a point of saying Hello to the lady at the corner shop when you buy a paper and smile.
Life is too short to mess things up now.
Stay Cool. Here endeth tonite's lesson :-)
Guys -I dont want this to sound smug, its me in a a slightly over-refreshed post but tonite, but me and two great guys got together for some supper and we got chatting. The two other guys are divorced many years ago, and me widowed after 5 years and at last being able to move on from a great marriage sadly ended too early, So all singles and free from being told what to do and have the fredom to make choices. Within reason, money is not a problem cos we paid our bills, didnt start to blow it until now relativley late in life and so we are starting to think again about life's priorities in latter years and enjoy ourselves. Some might say rather late cos while younger we didnt have fancy holidays, smart motors or big houses with mortgages to match. No, we were Mr Ordinary in truth.
Anyhow we got together over a rice and seafood meal, a fancy supermarket ready prepared starter, some cheescake and rounded off with more cheese, plenty of wine, a few beers and ended off with a rather nice port. Each brought a bottle so £30 for the food split 3 ways for the meal - not crazy but just right, in fact cheap enough not to ask for a contribution cos its somebody elses turn next time. A bit of cool background music set the scene. Just the right environment to talk as genuine mates with enough banter to test if the stories are true, which I think they were.
We are all recently retired, have worked bloody hard to just get here.
Yes we have had stupid job titles, had regrets at 20, wondered what to do at 30 with £11k in the bank, but actually I think we are just Mr Average. We count ourselves as the average Mr Pistonhead who laughs loudest at the Sean Connery jokes and roll on the floor at the best insults ever heard. Tonto's saddlebags - whatever next, I squealed with laughter ! Even had a 'I don't love you anymore ' cos she found her ex husband was available again after splitting 14 years ago and now getting back together so I became surplus. I realised later it was not me who had to live with the deceit but left me a very wise pussycat. Growing up rather late but I understood.
Yes we have had a few ladies between us, X round the corner was a go-er etc, mostly all divorcees, as it turns out all bitter and twisted, mixed up from previous relationships and yet we haven't got any baggage between us and beginning to question what happens next.
Ladies we have encountered have all been dishonest with something to hide, mixed up and slightly bitter with past baggage, To be fair many have been treated badly, but us guys can still pick up the pieces and have some fun. That is the point I suppose.
Guys - where does this bring us to ?
I've read some heart wrenching stories on here, ( and I will admit to reading a few fruitcake stories on Mumsnet - they should come on here to get a glimpse of reality ).
Tomorrow I'm wrapping up warm, putting my walking boots on, planning a 10 mile cross country hike, hopefully broken with a mid day beer at a little country pub, and back for a village meeting where the ladies ( very few men come to the garden club ) will ask what I have done, was I out in my little Sportscar, what have I been doing cos they have not seen me about in the village etc etc.
I suppose I want to say that life can be good, I've had my upsets in the past, miss a bit of occasional nookie ( or just a cuddle as a few of the ladies now ask me for ), or do I ( ? ). have come to terms with life and wonder should I expect more. I don't think so.
I love Pistonheads Lounge forum but just putting a marker down that in the end things work out. We all share the same things, points of view, laugh at the same things.
Keep pressing the envelope of Life as far as it goes cos life is too short and we are a long time gone. Start tomorrow with a new vigour.
Perhaps surprise that special lady with a bunch of flowers. Do something different, even if its making a point of saying Hello to the lady at the corner shop when you buy a paper and smile.
Life is too short to mess things up now.
Stay Cool. Here endeth tonite's lesson :-)
Yes I have - but wanting to put a spin on some of the rather sad posts that I have read over the last week.
I'm cool, not wanting to get in an unnecessary exchange but having realised that life is good despite the things that trip you up, as I read on here.
Five years ago, I was made temporarily redundant, lost my mother in law, lost my dog, my wife died, all in 4 months and I thought that life was not worth living and yet have read some pretty heart wrenching tales on here but I suppose I want to just start Thursday 27th November with some positive notes and spread my understanding of what life might offer.
I'm very positive now and felt that a few words might be worth putting down.
I'm cool, not wanting to get in an unnecessary exchange but having realised that life is good despite the things that trip you up, as I read on here.
Five years ago, I was made temporarily redundant, lost my mother in law, lost my dog, my wife died, all in 4 months and I thought that life was not worth living and yet have read some pretty heart wrenching tales on here but I suppose I want to just start Thursday 27th November with some positive notes and spread my understanding of what life might offer.
I'm very positive now and felt that a few words might be worth putting down.
Hmmm... a mixed response.
Just to reassure you all, we are not closets - doesn't anybody meet their mates down the pub and have the same conversation over a beer in a male environment ?
Its a purely open statement on where we find ourselves, yes, with the wisdom of a good few years behind us. Is Top Gear gay just cos Clarkson, May and Hammond sit on the couch and discuss blokey stuff ? Do me a favour please, we are just real life PH'ers who see life on the Lounge Forum as it really is.
One guy is happily divorced as his Mrs ran off, made a bad choice and she is hovering in the wings but apart from a holiday together, that won't happen.
The other is divorced but whose current g/f lives quite a distance away yet he sees her at weekends when he goes 'Missing in Action'
And me. Single through regrettable circumstances but was happily married for 36 years and now have a son and grand-daughter to show for it.
I've not found anybody to replace her but I've had my moments and date a few ladies who show all the signs of earlier battle damage, and I'm perhaps coming to terms with the fact that the next one won't get the benefit of another 36 years. I therefore allow myself to be choosy, don't do fat, ugly, no Match.com weirdos, and date ladies who hopefully won't f-up my life.
I'm therefore determined to have some fun as nothing stands in the way.
I stand by the OP.
Stay Cool..
Just to reassure you all, we are not closets - doesn't anybody meet their mates down the pub and have the same conversation over a beer in a male environment ?
Its a purely open statement on where we find ourselves, yes, with the wisdom of a good few years behind us. Is Top Gear gay just cos Clarkson, May and Hammond sit on the couch and discuss blokey stuff ? Do me a favour please, we are just real life PH'ers who see life on the Lounge Forum as it really is.
One guy is happily divorced as his Mrs ran off, made a bad choice and she is hovering in the wings but apart from a holiday together, that won't happen.
The other is divorced but whose current g/f lives quite a distance away yet he sees her at weekends when he goes 'Missing in Action'
And me. Single through regrettable circumstances but was happily married for 36 years and now have a son and grand-daughter to show for it.
I've not found anybody to replace her but I've had my moments and date a few ladies who show all the signs of earlier battle damage, and I'm perhaps coming to terms with the fact that the next one won't get the benefit of another 36 years. I therefore allow myself to be choosy, don't do fat, ugly, no Match.com weirdos, and date ladies who hopefully won't f-up my life.
I'm therefore determined to have some fun as nothing stands in the way.
I stand by the OP.
Stay Cool..
I take that on the chin about replacing her and it was an unfortunate choice of word but I think we all need some form of lady company, its just the choice is pretty small when you define your boundaries. Nobody will ever replace her and it has taken 5 long years for me to go out with a lady without a lump in my throat. A very close g/f suggested I talk to somebody and I had 4 sessions and the conclusion was ' I've done nothing wrong, would she want me to sit at home moping, and that I need to reach the end of the firewalk before I realise I can move on. The firewalk was a metaphor for somthing you don't think you dare do, but when you do it against your better judgement, you suddenly realise what you can do beyond your wildest dreams. I think that point has arrived within the last few months.
To answer another post - no, head is surprisingly clear and off to do my walk in 20 mins if it stops raining !
To answer another post - no, head is surprisingly clear and off to do my walk in 20 mins if it stops raining !
Do I bite ? It seems that being homophobic is a consistant response to a fairly genuine post, and I might yet have second thoughts that I should have let this thread run out of steam and die.
I'm assuming that most of you guys will not have experienced life like I have, unexpectedly finding themselves single following your worst nightmare and hopefully it will never happen to them. My wife died having been given 24 hours to live, and that followed me giving her a kiss goodbye before going to work and then me coming home to find her in a partial coma. Thats when you find life can kick you up the arris when you least expect it.
I'll tell you what its like.
First you find out who your real friends are. Its 50/50 between those making space and those that gather round to help.
You learn all sorts of stuff that you took for granted. The price of bread, grocery shopping, using a cooker, keeping a sense of values instead of letting yourself go and living in a squalid mess. I had to learn how to use an iron after burning a big hole in my best 501's. Washing machine settings - its a black art mate, left on No.7 for everything, and white shirts come out any colour but.
Your mind is not your own - even briefly thought of suicide on two occasions, but sense tells you that your son / family will have to pick even more pieces up so put the weedkiller away and rolled that loop of rope back over the door. I'm ashamed I even contemplated it cos that can never be the answer. You can easily find yourself drinking far to much and alone if that is your choice.
Approaching retirement, you think that life is heading towards a TV, pipe and slippers, you are over the hill and if you really want to, just waiting for the grim reaper. In actual fact, my mate and me have a running joke if the door is not answered quickly that we were just checking the windows for black flies and a funny smell coming out of the letterbox. :-)
Thats when the first lady came in and she picked me up at a party. It put a smile on my face for a while as it gives you something / somebody to care about other than yourself for a while. She had to move away chasing work and in hindsight was a train smash waiting to happen cos her divorce left her skint.
You meet a few other single ladies - one who said she was dumped by her ex when she was lying in bed with breast cancer op looming. That was a difficult date which lasted a rather short evening. Then there was the Lady who invited me to 'stop-over' each weekend but later realised that when her millionaire ex came back on the scene after 14 years, she had some ground to make up and dumped me cos she couldn't live a lie.
No, this thread was not just about getting a sh@g, but realising that 3 fellas who are good drinking buddies can speak out after their own traumas given time, wisdom and experience, they can get slightly smashed, put together a reasonable meal as a basis to look at life obliquely, recognising that they are all red-blooded blokey blokes, can laugh out loud and speak freely and plan any adventure without anybody stopping them.
In the village you can sense that there is a slight envy that there are us free spirited guys, seemingly accountable to nobody, we get invites to all the parties, and the envy of all the guys with overweight mortgages, screaming kids, bills, maxxed out credit cards, unhappy wives, controlling partners - no, we don't have any of that to worry about.( Kids / mortgages etc are just things in the past on the pathway and are quite necessary of course ). A few ladies ( and wives who should know better ) even lead you on to see where it goes but you have to be on guard for the fruitcakes.
As I began this thread I said I don't intend to appear smug, but just want to celebrate the freedom that tomorrow brings is a new adventure. That's why I say that I've come to realise that life is good again.
Stay Cool..
I'm assuming that most of you guys will not have experienced life like I have, unexpectedly finding themselves single following your worst nightmare and hopefully it will never happen to them. My wife died having been given 24 hours to live, and that followed me giving her a kiss goodbye before going to work and then me coming home to find her in a partial coma. Thats when you find life can kick you up the arris when you least expect it.
I'll tell you what its like.
First you find out who your real friends are. Its 50/50 between those making space and those that gather round to help.
You learn all sorts of stuff that you took for granted. The price of bread, grocery shopping, using a cooker, keeping a sense of values instead of letting yourself go and living in a squalid mess. I had to learn how to use an iron after burning a big hole in my best 501's. Washing machine settings - its a black art mate, left on No.7 for everything, and white shirts come out any colour but.
Your mind is not your own - even briefly thought of suicide on two occasions, but sense tells you that your son / family will have to pick even more pieces up so put the weedkiller away and rolled that loop of rope back over the door. I'm ashamed I even contemplated it cos that can never be the answer. You can easily find yourself drinking far to much and alone if that is your choice.
Approaching retirement, you think that life is heading towards a TV, pipe and slippers, you are over the hill and if you really want to, just waiting for the grim reaper. In actual fact, my mate and me have a running joke if the door is not answered quickly that we were just checking the windows for black flies and a funny smell coming out of the letterbox. :-)
Thats when the first lady came in and she picked me up at a party. It put a smile on my face for a while as it gives you something / somebody to care about other than yourself for a while. She had to move away chasing work and in hindsight was a train smash waiting to happen cos her divorce left her skint.
You meet a few other single ladies - one who said she was dumped by her ex when she was lying in bed with breast cancer op looming. That was a difficult date which lasted a rather short evening. Then there was the Lady who invited me to 'stop-over' each weekend but later realised that when her millionaire ex came back on the scene after 14 years, she had some ground to make up and dumped me cos she couldn't live a lie.
No, this thread was not just about getting a sh@g, but realising that 3 fellas who are good drinking buddies can speak out after their own traumas given time, wisdom and experience, they can get slightly smashed, put together a reasonable meal as a basis to look at life obliquely, recognising that they are all red-blooded blokey blokes, can laugh out loud and speak freely and plan any adventure without anybody stopping them.
In the village you can sense that there is a slight envy that there are us free spirited guys, seemingly accountable to nobody, we get invites to all the parties, and the envy of all the guys with overweight mortgages, screaming kids, bills, maxxed out credit cards, unhappy wives, controlling partners - no, we don't have any of that to worry about.( Kids / mortgages etc are just things in the past on the pathway and are quite necessary of course ). A few ladies ( and wives who should know better ) even lead you on to see where it goes but you have to be on guard for the fruitcakes.
As I began this thread I said I don't intend to appear smug, but just want to celebrate the freedom that tomorrow brings is a new adventure. That's why I say that I've come to realise that life is good again.
Stay Cool..
Wow - light the blue touch paper and stand back !
From the lowest of lows and losing my wife under such awful and sudden circumstance and then me thinking for a short while that suicide was the way out shows what happens and where I came from.
As one post suggested that I had councelling is a story in itself, suggested by a g/f when on a short holiday break and over dinner I found that I was not comfortable with the feeling that i was enjoying myself in a lovely girl's company and it just didn't feel right. She knew my circumstances and when I made the phone call, she was amazed that I had the nerve to ask for help cos blokes bottle stuff up and don't ask for help. As stated, the conclusion was that what was holding me back was deep inside and that I just had to man up, embrace the world and take no prisoners. Easier said than done and that was a year ago. Some 'me-time' away in France and Greece has helped me get closer to where I should be.
I'm certainly not attracted to other blokes, not even Oliver Reed style in Women in Love, have been out with some great ladies, and a few less so, and yes, modesty prevents me from saying more, but I'm as red blooded as any PH-er. Lets just play down the fact that I have two really good boozy mates, can dine to a better standard that a few cream crackers and a cheddar slice, and can laugh at others misfortune ( perhaps when I shouldn't do, but this is Pistonheads ! ).
I wrote, admittedly slightly refreshed, in my OP, that I now suddenly find myself able to do what I want, when I want, can afford to be stupid if it suits me as I am accountable to no-one, but in a world of an economic depression, it might appear smug to make too much of a point that at last I couldn't care less what it takes. I can plan to get some travel sorted, stop out without worrying about what is waiting at home - no rolling pins, explanations, nothing.
I am honest in what I do, have no secrets, perhaps I am too open, but the freedom of being in this position is something that very few will know, including either extremes. My OP was to celebrate this fact when in the back of my mind, I knew where I'd been to get there. Landlord is right - I would swap everything for her to be back with me but I have reached the end of a tunnel and ....well watch out. I'm not as sprightly as I was but I have no beer gut, have a GSOH after being on this site, did a long cross country yesterday, at last have a smile in my eyes and am starting to enjoy the company of the ladies without feeling guilty. I am not an oil painting but there comes a time when the ladies realise that looks aint everything. I won't prostitute myself on any dating site but believe that there is somebody up there steering destiny. Oh, and by the way, for the record I don't need any Billy Bingo's bongo tablets just yet.
Stay Cool all...
Landlord said:
I'm not sure how having your missus die on you is living in denial. I'm pretty sure he'd rather not have this "new found freedom" and rather have his wife back.
But that's not for me to say nor assume.
I don't don't think I am in denial about anything as my OP was suggesting that I have suddenly found myself in a frame of mind that after 5 long years I am reaching out to seize the best of whatever is going for me.But that's not for me to say nor assume.
From the lowest of lows and losing my wife under such awful and sudden circumstance and then me thinking for a short while that suicide was the way out shows what happens and where I came from.
As one post suggested that I had councelling is a story in itself, suggested by a g/f when on a short holiday break and over dinner I found that I was not comfortable with the feeling that i was enjoying myself in a lovely girl's company and it just didn't feel right. She knew my circumstances and when I made the phone call, she was amazed that I had the nerve to ask for help cos blokes bottle stuff up and don't ask for help. As stated, the conclusion was that what was holding me back was deep inside and that I just had to man up, embrace the world and take no prisoners. Easier said than done and that was a year ago. Some 'me-time' away in France and Greece has helped me get closer to where I should be.
I'm certainly not attracted to other blokes, not even Oliver Reed style in Women in Love, have been out with some great ladies, and a few less so, and yes, modesty prevents me from saying more, but I'm as red blooded as any PH-er. Lets just play down the fact that I have two really good boozy mates, can dine to a better standard that a few cream crackers and a cheddar slice, and can laugh at others misfortune ( perhaps when I shouldn't do, but this is Pistonheads ! ).
I wrote, admittedly slightly refreshed, in my OP, that I now suddenly find myself able to do what I want, when I want, can afford to be stupid if it suits me as I am accountable to no-one, but in a world of an economic depression, it might appear smug to make too much of a point that at last I couldn't care less what it takes. I can plan to get some travel sorted, stop out without worrying about what is waiting at home - no rolling pins, explanations, nothing.
I am honest in what I do, have no secrets, perhaps I am too open, but the freedom of being in this position is something that very few will know, including either extremes. My OP was to celebrate this fact when in the back of my mind, I knew where I'd been to get there. Landlord is right - I would swap everything for her to be back with me but I have reached the end of a tunnel and ....well watch out. I'm not as sprightly as I was but I have no beer gut, have a GSOH after being on this site, did a long cross country yesterday, at last have a smile in my eyes and am starting to enjoy the company of the ladies without feeling guilty. I am not an oil painting but there comes a time when the ladies realise that looks aint everything. I won't prostitute myself on any dating site but believe that there is somebody up there steering destiny. Oh, and by the way, for the record I don't need any Billy Bingo's bongo tablets just yet.
Stay Cool all...
I can assure you nobody is going near the chocolate chimney whatever you thought about the OP. I don't suppose I should really care about what some of you guys think constitutes gayness cos it doesn't measure up to what I think it is, and I'm old school, so not as tolerant as modern thinking prescribes.
Anyhow, while the girls argue, in 10 minutes I'm jumping in the Caterham, going for blat and will no doubt end up having a brew before a sandwich and planning where I'm off to tonight..
Cinema in town, Classic rock at the pub down the road, Johnny Vegas at the local comedy club, a party or just a quiet night at the local.
Yes Life has turned out good.
B.
Anyhow, while the girls argue, in 10 minutes I'm jumping in the Caterham, going for blat and will no doubt end up having a brew before a sandwich and planning where I'm off to tonight..
Cinema in town, Classic rock at the pub down the road, Johnny Vegas at the local comedy club, a party or just a quiet night at the local.
Yes Life has turned out good.
B.
Yes - happy to have a list of distractions like that cos I decided that I'm not here for practice, neither should you be. Sunday isn't so busy.
I'm content with being active, mixing with friends and doing stuff and happy to see where it takes me. If I don't like the path I'm following I move off in another direction without having to ask anybody.
Its OK chasing butterflies cos you rarely catch one, but while doing other things, one might surprise you and land on your shoulder.
Hands up whose stopping in tonight and watching Celebrity / X Factor ? Want to swap Mr Impasse ?
This is about far more than getting a life back.
Oh, and on the Caterham - that was a present to myself 3 years ago to replace my aging Westfield SeI bought new in '97 ( and an MG and a Morgan before that ) so Sports cars are in my blood and not just a mid life crisis thing. MotCo - you're on the right track, just give it a year or two :-)
Stay Cool .... ( it was bloody perishing in the Cat earlier ! )
I'm content with being active, mixing with friends and doing stuff and happy to see where it takes me. If I don't like the path I'm following I move off in another direction without having to ask anybody.
Its OK chasing butterflies cos you rarely catch one, but while doing other things, one might surprise you and land on your shoulder.
Hands up whose stopping in tonight and watching Celebrity / X Factor ? Want to swap Mr Impasse ?
This is about far more than getting a life back.
Oh, and on the Caterham - that was a present to myself 3 years ago to replace my aging Westfield SeI bought new in '97 ( and an MG and a Morgan before that ) so Sports cars are in my blood and not just a mid life crisis thing. MotCo - you're on the right track, just give it a year or two :-)
Stay Cool .... ( it was bloody perishing in the Cat earlier ! )
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