Athiest and Catholic wedding ceremony
Discussion
My Catholic girlfriend and I have been having one of those 'hypothetical' discussions about what our (currently) imaginary wedding day would look like. Whenever this happens, it invariably sticks on the same issue; the ceremony. Now, I could just about deal with it being at a church. It's important to the OH, and hell, they're generally nice looking buildings and are well setup for the job.
I can deal with a few hymns and other churchy trimmings, they sound nice and they can be quite babble-free, and the OH would probably like them. The sticking point is on the vows and wording of the ceremony. I have no interest in declaring my vows in the name of something I, to put it mildly, consider the world's greatest con. I don't want to lie to or be a hypocrite in front of my OH, the minister, our guests or myself.
Has anyone else been in a similar position? Did you have a full Catholic ceremony and bite your tongue? Can the ceremony be 'modified'? Did you have a more ecumenical ceremony? A non church wedding?
Experiences and opinions welcomed!
I can deal with a few hymns and other churchy trimmings, they sound nice and they can be quite babble-free, and the OH would probably like them. The sticking point is on the vows and wording of the ceremony. I have no interest in declaring my vows in the name of something I, to put it mildly, consider the world's greatest con. I don't want to lie to or be a hypocrite in front of my OH, the minister, our guests or myself.
Has anyone else been in a similar position? Did you have a full Catholic ceremony and bite your tongue? Can the ceremony be 'modified'? Did you have a more ecumenical ceremony? A non church wedding?
Experiences and opinions welcomed!
Thanks for (most of) the replies chaps!
Her family don't really feature in our lives (an exceptionally long story that won't be making its way onto the internet) so this reduces complications in that regard. My parents would never unduly influence any such happy occasion.
Perhaps I should be more compromising, its only one day after all. A solution that allows us both feel completely comfortable is definitely preferred though.
Her family don't really feature in our lives (an exceptionally long story that won't be making its way onto the internet) so this reduces complications in that regard. My parents would never unduly influence any such happy occasion.
Perhaps I should be more compromising, its only one day after all. A solution that allows us both feel completely comfortable is definitely preferred though.
anonymous said:
[redacted]
Projecting a bit this morning are we? 
Your unwavering optimism is appreciated! Fortunately in all likelihood the mother will not be present, which would make the day rather more enjoyable. And at least it'll be her money she's spending. I'm probably that 'slightly speccy' guy too!
Thanks everyone for the responses. To answer a few questions:
She is not a strongly practicing Catholic. She goes to church perhaps twice a year these days (Easter and Christmas). Obviously in the past this has been a lot more so, especially when under parental influence. We live together, from which you can probably infer some other very non-Catholic behaviour!
I've realised, and i think she is slowly realising in herself, that her beliefs are important to her on a personal level, but not so much on the 'organised' level.
The discussion cropped up again last night, and it sounds like we'd be investigating an arrangement along the lines of a blessing in a Catholic church, but vows and whatnot in a civil kind of ceremony. This sounds like an excellent compromise, where she gets some churchy stuff done and I don't feel uncomfortable or weird about vows. We're both not too interested in the 'classic' wedding formula, having been to plenty over the last couple of years. She explained that having a full church service might be difficult anyway in reality, since she hasn't attended one regularly for a long time. She was baptised a long way from where we live now. I'm not sure even she is keen for the regular attendance and classes and other hoops we'd have to jump through.
Now i need to get on with asking her!
And to answer one very important question: my father has a Dax Cobra with an XJS v12 underneath. My car is sorted!
She is not a strongly practicing Catholic. She goes to church perhaps twice a year these days (Easter and Christmas). Obviously in the past this has been a lot more so, especially when under parental influence. We live together, from which you can probably infer some other very non-Catholic behaviour!
I've realised, and i think she is slowly realising in herself, that her beliefs are important to her on a personal level, but not so much on the 'organised' level.
The discussion cropped up again last night, and it sounds like we'd be investigating an arrangement along the lines of a blessing in a Catholic church, but vows and whatnot in a civil kind of ceremony. This sounds like an excellent compromise, where she gets some churchy stuff done and I don't feel uncomfortable or weird about vows. We're both not too interested in the 'classic' wedding formula, having been to plenty over the last couple of years. She explained that having a full church service might be difficult anyway in reality, since she hasn't attended one regularly for a long time. She was baptised a long way from where we live now. I'm not sure even she is keen for the regular attendance and classes and other hoops we'd have to jump through.
Now i need to get on with asking her!
And to answer one very important question: my father has a Dax Cobra with an XJS v12 underneath. My car is sorted!
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