Aged 33, no friends, living a lie with other half, just lost
Discussion
I don't know why I'm starting this thread really- I guess I literally have no one to talk to. Funny the things you can openly admit on the net, anonymously. How can I ever admit this to anyone in 'real life'?
I moved from abroad aged 18- I have dual nationality, British/ Belgium. I had always wanted to move to the UK- my mum is from Manchester , dad from brussels, I was born in manchester but we moved abroad when I was 2.
I never really got on with my dad and aged 18 moved to the UK. Everything was great at first, I went to college, made friends, life was great. I also met my girlfriend aged 18 and we've been together ever since.
I fell 'ill' aged 21, at university. I was told panic attack. Me being me- I didn't believe in mental illness and continued with my life but struggled. For the first time in my life, I felt ill. Left university and to cut a long story short lost all my confidence and did nothing until aged 30. Why 30? Well I guess that life was so horrid that the big 30 pushed me into doing something- which I did. I started my own business. Which failed.
I have since had 2 jobs. One in motoring, which I lasted 6 months in. You imagine having done NOTHING for 10 years of life does to you- and that you have to hide it from everyone. What have you got to say to people? Nothing. Which doesn't help with your confidence. I am the sort of person that has an opinion on everything, loves to travel and meet people but I feel that because I was robbed of those 10 years I have nothing to say. I blush constantly which I never used to do and now I have been doing this current job for 3 months I'd like to quit.
Why? Just because I don't 'fit' in. I've ever been told that I was boring, which by now is probably a fair point.
The other half is another issue. We've been together so long that I feel nether of us have had time to have a laugh in our 20s and perhaps have different partners. I feel we love each other the way you love a comfy pair of slippers- it just fits now and you can't see yourself without but is it love? I know I guess only I can answer that.
So you see- it's not rosy. I just feel like leaving and starting afresh somewhere nice, in a nicer climate, eventually finding some mates. Having no mates is such an isolating experience, I cannot even tell you, it hurts every single day- when people ask me what I've done I even had to make up going out with friends. What other choice would I have? Can't tell them that I never see anyone else than my gf in my spare time can I?
I guess my question is- what are your thoughts so far? What goes through your mind when you read the above? And please be brutal if you must- it's only the internet!
I moved from abroad aged 18- I have dual nationality, British/ Belgium. I had always wanted to move to the UK- my mum is from Manchester , dad from brussels, I was born in manchester but we moved abroad when I was 2.
I never really got on with my dad and aged 18 moved to the UK. Everything was great at first, I went to college, made friends, life was great. I also met my girlfriend aged 18 and we've been together ever since.
I fell 'ill' aged 21, at university. I was told panic attack. Me being me- I didn't believe in mental illness and continued with my life but struggled. For the first time in my life, I felt ill. Left university and to cut a long story short lost all my confidence and did nothing until aged 30. Why 30? Well I guess that life was so horrid that the big 30 pushed me into doing something- which I did. I started my own business. Which failed.
I have since had 2 jobs. One in motoring, which I lasted 6 months in. You imagine having done NOTHING for 10 years of life does to you- and that you have to hide it from everyone. What have you got to say to people? Nothing. Which doesn't help with your confidence. I am the sort of person that has an opinion on everything, loves to travel and meet people but I feel that because I was robbed of those 10 years I have nothing to say. I blush constantly which I never used to do and now I have been doing this current job for 3 months I'd like to quit.
Why? Just because I don't 'fit' in. I've ever been told that I was boring, which by now is probably a fair point.
The other half is another issue. We've been together so long that I feel nether of us have had time to have a laugh in our 20s and perhaps have different partners. I feel we love each other the way you love a comfy pair of slippers- it just fits now and you can't see yourself without but is it love? I know I guess only I can answer that.
So you see- it's not rosy. I just feel like leaving and starting afresh somewhere nice, in a nicer climate, eventually finding some mates. Having no mates is such an isolating experience, I cannot even tell you, it hurts every single day- when people ask me what I've done I even had to make up going out with friends. What other choice would I have? Can't tell them that I never see anyone else than my gf in my spare time can I?
I guess my question is- what are your thoughts so far? What goes through your mind when you read the above? And please be brutal if you must- it's only the internet!
slevin911 said:
It's not- I was looking for something different then- and still am... Lost... as I said...
If I must clear things up.... And to the detectives on this thread...
The thread I'd created earlier in the year was created when I thought my relationship was perhaps majorly the cause of me being unhappy. Clearly as I said before- I am all over the place which only contributes to my unhappiness with things.
Also, clearly, broadly speaking, the age, nationality and other bit and pieces have been changed as my account could be found by said other half- which would't do us the world of good at this stage.
It's tough- here I am getting up for work and like I suspect millions of us I hate it. However it seems much deeper than that- I just cannot stand another day at work, it feels like a waste of time when I see that some people actually leave it all behind and actually enjoy what they do.
The thread I'd created earlier in the year was created when I thought my relationship was perhaps majorly the cause of me being unhappy. Clearly as I said before- I am all over the place which only contributes to my unhappiness with things.
Also, clearly, broadly speaking, the age, nationality and other bit and pieces have been changed as my account could be found by said other half- which would't do us the world of good at this stage.
It's tough- here I am getting up for work and like I suspect millions of us I hate it. However it seems much deeper than that- I just cannot stand another day at work, it feels like a waste of time when I see that some people actually leave it all behind and actually enjoy what they do.
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