Anyone else's 12 year old lad having major tantrums
Discussion
My middle son, who was and can be the sweetest boy around has, more or less since he started secondary school, the most horrible tantrums over the slightest thing. He lives with his mum who is actually getting scared of him as he's big like a 17 year old. Same size feet as me, 10s and almost as tall. I'm 6ft.
He uses the most foul language, smashes things and is causing such disruption in the house that it is making life hellish for his mum, her boyfriend (Who is a lovely bloke), and his elder sister and younger brother.
He's not very streetwise and is suffering at school as he is not into sports and the other kids make fun of him. I understand that this is making him very unhappy and we are doing everything with the school to help him. He has a 6th form mentor and they have a school counselling session for him once a week.
His mum recorded the sound of last night's outburst on her phone and I have just listened to it. When I talk to him about his behaviour he claims that nothing has happened and that his mum has made it all up.
The recording was proof.
His mum stays calm throughout as screaming back at him only prolongs the tantrum.
He was asked at 9.30pm to go to bed and he comes back all stroppy with you don't order me to go to bed that's up to me. He repeats this for a while as his temper flares. Very quickly it escalates to calling his mum awful names, that she hates him, I hate him and he hates all of us and that he will kill himself.
This went on for 45 mins with his mum staying calm throughout and it finally ends with him sobbing himself to sleep.
This morning he got up to go to school with no trouble or indeed reference to what went on last night. Normally the big tantrums have been in the morning.
A couple of weeks ago just me and him went on holiday to the Norfolk Broads. I was dreading it to be honest but we had a lovely chilled out time even though we slept, cooked, ate and watched DVDs in the same small cabin. He was fine and great company for the week.
He tells me that he will try to control himself yet even within hours of getting back he was screaming, slamming doors and swearing over some other minor thing.
My other kids are getting very upset by all this especially as they have realised how calm the house was when he came with me on holiday.
Sorry for going on but I'm just wondering if other parents have had similar trouble. Is it a phase or do I have to get him seen only to be tagged with a syndrome of some sort.
My daughter had a nasty phase around the early teens but got through it quite quickly.
Thanks for reading. Cheers.
He uses the most foul language, smashes things and is causing such disruption in the house that it is making life hellish for his mum, her boyfriend (Who is a lovely bloke), and his elder sister and younger brother.
He's not very streetwise and is suffering at school as he is not into sports and the other kids make fun of him. I understand that this is making him very unhappy and we are doing everything with the school to help him. He has a 6th form mentor and they have a school counselling session for him once a week.
His mum recorded the sound of last night's outburst on her phone and I have just listened to it. When I talk to him about his behaviour he claims that nothing has happened and that his mum has made it all up.
The recording was proof.
His mum stays calm throughout as screaming back at him only prolongs the tantrum.
He was asked at 9.30pm to go to bed and he comes back all stroppy with you don't order me to go to bed that's up to me. He repeats this for a while as his temper flares. Very quickly it escalates to calling his mum awful names, that she hates him, I hate him and he hates all of us and that he will kill himself.
This went on for 45 mins with his mum staying calm throughout and it finally ends with him sobbing himself to sleep.
This morning he got up to go to school with no trouble or indeed reference to what went on last night. Normally the big tantrums have been in the morning.
A couple of weeks ago just me and him went on holiday to the Norfolk Broads. I was dreading it to be honest but we had a lovely chilled out time even though we slept, cooked, ate and watched DVDs in the same small cabin. He was fine and great company for the week.
He tells me that he will try to control himself yet even within hours of getting back he was screaming, slamming doors and swearing over some other minor thing.
My other kids are getting very upset by all this especially as they have realised how calm the house was when he came with me on holiday.
Sorry for going on but I'm just wondering if other parents have had similar trouble. Is it a phase or do I have to get him seen only to be tagged with a syndrome of some sort.
My daughter had a nasty phase around the early teens but got through it quite quickly.
Thanks for reading. Cheers.
Thanks Hman. He has the usual punishments of no telly, confiscated smart phone/tablet, no trips out etc
As to doctors, his mum was going to take him to a psychologist, but he refused. Admittedly I was relieved as his mum likes throwing money she hasn't got at every problem and had found a quack in Harley St charging £400 a session.
As to doctors, his mum was going to take him to a psychologist, but he refused. Admittedly I was relieved as his mum likes throwing money she hasn't got at every problem and had found a quack in Harley St charging £400 a session.
cwis said:
Asperger's or similar? How are the social skill etc?
Could be a meltdown.
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/blogs-ouch-28746359
We have been wondering this as he does get really fixated on things, especially times and numbers.Could be a meltdown.
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/blogs-ouch-28746359
eg if you say it happened a few years ago he will constantly ask, was it 10 years ago, was it 5 years ago, was it 11 etc
Times have to be correct, you can't say around half past.
spud989 said:
What's behind the difference with you? Perhaps still bitter about break-up, etc.? Just sounding out.
Also, what's he like with other authority figures? Anything from school?
Also, what's he like with other authority figures? Anything from school?
School says he's well behaved and he's fine with me one on one but can be trouble when I take all my kids out or on holiday. He's also given me a hard time some of the times I have been to the old family home.
My ex's boyfriend has been on the scene for 6 years so all the kids have grown up with him and he's always been good with them but seeing this behaviour is upsetting him and ruining their relationship. He's talking about moving out.
All a bit of a mess really especially as my ex has been through the horrors of breast cancer these past 2 years. Amazes me how she copes.
I realise that her illness has probably added to the frailty of the family.
I picked him up from school today as he didn't finish until late evening. I asked him about last night and he just said that he can't help it and doesn't mean what he says and now feels so guilty.
I did chat about how his behaviour is disrupting the family but I know it'll happen again. He was late as they went wake boarding with the school (in my day we only left the school to do running followed by sports teachers with sticks). It was the first time for a small group of lads and he was really excited about it and said that he had made friends.
Fingers crossed that he learns to do it well and has something in common with the rest of the group.
Thanks everyone for your inputs by the way. Much appreciated and nice to get it all out as I have no one to talk to about it, apart from my ex.
I did chat about how his behaviour is disrupting the family but I know it'll happen again. He was late as they went wake boarding with the school (in my day we only left the school to do running followed by sports teachers with sticks). It was the first time for a small group of lads and he was really excited about it and said that he had made friends.
Fingers crossed that he learns to do it well and has something in common with the rest of the group.
Thanks everyone for your inputs by the way. Much appreciated and nice to get it all out as I have no one to talk to about it, apart from my ex.
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