Who's 30+ and has no kids through choice?
Discussion
Just wondering what people's thoughts are, how you're getting on etc?
My other half and I aren't planning on any kids (she's REALLY against the idea and I'm not too fussed either way).
It seems that you hear a lot of "oh can't you have any?" or "you'll change your mind".
You rarely see things in the media about people just not having children by choice and being OK with that.
I'm not a child-hater, but I get a lot of satisfaction from other things in life and I like the flexibility. Some people might say that's selfish, but surely it's pretty selfish to bring a life into the world on a whim? I see parenting as being something you have to 100% commit to to do properly.
Sorry, not supposed to be about me - let's hear about you!
If you're under 30, you can comment too!
My other half and I aren't planning on any kids (she's REALLY against the idea and I'm not too fussed either way).
It seems that you hear a lot of "oh can't you have any?" or "you'll change your mind".
You rarely see things in the media about people just not having children by choice and being OK with that.
I'm not a child-hater, but I get a lot of satisfaction from other things in life and I like the flexibility. Some people might say that's selfish, but surely it's pretty selfish to bring a life into the world on a whim? I see parenting as being something you have to 100% commit to to do properly.
Sorry, not supposed to be about me - let's hear about you!
If you're under 30, you can comment too!
hman said:
I have 2 kids ( which immediately disqualifies me for this thread I think?)
Anyway, if you are really serious about it, have the snip now as then your Mrs wont be forever on birth control and you massively reduce the chances of having any "surprises".
Firstly - Certainly not! Happy to hear from everyone Anyway, if you are really serious about it, have the snip now as then your Mrs wont be forever on birth control and you massively reduce the chances of having any "surprises".
Secondly - interestingly (or not) we had this discussion a few weeks ago and I'm really against the idea. Not so much that I expect to change my mind or "just in case" but I don't like the idea of the option being taken away from me. More that if I'm 45 with no kids it's because I don't want them at 45, not because of a decision I made at 31.
The silly things is if we ever DID decide to have kids we'd probably adopt anyway.
PurpleTurtle said:
R8VXF said:
Please chaps, the title of the thread is not "Who had children over the age of 30 and wants to preach about the joys of it". Seems to sum up my feeling that parents always want to talk about their kids...
Point taken, but my spidey senses tell me that the OP requires some self-justification, otherwise he wouldn't be posing the question, he'd just be comfortable with his position. Society (wrongly) generalises that you are in some way a bit 'not normal' if you don't want 'em, I couldn't disagree more. I was the OP for 20yrs, just offering a perspective on it. If you met me at a party, you wouldn't catch me banging on about how great kids are, I'd be telling you how I'm f*cking off to Glastonbury with my mates next month. I save all that s
t for the blokes I met through NCT classes, we're all in the same boat there. Really interesting to read all the replies, thanks. I'm glad it's not just "oh, there's something wrong if you don't have children" against "I HATE CHILDREN AND WILL DO SO FOREVER!!!!"
Nice to know there's a middle ground of normal people that happen to have a fulfilling life without. It seems that last group tend to have very little air-time so it's reassuring you exist!
I'm 31, my partner is 24 and like I said before, she's the one who's really against it, I'm more "take it or leave it". She's got other reasons for not wanting her own genetic children, but that's her business so I'd rather not elaborate here. Also, pregnancy freaks her the fk out!
We've spoken about children/contraception and I really did have to convince her that although I didn't want the snip I wasn't sat round hoping she'd change her mind (because I'm not). I just don't want to do something that permanent at this stage in life.
I think that my parents would like to be grandparents, and it looks like my bro and sister in law aren't having any either, but you can't bring a whole new person into the world so your folks can play at being granny one weekend every couple of months. Not in my book, anyway.
I have no doubt that some people love having children, but there are other things that can bring joy as well.
Plus as far as the "selfish" thing goes - There was a large "get kids excited about science and engineering" type event on local to me. Lots of people taking their 1 or 2 kids round, fun times were had by all and because that responsible parent took their kids to the event, those one or two children benefited from said parent's actions. My other half and I had no such responsibilities, what did we do? We were there helping to put on the event in the first place, thus benefiting the thousand or so kids that came through the door.
There's a difference between not wanting your own kids and hating all of them. I think a lot of people don't get that. I like steak, but that doesn't mean I want my own cow!
In the (very) unlikely event that changes, I think adopting a 3-5 year old that other wise might spend his life in care - let's face it, I'd imagine the majority of adopters want a baby - would do a lot more good for the world* than producing our own specific brand of child.
*Admittedly, that's a very small amount of good, it's not quite on par with curing cancer, but you know what I mean.
Nice to know there's a middle ground of normal people that happen to have a fulfilling life without. It seems that last group tend to have very little air-time so it's reassuring you exist!
I'm 31, my partner is 24 and like I said before, she's the one who's really against it, I'm more "take it or leave it". She's got other reasons for not wanting her own genetic children, but that's her business so I'd rather not elaborate here. Also, pregnancy freaks her the f
k out!We've spoken about children/contraception and I really did have to convince her that although I didn't want the snip I wasn't sat round hoping she'd change her mind (because I'm not). I just don't want to do something that permanent at this stage in life.
I think that my parents would like to be grandparents, and it looks like my bro and sister in law aren't having any either, but you can't bring a whole new person into the world so your folks can play at being granny one weekend every couple of months. Not in my book, anyway.
I have no doubt that some people love having children, but there are other things that can bring joy as well.
Plus as far as the "selfish" thing goes - There was a large "get kids excited about science and engineering" type event on local to me. Lots of people taking their 1 or 2 kids round, fun times were had by all and because that responsible parent took their kids to the event, those one or two children benefited from said parent's actions. My other half and I had no such responsibilities, what did we do? We were there helping to put on the event in the first place, thus benefiting the thousand or so kids that came through the door.
There's a difference between not wanting your own kids and hating all of them. I think a lot of people don't get that. I like steak, but that doesn't mean I want my own cow!
In the (very) unlikely event that changes, I think adopting a 3-5 year old that other wise might spend his life in care - let's face it, I'd imagine the majority of adopters want a baby - would do a lot more good for the world* than producing our own specific brand of child.
*Admittedly, that's a very small amount of good, it's not quite on par with curing cancer, but you know what I mean.
Storrsy24 said:
MGJohn said:
Maybe I've got it wrong but, cannot the male snip be reversed in some cases.
Yes. But it's not 100% affective And he doesn't want anymore children. I read about a trial where rather than cut the vas defrens they basically put a little blob of glue in there which does the same thing. Then if you want it undone they just inject something that dissolves the glue. I hope that sort of thing becomes an option, or an effective male pill.
You're pretty limited for choices as a bloke.
Captain Muppet said:
I'm in my 40s, like kids, don't have any and don't want any. I feel the same way about jetskis, tattoos and boobs.
I'm sure if I had some my feelings about them would change. That's certainly true of cars, sex and beer.
Be careful! The wrong combination of beer and sex could lead to children! :-pI'm sure if I had some my feelings about them would change. That's certainly true of cars, sex and beer.
Or tattoos come to that.
csd19 said:
Well I guess I should've seen this coming, especially after posting on this thread...
My wife turned round to me tonight and said she'd want to do something about kids before she's 40.
fking great. 
To which I replied "better get a lottery win then... in fact that'll be the V8 fund gubbed then??", swiftly followed by me heading back to the office for some peace.
And all because I happened to mention that some old family friends who got married before us last year are now expecting... FFS. Talk about doing it to yourself! It was also not long after I'd been ranting about the little sts up the street, who have been riding their bikes through our garden when we're not in. And my thoughts of "I'd run the little s over but I'd damage the car" were met with a disapproving scowl.
Oh well, just have to go drown them in the burn instead...
So is some twonk going to now insist I go ahead, just so I can "see what it's like"? Tbh I don't think I sound like parent material
I see a lot of this in your future if you don't go along with her plan!My wife turned round to me tonight and said she'd want to do something about kids before she's 40.
f
king great. To which I replied "better get a lottery win then... in fact that'll be the V8 fund gubbed then??", swiftly followed by me heading back to the office for some peace.
And all because I happened to mention that some old family friends who got married before us last year are now expecting... FFS. Talk about doing it to yourself! It was also not long after I'd been ranting about the little s
ts up the street, who have been riding their bikes through our garden when we're not in. And my thoughts of "I'd run the little s over but I'd damage the car" were met with a disapproving scowl.Oh well, just have to go drown them in the burn instead...
So is some twonk going to now insist I go ahead, just so I can "see what it's like"? Tbh I don't think I sound like parent material
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