Strange relationship developed. HELP!
Discussion
Long story short:
A friendship group, various ages, all have a common interest. 7/8 people, a few couples, and a few singles. I'm 23 and single and there's a 49 year old woman that is in a friends with benefits relationship with a guy of 43 who is a good mate of mine and part of same group. This woman wants more than friends with benefits, days out, meals etc...
Me and her go for bike rides once a week as part of training for the coast to coast that we are doing in June. This started April time. Both really enjoy it and talk on messenger more, she explains how she loves spending time with me etc and how this chap isn't giving her what she wants and is sick of it.
We end up going for a meal out together, others were invited but didn't take us up on the offer. She invites me back to hers, shared a bottle of wine and a film. Both enjoy the evening and suggest it would be nice to do this more. Fast forward a few months and the relationship is very intimate and basically we are going out.
My 43 year old mate has an idea something is going on, he was invited to the meal but couldn't go, so knew it was only me and her, on the coast to coast we spent a lot of time together and he was suspect, he knew of the bike rides etc...
There's been a few other bits but basically, I do love her, and it's hard for me to admit that. She's twice my age. I know it can't last forever, my family doesn't know but suspect something. I have just bought a house and done barely anything to it, 99% of my time is focussed around messaging her, spending time with her or waiting for her to be not busy.
Do I just roll with it and enjoy it or bite the bullet and end it amicably before it ends in tears? Seriously confused, depressed, happy etc all in the same day... Thoughts? What's her motives? Does she feel the same as I do? It's been about 7 months now and in the last few weeks the messages have died down and we are not as intimate, I've noticed a change... HELP!!
A friendship group, various ages, all have a common interest. 7/8 people, a few couples, and a few singles. I'm 23 and single and there's a 49 year old woman that is in a friends with benefits relationship with a guy of 43 who is a good mate of mine and part of same group. This woman wants more than friends with benefits, days out, meals etc...
Me and her go for bike rides once a week as part of training for the coast to coast that we are doing in June. This started April time. Both really enjoy it and talk on messenger more, she explains how she loves spending time with me etc and how this chap isn't giving her what she wants and is sick of it.
We end up going for a meal out together, others were invited but didn't take us up on the offer. She invites me back to hers, shared a bottle of wine and a film. Both enjoy the evening and suggest it would be nice to do this more. Fast forward a few months and the relationship is very intimate and basically we are going out.
My 43 year old mate has an idea something is going on, he was invited to the meal but couldn't go, so knew it was only me and her, on the coast to coast we spent a lot of time together and he was suspect, he knew of the bike rides etc...
There's been a few other bits but basically, I do love her, and it's hard for me to admit that. She's twice my age. I know it can't last forever, my family doesn't know but suspect something. I have just bought a house and done barely anything to it, 99% of my time is focussed around messaging her, spending time with her or waiting for her to be not busy.
Do I just roll with it and enjoy it or bite the bullet and end it amicably before it ends in tears? Seriously confused, depressed, happy etc all in the same day... Thoughts? What's her motives? Does she feel the same as I do? It's been about 7 months now and in the last few weeks the messages have died down and we are not as intimate, I've noticed a change... HELP!!
The thing is, there was nothing sexual for the first 4/5 months, it was just companionship. She made all the first moves and hints but I think she's used that to her advantage, and now I am captured a little by that. Can't wait for the next time etc. and maybe she has what she needed and is done?
I will ask her about it, but scared that she won't like that discussion and it will end on bad terms. My mum is 42.
I will ask her about it, but scared that she won't like that discussion and it will end on bad terms. My mum is 42.
I thought about the bike thing, but she was married for 18 years, divorced, she didn't have an affair or nothing like that. Had a thing with this other guy but I can see why she had enough of that to be fair... I don't know. I just know it can't last forever, I'm totally aware of the situation when we're out and peoples impressions etc. It's just, will I upset her, I want to maintain our friendship group which is on the brink to be honest. My mate is ignoring calls and I can tell he's generally not happy, even though he had a chance for 3 years to do something about it if he felt this kind of love towards her.
My brain is just going a million miles an hour and I have told noone. I just needed to vent so at least thanks for that.
My brain is just going a million miles an hour and I have told noone. I just needed to vent so at least thanks for that.
I had a relationship with a girl when I was 18 for about 18 months, but distance got in the way as we met at college and we didn't really have that much in common. It was more a convenience than love looking back. I didn't have the same feelings I do now anyway so this is the first woman I have really enjoyed the company of etc...
No photos but she's fit, small, size 8, 32DD...
I need to lose some of my feelings and just enjoy it by the sounds of it. Maybe a few days here and there of not messaging, get back into what I was doing 7/8 months ago and just see her when it suits us both. We would meet up at like 9pm as that's the only time we were free, go for walks, meet in quiet places etc. It really was mental.
I need to lose some of my feelings and just enjoy it by the sounds of it. Maybe a few days here and there of not messaging, get back into what I was doing 7/8 months ago and just see her when it suits us both. We would meet up at like 9pm as that's the only time we were free, go for walks, meet in quiet places etc. It really was mental.
This is the problem. I just hope we meet up more and more as it's amazing. You can imagine. But when it ends is my fear, the longer it lasts the harder it will be. I suppose I just need convincing that when it ends, ultimately, so what. Concentrate on getting someone younger with a future and take the experience and fun out of what I had.
Haha, the car thing was flukey, got it on the cheap (very cheap ) and I needed it for the space so suited at the time, and it's just kept going. The friendship thing. I do a hobby, so do the other people in this group, we meet up from time to time away from the hobby to keep in touch etc... I still play football, go to games, go to the pub etc... No worries there, thanks.
Interesting reading and some good advice, all taken on the chin and some of it read and digested more than others. Thanks people.
Interesting reading and some good advice, all taken on the chin and some of it read and digested more than others. Thanks people.
Update. Took some advice from various people, spoke to her and said it's not for me anymore, don't wish to remain friends as that is how we've ended up here, I wasn't happy with the whole secrecy thing and being a bit on the side anymore and was ready to move on to the next part of a normal relationship which couldn't happen. We were both upset but she knew it too. Not spoke for 4 weeks although she has blocked me on social media etc which I found strange but was glad of it really. First 10 days or so were really hard, didn't know what to do with myself. Got in touch with various people and found lots of new things to do, doing some DIY in my house so should be able to move in soon and everything is looking up. Not quite able to move on but after new year and hopefully moving into my own place life will be back on track. Good memories of the summer and some good life lessons learnt.
I guess I entertained a few on here for a while but it was a relief for me and took up some time so thanks!
I guess I entertained a few on here for a while but it was a relief for me and took up some time so thanks!
Gassing Station | The Lounge | Top of Page | What's New | My Stuff