i wanna tell you a story.
Discussion
And for me it’s painful and humiliating.
I’m a long standing member on here, I haven’t contributed for some while and I’ve missed it.
Basically my life is a total and utter mess. 4 months ago my partner of three years left me, I’d booked and paid for a trip to Dubai, we were looking forward to it tremendously, utter luxury for a week.
Two days prior I got a text message saying she had left our home, moved to London and wouldn’t be going. It was totally out of the blue and my immediate reaction was shock and disbelief, there is background of course but it really was a shock.
She told me to go. Enjoy and we would talk on return, I didn’t go.
I threw everything I had into winning her back.
She made a lot of very significant demands, tests if you like to show that I wanted her and when I say significant here goes.
She told me to sell the house. So I did.
Told me to sell all the house contents. I did.
Told me to sell my businesses, so I did.
Told me to find a property in London for us to move to so I did.
Told me to get tested to show I was disease free so I did.
Told me to tell my family all I’d done so I did.
Told me to get a job in London. So I did.
I found a nice house for us to move to, rented, and we agreed to go for it. Half an hour before signing she texted to say she wouldn’t move, go it alone, she would see me and move in over a period of time. I paid over £20,000 (a year in advance) on that basis. That was two months ago.
Since then I’ve seen her twice. I’ve not spent a night at the house as I’ve no furniture and live at my mums. I’m broke. I have bills everywhere I turn.
I’ve spent the last four months running around after her, spoiling her as much as I can with gifts and put so much effort in and got pretty much nothing in return. She told me she planned it all to bring me to my knees as punishment for not showing her what she deserved during the time we were together.
She has succeeded in style.
I now spend every day in a state of deep depression, I’m on medication from the docs. I’m broke with bills everywhere I turn and have no pride or self respect. I’m literally a shell of how I was. Still to this day she has me running around and like an idiot I do because I’m crazy about her.
At every stage she comes up with something new for me to do to show I love her which I do as best I can, she continually references things that I’ve addressed as best as I can, explained as best I can and when I feel we are getting somewhere BANG! Something else.
Of course to every story there are two sides and the truth lies between. Funnilly enough me posting on here is at her insistence so again I’m doing as told.
I guess I’ll get lambasted and told to MTFU but I'm interested in others opinions as despite all the above I can't find it in myself to walk away from the situation and try to rebuild.
I still love her and hold out hope of a reconciliation.
Thanks
I’m a long standing member on here, I haven’t contributed for some while and I’ve missed it.
Basically my life is a total and utter mess. 4 months ago my partner of three years left me, I’d booked and paid for a trip to Dubai, we were looking forward to it tremendously, utter luxury for a week.
Two days prior I got a text message saying she had left our home, moved to London and wouldn’t be going. It was totally out of the blue and my immediate reaction was shock and disbelief, there is background of course but it really was a shock.
She told me to go. Enjoy and we would talk on return, I didn’t go.
I threw everything I had into winning her back.
She made a lot of very significant demands, tests if you like to show that I wanted her and when I say significant here goes.
She told me to sell the house. So I did.
Told me to sell all the house contents. I did.
Told me to sell my businesses, so I did.
Told me to find a property in London for us to move to so I did.
Told me to get tested to show I was disease free so I did.
Told me to tell my family all I’d done so I did.
Told me to get a job in London. So I did.
I found a nice house for us to move to, rented, and we agreed to go for it. Half an hour before signing she texted to say she wouldn’t move, go it alone, she would see me and move in over a period of time. I paid over £20,000 (a year in advance) on that basis. That was two months ago.
Since then I’ve seen her twice. I’ve not spent a night at the house as I’ve no furniture and live at my mums. I’m broke. I have bills everywhere I turn.
I’ve spent the last four months running around after her, spoiling her as much as I can with gifts and put so much effort in and got pretty much nothing in return. She told me she planned it all to bring me to my knees as punishment for not showing her what she deserved during the time we were together.
She has succeeded in style.
I now spend every day in a state of deep depression, I’m on medication from the docs. I’m broke with bills everywhere I turn and have no pride or self respect. I’m literally a shell of how I was. Still to this day she has me running around and like an idiot I do because I’m crazy about her.
At every stage she comes up with something new for me to do to show I love her which I do as best I can, she continually references things that I’ve addressed as best as I can, explained as best I can and when I feel we are getting somewhere BANG! Something else.
Of course to every story there are two sides and the truth lies between. Funnilly enough me posting on here is at her insistence so again I’m doing as told.
I guess I’ll get lambasted and told to MTFU but I'm interested in others opinions as despite all the above I can't find it in myself to walk away from the situation and try to rebuild.
I still love her and hold out hope of a reconciliation.
Thanks
Well, quite an array of responses which is to be expected.
For those who don't believe, I can assure it is all true and there is plenty more.
If I read this myself five or six months ago i would call BS too as it does sound like a very poorly scripted film and yes, I do come across as a complete and utter fool.
I can't reply to each doubter individually but:
I owned my home for 14 years, the mortgage was in my name but the lady in question lived with me for two years and her name was on the deeds for one and a half, I sold the house and she received half the equity (as did I) we had an agreement she would give me that money to re invest but she hasn't.
I put a years rent upfront on a London house (plus security deposit) totalling £23,000 because I had no job and consequently couldn't get acceptance any other way. originally the lease was in both our names but at the 11th hour she refused to sign.
The equity I retained has gone to pay off the £23k which was largely on credit cards, a further £32,000 I gave her which she invested in another house and I have been paying legacy bills.
She insisted I have STD tests as she always suspected me of being unfaithful, i never was and all the tests were totally clear.
Why don't I move into the London property? She has told me she will and over a period of time I will then move in with her. So far she hasn't. further it is bare and as i said I sold all my possessions on her say so, don't have so much as a knife and fork.
For some insane reason which defies all logic i do believe in her, she has taken me to the absolute brink. I ask myself why i continue to hold the proverbial candle for her and it's because we are incredibly close to being a couple in many ways.
It would only take one day for her to "Flip the script" and we would be there.
Do i think we will? I have to as i can't imagine why else she is continuing to be like this, still keeping in contact and of late seeing me quite a bit unless she wants to be together too. And of course i love her totally.
Every day is like climbing a mountain for me, it seems ridiculous that ones life could change so much but it has for me. I've not written this as a warning to others or to gain sympathy.
For those who don't believe, I can assure it is all true and there is plenty more.
If I read this myself five or six months ago i would call BS too as it does sound like a very poorly scripted film and yes, I do come across as a complete and utter fool.
I can't reply to each doubter individually but:
I owned my home for 14 years, the mortgage was in my name but the lady in question lived with me for two years and her name was on the deeds for one and a half, I sold the house and she received half the equity (as did I) we had an agreement she would give me that money to re invest but she hasn't.
I put a years rent upfront on a London house (plus security deposit) totalling £23,000 because I had no job and consequently couldn't get acceptance any other way. originally the lease was in both our names but at the 11th hour she refused to sign.
The equity I retained has gone to pay off the £23k which was largely on credit cards, a further £32,000 I gave her which she invested in another house and I have been paying legacy bills.
She insisted I have STD tests as she always suspected me of being unfaithful, i never was and all the tests were totally clear.
Why don't I move into the London property? She has told me she will and over a period of time I will then move in with her. So far she hasn't. further it is bare and as i said I sold all my possessions on her say so, don't have so much as a knife and fork.
For some insane reason which defies all logic i do believe in her, she has taken me to the absolute brink. I ask myself why i continue to hold the proverbial candle for her and it's because we are incredibly close to being a couple in many ways.
It would only take one day for her to "Flip the script" and we would be there.
Do i think we will? I have to as i can't imagine why else she is continuing to be like this, still keeping in contact and of late seeing me quite a bit unless she wants to be together too. And of course i love her totally.
Every day is like climbing a mountain for me, it seems ridiculous that ones life could change so much but it has for me. I've not written this as a warning to others or to gain sympathy.
In response to those questioning the honesty of my post, without publishing title deeds to houses (which I don't think anyone would) I can absolutely assure that I am telling the truth.
If you choose not to believe it then fine.
I will accept I am guilty of making some appalling decisions and life choices, no question of that.
I'm also guilty of trusting people and not bearing grudges.
Of course I've been told what an idiot I am/have been.
When I look back now I would do so many things differently, of course I would, but alas I have a degree in hindsight not foresight.
If you choose not to believe it then fine.
I will accept I am guilty of making some appalling decisions and life choices, no question of that.
I'm also guilty of trusting people and not bearing grudges.
Of course I've been told what an idiot I am/have been.
When I look back now I would do so many things differently, of course I would, but alas I have a degree in hindsight not foresight.
In answer to the posts above. Yes I have learnt some lessons, harsh ones.
I'm not going to repeat my previous suffice to say that it is all true.
What I've not given is any of the reasons or background as to why she left so I'll do that.
From the day we met she fell for me and I did her, she threw her all into the relationship as did I but I'm guilty of having a short attention span and enjoying the thrill of the chase more than the fruits of the capture.
Prior to our getting together I had been with shall we say a lot of women, most were flings and looks driven. I would charm them, spoil them and dump them.
The woman in question is very different in that she is intelligent as well as very attractive and focussed on what she wants, she told me in no uncertain terms she wanted a child which i didn't really take seriously.
She became pregnant. Unfortunately losing the child and I was far from supportive or empathetic. I also found myself in something of a power struggle with her with me mistaking her for my usual lightweight conquests.
She suspected me of playing away, which I didn't, and i was constantly accused of this hence the STD tests.
She has told me that from the day she lost the baby she started her plan to bring me to my knees, which she has done, thinking when she left it would be good riddance from me and I'd move on. I would've been reasonably well placed too as I still had my businesses and house.
The twist in the tail was that when she left me the house wasn't for sale, I sold it after on the premise we would use that equity and get back together, likewise I sold my businesses so in that way her plan got better. However, what she didn't anticipate was me working like a dog to win her back as I still continue to do.
For long periods of time I didn't show her appreciation or affection, I certainly underestimated her and didn't take her seriously. So I've learned that.
I've also learned that we can get through this, I've seen her recently on quite a few occasions and it's my belief we can become a couple again.
But yes, I did do all those things and I am currently at my Mums.
I'm not going to repeat my previous suffice to say that it is all true.
What I've not given is any of the reasons or background as to why she left so I'll do that.
From the day we met she fell for me and I did her, she threw her all into the relationship as did I but I'm guilty of having a short attention span and enjoying the thrill of the chase more than the fruits of the capture.
Prior to our getting together I had been with shall we say a lot of women, most were flings and looks driven. I would charm them, spoil them and dump them.
The woman in question is very different in that she is intelligent as well as very attractive and focussed on what she wants, she told me in no uncertain terms she wanted a child which i didn't really take seriously.
She became pregnant. Unfortunately losing the child and I was far from supportive or empathetic. I also found myself in something of a power struggle with her with me mistaking her for my usual lightweight conquests.
She suspected me of playing away, which I didn't, and i was constantly accused of this hence the STD tests.
She has told me that from the day she lost the baby she started her plan to bring me to my knees, which she has done, thinking when she left it would be good riddance from me and I'd move on. I would've been reasonably well placed too as I still had my businesses and house.
The twist in the tail was that when she left me the house wasn't for sale, I sold it after on the premise we would use that equity and get back together, likewise I sold my businesses so in that way her plan got better. However, what she didn't anticipate was me working like a dog to win her back as I still continue to do.
For long periods of time I didn't show her appreciation or affection, I certainly underestimated her and didn't take her seriously. So I've learned that.
I've also learned that we can get through this, I've seen her recently on quite a few occasions and it's my belief we can become a couple again.
But yes, I did do all those things and I am currently at my Mums.
Edited by Thankyou4calling on Monday 13th February 17:05
DonkeyApple said:
You seem to now be saying that you made the call to sell everything and move to London after her to chase her?
That's pretty close donkey.She told me to, I did.
She never liked the house we lived in. It was a beautiful house, I bought it and it was never hers in terms of location and as importantly my previous conquests had all been there.
As a man this meant little to me, I didn't think a woman would be fussed about having a new bed, sofa, fittings exclusive to themselves.
Now I realise that. At least this woman wanted that, no legacy stuff, can't speak for all.
jhonn said:
You don't appear to be angry about what has happened up to now - maybe you're feeling guilty and feel that the punishment and outcomes are justified, you certainly seem to be paying the price for your failings.
If so, there are probably easier and less expensive ways to assuage your guilt.
I hope that you're getting what you want/need from this thread.
That's a good point. I'm not angry.If so, there are probably easier and less expensive ways to assuage your guilt.
I hope that you're getting what you want/need from this thread.
I'm not a person who bears grudges and I'm not one to think badly of others.
What's happened to me is horrid, I absolutely hate where I am at the moment, not physically at my mums house but my situation but I don't hate the person who has put me there, if indeed she has because you can say I've made the choices to put myself there.
Of course I didn't realise my choices would result in this, I actually thought I'd be well ahead of where I am.
If things stay as they are then I'm pretty much done for, I know that, but the signs are that we can get back together.
It does I accept read as a ridiculous story, I come across as weak and stupid. You can say I've been conned but I love the woman, absolutely adore her and I do know how amazing she can be. I want that.
If I don't get it then I'm not interested in a compromise or life without her.
A couple of more pieces of info for the doubters.
House sale. I sold the house privately to the best friends of my neighbours. We actually initially agreed to sell it them in March last year hence why I posted I was house hunting in Surrey. I didn't go through with that sale and decided to stay put then in October I went back to the couple, told them I would sell and we went for it. Agreed an identical price and the sale went through without an agent. It was a beautiful house in the very best position on the estate, that together with the proximity of the buyers pals ensured they wanted it.
Business sale. I had a business partner and sold to him. Very simple, happens every day.
House contents sale. I sold them all with the exception of the choice pieces to a house clearance company very cheaply. One thing I didn't sell to them was a concept 2 rower, sold that to a pistonheader! In fact if you are that keen on checking my history you can likely find out his name, contact him and I'm sure he will verify visiting said house to collect the machine!!
As for the relationship.
I said earlier I'd been with several women previously, when I say several I mean a lot so I've a decent number to compare (sorry if this sounds a bit shallow)
This woman is in every single way head and shoulders above them. Now I know many on here will have amazing wives and partners, but I will say I find it extremely unlikely many (if any) have been with a woman with the intelligence, dynamism, depth of personality and sexual attraction of her. If you haven't it is impossible to understand my situation. Until I was with her I never had either despite my partners being high in number and quality. None came close.
I have been bought to my knees by her, on purpose but we can re build and believe me it will be worth it.
If I'm mistaken then of course I've only myself to blame as I continue to make a massive effort.
But, as I said, I do understand those who question the sanity of someone who does what I've done if they are using a normal ( or better) won an as a benchmark. This is not a normal woman.
House sale. I sold the house privately to the best friends of my neighbours. We actually initially agreed to sell it them in March last year hence why I posted I was house hunting in Surrey. I didn't go through with that sale and decided to stay put then in October I went back to the couple, told them I would sell and we went for it. Agreed an identical price and the sale went through without an agent. It was a beautiful house in the very best position on the estate, that together with the proximity of the buyers pals ensured they wanted it.
Business sale. I had a business partner and sold to him. Very simple, happens every day.
House contents sale. I sold them all with the exception of the choice pieces to a house clearance company very cheaply. One thing I didn't sell to them was a concept 2 rower, sold that to a pistonheader! In fact if you are that keen on checking my history you can likely find out his name, contact him and I'm sure he will verify visiting said house to collect the machine!!
As for the relationship.
I said earlier I'd been with several women previously, when I say several I mean a lot so I've a decent number to compare (sorry if this sounds a bit shallow)
This woman is in every single way head and shoulders above them. Now I know many on here will have amazing wives and partners, but I will say I find it extremely unlikely many (if any) have been with a woman with the intelligence, dynamism, depth of personality and sexual attraction of her. If you haven't it is impossible to understand my situation. Until I was with her I never had either despite my partners being high in number and quality. None came close.
I have been bought to my knees by her, on purpose but we can re build and believe me it will be worth it.
If I'm mistaken then of course I've only myself to blame as I continue to make a massive effort.
But, as I said, I do understand those who question the sanity of someone who does what I've done if they are using a normal ( or better) won an as a benchmark. This is not a normal woman.
This is certainly the last time I am going to confirm that this story/post is true.
I haven't backtracked in saying about my house sale at all. It was seen and sold, I viewed houses in Surrey with a view to moving, changed my (our) mind and decided to stay.
Partner left me and we went back to the original buyers and they bought it. I really don't see what is so hard to believe about that. Fully accept its hard to accept my compliance with her demands they being so extreme but if she had simply asked me to stop watching so much TV or lose weight it would hardly be worth starting a thread about.
My point being that the demands are huge and I in my stupidity/love/desire to prove have done them all.
Anyway, I've said I think we can come out of this and whilst some may say I'm deluded, on Valentine's night I was invited to and accepted the invitation to go to Ronny Scott's on Frith Street in Soho, hence why I posted at 3am as I'd returned from an evening out where we dined, talked and reflected.
The next day I was able to assist her with her work (she has a very demanding job) and we have agreed to see each other again.
I can accept most on here think I'm deluded, fine. What surprises me is that so few can understand what I've done, although I have had a number of PMs, and why, I conclude from that, as I've said that this relationship is at a level that's beyond normal comprehension.
For those who've offered me a meet/drink. I really appreciate it, I genuinely do.
I haven't backtracked in saying about my house sale at all. It was seen and sold, I viewed houses in Surrey with a view to moving, changed my (our) mind and decided to stay.
Partner left me and we went back to the original buyers and they bought it. I really don't see what is so hard to believe about that. Fully accept its hard to accept my compliance with her demands they being so extreme but if she had simply asked me to stop watching so much TV or lose weight it would hardly be worth starting a thread about.
My point being that the demands are huge and I in my stupidity/love/desire to prove have done them all.
Anyway, I've said I think we can come out of this and whilst some may say I'm deluded, on Valentine's night I was invited to and accepted the invitation to go to Ronny Scott's on Frith Street in Soho, hence why I posted at 3am as I'd returned from an evening out where we dined, talked and reflected.
The next day I was able to assist her with her work (she has a very demanding job) and we have agreed to see each other again.
I can accept most on here think I'm deluded, fine. What surprises me is that so few can understand what I've done, although I have had a number of PMs, and why, I conclude from that, as I've said that this relationship is at a level that's beyond normal comprehension.
For those who've offered me a meet/drink. I really appreciate it, I genuinely do.
As I have said earlier, we are seeing each other and whilst there are a lot of hurdles to climb I feel increasingly confident in the relationship being sustained and us building trust.
We have learned a lot about each other.
One of the things I've discovered is that she (women) take what is said quite literally. I would make throwaway comments which would be taken at face value, I certainly didn't listen or hear what was being said to me and that resulted in the current situation.
The time we are spending together now is more fulfilling than previous as we have been totally open and honest.
On the personal side, I'm back in gainful employment and have plans for the future.
We have learned a lot about each other.
One of the things I've discovered is that she (women) take what is said quite literally. I would make throwaway comments which would be taken at face value, I certainly didn't listen or hear what was being said to me and that resulted in the current situation.
The time we are spending together now is more fulfilling than previous as we have been totally open and honest.
On the personal side, I'm back in gainful employment and have plans for the future.
Good afternoon.
Thankyou for the feedback and advice most of which I have studiously ifnored.
Love is blind and I am definitely in the Stevie Wonder category.
HOWEVER..................
There have been significant developments.
I have found a new tenant for the property I rented, it matches that which I paid out upfront albeit monthly and of course I have pledged that money to the lady in question in exchange for co-habitation with her as her friend has now vacated their property and I'm assured I can move in soon.
My mum will miss me but onward and upward.
I actually feel more positive about the future than for some time.
Thankyou for the feedback and advice most of which I have studiously ifnored.
Love is blind and I am definitely in the Stevie Wonder category.
HOWEVER..................
There have been significant developments.
I have found a new tenant for the property I rented, it matches that which I paid out upfront albeit monthly and of course I have pledged that money to the lady in question in exchange for co-habitation with her as her friend has now vacated their property and I'm assured I can move in soon.
My mum will miss me but onward and upward.
I actually feel more positive about the future than for some time.
Thanks for your interest.
It does annoy me when an OP asks for advice on anything, buying a car, getting wheels refurbed, building a shed or fixing a relationship so I owe it to my followers and doubters to say, it was very much true, all happened and somehow miraculously I live to tell the tale.
It does annoy me when an OP asks for advice on anything, buying a car, getting wheels refurbed, building a shed or fixing a relationship so I owe it to my followers and doubters to say, it was very much true, all happened and somehow miraculously I live to tell the tale.
Geekman said:
I seem to remember I briefly spoke to the OP several years ago at a PH meet. If it's who I'm thinking of, he seemed like a genuine guy, and I always assumed the fantasists / trolls etc normally didn't show themselves at such events.
Open to being proved wrong though
You did indeed. Mercedes Benz world three years ago, a barge meet between Christmas and new year. I was admiring your Jaguar Super XJ. Open to being proved wrong though
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