Discussion
As ever, what is a wedding without a bit of drama! Fortunately its not from the other half.
Its my Mother.
The backstory...
My parents had been married for 30 years, not a happy marriage by all accounts with plenty of infidelity (all hidden from me)but anyway it finally came to a head 3 years ago when my Dad eventually left my Mum for a new woman.
As far as I'm concerned this is the best situation as my Dad is now happier than I have ever seen him and thanks to the divorce my Mum is set for life and not having to put up with my Dad buggering about any more.
So Me and Mrs Will to be are getting married in 29 days, been engaged nearly a year but been an item for over 10.
All parents on both sides are invited. Her family no problems. My Dad has taken a bit of coercing to come for fear of drama and initially there would have been nobody for him to sit with so we said he could bring his other half. She also expressed nerves about coming and both are worried about my Mum kicking off, there is previous for this. They have said they are happy to be tucked well out of the way and keep themselves to themselves for the day and I believe they mean it and wont cause a problem as they understand its a one shot day and it means a lot to me and my OH.
My Mum was never happy about this and demanded that if my Dad was bringing someone she should be allowed a +1 so we said fine and she is bringing her best friend so everyone is happy.
Both my parents have been married before I came along so I have a step bro and sis on my Mums side and 2 step bros and a sis on my dads side.
Initially it was just the bro and sis on my Mums side that were invited as they were the two I grew up with. Kids on my dads side being older or living with their mum and currently living further away so dont see them often.
Sis on my mums side happy to come and be normal. My bro however showed a level of maturity I didnt think he had and said that he knows he can't trust himself around my Dad (they have had major issues in the past and my parents divorce has topped things off) so he said he wont come for our sake, excluding all of his family bar 1 daughter who likes me and my OH who will be coming with my sis.
After a while I thought its a long shot but I shouldnt just assume my other siblings wouldnt want to come based on their location so fired them invites and surprisingly 2 of them are coming.
My Mum has always got on well with them.
So fast forward to yesterday and I let my Mum know that other bro n sis were coming and that I am borrowing one of my Dads and his OHs cars at the moment for my stag do road trip as mine still has its engine out, its on my insurance and so if she could avoid vandalising it as it would be me paying and not doing him any harm.
I got the s
ttiest email I have ever had from her then unannounced she came to my house last night. I opened the door and she barges her way in and proceeds to scream the place down at me and my OH, good job it was only the dog that got scared and that we dont have any kids.
Anyway she seems to think that we are doing nothing but to try and hurt her, how dare I do this n that. My bro and sis on my dads side are now assholes who shouldn't be there despite having done or said nothing wrong, I shouldn't have the car and loads of other bks that she previously hasn't voiced a problem about.
Essentially there was no talking her round or calming her down. Every accusation she had against us we had a perfectly reasonable explanation for or she was just plain wrong with her accusation. Kept saying how she is sacrificing so much for this ,because apparently behaving like an adult and not ruining your sons wedding is too much of a sacrifice.
We told her that if her or her best friend kick off even the slightest they will both be ejected having ruined they day.
She thinks that no matter how much she kicks off we wont do anything and seems to find the idea of causing a scene or violence on the day quite funny and plans to get as drunk as possible (because my Dad is paying for the booze) then said if we do throw her out it will be the last we see of her.
It seems the only thing that may stop her being a monumental dick is if we tell my Dad's OH not to come but we still worry she will see red when she sees my Dad anyway as its been a bitter divorce although she has very much come out on top.
(I think she might have a touch of Stockholm syndrome as she never has anything nice to say about and will do anything to hurt my Dad and he has been an ass for the bast part of 30 years but she still loves him.
I personally think we should get her some counselling about this.)
After an hour she eventually ran out of steam and stormed off. I went after her to try and calm her down a bit and give her a lift home (in my OHs car) as she had walked over and it was dark and windy now but she wouldnt let me.
I did txt and call to make sure she got home ok, got no reply on the txt but when I caller her house phone it was engaged so she obviously made it and was probably on the phone to my sis. Not had a word from her today.
So apologies for the longest post ever but over to the wisdom of PH, anyone been here before?
TLDR;
Mum is threatening to ruin my wedding unless my Dad or a the least his OH are uninvited
What would you do? Tell my Mum not to show if she cant guarantee good behaviour? Tell my Dad or his OH they now cant come? Any other ideas welcome. Obviously any drama will be put on Youtube for the world to laugh at and maybe generate some revenue to recoup costs
As a bonus question. My Mum was supposed to be going on the OHs hen do next weekend. Should she be booted off that too if she even still wants to go as its going to be mighty awkward for my OH such a short time after yesterdays argument and probably a bit frosty with everyone else on the hen do as obviously they are my OHs friends and family.
Its my Mother.
The backstory...
My parents had been married for 30 years, not a happy marriage by all accounts with plenty of infidelity (all hidden from me)but anyway it finally came to a head 3 years ago when my Dad eventually left my Mum for a new woman.
As far as I'm concerned this is the best situation as my Dad is now happier than I have ever seen him and thanks to the divorce my Mum is set for life and not having to put up with my Dad buggering about any more.
So Me and Mrs Will to be are getting married in 29 days, been engaged nearly a year but been an item for over 10.
All parents on both sides are invited. Her family no problems. My Dad has taken a bit of coercing to come for fear of drama and initially there would have been nobody for him to sit with so we said he could bring his other half. She also expressed nerves about coming and both are worried about my Mum kicking off, there is previous for this. They have said they are happy to be tucked well out of the way and keep themselves to themselves for the day and I believe they mean it and wont cause a problem as they understand its a one shot day and it means a lot to me and my OH.
My Mum was never happy about this and demanded that if my Dad was bringing someone she should be allowed a +1 so we said fine and she is bringing her best friend so everyone is happy.
Both my parents have been married before I came along so I have a step bro and sis on my Mums side and 2 step bros and a sis on my dads side.
Initially it was just the bro and sis on my Mums side that were invited as they were the two I grew up with. Kids on my dads side being older or living with their mum and currently living further away so dont see them often.
Sis on my mums side happy to come and be normal. My bro however showed a level of maturity I didnt think he had and said that he knows he can't trust himself around my Dad (they have had major issues in the past and my parents divorce has topped things off) so he said he wont come for our sake, excluding all of his family bar 1 daughter who likes me and my OH who will be coming with my sis.
After a while I thought its a long shot but I shouldnt just assume my other siblings wouldnt want to come based on their location so fired them invites and surprisingly 2 of them are coming.
My Mum has always got on well with them.
So fast forward to yesterday and I let my Mum know that other bro n sis were coming and that I am borrowing one of my Dads and his OHs cars at the moment for my stag do road trip as mine still has its engine out, its on my insurance and so if she could avoid vandalising it as it would be me paying and not doing him any harm.
I got the s
ttiest email I have ever had from her then unannounced she came to my house last night. I opened the door and she barges her way in and proceeds to scream the place down at me and my OH, good job it was only the dog that got scared and that we dont have any kids.Anyway she seems to think that we are doing nothing but to try and hurt her, how dare I do this n that. My bro and sis on my dads side are now assholes who shouldn't be there despite having done or said nothing wrong, I shouldn't have the car and loads of other b
ks that she previously hasn't voiced a problem about.Essentially there was no talking her round or calming her down. Every accusation she had against us we had a perfectly reasonable explanation for or she was just plain wrong with her accusation. Kept saying how she is sacrificing so much for this ,because apparently behaving like an adult and not ruining your sons wedding is too much of a sacrifice.
We told her that if her or her best friend kick off even the slightest they will both be ejected having ruined they day.
She thinks that no matter how much she kicks off we wont do anything and seems to find the idea of causing a scene or violence on the day quite funny and plans to get as drunk as possible (because my Dad is paying for the booze) then said if we do throw her out it will be the last we see of her.
It seems the only thing that may stop her being a monumental dick is if we tell my Dad's OH not to come but we still worry she will see red when she sees my Dad anyway as its been a bitter divorce although she has very much come out on top.
(I think she might have a touch of Stockholm syndrome as she never has anything nice to say about and will do anything to hurt my Dad and he has been an ass for the bast part of 30 years but she still loves him.
I personally think we should get her some counselling about this.)
After an hour she eventually ran out of steam and stormed off. I went after her to try and calm her down a bit and give her a lift home (in my OHs car) as she had walked over and it was dark and windy now but she wouldnt let me.
I did txt and call to make sure she got home ok, got no reply on the txt but when I caller her house phone it was engaged so she obviously made it and was probably on the phone to my sis. Not had a word from her today.
So apologies for the longest post ever but over to the wisdom of PH, anyone been here before?
TLDR;
Mum is threatening to ruin my wedding unless my Dad or a the least his OH are uninvited
What would you do? Tell my Mum not to show if she cant guarantee good behaviour? Tell my Dad or his OH they now cant come? Any other ideas welcome. Obviously any drama will be put on Youtube for the world to laugh at and maybe generate some revenue to recoup costs
As a bonus question. My Mum was supposed to be going on the OHs hen do next weekend. Should she be booted off that too if she even still wants to go as its going to be mighty awkward for my OH such a short time after yesterdays argument and probably a bit frosty with everyone else on the hen do as obviously they are my OHs friends and family.
Henners said:
Remind her:
Tried all that, didnt go down well. She says "Its my sons wedding I should be deciding whats happening" has even called it her day previously.- It is your wedding, not hers.
- She sound act her age.
TIGA84 said:
This is what a best man is for.
The best man is 6'5 and 18 st and one of my ushers is a bodybuilder/ firearms cop so we should be ok on crowd control, might ask him to bring a taser 
Speaking to the OH the current plan of action is that her dad is going to have a calm chat with my mum at the weekend.
I think she thinks that its all a bit of a joke and that she will get away with doing what she likes hopefully intervention from someone else might make her realise that we are not joking when we say people will throw her out if she misbehaves.
As someone else mentioned about having the wedding abroad to avoid hassle. That was my plan. To go to Iceland or Norway but the OH wants her family and friends there so she is paying for the day here. Just feel that we have to then invite all family rather than just hers.
I think she thinks that its all a bit of a joke and that she will get away with doing what she likes hopefully intervention from someone else might make her realise that we are not joking when we say people will throw her out if she misbehaves.
As someone else mentioned about having the wedding abroad to avoid hassle. That was my plan. To go to Iceland or Norway but the OH wants her family and friends there so she is paying for the day here. Just feel that we have to then invite all family rather than just hers.
Puggit said:
My mum and stepmum danced together to Waterloo at my sister's wedding 
I envy you lol.My friend's Mum and Dad are divorced and they and their new partners often go out for meals together and get along fine. I have a couple of friends coming to the wedding who are ex partners and have no problem being around their ex, even on my OHs side there is a couple that used to be married that have no problem with being around each other. Just bloody typical that its my parents that are the bother.
Anyone have any thoughts on the hen do situation?
Thanks for all the input guys. It will all be considered and we will try and sort something.
I agree it is all a bit Jeremy Kyle, my mum was brought up in a council house so maybe thats it lol
Ideally I want her there but behaving but as has been said she is a bloody liability.
We have told her in the past that her and my dad are not my problem. It had got to the point before that every time I made the effort to see her it would just be an hour of her bhing about my dad so I stopped going for a bit and she reigned it in until something else in the divorce upset her then back to moaning again.
My OH is mortified by the whole thing. She is a very quiet gentle soul and has never been spoken to like that. It pushed her past her breaking point though as we have had such ballache arranging things in this wedding to limit the strain on my mum that it has upset my OH on numerous occasions and when mu mum kicked off the other night my OH actually argued back. We have been together over 10 years and I have never seen her lose it, and I cant have gone 10 years without doing some pretty stupid stuff that would have set any normal person off
To people wanting to view the carnage live, we can offer tickets at £200 per person
The plan is for my OHs Dad and brother to pop n have a calm but serious chat with my mum tomorrow or sunday in the hope that an almost outsider telling her that her behaviour is unacceptable might get her to buck her ideas up. Failing that I might show her this thread lol. Haven't really got much to lose at this point.
I agree it is all a bit Jeremy Kyle, my mum was brought up in a council house so maybe thats it lol
Ideally I want her there but behaving but as has been said she is a bloody liability.
We have told her in the past that her and my dad are not my problem. It had got to the point before that every time I made the effort to see her it would just be an hour of her b
hing about my dad so I stopped going for a bit and she reigned it in until something else in the divorce upset her then back to moaning again.My OH is mortified by the whole thing. She is a very quiet gentle soul and has never been spoken to like that. It pushed her past her breaking point though as we have had such ballache arranging things in this wedding to limit the strain on my mum that it has upset my OH on numerous occasions and when mu mum kicked off the other night my OH actually argued back. We have been together over 10 years and I have never seen her lose it, and I cant have gone 10 years without doing some pretty stupid stuff that would have set any normal person off
To people wanting to view the carnage live, we can offer tickets at £200 per person
The plan is for my OHs Dad and brother to pop n have a calm but serious chat with my mum tomorrow or sunday in the hope that an almost outsider telling her that her behaviour is unacceptable might get her to buck her ideas up. Failing that I might show her this thread lol. Haven't really got much to lose at this point.
It could have gone better but could have been worse.
Apparently everyone was calm and got their views across. My Mum has said she wont ruin the day but I'm mighty nervous on that front as she has shown time and time again that once she is riled she doesnt care about anyone else so if she gets slightly upset on the day she probably wont stop herself. And this can be something as innocuous as me just acknowledging my Dads OH exists, let alone hugging, dancing or laughing with her.
She is not happy with how my OH raised her voice to her and thinks "she has shown her true colours" and she seems to have a bee in her bonnet against my OH and forgot all the stuff I shouted at her and me telling her to leave.
My Mum still has not contacted us since the argument and apparently is waiting for us to go and apologise for upsetting her!
We are now in the difficult position of what to do regards my OHs hen do. My Mum was supposed to be joining them and has paid for her part of the transport and activities but my OH cant bear the thought of having to spend a day with someone who has just treated her like dirt and seemingly still holds some resentment to her and not even tried to make amends. We feel the hen do is not the place for that but as its this Saturday we are running a bit short on time to build bridges. My Mum has not said if she still intends to go or not and the OHs sisters who have organised the whole thing are asking what my OH wants to do. They are happy to speak to my Mum and say everyone thinks its best if maybe you dont come now but I cant find the words to say it that dont sound mean and its a shame that she wont be going as in theory its a one shot deal but she did kind of bring it on herself.
I just dont know if telling her she shouldnt go is going to make things worse or if she is expecting it now. If she does go its going to ruin my OHs day regardless.
On the bright side I had a lovely weekend in Wales for my stag do this weekend just gone, no phone reception and 650miles of a grumbling V8 for company Shame about it raining the whole time but hey I was hardly expecting Wales in Feb to be tropical. Will be doing it again in 2 weeks for one of my ushers' stag do lol.
Apparently everyone was calm and got their views across. My Mum has said she wont ruin the day but I'm mighty nervous on that front as she has shown time and time again that once she is riled she doesnt care about anyone else so if she gets slightly upset on the day she probably wont stop herself. And this can be something as innocuous as me just acknowledging my Dads OH exists, let alone hugging, dancing or laughing with her.
She is not happy with how my OH raised her voice to her and thinks "she has shown her true colours" and she seems to have a bee in her bonnet against my OH and forgot all the stuff I shouted at her and me telling her to leave.
My Mum still has not contacted us since the argument and apparently is waiting for us to go and apologise for upsetting her!
We are now in the difficult position of what to do regards my OHs hen do. My Mum was supposed to be joining them and has paid for her part of the transport and activities but my OH cant bear the thought of having to spend a day with someone who has just treated her like dirt and seemingly still holds some resentment to her and not even tried to make amends. We feel the hen do is not the place for that but as its this Saturday we are running a bit short on time to build bridges. My Mum has not said if she still intends to go or not and the OHs sisters who have organised the whole thing are asking what my OH wants to do. They are happy to speak to my Mum and say everyone thinks its best if maybe you dont come now but I cant find the words to say it that dont sound mean and its a shame that she wont be going as in theory its a one shot deal but she did kind of bring it on herself.
I just dont know if telling her she shouldnt go is going to make things worse or if she is expecting it now. If she does go its going to ruin my OHs day regardless.
On the bright side I had a lovely weekend in Wales for my stag do this weekend just gone, no phone reception and 650miles of a grumbling V8 for company
Shame about it raining the whole time but hey I was hardly expecting Wales in Feb to be tropical. Will be doing it again in 2 weeks for one of my ushers' stag do lol. uh my life!
The mental is getting worse.
The OHs Dad and little sister went to speak to my Mum about the hen do last night. As far as my mum was concerned the whole situation is done and forgotten and she was intending to still come on the Hen do like nothing has happened. She has been waiting for me and the OH to go and apologise to her! (so not forgotten then)
OH still cant face seeing her on the hen do so her Dad phoned my Mum today to try and get this across. He didnt even get around to telling her as she was just going off at him on the phone straight away because I still havent been and apologised, its been less than 24hours!
She seems to have invented her own story of what happened on the night. Insisting she didnt interrupt our dinner and that my OH was sat there on her laptop. That my OH was already upset about something and it wasnt her that set her off, cos you know most people just sit there and cry into their dinner/laptop for no reason. And she said that my OH threw her out! I told her to leave but she wouldnt then after an hour she stormed off out by herself! She even threw in that it was really stty for my OH to throw her out considering its not even the OHs house (its mine) even though we have lived together for 9 years.
So the plan now is for Me, the OH and her dad (referee/witness) to go and see my Mum tomorrow night, nice relaxing friday evening :/ So expecting a lovely argument.
Tried to contact my more stable sister this evening to see what she has been told but cant get hold of her. She is normally a voice of reason and helps my mum see the sensible side of things.
The mental is getting worse.
The OHs Dad and little sister went to speak to my Mum about the hen do last night. As far as my mum was concerned the whole situation is done and forgotten and she was intending to still come on the Hen do like nothing has happened. She has been waiting for me and the OH to go and apologise to her! (so not forgotten then)
OH still cant face seeing her on the hen do so her Dad phoned my Mum today to try and get this across. He didnt even get around to telling her as she was just going off at him on the phone straight away because I still havent been and apologised, its been less than 24hours!
She seems to have invented her own story of what happened on the night. Insisting she didnt interrupt our dinner and that my OH was sat there on her laptop. That my OH was already upset about something and it wasnt her that set her off, cos you know most people just sit there and cry into their dinner/laptop for no reason. And she said that my OH threw her out! I told her to leave but she wouldnt then after an hour she stormed off out by herself! She even threw in that it was really s
tty for my OH to throw her out considering its not even the OHs house (its mine) even though we have lived together for 9 years.So the plan now is for Me, the OH and her dad (referee/witness) to go and see my Mum tomorrow night, nice relaxing friday evening :/ So expecting a lovely argument.
Tried to contact my more stable sister this evening to see what she has been told but cant get hold of her. She is normally a voice of reason and helps my mum see the sensible side of things.
Hi everyone. Sorry for the lack of updates!
To pick up the story from last time. We met with my Mum before the hen do and had a calmer discussion. She didnt offer any apology but explained her outburst etc was her releasing all her stress but that its done and dusted. She promised us that she would not be a problem on the day. We told her she wasnt going on the Hen do, she was disappointed but understood that it was a bit soon after a big row.
We had a couple of days to think over how to proceed. The OH is more forgiving than me and convinced me that Mum should still come to the wedding as at least that gives her the chance to behave. So she got the go ahead.
Wedding was on Friday just gone.
My mum turned up half cut but did not cause any real problems. She completely ignored my Dads OH, had a friendly chat with my Bro and Sis (on Dads side) and tried to say hello to my Dad which I saw coming so whisked my dad away for a photo before any drama could occur.
The only thing she did to annoy me was get a bit grumpy with me for not thanking her specifically in my speech, God knows why I would have. But 20 mins later she realised she had had a bit too much vino and came and apologised.
Other than that it was a brilliant day! I even managed to not cry, phew. The only problem I had was I popped an intercooler pipe off on the way there so had to leave with no boost
We saw my Mum today (Mothers Day) and she was fine, explained that she was not half cut when she turned up but was really struggling with nerves in the morning so had a Diazepam to calm her down.
So alls well that ends well really. Thanks everyone for contributing.
Since its PH here are couple pics of Mine and my Best Man's car
To pick up the story from last time. We met with my Mum before the hen do and had a calmer discussion. She didnt offer any apology but explained her outburst etc was her releasing all her stress but that its done and dusted. She promised us that she would not be a problem on the day. We told her she wasnt going on the Hen do, she was disappointed but understood that it was a bit soon after a big row.
We had a couple of days to think over how to proceed. The OH is more forgiving than me and convinced me that Mum should still come to the wedding as at least that gives her the chance to behave. So she got the go ahead.
Wedding was on Friday just gone.
My mum turned up half cut but did not cause any real problems. She completely ignored my Dads OH, had a friendly chat with my Bro and Sis (on Dads side) and tried to say hello to my Dad which I saw coming so whisked my dad away for a photo before any drama could occur.
The only thing she did to annoy me was get a bit grumpy with me for not thanking her specifically in my speech, God knows why I would have. But 20 mins later she realised she had had a bit too much vino and came and apologised.
Other than that it was a brilliant day! I even managed to not cry, phew. The only problem I had was I popped an intercooler pipe off on the way there so had to leave with no boost
We saw my Mum today (Mothers Day) and she was fine, explained that she was not half cut when she turned up but was really struggling with nerves in the morning so had a Diazepam to calm her down.
So alls well that ends well really. Thanks everyone for contributing.
Since its PH here are couple pics of Mine and my Best Man's car
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