Damsel in distress!

[Sabz86]

I need help... mentally. But that's a different story!

I do actually need some help. I have an opportunity at work to increase ones bonus! I have to come up with a poem that starts with 'I like working with Grant because...'

To help, the guy I work with is gay. He's a Senior Financial Consultant so sells alot of bonds, investments, pensions, Life Cover and Critical Illness. He also loves to eat Haribo all the time. He's carb conscious and always wears a back pack. He travels from branch to branch and is quite posh to say the least.

I need a short poem that includes as much of this information as possible. It would also help to Rhyme and the funnier it is the better!

Anyone skilled enough to attempt this for me?

Replies appreciated. Sabz

[Sabz86]

Ozone said:

Is there a prize for the winner?

What do you want?

[Sabz86]

GTIR said:

Roses are red violets are blue
I like it up the arse and Grant does too.

Lol! Yeah... don't think he'd go for that somehow.

[Sabz86]

Sunglasses Ron said:

Grant is gay
He acts like a bh
I'm writing this poem
To make you rich

Hahaha!!!

As funny as these all are guys, it needs to start with this...

'I like working with Grant because...'

[Sabz86]

Ozone said:

Sabz86 said:

Ozone said:

Is there a prize for the winner?

What do you want?

Sound financial advice, and a skim of 1pence from each account at your bank in to a Swiss account via the Bahamas.

Ha! Nice try :P

[Sabz86]

becksW said:

What a strange way to earn a bonus?!

It's a bit more than that. It's for quite a bit more percentage towards my target that earns me my bonus. Just thought it'd be easier to explain.

[Sabz86]

Conian said:

I like working with Grant because...
he looks like the lion off Wizard of Oz
He's as tough as a kitten and as soft as a flower
who'd believe he's on £?? pounds an hour?

I like this one!!! Thanks

[Sabz86]

Smiler. said:

I like working with Grant because,
He's smart & sells a lot.

All day long he eats kids sweets,
And takes the target shot.

He's eloquent & dresses well,
The office is all a twitter.

And come the end of a long hard day,
He goes to bed with a Horlicks.

Ooo! I like this one too!!!!! Thanks

[Sabz86]

oilandwater said:

I like working with Grant beacuse he's gay
I hope that I'll have his job one day.

Sells investments and pensions for money,
Never eats carbs, has a silver spoon for his honey.

His back pack is black
His moods can be too,

Life cover and illness
Come with free Haribo.

Some of these are really good! Thanks guys!

[Sabz86]

chukka64 said:

I like working with Grant because.....
He loves Judy Garland in the wizard of Oz
He doesn't eat carbs so is light on his loafers
He's kind to his pets and likes hamsters and gophers

He works very hard with barely a stoppage
He would sell a house but never a cottage
He makes a good living from bonds and shares
He shares all his bonds with Nigel upstairs

He acts kinda posh, loves his salmon and dill
But the gardening he does is always uphill
His life's on his back as he's always on the go
and his friends all go mad for his haribo

HTH

OMG! That's sooo good! Thank you! Will thank you all at the next Sunday show!

[Sabz86]

Boosterdq said:

I like working with Grant as hes a real chum,
Give him lots of Haribo to stop him doing you up the bum.

Sales, investments, Life Cover, Critical Illness too.
You will never see his backpack covered in dog poo.

From Branch to branch in his damn posh shoes.
8ozs of carbs a day will doo.

So this is my poem of why i like grant,
Give me my bonus you cosh punt.

Hahaha!!! I actually laughed out loud!

[Sabz86]

Thanks everyone! I have my Rhyme now. I hope you don't mind but I have incorporated a little bit of everyone's and added some of my own. I will let you know tomorrow if I win. Thanks xxxx Sabz

[Sabz86]

Silent1 said:

WTF is all this faggotry? Some bint posts on ph with sod all history asking you to write poems to earn her money and most of you do the right thing and take the piss but some of you White knights must see it as a conquest or something between this and the bint offering free dodo juice for a HPI PH needs to learn how to avoid trolls pretending to be women

1, I am not a 'bint'
2, I am not a troll
3, How could you be so rude?!!
And 4, You're just as bad posting also?

[Sabz86]

Matt Harper said:

I'm confused. How, while working in a bank, do you earn bonus for writing fawning poetry to your fudge packing boss?
Or is this how the last meltdown started?

No. I work bloody hard for my bonus. This earns a small percentage towards it from self gen business.

[Sabz86]

Curry Burns said:

I wouldnt panic to much sabz, You'll get used to Silent's rubbish sooner or later.

The only funny thing he's ever said was 'it's Welsh you 'tard '

Haha! I'll try not to hunt him down.

I'll post up the poem later when I'm back from work. That way, I can say whether I 'won' or not. I'm pretty sure I will, everyone posted up some really funny poems!

[Sabz86]

NoNeed said:

Sabz86 said:

I need help... mentally. But that's a different story!

I do actually need some help. I have an opportunity at work to increase ones bonus! I have to come up with a poem that starts with 'I like working with Grant because...'

To help, the guy I work with is gay. He's a Senior Financial Consultant so sells alot of bonds, investments, pensions, Life Cover and Critical Illness. He also loves to eat Haribo all the time. He's carb conscious and always wears a back pack. He travels from branch to branch and is quite posh to say the least.

I need a short poem that includes as much of this information as possible. It would also help to Rhyme and the funnier it is the better!

Anyone skilled enough to attempt this for me?

Replies appreciated. Sabz

I'll have a go

First attempt...........

I like working with Grant
because he's not the type to rant.
He stays calm with the deals
And moves on his heels
as he moves from branch to branch.
I once stole his sweet
made of sugar and jelly
he was very suspicious
as I rubbed my belly
He gave me an unusual butch look
and checked his bag, for the sweet I took.
He reached for his rucksack
and pulled out a packet
That macthed his tie
his shirt and jacket
He counted with care, his jelly candy
I just stood there, my legs going bandy

Hahah! Oh, so many good poems! Thanks

[Sabz86]

cal72 said:

Sabz86 said:

I work bloody hard for my bonus

Well come up with you're own poem then. Let see what you got so far.

Ya know, usually I'm pretty good with poetry but this time I got stuck. I think maybe because I had to start it with 'I like working with Grant because...'

[Sabz86]

Poledriver said:

RB26DETT said:

Silent1 said:

WTF is all this faggotry? Some bint posts on ph with sod all history asking you to write poems to earn her money and most of you do the right thing and take the piss but some of you White knights must see it as a conquest or something between this and the bint offering free dodo juice for a HPI PH needs to learn how to avoid trolls pretending to be women

Theres a random pic of a woman in her profile.

EFA

It's not a random picture! But I will take it as a compliment. :-) Alexdaredevilz will tell you it's not fake! =P

[Sabz86]

NoNeed said:

Sabz86 said:

Curry Burns said:

I wouldnt panic to much sabz, You'll get used to Silent's rubbish sooner or later.

The only funny thing he's ever said was 'it's Welsh you 'tard '

Haha! I'll try not to hunt him down.

I'll post up the poem later when I'm back from work. That way, I can say whether I 'won' or not. I'm pretty sure I will, everyone posted up some really funny poems!

We can't wait, this is Pistonheads. at least tell us who is in the lead!!!!

Ok Chukka64 is in the lead so far although I really do like some others too. Clearly I wasn't trying hard enough! Thanks everyone.

[Sabz86]

I feel I am misunderstood,
For help, I thought you would,
But rudeness I got,
And several cheap shots,
So eff off, I think you should!

SEE!!!! I do have talent!

I feel I must clarify some things as clearly I haven't explained my request in enough detail for the simpletons!

1, I am NOT a fking bint!
2, This was supposed to have been a bit of fun!
3, I wasn't asked to write a poem, I was asked to finish the sentence IFFFF (so it wasn't mandatory) I wanted credit for his self gen business. (It had to go somewhere)
4, I work fking hard for my bonus and it IS performance related!!! This was an opportunity to relieve some of the pressure! You all would have done the same!
5, Grant is not my boss... just a colleague.
6, I didn't want a poem constantly mocking his sexuality. I thought this detail would help with ideas as you can relate a lot to someone who is gay.
7, I have not asked anyone on this forum to do my job for me. I merely asked if anyone wanted to have a go. You didn't have to reply. (For those that did genuinely - Thank you)
8, @Silent1 - You'd should be so lucky to slap my ass! ...As hairy, fat and full of cellulite as it is. (Each to their own)
9, @RB26DETT - Yes, If it makes you all happy, I will pose with a bloody Custard tin!
10, Contributory history? Now correct me if I'm wrong... It has to start somewhere. I was recommended to use this forum because SOME of you actually do come up with some good ideas and are pleasant to speak to. Clearly, the rest of you need to have a period or something!

Final word: I genuinely thought this would be a laugh... and to a degree it was. Some of the poems were great and today I did get that extra percent ONLY because of you guys! Apart from all the one liners everyone else sent, I wanted to send a poem and with your help and ideas, I did. So Thanks!

To the rest of you... KMA!!!