Geek Jokes

[Salgar]

So I'm a geek, of sorts, and I love a good geek joke


This has been keeping me amused for a few days now.

Edsger Dijkstra


What are you favourite geek jokes?

[Salgar]

Wow, didn't expect this to take off as it has Some great ones here

[Salgar]

zac510 said:

KenBlocksPants said:

snowy slopes said:

JonRB said:

y282 said:

zac510 said:

I think I read this one on here actually.

One day a wife was in the kitchen and realised she needed some things from the shop. She called on her developer husband to run down the shop and pick up the goods. "I need you to pick up a loaf of bread and if they have eggs, get half a dozen."

A short while later the husband returns to wife with 6 loaves of bread.

"They had eggs!" the husband explained.

i just read that 3 times, the third very slowly, possibly mouthing it.

then i found it very, very funny.

Same here.

D'you know, i have looked at that joke for the last two days now, and didnt get it, but have finally seen the funny side of it

I give in... please explain

Shop shop = new Shop();

if(shop.hasEggs()) shop.getBread(6);
else shop.getBread(1);

does that help?

Someone walked up to my desk while this joke was up and said 'surely she wanted 7 loaves', which i'm inclined to agree with.

[Salgar]

marshalla said:

Frankthered said:

jas xjr said:

How can you tell if a geekengineer is an extrovert ? He looks at your shoes as he talks to you

EFA

@marshalla this was just as good on page 1!

I think there must be a dangling pointer somewhere, the thread's getting corrupted

Surely the thread would just be running out of space then.

[Salgar]

mattley said:

Pieces of nine!
Pieces of nine!



Parroty error.

This is a great joke when told in full. (I also think it's pieces of seven)

[Salgar]

Famous Graham said:

SVX said:

wombat172a said:

SVX said:

My favourite:

God, I hate Perl so much! I pray I never have to code in that again.

Why what's wrong with Perl?

+1 Very versatile language in the right circumstances.

It's also completely unreadable if anyone other than you has written it, and even then it's a stretch if you wrote it longer ago than yesterday. I agree it's very good at some things, but for anything longer than say 30 lines, you should probably use something else.

[Salgar]

A Higgs Boson walks into a church. The Priest says "Sorry, but you cant be in here". The boson replies "But without me you cant have mass"

[Salgar]

JonRB said:

JonRB said:

shop.purchase(eBread, shop.itemAvailable(eEggs)?6:1);

Edit: also I'm the only one who seems to have considered the maintenance overhead of having a new function and/or variables for each thing to buy rather than the item being a parameter on generic item availability and purchasing methods. Bloody amateurs.

Pray tell what does the 'e' stand for in your Hungarian notation.

[Salgar]

JonRB said:

Salgar said:

Pray tell what does the 'e' stand for in your Hungarian notation.

It's not Hungarian. It denotes it's an enum value. Just happens to be the coding style used where I am at the moment.

I guess it could be less confusingly written as

shop.purchase(ITEM_BREAD, shop.itemAvailable(ITEM_EGGS)?6:1);

I see, fair enough. Although that is Hungarian notation. Anything where you place extra characters to denote 'type' such as 'enum' before the name, is hungarian notation.

[Salgar]

tribbles said:

Munter said:

tribbles said:

(See page 19)

Someone on a nerd thread who is not using man size pages! Next he'll let on he's not using the Big Blue skin!

This is page 10!

There are times when you don't want to have 40 (or more) messages per page - the animated GIFs being the best example, where you'd end up having to download buckets and buckets of content.

How many buckets is the optimum number of buckets is the question?

[Salgar]

Frankthered said:

Goa'uld said:

Had this as my wallpaper on the work machine for ages, still makes me chuckle - not a geek joke as such, but only geeks seem to find it funny. Only a little NSFW due to one naughty word.

Geeky

I really did LOL!

Showed it to (non-geek) Mrs FTR ...

(Had to explain!)

hahah, I forgot about that one, amazing

[Salgar]

Got network problems, I feel bad for you son,
I got 99 problems, but a switch ain't one.

[Salgar]

james_tigerwoods said:

IDFA if you're wanting to have a "Little" challenge

Or, the very useful, IDBEHOLD - or blatant cheat of IDCLIP.

idclip only worked in doom2, doom1 for walking through walls was idspispopd (from memory) and stands for Smashing Pumpkins Into Small Piles Of Putrid Debris, because ID liked the band the smashing pumpkins. To reciprocate, the smashing pumpkins included the doom rocket launcher sound in their song 'where boys fear to tread'

[Salgar]

Morningside said:

Mr Happy said:

Caruso said:

Mr Happy said:

iddqd
idkfa

Doom?

The (semi) original, and best!

iddqd - Trying to cheat? Now you DIE! (or something like that)

comes from what game?

Was it hexan or heretic or possibly err... Rise of the triads?

[Salgar]

james_tigerwoods said:

gabbagabbahey

I'll be honest I had to check, but I did guess right in my head before I checked, Descent, amazing.

[Salgar]

haha, my responses:

Sister: What?
Sister-in-law: That is ABSOLUTELY what you should do
Geek Friend: you lose so much

[Salgar]

This argument reminds me of this problem:


You are given 8 identical-looking balls, one of which is heavier than the other 7 (all of which weigh the same). Using an old-fashioned mechanical set of scales you must identify the heavier ball using the scale as few times as possible. The scale is constructed using two bowls and an arm enabling the bowls to either balance or have one bowl rising while the other (and heavier bowl) falling.

What is the smallest number of steps it takes to identify which ball is heaviest?

If you know the answer already don't say, let someone work it out.

[Salgar]

doogz said:

Salgar said:

This argument reminds me of this problem:


You are given 8 identical-looking balls, one of which is heavier than the other 7 (all of which weigh the same). Using an old-fashioned mechanical set of scales you must identify the heavier ball using the scale as few times as possible. The scale is constructed using two bowls and an arm enabling the bowls to either balance or have one bowl rising while the other (and heavier bowl) falling.

What is the smallest number of steps it takes to identify which ball is heaviest?

If you know the answer already don't say, let someone work it out.

Can you put more than one ball into each bowl at once?

i.e 4 in each bowl, to narrow it down quicker?

Yes, as many as you like in each bowl

[Salgar]

Hugo a Gogo said:

louiebaby said:

If it's not 3, I'll stay out this thread for a while...

i think 2 steps

1. weigh 3 and 3, they balance - you've got two left

2. weigh those other two, one is the heavy one

or
1. weigh 3 and 3, one side is heavy
2. weigh 1 and 1 from the heavy 3, leave one - if they balance, you know it's the other one, if they don't you have your heavy one

Yeah this.

Where did louiebaby's post go?

[Salgar]

plasticpig said:

Jinx said:

They've all forgotton the necessary negative number indicator (surely a geek wouldn't only want positive integers? ) only +/- 511 is possible

Inefficient use of digits there. You can indicate negative or positive numbers by having your palms facing away from you to indicate negative and towards you to indicate positive

Yeah, duh, it's called two-palms-complement.