Discussion
Having been back through 5 months of threads I can't see one on depression. What are people's personal experiences?
I have never been diagnosed or anything but some days I have what can only be described as a 'fog' in my head that makes me lethargic, disinterested, moody and incapable of decent interaction. No warning or pattern just happens. Can last a day or sometimes a week. If I am just left alone I come out of it fine but that's the problem it's impossible to be left with work/family commitments so my OH gets the brunt of it which is not fair. Leading to me denying its me and just ignoring her efforts to talk. Just wondered what other people's thoughts on the matter are or indeed on my personal experience?
I have never been diagnosed or anything but some days I have what can only be described as a 'fog' in my head that makes me lethargic, disinterested, moody and incapable of decent interaction. No warning or pattern just happens. Can last a day or sometimes a week. If I am just left alone I come out of it fine but that's the problem it's impossible to be left with work/family commitments so my OH gets the brunt of it which is not fair. Leading to me denying its me and just ignoring her efforts to talk. Just wondered what other people's thoughts on the matter are or indeed on my personal experience?
Having a bad time so decided to re read this thread.
I am in a down period, my relationship is on the brink and yet I carry on as if everything is normal. I am constantly thinking about different scenarios and different paths my life can take. I am fully functioning on the outside but inside I am all over the place. My OH has lost patience with me and now won't talk as I reflect everything back to her. I feel like I need a release of some sort.
I am in a down period, my relationship is on the brink and yet I carry on as if everything is normal. I am constantly thinking about different scenarios and different paths my life can take. I am fully functioning on the outside but inside I am all over the place. My OH has lost patience with me and now won't talk as I reflect everything back to her. I feel like I need a release of some sort.
Drug therapy and counselling are both things I have little time for and I am quite cynical about probably related to my job. Looking back I have probably been suppressing things for years and now it's only just coming out. I feel like I need to write everything down and see what I am left with. I am very defensive but through my rose tinted glasses I'm not the problem and won't take the blame. I feel that the OH has reached the end and unless I go to the GP she's not interested.
Rickyy said:
I take it you haven't been to the GP yet? I'd seriously book an appointment ASAP, no body is going to judge you, it is more common than you think and is nothing to be ashamed of. They will give you options which you choose to take or not.
I know its not an easy subject to talk about, especially not to a stranger of a doctor. I was fighting back tears when I first saw the doctor about it. I can relate to what you are saying about being weary of drugs and counselling. I was, but I eventually accepted the offer of drugs after a bad "episode". I'm now on a 6 month prescription of Citalopram. They are not a cure to depression, but what it has done has helped me gain some perspective.
Have you tried cutting out alcohol, eating healthy and exercise?
Whilst there are good GP's my over riding experience of them via work is not good. I haven't been to the doctors in 16 years!I know its not an easy subject to talk about, especially not to a stranger of a doctor. I was fighting back tears when I first saw the doctor about it. I can relate to what you are saying about being weary of drugs and counselling. I was, but I eventually accepted the offer of drugs after a bad "episode". I'm now on a 6 month prescription of Citalopram. They are not a cure to depression, but what it has done has helped me gain some perspective.
Have you tried cutting out alcohol, eating healthy and exercise?
On the eating healthy and exercise thing and feel better physically.
JumboBeef said:
Look at it in this way. In your head, you have two gauges, like on a car. One reads physical health and one reads mental health.
People accept that their physical health gauge will swing from "excellent" to "poor" everything now and then, when you are ill. Some days, when you feel crap then it might only be "ok". With time out and maybe some meds, then it will swing back to the good end.
This is the same with your mental health: it will also move from "excellent" to "poor" on those days when you are stressed or feeling down about something. With depression, it tends to stick and needs a helping hand to return to "excellent".
Everyone has mental health issues, just in the same way everyone has physical health issues.
I too work for the ambulance service. What an excelllent post.People accept that their physical health gauge will swing from "excellent" to "poor" everything now and then, when you are ill. Some days, when you feel crap then it might only be "ok". With time out and maybe some meds, then it will swing back to the good end.
This is the same with your mental health: it will also move from "excellent" to "poor" on those days when you are stressed or feeling down about something. With depression, it tends to stick and needs a helping hand to return to "excellent".
Everyone has mental health issues, just in the same way everyone has physical health issues.
I am very up and down at the moment. Good days and bad days. Using your post I would say both are hovering above poor at the moment.
The best way I can describe myself is as a functional depressive. Noone knows or suspects as I go about my day.
eric twinge said:
Hi all
I have read through this thread and can identify with a lot of thoughts and feelings.
I often wonder at what stage me just being a miserable bugger, feeling pretty disinterested in a lot of things, struggling to really concentrate and knuckle down at work develops into something a bit more sinister.
The phrase 'fog' sums it up very well, I will often be sat on the train going to and from work and unless I am otherwise occupied I can feel this 'fog' starting to envelop me and it can get very upsetting knowing that I am going start to feel this way again for the next few days and there just doesn't seem anyway to get out of it!
A bit of background for you.
Late thirties, very happily married, two young girls. My youngest has Cerebral Palsy which I get upset about, as she struggles to do a lot of other things that other girls her age can do but she is very lucky in that she can still do a lot more than others, we were told that she wouldn’t survive a week when she was born, she is four nexct month. I love her to bits.
But it is more than that and these feelings have been hanging around for years, almost like they are sitting on your shoulder, whispering negative thoughts and generally being a pain in the arse. I struggle to have talk to my boss at work without at least thinking of flying of the handle and clearly that cannot carry on.
But most of all, why should I feel miserable all the time, why can’t I be optimistic and happy, why can some people do it and not others. So I am detemined to start getting more exercise which I am hoping will clear my head.
I was rather hoping that someone would indentify with this as I have other comments on here.
Cheers All.
I started this thread because that is how I feel at times. No warning and the 'fog' is just there. It sounds like you have a handful on at home. I would be a hypocrite if I told you to to do XYZ as I don't do anything and just deal with it myself. I find the busier I am the less time I have to think about stuff. It's a bit of a running joke with friends, family and work colleagues about how miserable I am at times but I just go along with it as I am so used it! It's very easy to lose focus and remember the important things in life such as family and health.I have read through this thread and can identify with a lot of thoughts and feelings.
I often wonder at what stage me just being a miserable bugger, feeling pretty disinterested in a lot of things, struggling to really concentrate and knuckle down at work develops into something a bit more sinister.
The phrase 'fog' sums it up very well, I will often be sat on the train going to and from work and unless I am otherwise occupied I can feel this 'fog' starting to envelop me and it can get very upsetting knowing that I am going start to feel this way again for the next few days and there just doesn't seem anyway to get out of it!
A bit of background for you.
Late thirties, very happily married, two young girls. My youngest has Cerebral Palsy which I get upset about, as she struggles to do a lot of other things that other girls her age can do but she is very lucky in that she can still do a lot more than others, we were told that she wouldn’t survive a week when she was born, she is four nexct month. I love her to bits.
But it is more than that and these feelings have been hanging around for years, almost like they are sitting on your shoulder, whispering negative thoughts and generally being a pain in the arse. I struggle to have talk to my boss at work without at least thinking of flying of the handle and clearly that cannot carry on.
But most of all, why should I feel miserable all the time, why can’t I be optimistic and happy, why can some people do it and not others. So I am detemined to start getting more exercise which I am hoping will clear my head.
I was rather hoping that someone would indentify with this as I have other comments on here.
Cheers All.
Another month and another 'fog'. I could tell it was coming on so tried to be subtle and pre warn my partner that I wasn't feeling very good and that I couldn't explain why. When I got in we argued over something petty and that was over a week ago with sniping going on since and her basically telling me to leave and she doesn't want to be any where near me. Had a chat tonight and got no where. No appetite, can't sleep. No enthusiasm. My other half just doesn't get it no matter what I say. Some things have been said on her part that seem pretty final. All in all in a pretty s
t situation. Rock and hard place spring to mind.
t situation. Rock and hard place spring to mind.richtea78 said:
Sorry to hear that Ruskie, what have you done about getting some help?
I know it can be very hard to ask for help but I have found the CBT really great. I cant praise it enough.
Its pretty common sense stuff so far and not all touchy feely stuff which I imagined. It makes me wonder why I didnt do anything about it sooner.
I wouldnt say I am anywhere near back to normal but I am working through it.
I have a very low opinion of most GP's due to my job so that's not a route for me. I know it can be very hard to ask for help but I have found the CBT really great. I cant praise it enough.
Its pretty common sense stuff so far and not all touchy feely stuff which I imagined. It makes me wonder why I didnt do anything about it sooner.
I wouldnt say I am anywhere near back to normal but I am working through it.
Got a b
king today because I was still in bed at 12 and told by OH she's off to speak to,a solicitor. Think it was an attempt to jolt me by shouting, threats etc. Not something that works for me as a rule. But then what does...?I was shocked to see how long ago I started this thread.
Basically I am the lowest I have been for a long time. Got the 'Fog' in situ for a week now, never been that long before. No energy, no appetite, stopped exercising, no one in the house wants to be near me. I'm isolating myself by taking dog out for massive walks so I don't have to be sat in the house, bored. I can't sleep, I feel apathetic about work. Fallen out with the OH again. I am sick of tolerating people and lowering my standard to accommodate them. I literally am a time bomb waiting to go off.
Basically I am the lowest I have been for a long time. Got the 'Fog' in situ for a week now, never been that long before. No energy, no appetite, stopped exercising, no one in the house wants to be near me. I'm isolating myself by taking dog out for massive walks so I don't have to be sat in the house, bored. I can't sleep, I feel apathetic about work. Fallen out with the OH again. I am sick of tolerating people and lowering my standard to accommodate them. I literally am a time bomb waiting to go off.
JumboBeef said:
Ruskie said:
I was shocked to see how long ago I started this thread.
Basically I am the lowest I have been for a long time. Got the 'Fog' in situ for a week now, never been that long before. No energy, no appetite, stopped exercising, no one in the house wants to be near me. I'm isolating myself by taking dog out for massive walks so I don't have to be sat in the house, bored. I can't sleep, I feel apathetic about work. Fallen out with the OH again. I am sick of tolerating people and lowering my standard to accommodate them. I literally am a time bomb waiting to go off.
Is it "the job"?Basically I am the lowest I have been for a long time. Got the 'Fog' in situ for a week now, never been that long before. No energy, no appetite, stopped exercising, no one in the house wants to be near me. I'm isolating myself by taking dog out for massive walks so I don't have to be sat in the house, bored. I can't sleep, I feel apathetic about work. Fallen out with the OH again. I am sick of tolerating people and lowering my standard to accommodate them. I literally am a time bomb waiting to go off.
t we deal with constantly, the 111 calls, the pissheads, the frequent flyers, which are part and parcel of the job but it is really grating on me. I am doing my BSc as well in my spare time and having never failed an essay in 3 year previous have found myself failing the latest one. It's a case of not putting the time and effort in and taking an apathetic look at it rather than an ability thing. I have got to do 2 essays in 2 weeks now feeling like I do.
I'm not deliberately being awkward or stubborn nor am attention seeking but at least by dicussing it hear people have some insight.
. I hear what your saying about the pills but I couldn't bring myself to do it. Call it stubborn male attitude or something.
Distraction is the key at the moment. Still can't sleep though. Went to bed at 2am was awake by 6.30am.
It's interesting the patterns that follow me around. My head goes around things over and over darting to different things for no more than 5-10 seconds. Also my music reflects where I am at.
. I hear what your saying about the pills but I couldn't bring myself to do it. Call it stubborn male attitude or something.
Distraction is the key at the moment. Still can't sleep though. Went to bed at 2am was awake by 6.30am.
It's interesting the patterns that follow me around. My head goes around things over and over darting to different things for no more than 5-10 seconds. Also my music reflects where I am at.
I can't believe how long ago I started this thread.
Things have gradually got worse, bad days are more frequent than good days now and it took my relationship to go to the brink of failure before I finally admitted I needed help.
I have been to see the GP and been prescribed some tablets. I feel like a weight is off my mind. I have opened up to my close friends and family and most are shocked as I have hidden it so well.
Im thinking of keeping a diary to jot my thoughts down. I feel anxious, jittery and unsure tonight.
Things have gradually got worse, bad days are more frequent than good days now and it took my relationship to go to the brink of failure before I finally admitted I needed help.
I have been to see the GP and been prescribed some tablets. I feel like a weight is off my mind. I have opened up to my close friends and family and most are shocked as I have hidden it so well.
Im thinking of keeping a diary to jot my thoughts down. I feel anxious, jittery and unsure tonight.
Dibble said:
Ruskie
A few thoughts from me... I'm a cop. Have been for 18 years. Never had a single day off sick in all that time, until last year. A few years back, about 6 months after an incident involving a drowned child and me attempting CPR on him, I started getting flashbacks and nightmares. I did nothing about it and "carried on as normal" for about three years. Except I wasn't normal.
Mrs Dibble eventually persuaded/forced me to go to my GP who wasn't much use. Mrs Dibble marched me back in and I was referred to a mental health crisis team who were utterly brilliant. They in turn referred me to a specialist trauma service and I've been diagnosed with PTSD, anxiety and depression. I'm on citalopram and was also using Mirtazapine for a while, with Zopiclone to stabilise my sleep patterns (I was lucky if I got two or three hours at a time).
While all this was going on, I separated from Mrs Dibble, my best mate was diagnosed with cancer and I had my dog put to sleep - all within a month or so. I eventually threw my hand in at work and was taken off operational duties last June. I'm still restricted but at least working full time.
I've been seeing a specialist trauma psychologist for EMDR for 12 months. The incident that "gave" me PTSD wasn't the worst thing I've seen/dealt with in my police career and the psychologist tells me that an hour later or an hour earlier, and I'd have been able to deal with it, but there would have been something that tipped me over the edge before much longer. My upbringing and the fact I'm an emergency services worker always meant I was more likely than the general population to get PTSD/mental health issues.
I had a tough time. I've never been one for speaking about feelings (I've been described as emotionally autistic!) but I've found it does help. I do find it hard though. The other thing I've had to get my head round is how long it takes to get "better" and I'm not fully there yet. My best mate has had cancer, surgery, chemotherapy and radiotherapy and is "cured"... I'm still ill (and still getting used to thinking of myself as "ill"). Plus being in the cops, a generally male oriented macho culture where people don't "do" emotions didn't help.
The MIND website is a very useful resource. Talking helps. People generally care about you. I can manage the crappy days a little better as I realise now they're just dips rather than a never-ending downward spiral. Be kind to yourself. Don't expect too much. Enjoy the little wins you have. Try not to focus on the crap.
Things will improve, but recognise and accept that it will take time. Feel free to drop me a pm if you want, even if it's just to rant.
Keep on keeping on.
I actually touched on this with the doctor. I do think to a certain extent as paramedic/police/fire we have a certain amount of PTSD. I certainly have two horrific jobs that are at the back of my mind involving children. They will never leave me till the day I die.A few thoughts from me... I'm a cop. Have been for 18 years. Never had a single day off sick in all that time, until last year. A few years back, about 6 months after an incident involving a drowned child and me attempting CPR on him, I started getting flashbacks and nightmares. I did nothing about it and "carried on as normal" for about three years. Except I wasn't normal.
Mrs Dibble eventually persuaded/forced me to go to my GP who wasn't much use. Mrs Dibble marched me back in and I was referred to a mental health crisis team who were utterly brilliant. They in turn referred me to a specialist trauma service and I've been diagnosed with PTSD, anxiety and depression. I'm on citalopram and was also using Mirtazapine for a while, with Zopiclone to stabilise my sleep patterns (I was lucky if I got two or three hours at a time).
While all this was going on, I separated from Mrs Dibble, my best mate was diagnosed with cancer and I had my dog put to sleep - all within a month or so. I eventually threw my hand in at work and was taken off operational duties last June. I'm still restricted but at least working full time.
I've been seeing a specialist trauma psychologist for EMDR for 12 months. The incident that "gave" me PTSD wasn't the worst thing I've seen/dealt with in my police career and the psychologist tells me that an hour later or an hour earlier, and I'd have been able to deal with it, but there would have been something that tipped me over the edge before much longer. My upbringing and the fact I'm an emergency services worker always meant I was more likely than the general population to get PTSD/mental health issues.
I had a tough time. I've never been one for speaking about feelings (I've been described as emotionally autistic!) but I've found it does help. I do find it hard though. The other thing I've had to get my head round is how long it takes to get "better" and I'm not fully there yet. My best mate has had cancer, surgery, chemotherapy and radiotherapy and is "cured"... I'm still ill (and still getting used to thinking of myself as "ill"). Plus being in the cops, a generally male oriented macho culture where people don't "do" emotions didn't help.
The MIND website is a very useful resource. Talking helps. People generally care about you. I can manage the crappy days a little better as I realise now they're just dips rather than a never-ending downward spiral. Be kind to yourself. Don't expect too much. Enjoy the little wins you have. Try not to focus on the crap.
Things will improve, but recognise and accept that it will take time. Feel free to drop me a pm if you want, even if it's just to rant.
Keep on keeping on.
I have woke up feeling dreadful and I knew it was coming yesterday. Head is clouded and thoughts are whizzing. It's going to be a long day.
Thank you for the comments and encouragement.
4 weeks in now from admitting I have a problem. Not feeling great, insomnia, restlessness and apathy are the order of the day. School holidays so getting on with stuff but I would lay in bed all day if I could. Of work with an injured leg at moment so that's not helping but the thought of going back and making small talk and effort is draining me. On the plus the OH has been brilliant and very supportive. She gives me a kick up the arse in a morning .
Thank you for all the contributions and this thread. I am going to back to the start and read it all again.
Thank you for all the contributions and this thread. I am going to back to the start and read it all again.
Wacky Racer said:
That is an excellent video and the first 2 minutes sum up my feelings in a nut shell.crazy about cars said:
How's everyone doing?
Been browsing through old pictures and saw a few from summer 1-2 years ago which made me think... that was probably the last time I've actually felt happy. It's been months now but I never seem to ever feel positive or happy. Everyday seem to pass filled with worries and stress.
Not having a good week. Relationship is at breaking point again. Spent two full days in bed as I couldn't think of one good reason to get up. Complete apathy about everything. I know I need to do more but I can't bring myself to do it. Been browsing through old pictures and saw a few from summer 1-2 years ago which made me think... that was probably the last time I've actually felt happy. It's been months now but I never seem to ever feel positive or happy. Everyday seem to pass filled with worries and stress.
Slowly but surely I am removing the things that make me angry or change my emotions. I have cut alcohol completely, PS3 (Gets me angry) and Facebook.
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