How to calm down...
Discussion
Please not: This thread contains startling honesty. If you don't like it, f
k off. I am aware that this thread may well not go the way it was intended but it is a risk I am willing to take.
I find myself in the midst of a particularly challenging time of life at the moment. I started a course in uni in September, it was going well but felt I had to leave as I made the mistake of falling hopelessly in love with a girl and then, due to personal circumstances involving her health and my sanity we broke up and I felt I had to return home. We hadn't spoken for ages until the other day, when she got in contact with me via facebook and we talked for a little bit. This obviously brought back all those feelings I had been trying so hard to suppress over the past 6 months and for a few days I felt the light at the end of the tunnel was getting further and further away. Now I have been at home for a few months, I have found a job, sorted re-starting my course in Swansea uni and am getting my life back in shape. Sort of.
This is where the startling honesty comes in. Hold on to your hat.
I have smoked weed pretty much solidly since I was about 12-13 years old. I am now 24, 25 next week. In fact, the longest period of time I have gone without smoking it at all over the past 12-13 years is 11 days. Shocking I know. I have no interest in counting the money I have spent on smoke because I am fairly sure it would be into 6 figures. I have been lazy, unmotivated and generally workshy although when I am in work I am a damn hard worker, competitive almost. It is also believed that I am autistic, though I have never been officially tested for it. I have great difficulty with people, get extremely nervous in social situations, am frequently misunderstood and have a very, very different viewpoint on life to most others etc, etc basically all the classic hallmarks of a fking weirdo. As you can probably see from this text it is all I, I, I, like I don't know how to hold a conversation either.
In short, I'm an ahole. People have no interest in me and when they do I have nothing to talk about. Nothing. I really try but it is no use, to the point that I give up and have basically withdrawn from social situations altogether, even amongst old friends that I know well. I'm the quiet one in the corner. Don't even get me started on chatting up girls, I can't do it, I just blush, stammer and go useless.
Lately I have found myself getting very aggressive but only with those closest to me, like I am comfortable enough around them that they may see how I really feel, even though it is always negative and I generally end up snapping. These moods are much, much worse in the morning. Once I get a couple of cigarettes and a cup of coffee I am generally alright, although a bifta does the job better. Unfortunately though, in the past week this has cost me both the ex whom I love and may have had another chance with and also the best mate who has been by my side for years, in fact we started smoking together, all that time ago.
I don't want to live like this anymore but I feel trapped. All my friends are stoners, they are all I know and even if I was to try and make other friends what do I do? I have nothing in common with very many people and the friends I do have are either stoners, collected via a common interest in wasting their fking lives or just as socially incompetent as I am. The one friend I do have who has quit weed is, coincidentally my oldest friend, and is getting married soon so is spending his time with his fiance. Understandably too, the lucky bd.
So I want to change, but where to start? How does one go about dropping the habit of a lifetime? Every time I stop smoking, even if only for a day my mood drops, and I become someone I just can't deal with and don't want to be. A deeply unpleasant, highly unpredictable person with a very highly reckless attitude emerges but I can't stop it. It feels a little like like a Jekyll and Hyde scenario, it really does. I just don't feel in control.
So what would you do? Cut contact, go on your own and just try your hardest? Seek solace in the company of the few remaining friends I have? Run? (that one is tempting) I tried to put an end to it by moving away to uni but that sort of went tits up as mentioned earlier, I fell hopelessly in love and fell in with the stoners again. Which resulted in my boomeranging straight back into my original dilemma. Hmm.
Apologies for those of you who are of the opinion that I am a whining miserable but I assure you, I could not give the first fk about you or your input to this thread. I am not looking for sympathy, just opinions on how I might help myself. I can ask acquaintances and friends about this sort of thing but they give a biased opinion and most of them are stoners anyway so they aren't worth taking advice from in most cases.
Thanks.
TL;DR?:- Retard stoner lacks direction in life, asks for opinions
k off. I am aware that this thread may well not go the way it was intended but it is a risk I am willing to take.I find myself in the midst of a particularly challenging time of life at the moment. I started a course in uni in September, it was going well but felt I had to leave as I made the mistake of falling hopelessly in love with a girl and then, due to personal circumstances involving her health and my sanity we broke up and I felt I had to return home. We hadn't spoken for ages until the other day, when she got in contact with me via facebook and we talked for a little bit. This obviously brought back all those feelings I had been trying so hard to suppress over the past 6 months and for a few days I felt the light at the end of the tunnel was getting further and further away. Now I have been at home for a few months, I have found a job, sorted re-starting my course in Swansea uni and am getting my life back in shape. Sort of.
This is where the startling honesty comes in. Hold on to your hat.
I have smoked weed pretty much solidly since I was about 12-13 years old. I am now 24, 25 next week. In fact, the longest period of time I have gone without smoking it at all over the past 12-13 years is 11 days. Shocking I know. I have no interest in counting the money I have spent on smoke because I am fairly sure it would be into 6 figures. I have been lazy, unmotivated and generally workshy although when I am in work I am a damn hard worker, competitive almost. It is also believed that I am autistic, though I have never been officially tested for it. I have great difficulty with people, get extremely nervous in social situations, am frequently misunderstood and have a very, very different viewpoint on life to most others etc, etc basically all the classic hallmarks of a f
king weirdo. As you can probably see from this text it is all I, I, I, like I don't know how to hold a conversation either.In short, I'm an a
hole. People have no interest in me and when they do I have nothing to talk about. Nothing. I really try but it is no use, to the point that I give up and have basically withdrawn from social situations altogether, even amongst old friends that I know well. I'm the quiet one in the corner. Don't even get me started on chatting up girls, I can't do it, I just blush, stammer and go useless.Lately I have found myself getting very aggressive but only with those closest to me, like I am comfortable enough around them that they may see how I really feel, even though it is always negative and I generally end up snapping. These moods are much, much worse in the morning. Once I get a couple of cigarettes and a cup of coffee I am generally alright, although a bifta does the job better. Unfortunately though, in the past week this has cost me both the ex whom I love and may have had another chance with and also the best mate who has been by my side for years, in fact we started smoking together, all that time ago.
I don't want to live like this anymore but I feel trapped. All my friends are stoners, they are all I know and even if I was to try and make other friends what do I do? I have nothing in common with very many people and the friends I do have are either stoners, collected via a common interest in wasting their f
king lives or just as socially incompetent as I am. The one friend I do have who has quit weed is, coincidentally my oldest friend, and is getting married soon so is spending his time with his fiance. Understandably too, the lucky bd.So I want to change, but where to start? How does one go about dropping the habit of a lifetime? Every time I stop smoking, even if only for a day my mood drops, and I become someone I just can't deal with and don't want to be. A deeply unpleasant, highly unpredictable person with a very highly reckless attitude emerges but I can't stop it. It feels a little like like a Jekyll and Hyde scenario, it really does. I just don't feel in control.
So what would you do? Cut contact, go on your own and just try your hardest? Seek solace in the company of the few remaining friends I have? Run? (that one is tempting) I tried to put an end to it by moving away to uni but that sort of went tits up as mentioned earlier, I fell hopelessly in love and fell in with the stoners again. Which resulted in my boomeranging straight back into my original dilemma. Hmm.
Apologies for those of you who are of the opinion that I am a whining miserable
but I assure you, I could not give the first fk about you or your input to this thread. I am not looking for sympathy, just opinions on how I might help myself. I can ask acquaintances and friends about this sort of thing but they give a biased opinion and most of them are stoners anyway so they aren't worth taking advice from in most cases.Thanks.
TL;DR?:- Retard stoner lacks direction in life, asks for opinions
Thanks guys. Eric, you are right, it was not the best of ideas to start of telling people to f off. Sorry chap, you are one of the guys on here that I really respect.
You guys input is really valued. I don't mind the silly replies at all, it makes PH what it is. If I wasn't expecting a bit of stick I wouldn't have posted
Funnily enough I have actually recently bought a camera to try and distract myself
I start a new job tomorrow, its only a casual research job on the phone but its something.
I don't drive the golf anymore, I have a 328 now.
Apologies for the random, cut up replies. I'm on my phone. I shall reply properly when back at my laptop. As much as I love my HTC It just isn't good enough for this sort of stuff.
You guys input is really valued. I don't mind the silly replies at all, it makes PH what it is. If I wasn't expecting a bit of stick I wouldn't have posted
Funnily enough I have actually recently bought a camera to try and distract myself
I start a new job tomorrow, its only a casual research job on the phone but its something.I don't drive the golf anymore, I have a 328 now.
Apologies for the random, cut up replies. I'm on my phone. I shall reply properly when back at my laptop. As much as I love my HTC It just isn't good enough for this sort of stuff.
Rickyy said:
When you get like that, remove yourself from the situation, warn people you're likely to explode and that you'd like to be left alone. The silliest, smallest remark made by someone can push you over the edge and make you snap.
I already do this. I had to learn this a while agoJasandjules said:
Go speak to your best friend - not some t**t you speak to now and again, but the person who you have no secrets from, the person you would call when you are in the s**t and need help. Tell this person what you've put up here. Ask for their help.
Go from there.
You're right. He is the bloke who got me the job I'm starting tomorrow. I'll have a word over a pint. I was actually in primary with him funnily enough Go from there.
Right, here goes. I'll try to answer as many questions as I can, apologies if I miss anything. I forgot that I actually did manage to stop smoking weed for about 6 weeks in early 2011, but that went tits up because I was drinking to compensate and putting on a hell of a lot of weight. I counted weed as the lesser of two evils and chose that instead. Just thought I would add that in.
Surveyor, please do. It won't deter him at all, but hopefully it will give him a marginally greater respect. Everything in moderation and all that. Thanks
Hoofy, I still have the golf but it isn't taxed or MOT'd. I now drive a 328. I couldn't really consider therapy, I don't have the money, plus I don't think I could quite face the stigma to be honest. Tai Chi/Yoga could be worth a look, it is something I have never really considered before. Cheers
Soir, it seems we have had relatively similar experiences, up to a point. Like you I have been thinking about stopping for years but never quite got the gusto up to have a proper crack at it. The closest I got to was the eleven days in early 2010, but even then I was smoking a cheeky bit of weed every now and again so I suppose I was lying to myself about that really. It's funny how we look at things when we try and change our perspectives. I have heard about the Alan Carr book, I shall have a look. It's good to hear your situation turned around, although it is a shame about not being powerfully built. Something to work on eh? Cheers
DrTre, I shall visit my doctor about it, see what he has to say. It is always fun going to my doctor, he is a family friend as my nan worked at that surgery right up to her retirement. I know he can't say anything to anybody so he already has a fairly detailed account of my intake, just not that it is a problem. Getting back to uni is a priority, but first I must work, get some money and sort out my bank account from last term and coming home, getting a new car, it breaking, etc...
GetCarter, I would love to go away but funds don't allow it really at the moment. I have been thinking of it though, it has been a while since I have had some time away. Staying clear of the people who smoke it may be tricky, but I figure if I just throw myself into this new job for a while, do all the hours under the sun, make some money and distract myself for a while I should be able to make some headway. Hell, I may even find a group of people to go to the pub with on the weekend like normal people
Nellyleeelephant, I do actually, I have recently bought a camera and that is pretty good fun, getting used to it is taking time but I am getting there slowly. Once I have got the basics I shall post something over to the photography section as it sees quite active over there.
TVRSagaris, I did make some friends at university. Unfortunately when I left my ex stayed, so they are now her friends at university. Which sucks big balls.
Dibble, thanks for the input, I will be discussing these avenues with my GP.
Badabing, I agree. I'm 24 now, next week I'll be 25, next month I'll be dead. Life is way too bloody short
I get what you mean with the biking example. Having the same sort of suggestion a few times has sparked me thinking what I could take up that I could spend time and of course, money on besides the car(s) in my life. I'm thinking another car at the moment but that will change by tomorrow morning.
Dibble (again), don;t worry, even if she had I wouldn't have minded Lhehe:
IanCormac, as mentioned before I agree with the suggestions of more hobbies, I suppose I need as much to occupy my time as I can really.
Base, I will do eventually, need some monies first.
R1gtr, you know it has been years since I thought about learning to ride a bike. The idea really intrigues me, even thought bikes scare the crap out of me. Though that is the point, isn't it?
Rickyy, in response to your question about whether I had been experiencing it a while, yes. Quite a while. I had considered it but to be honest this sort of venomous anger only really comes around every now and again for a while, I was thinking it was more based on frustration but depression fits better really.
Meridius, as above really, not got the monies for taking time away, I would like to though.
Robb F, I could never climb, I was built for low altitude work Rebuilding cars I could do seeing as I have a moderate selection of tools. I even have two potential projects on my drive that are literally sitting there doing nothing. Money may be restrictive though dependent on what I decide to tackle.
10PS, thanks. Hopefully I can get the other chap out here sooner, rather than later
Changedmyname, thanks and good luck with your son.
Eric, that is a fantastic idea. I shall have a look around, see what is available, more than likely I could get involved in something through uni so I shall give it a good look. Cheers
Booey, the relief mindset it a good idea, I like that. Don't get invited to too many sleepovers these days, I must admit Crack and the Meth are too moreish for me I would imagine, people sell their teeth for that st!
Zwolf, cheers. Did you take the e out of your name?
Oldbanger, thanks, although I think I may try it in a more private environment, bit self conscious see
Japveesix, thanks, some good points. The bloke in your story sounds like me if things were a bit worse. I suppose I am at the bit before the losing contact bit, but I still have the option to turn the other way. Having a nipper isn't quite how I would choose to rectify the situation though
DiscoYou, thanks, all I know is that the process for testing is apparently pretty long and it can take people years to find out what the feck the doctors think is going on so I've nver realy held up much hope. You're right about the uni thing though, I will do.
Mattikake, as mentioned I would love to travel but it just isn't an option at the moment. It will happen soon though, probably next summer. It may not be at quite the right time but when it happens it will be sorely needed. I agree with weed not being such an evil thing. My viewpoint is that everything in moderation is perfectly fine, but too much of any one thing is bad for you. Just when it gets habitual it is definitely gone wrong.
Happychap, I intend to keep this thread updated for those that are interested. Hopefully you should be able to see from that the changes that are made. I have considered all replies seriously, it is now that I take time to consider them. I suppose I have already begun the process of occupying my time, as mentioned previously in the thread I have bought a camera and have begun to learn to use that. For the time being I am going to focus on occupying my time effectively and focusing on work, trying to make something positive out of it and get some money up, a solid base to work on. I suppose my motivation is to feel more contented with life and to be able to relax, knowing that I am happy to be exactly where I am.
Rumple, sounds like you got away with that one. Congratulations on not buggering it up, if you get what I mean.
TwigtheWonderkid, sorry chap, I have now
Surveyor, please do. It won't deter him at all, but hopefully it will give him a marginally greater respect. Everything in moderation and all that. Thanks
Hoofy, I still have the golf but it isn't taxed or MOT'd. I now drive a 328
. I couldn't really consider therapy, I don't have the money, plus I don't think I could quite face the stigma to be honest. Tai Chi/Yoga could be worth a look, it is something I have never really considered before. CheersSoir, it seems we have had relatively similar experiences, up to a point. Like you I have been thinking about stopping for years but never quite got the gusto up to have a proper crack at it. The closest I got to was the eleven days in early 2010, but even then I was smoking a cheeky bit of weed every now and again so I suppose I was lying to myself about that really. It's funny how we look at things when we try and change our perspectives. I have heard about the Alan Carr book, I shall have a look. It's good to hear your situation turned around, although it is a shame about not being powerfully built. Something to work on eh?
CheersDrTre, I shall visit my doctor about it, see what he has to say. It is always fun going to my doctor, he is a family friend as my nan worked at that surgery right up to her retirement. I know he can't say anything to anybody so he already has a fairly detailed account of my intake, just not that it is a problem. Getting back to uni is a priority, but first I must work, get some money and sort out my bank account from last term and coming home, getting a new car, it breaking, etc...
GetCarter, I would love to go away but funds don't allow it really at the moment. I have been thinking of it though, it has been a while since I have had some time away. Staying clear of the people who smoke it may be tricky, but I figure if I just throw myself into this new job for a while, do all the hours under the sun, make some money and distract myself for a while I should be able to make some headway. Hell, I may even find a group of people to go to the pub with on the weekend like normal people
Nellyleeelephant, I do actually, I have recently bought a camera and that is pretty good fun, getting used to it is taking time but I am getting there slowly. Once I have got the basics I shall post something over to the photography section as it sees quite active over there.
TVRSagaris, I did make some friends at university. Unfortunately when I left my ex stayed, so they are now her friends at university. Which sucks big balls.
Dibble, thanks for the input, I will be discussing these avenues with my GP.
Badabing, I agree. I'm 24 now, next week I'll be 25, next month I'll be dead. Life is way too bloody short
I get what you mean with the biking example. Having the same sort of suggestion a few times has sparked me thinking what I could take up that I could spend time and of course, money on besides the car(s) in my life. I'm thinking another car at the moment but that will change by tomorrow morning.Dibble (again), don;t worry, even if she had I wouldn't have minded Lhehe:
IanCormac, as mentioned before I agree with the suggestions of more hobbies, I suppose I need as much to occupy my time as I can really.
Base, I will do eventually, need some monies first.
R1gtr, you know it has been years since I thought about learning to ride a bike. The idea really intrigues me, even thought bikes scare the crap out of me. Though that is the point, isn't it?
Rickyy, in response to your question about whether I had been experiencing it a while, yes. Quite a while. I had considered it but to be honest this sort of venomous anger only really comes around every now and again for a while, I was thinking it was more based on frustration but depression fits better really.
Meridius, as above really, not got the monies for taking time away, I would like to though.
Robb F, I could never climb, I was built for low altitude work
Rebuilding cars I could do seeing as I have a moderate selection of tools. I even have two potential projects on my drive that are literally sitting there doing nothing. Money may be restrictive though dependent on what I decide to tackle.10PS, thanks. Hopefully I can get the other chap out here sooner, rather than later
Changedmyname, thanks and good luck with your son.
Eric, that is a fantastic idea. I shall have a look around, see what is available, more than likely I could get involved in something through uni so I shall give it a good look. Cheers
Booey, the relief mindset it a good idea, I like that. Don't get invited to too many sleepovers these days, I must admit
Crack and the Meth are too moreish for me I would imagine, people sell their teeth for that st!Zwolf, cheers. Did you take the e out of your name?
Oldbanger, thanks, although I think I may try it in a more private environment, bit self conscious see
Japveesix, thanks, some good points. The bloke in your story sounds like me if things were a bit worse. I suppose I am at the bit before the losing contact bit, but I still have the option to turn the other way. Having a nipper isn't quite how I would choose to rectify the situation though
DiscoYou, thanks, all I know is that the process for testing is apparently pretty long and it can take people years to find out what the feck the doctors think is going on so I've nver realy held up much hope. You're right about the uni thing though, I will do.
Mattikake, as mentioned I would love to travel but it just isn't an option at the moment. It will happen soon though, probably next summer. It may not be at quite the right time but when it happens it will be sorely needed. I agree with weed not being such an evil thing. My viewpoint is that everything in moderation is perfectly fine, but too much of any one thing is bad for you. Just when it gets habitual it is definitely gone wrong.
Happychap, I intend to keep this thread updated for those that are interested. Hopefully you should be able to see from that the changes that are made. I have considered all replies seriously, it is now that I take time to consider them. I suppose I have already begun the process of occupying my time, as mentioned previously in the thread I have bought a camera and have begun to learn to use that. For the time being I am going to focus on occupying my time effectively and focusing on work, trying to make something positive out of it and get some money up, a solid base to work on. I suppose my motivation is to feel more contented with life and to be able to relax, knowing that I am happy to be exactly where I am.
Rumple, sounds like you got away with that one. Congratulations on not buggering it up, if you get what I mean.
TwigtheWonderkid, sorry chap, I have now
metro lover said:
If you've read my thread you'll see I understand. Pm me if you wanna talk but to be honest, you don't seem like you have a problem. What you're doin is just one of them things people do. I know insurance brokers on £2M a year that do what you do and get on with their lives. I know people with autism that are social workers. There's a light at the end of this for you
Funnily enough I know where you are coming from too. I've done what you are/were doing, and it didn't stick with me. It tried but I shook it before it got silly, hopefully you can too.crazy about cars said:
Nothing against weed but smoking it on a daily basis WILL have impact on your mental health. I will really advise you to stop ASAP. First thing is to distance yourself from the stoner friend circle. This may sound lame but also try to do some exercise. Keep yourself occupied.
It's been a hard journey for me but looking back I am glad I stopped else I wouldn't be where I am now. Peace.
P/S: If possible I also advise to see your GP and have a chat about it. It was really tough for me at first but determination and medication helped.
Thanks, the distancing thing would have been hard before but now I have a job and something to concentrate on it should be a bit easier. Congratulations on kicking it yourself, I look forward to a day when I can say the same. You say they prescribed you something. What was it? did it help?It's been a hard journey for me but looking back I am glad I stopped else I wouldn't be where I am now. Peace.
P/S: If possible I also advise to see your GP and have a chat about it. It was really tough for me at first but determination and medication helped.
crazy about cars said:
Well I can't really advocate medication as it's different for everyone... you might not even need meds who knows! I've tried a few but in the end it did help me kick the habit - so effective that I also quit smoking entirely :P
However the journey wasn't easy but you need to start somewhere matey. This feeling that you have now is the first step (I had it too!) so just keep thinking positive and push yourself harder!
However the journey wasn't easy but you need to start somewhere matey. This feeling that you have now is the first step (I had it too!) so just keep thinking positive and push yourself harder!
I wasn't really after what you were prescribed to try and get some, it was more out of interest really. Cheers thoughBosshog, Torquey, andy_s, you all make some great points from 3 varying positions and I agree with a lot of what you guys are saying. There is a void in my life for sporting activity that doesn't involve sitting on a leather seat, extending my feet and twirling my arms Something that I can really get into, expend some energy on and dedicate some time to.
The idea of a more expensive car I like but it doesn't really sit with me at the moment. I've just bought a 328 coupe
Uni is a priority though. It was going well in Aber, I just couldn't stay, which is a shame because I was only paying 3.5k a year there, it is 9k a year now. What a kick in the teeth eh?
andy_s, I know what you mean. Weed doesn't really inhibit my working or uni life these days, it did when I was a kid but I would like to think I am smarter now. I've never let weed encroach in to my working life, I have a very clear divide with that, never going to work stoned, etc. Not that I could anyway, pink eyes and paranoid and like I wrote last night, I did actually pick up running before I left Aber, time to put the shoes back on methinks.
r1gtr, great idea about printing this thread out and showing it to the doctor. Makes things much easier. I'm not great with physically talking about this stuff so changing it into a medium I am comfortable with makes sense. Why I didn't think of simplifying the situation and printing the OP out I don't know.
TameRacingDriver, a hell of a lot of your post echoed with with me. Almost all of it in fact, you sound like how I imagine me in the future would sound like.
hidetheelephants, you are right, it wasn't so bad when I went to aber but even then only really made friends with the guys I lived in the same block as(and only about 1/3 of them) and the guys I had to work with in groups. Even in a situation when everybody is on an even keel with regards to knowing other people I still shy away, always have. It was a weird situation with the uni friends, I managed what I have done with a lot of groups of in the past which is effectively alienate myself via one way or another. To be honest I started to retreat into my shell even then, my girlfriend at the time had health problems that was a catalyst for depression, I got miserable too because she was and I just withdrew from being really outgoing and social to my old self within the space of 5 months. In a way they sort of cut me off and I wasn't involved with their stuff anymore, the most of them turned on me eventually, even though I hadn't really done anything against them. I suppose they felt betrayed. Quite right too I suppose, I effectively turned my back on them to be with a girl that changed dramatically for a number of reasons over a very short period of time and a relationship that blew up in my face.
LordGrover, unfortunately that bloke is cut from different cloth that myself, he stopped smoking weed years ago and didn't have a shred of difficulty doing it. I can still talk to him about anything though, oldest mate and all.
vsonix, I shall fire over a pm in the day.
Something that I can really get into, expend some energy on and dedicate some time to.The idea of a more expensive car I like but it doesn't really sit with me at the moment. I've just bought a 328 coupe
Uni is a priority though. It was going well in Aber, I just couldn't stay, which is a shame because I was only paying 3.5k a year there, it is 9k a year now. What a kick in the teeth eh?
andy_s, I know what you mean. Weed doesn't really inhibit my working or uni life these days, it did when I was a kid but I would like to think I am smarter now. I've never let weed encroach in to my working life, I have a very clear divide with that, never going to work stoned, etc. Not that I could anyway, pink eyes and paranoid
and like I wrote last night, I did actually pick up running before I left Aber, time to put the shoes back on methinks.r1gtr, great idea about printing this thread out and showing it to the doctor. Makes things much easier. I'm not great with physically talking about this stuff so changing it into a medium I am comfortable with makes sense. Why I didn't think of simplifying the situation and printing the OP out I don't know.
TameRacingDriver, a hell of a lot of your post echoed with with me. Almost all of it in fact, you sound like how I imagine me in the future would sound like.
hidetheelephants, you are right, it wasn't so bad when I went to aber but even then only really made friends with the guys I lived in the same block as(and only about 1/3 of them) and the guys I had to work with in groups. Even in a situation when everybody is on an even keel with regards to knowing other people I still shy away, always have. It was a weird situation with the uni friends, I managed what I have done with a lot of groups of in the past which is effectively alienate myself via one way or another. To be honest I started to retreat into my shell even then, my girlfriend at the time had health problems that was a catalyst for depression, I got miserable too because she was and I just withdrew from being really outgoing and social to my old self within the space of 5 months. In a way they sort of cut me off and I wasn't involved with their stuff anymore, the most of them turned on me eventually, even though I hadn't really done anything against them. I suppose they felt betrayed. Quite right too I suppose, I effectively turned my back on them to be with a girl that changed dramatically for a number of reasons over a very short period of time and a relationship that blew up in my face.
LordGrover, unfortunately that bloke is cut from different cloth that myself, he stopped smoking weed years ago and didn't have a shred of difficulty doing it. I can still talk to him about anything though, oldest mate and all.
vsonix, I shall fire over a pm in the day.
happychap said:
When I read your first post I felt that you might not be fully committed to the task ahead, however reading your subsequent post's I have now been convinced that you intend to make changes. You might want to contact a service that can offer ongoing support in a structured way and be able to provide startergies to deal with any cravings you will have. Learning new stratergies to deal with day to day anxieties will help, along with the other suggestions that have been mentioned to improve your physical wellbeing. If you have cravings, take each hour at a time, tell yourself you wont be smoking any Cannabis for the next hour, keep doing that for as long as the craving is present.
It sounds like you are making good progress with your planning stage of how you intend changing your priorities, well done, keep posting.
This is the thing. In the traditional sense of addiction I would say that I am not. I don't think about it during the day, whilst I am working or at uni or anything because I don't want to, infact, during those hours I am actually the most likely to turn a j down out of all my mates. My reasoning for this is that it makes me useless, I go silent and paranoid which is no good to anyone but I am aware of this. I only smoke when my checklist is empty for the day and I can chill. When I do stop smoking (holidays, weed droughts) I can get irritable but the frustration can be relieved about 75% as effectively with a couple of beers, although I am ironically highly aware of the addictive dangers of alcohol. This leads me down to my differing viewpoints on weed that is dependent on my mood. Part of me know that weed is a part of my life and I am unlikely to stop using it, ever. The other part of me thinks that maybe that is just the "weed talking". I mean I can get by in my day to day life very well without it, people still think I am weird whether I am stoned or not, it is only the end of the day when I slow down but my mind doesn't that gets me, which leads me on to this..It sounds like you are making good progress with your planning stage of how you intend changing your priorities, well done, keep posting.
cwis said:
I'd like to take a slightly different viewpoint to the majority of the posters on here, without contradicting them.
I'm approaching my 40th year, and smoke weed on a daily basis. Not nicotine - gave that up a few years ago, just weed.
Why?
I'm a high functioning Aspergers type, so I understand the social isolation, the anger, being crap with members of the opposite sex, hating crowds, etc etc that the OP describes.
I can add some more traits that the OP may recognise: No sense of direction. No, or a limited sense of time. An overriding interest in something that you've had for a long time. Having to WORK at empathy and understanding how other people feel, rather than it being obvious as it is for other people. The inability to follow more than once conversation at once in a group of friends. An adversion to loud noises or bright lights, or the feeling that, after a certain volume, music stops you from being able to concentrate on what people say.
Unfortunately for all of you well meaning folk, the anger etc is caused by the condition, not the weed. The best way of dealing with all the above is introspection - understanding why you lose your rag in certain circumstances, etc. There WILL be a reason - it may be obscure but it will be there - you're not just acting like an asshat for the hell of it. Understanding the triggers allow you to control oyur emotions and also lets you understand yourself better. Aspies are generally crap at introspection without practice...
I smoke last thing at night, after I've "got stuff done" so enable me to sleep (another issue you get "free" with aspergers is difficulty in turning your brain off and sleeping). It also lowers my anxiety levels for the day. To explain how that feels - you know when you get in the car and drive off, and then get that nagging feeliong you've left something you need at home, like your keys. phone, wallet? Generally you'll stop and make sure. Aspies generally have that feeling of "light dread" all of the time. Weed reduces the feelings - not just when you're toked, but afterwards too, for about a day.
There are side effects - I feel terrible first thing in the morning and need 30 odd minutes in the morning to warm up before I do anything, but after years and years of insomnia and generalised feelings of doom in my teens and twenties it's a small price to pay.
I would therefore not advise knocking the weed on the head completely, but to give yourself rules on how and when you do indulge (and being and aspie, you'll stick to them) so you can both get things done, have a social life, and still manage to sleep and reduce your general stress and anxiety levels.
10 years ago I would have traded 30 IQ points to "be normal". Not now - I see certain advantages to my neurological condition and I'm quite happy with where I am. But growing up like it was tough and you need to work at it - luckily if you're neurotypical as an aspie you'll be pretty intelligent!
Feel free to PM me, OP, if you think I could help.
Uhhhhh, yeah, literally every word of that rings true with me. Every word.I'm approaching my 40th year, and smoke weed on a daily basis. Not nicotine - gave that up a few years ago, just weed.
Why?
I'm a high functioning Aspergers type, so I understand the social isolation, the anger, being crap with members of the opposite sex, hating crowds, etc etc that the OP describes.
I can add some more traits that the OP may recognise: No sense of direction. No, or a limited sense of time. An overriding interest in something that you've had for a long time. Having to WORK at empathy and understanding how other people feel, rather than it being obvious as it is for other people. The inability to follow more than once conversation at once in a group of friends. An adversion to loud noises or bright lights, or the feeling that, after a certain volume, music stops you from being able to concentrate on what people say.
Unfortunately for all of you well meaning folk, the anger etc is caused by the condition, not the weed. The best way of dealing with all the above is introspection - understanding why you lose your rag in certain circumstances, etc. There WILL be a reason - it may be obscure but it will be there - you're not just acting like an asshat for the hell of it. Understanding the triggers allow you to control oyur emotions and also lets you understand yourself better. Aspies are generally crap at introspection without practice...
I smoke last thing at night, after I've "got stuff done" so enable me to sleep (another issue you get "free" with aspergers is difficulty in turning your brain off and sleeping). It also lowers my anxiety levels for the day. To explain how that feels - you know when you get in the car and drive off, and then get that nagging feeliong you've left something you need at home, like your keys. phone, wallet? Generally you'll stop and make sure. Aspies generally have that feeling of "light dread" all of the time. Weed reduces the feelings - not just when you're toked, but afterwards too, for about a day.
There are side effects - I feel terrible first thing in the morning and need 30 odd minutes in the morning to warm up before I do anything, but after years and years of insomnia and generalised feelings of doom in my teens and twenties it's a small price to pay.
I would therefore not advise knocking the weed on the head completely, but to give yourself rules on how and when you do indulge (and being and aspie, you'll stick to them) so you can both get things done, have a social life, and still manage to sleep and reduce your general stress and anxiety levels.
10 years ago I would have traded 30 IQ points to "be normal". Not now - I see certain advantages to my neurological condition and I'm quite happy with where I am. But growing up like it was tough and you need to work at it - luckily if you're neurotypical as an aspie you'll be pretty intelligent!
Feel free to PM me, OP, if you think I could help.
Especially the music stops you from being able to concentrate on what people say, I use that to my advantage.
I'll PM you and vsonix later
R1gtr said:
In one weeks time you better be back on here with a new hobby, choose one, get to shop or phone someone, get it done today(before your first joint of the day)
No, you are right, I was thinking about this whilst having a long hot bath this morning (there is nothing like a hot bath on a rainy day).The other week I bought a Nikon coolpix L310 from argos for the princely sum of £119 and I am finding it fun
I keep forgetting to pick it up out of the glove box, but it is working it's way into my mind slowly. I found myself saying out loud last night that I wished I had it on me I have my running shoes, which I am quite looking forward to getting in. I may have a quick jaunt tonight after work actually, as long as the rain isn't too bad.
That is a good start for now I think?
I actually have dozens of miles of cycle tracks available to me at very short distance so I'm not short of places to go, either that or I can run along the front
Weather doesn't bother me too much, dry is good, pissing down is good, it is the in between that I don't enjoy, the drizzley stuff.
The job I started yesterday was alright. It is basic casual call centre work. They are very flexible and starting at 3pm is alright but minimum wage leaves a lot to be desired. Not complaining though, work is work and 8 hours out of the house away from the frustrations of the past few months was a welcome relief. I think I enjoyed my first day more than I should have as others looked miserable but there was me saying it's not too bad
Weather doesn't bother me too much, dry is good, pissing down is good, it is the in between that I don't enjoy, the drizzley stuff.
The job I started yesterday was alright. It is basic casual call centre work. They are very flexible and starting at 3pm is alright but minimum wage leaves a lot to be desired. Not complaining though, work is work and 8 hours out of the house away from the frustrations of the past few months was a welcome relief. I think I enjoyed my first day more than I should have as others looked miserable but there was me saying it's not too bad
I was going to update this in a few days, but seeing as it has been revived I may as well reply
If I stop smoking even for a day my nights are not restful at all. The weirdest thing is the content of the dreams, the same places recurring over and over, the same things happening but in different ways. Very unusual. Bloody interesting though. It is like a place I have never been to that I visit every night.
But I shall, it is something I have been thinking about since starting this thread that I am keen to have a go at. Why the hell not eh?
My favourite author is Hunter S. Thompson, mainly because I feel some sort of similarity between myself and him in his approach to life, knowing that he was a bit of an outsider and writing things very much as they appeared to him, with a little bit of a fantastic slant too, of course. Plus of course there is the drug abuse and the soft spot for fast cars and firearms. Basically if it is loud, fast, fks you up or a mixture of all three it is right by me and HST
Shuvi McTupya said:
Good luck OP,
I have been through this and am coming out the other side
I smoked and grew skunk for about 12 years until last year...now I'm about 6 months 'clean' and barely ever think about it anymore.
Next to go is the tobacco, today is my first day off that..so far so good.
The worst thing was not being able to sleep properly, and when i did get to sleep i would have the weirdest nightmares that would mean i didn't want to go to back to sleep...Thankfully that only lasted a few weeks
Cheers Shuvi, the nightmares don't take long to set in do they? I have been through this and am coming out the other side
I smoked and grew skunk for about 12 years until last year...now I'm about 6 months 'clean' and barely ever think about it anymore.
Next to go is the tobacco, today is my first day off that..so far so good.
The worst thing was not being able to sleep properly, and when i did get to sleep i would have the weirdest nightmares that would mean i didn't want to go to back to sleep...Thankfully that only lasted a few weeks
If I stop smoking even for a day my nights are not restful at all. The weirdest thing is the content of the dreams, the same places recurring over and over, the same things happening but in different ways. Very unusual. Bloody interesting though. It is like a place I have never been to that I visit every night.
ajb85 said:
The_Nur...
Lots of talk on here with regards to taking up hobbies.
Having read your various posts and threads, I would have thought one suggestion is glaringly obvious; take up writing.
You appear to write with fluency and carry a great sense of narrative with your words. Whether the fuel for this creativity is in fact cannabis I don't know, but I'm assuming it's inherently there already. It's a gift, and without question an avenue you should explore.
It doesn't pay incredibly well but a couple of freelance contributions here and there will cheer up your wages at the end of the month, not forgetting of course it's also something you'd enjoy.
Hey ajb85. Thanks for the input and it is extremely nice of you to say such things. I do really enjoy writing but have never really had the confidence to put pen to paper, so to speak. Actually, I don't suppose it is the lack of confidence, more a defeatist attitude that makes me question the point of such an exercise as it will almost certainly never see the light of day. Not that could, should or would be published or anything Lots of talk on here with regards to taking up hobbies.
Having read your various posts and threads, I would have thought one suggestion is glaringly obvious; take up writing.
You appear to write with fluency and carry a great sense of narrative with your words. Whether the fuel for this creativity is in fact cannabis I don't know, but I'm assuming it's inherently there already. It's a gift, and without question an avenue you should explore.
It doesn't pay incredibly well but a couple of freelance contributions here and there will cheer up your wages at the end of the month, not forgetting of course it's also something you'd enjoy.
But I shall, it is something I have been thinking about since starting this thread that I am keen to have a go at. Why the hell not eh?My favourite author is Hunter S. Thompson, mainly because I feel some sort of similarity between myself and him in his approach to life, knowing that he was a bit of an outsider and writing things very much as they appeared to him, with a little bit of a fantastic slant too, of course. Plus of course there is the drug abuse and the soft spot for fast cars and firearms. Basically if it is loud, fast, f
ks you up or a mixture of all three it is right by me and HST Gassing Station | Health Matters | Top of Page | What's New | My Stuff