alcoholism advice

[rock bottom]

always been a heavy drinker since teens (late forties now)

last five or so years, things have spiralled

in recent months something happened which confined me to the house

the bottle seemed preferable to the boredom

i have returned to work but can’t cope with the outside world – i need a drink to prepare me

i am having more days off than i am managing to get to work

i reckon i will be sacked soon and, astonishingly, this realisation is not changing my behaviour

not facing financial disaster but things are going to be difficult

i have shared all of my thoughts with my wife (of 20+ years) – she couldn’t be more supportive

so, i need to get this sorted before it kills me or ruins me

i don’t know who to turn to

i looked at AA but fear the meetings may be so squalid that i won’t want to continue

i can’t afford a private rehab facility

anyone been in this place who could give me a steer?

the wheels are coming off and i’m pretty much at my wits end

thanks for reading

[rock bottom]

thanks all

going to try an AA meeting on wednesday evening

hangovers used to be a sore head and feeling sick

now they are a day long bought of anxiety with full on panic attacks … so there’s always an easy solution

i’ll post here to let you know how i get on

i really do appreciate your guidance and i actually feel that i’m about to embark on a difficult but rewarding journey

the irony is that i’m so buoyed up that it makes total sense for me to nip down the pub for a couple of vodkas

i am sure this will sound like madness to most but please don’t judge

thanks again

[rock bottom]

digger - would you mind if i emailed you?

[rock bottom]

thanks for everyone's support and advice

it really does make me feel better

regarding the option of cutting down, i have an on / off switch ... it's not a potentiometer

never having a drink again really is a scary prospect ... tough to put in to words

Fun Bus said:

I've been seeing a Psychotherapist privately for six months now and it's amazing how my drinking is more deep rooted than I thought.

this sounds quite attractive ... any thoughts on how i could make contact with someone local?

i can't even think what to google for

another day off ... went to the pub ... absolutely desparate

my wife is home now and we are openly talking about my situation and condition - i am a lucky man to have her by my side

got a liter of vod from the spar shop ... never ever imagined i'd be in this place

digger - i've not emailed you yet because i'm quite scared ... maybe later ... sorry

thanks again

[rock bottom]

thanks

just scared of baring my soul ... as it were

[rock bottom]

98elise said:

Probably worth discussing it with work. It might mean they give you some leeway to sort your issues.

good shout - thanks

it's complicated though ... not an option i'm afraid

dealing with it from a different angle but don't want to expand for fear of revealling identity

[rock bottom]

Fun Bus said:

... but if it's accessible you still drink regardless. I even tried the "Nothing tonight" approach but still found myself having a drink. I sometimes used the "Only this many tonight" tactic and still drank more.

this sounds alarmingly familiar

Fun Bus said:

It's a scarily powerful addiction.

i managed nicotene about a year ago (30+ years smoker) so hopefully that's on my side

[rock bottom]

Fun Bus said:

I was arrested and spent the night in a cell about a year ago - I was the last person you'd think that would happen to and the shame I felt for a long time after hit me hard - fortunately I just got an £80 FPN and no record.

wow!

this raised an eyebrow

when i get this all sorted, i'd really like to meet you (serious)

[rock bottom]

TOV!E said:

Hi, Rockbottom, I used to drink on average 4 cans of Tennents Super and about a half bottle of whiskey a day for roughly 9 years, some days less and some days more.
One day I looked in the fridge and started to panic as I only had 2 cans of drink left so I walked to the off licence to get some more, when I got there it was closed so I panicked as the next shop was 3 miles away, anyway it started to piss down and I got soaked, I went in the shop picked up a 4 pack of tennants then realised I had left my wallet at home
I put the cans back and started to walk home to get some money, when I got home I picked up the money started to walk back to the shop in the rain when I said to myself THIS IS TAKING OVER MY LIFE, I turned around and said to myself ENOUGH is ENOUGH, that was on 1/11/2001 I have never touched a drink since, mybe I was lucky BUT if I can do it YOU can. If you need a chat email me and I will give you my mobile number..All the best matey I know what you are going through.....Gordon

great story - thanks for your support

as a matter of interest, when you were at the peak of your drinking, were you holding down a job too?

if so, what sort of work?

it's funny, i think i could do my job adequately when a bit pissed but it's the hangovers, and consequent days off, which are getting in the way

[rock bottom]

Bohally said:

Out of interest, how do you feel in the morning? Do you feel "fine" to drive?

yes, i feel "fine"

if i was involved in an accident however ... who knows?

[rock bottom]

pretty much where i am

gp appointment on friday ... new life starts thereafter

seriously struggling right now but grateful for help, advice and support here

[rock bottom]

Fun Bus said:

Just for clarity, I'm not a thug nor a criminal.

i didn't think that at all

[rock bottom]

saw gp on thursday - a bit dissapointed

own fault as i'd expected a magic pill on the day

gp doesn't want to start me on a programme until i've been assessed by a specialist

i was given the choice of a few organisations and, based on the advice above (thanks) chose addaction

earliest appointment wednesday

then back to gp thursday to start a programme (i think)

gp mentioned diazopan

gave me beta blockers for the anxiety and panic (propranolol 40mg three times daily) - these don't appear to help whatsoever

told not to try to stop (as advised several times abve) but to try to cut down a bit - which my wife thinks i am managing

desperate to get going with this as life is currently swinging between utter despair and reaching for the bottle

don't know if it was a good idea but i have told my ywo closest friends and my brothers

roll on wednesday

i will do this

wish me luck

[rock bottom]

what a great post

thanks so much

you are an inspiring person

thanks to all others too who have offered such supportive messages

[rock bottom]

i was having a bit of a think today as i lay on my bach shaking - waiting for the tesco delivery man

i have been struggling to understand what happened in terms of how quickly things have escalated to where i'm at right now

it's only a matter of weeks ago i was thinking that i should maybe cut down a bit but i was still functioning properly

and then, before i could see any signs, i'm in what seems like a disasterous situation

best analogy is that it's like a vortex

on the outside, it's quite slow and controlled

when i got close to the centre, it was going so fast i had zero control

and then it spat me out in to a place i don't recognise

[rock bottom]

managed to get through monday so just today and tomorrow morning to go

then i see addaction

then gp thursday

then who knows?

developed a super trick to sidestep morning panics - take a huge vodka to bed

that is so desperate

anxiety has calmed down a lot

i think the beta blockers might be working at last - thanks to a previous contributor who recommended giving it time

i hope readers don't think this post is self indulgent on my part and / or seeking pity

my wife recommended that i keep a diary or make a blog - which i'm doing

i'm thinking that this topic might provide a useful resource to someone in the future who needs the kind of help i do right now

Edited by rock bottom on Tuesday 7th August 14:12

[rock bottom]

thanks - i have no intention of being anything other than 100% honest

i want / need to do this so i understand the importance of the people helping me understanding the facts

a question for you - my appointment is 13:30 so i'll need a drink before that

i won't be drunk when i get there - totally compos mentis

i anticipate they will ask if i have had a drink

when i tell them i have - will they take a very dim view?

honestly no way i can conceive of heading out for the appointment without a drink

this is another matter (possibly trivial) which is heightenng my anxiety ( which had calmed down earlier)

[rock bottom]

well, that's undoubtedly the most difficult hour of my life (thus far) behind me

i just need to sleep now so will post more later

i had initial difficulty with the person speaking to me as i believe there are items of underwear in my top drawer which are older than him

i did connect though so worthwhile and the ball is rolling

gp tomorrow and then detox - i think

addaction chap seemed dubious - he thought all too quick

if i come away from the gp tomorrow and don't have a firm plan then i will be miserable

more later

[rock bottom]

thanks all - and in particular TS

Tyre Smoke said:

Rock, did the Addaction guy tell you that they have all been in your position? They have all had drink problems and have overcome their difficulties.

no, no mention of this

my wife wonders if this is the case then maybe they don't share it at the first session / assessment

it's not mentioned on their website

if this is the case then i'm vastly encouraged

it also potentially offers me something worthwhile to do once i come out the other side

by the way, i had my wife with me in today's session - she is ace

Tyre Smoke said:

One further question, how much did you have to drink before the meeting today and what was it (type of alcohol)?

i had a large vodka about 09:00 and another about 11:00

taxi came at 12:30 and it was my intention to scoop another immediately before we left

my wife gave me "that look" though so i didn't bother

i had been drinking through the night as well so morning vodka was very much a case of topping up

i was 100% lucid at all times

Edited by rock bottom on Wednesday 8th August 17:39

[rock bottom]

ouch!

that's it done

tomorrow is my first day sans alcohol (chemist doesn't have the stuff in stock)

prescribed an eight day reducincg course of "chlordiazepoxide hydrochloride" (?)

worst day ever

thankfully, i had my wife with me again - she remembered the vitamin advice from earlier in this topic (thanks) and suggested it so i also have "B compound strong tablets" and "thiamine HCI 100mg"

spoke to Addaction again after the appointment - the chap is star

i doubt that i will be posting over the weekend

wish me luck - i am absolutely pooping myself