Effing cancer is an effing effer, frankly

[Dibble]

Apologies for the ranty not quite swearing thread title.

My Dad died in 1994 of multiple myeloma. My sister died of the same in 2005, just a few months before our wedding. She always did have a sense of comedy timing, to the extent that when her (utterly brilliant) GP said "a few days... At the VERY most" she managed to string us along for another six weeks. Her husband had died about 15 years before of lung cancer, leaving her with two young kids to bring up.

Then another brother in law died of cancer the year after my sister, having had a persistent cough that he finally went to the doctor about in the January, to be told "12 months". He went back to Belfast to see a close friend of his who's a doctor, who suggested he'd probably be best not to book any summer holidays. He died in the July, a few months after my sister.

I know of several colleagues who've died of cancer too, and it never seems to be the "wkers", it's always he good guys.

And finally, my cousin was diagnosed with throat cancer and has been getting progressively worse. I went to see him a couple of weeks ago, he couldn't speak so he had to write everything down, which I knew he found very frustrating. Two weeks ago, he was told 3-6 months. He'd planned a service of reconciliation with his ex-wife at the hospice he'd just been moved to, where he was a lot more comfortable and upbeat (as much as you can be).

So today at work, I managed, after much grovelling, to get an early dart next Wednesday to represent our side of the family at the service. I rang my Mum, to let her know, only to be told by (yet another) sister that she'd been called to he hospice with (yet more) sisters as my cousin was not at all well. He died just after they got there. He too leaves a ten year old daughter.

There's no point to this thread, other than I've found it cathartic to write down. I hope there will be the usual level of PH piss taking, so hopefully the thread won't get moved to some backwater.





And no, before you ask, I'm not posting pictures of my sisters. Or my Mum.

Oh yeah, fk YOU, CANCER. YOU fkING fkING ING fkER.

[Dibble]

slopes said:

Considering your history, i am surprised there was not more swearing. Sympathies guy, i lost my dad to it but you really have been affected

I've become almost blasé about it. Sounds heartless, but life goes on. All I would say is if you're going to do something for somebody, do it. Don't put it off.

[Dibble]

On the plus side, Mrs Dibble is a thirteen year breast cancer survivor.

So that's a double fk YOU, CANCER.

[Dibble]

drivin_me_nuts said:

Can I slip in a little fk you cancer from my end?

Feel free.

New NSFW PH T shirt slogan? Or trending on Twitter, maybe?

[Dibble]

Great. Thread already moved. Any chance of it being returned to the Lounge please, Mods?

I could do with the greater level of piss taking I'm likely to get in there.

[Dibble]

Einion Yrth said:

Good grief the level of moderation in this place gets worse and effing worse, morons the lot of 'em. Thoughts are with you Dibble, you seem to have seen more of the vicious bd than any one life should have to.

Back in the health forum. Again. Left hand, meet right hand...

[Dibble]

I'm on the phone, so don't have the luxury of a "report" button. Could I trouble someone to hit the button for me, and ask the Mods to pong pong this back to The Lounge?

Thanks for the responses so far.

Apart from you, cancer. You can still go and fk yourself, you miserable fker.

[Dibble]

slinky said:

You're back in the room..

Thanks slinky.

In some kind of PH masochistic style, the more people that take the piss, the better. The Lounge tends to be the best place for that kind of "action".

And as for you cancer, as said above: piss up a rope, fkstick.

[Dibble]

stackmonkey said:

Do you have a cute brother you could post a pic of?

I'm the youngest. Of 8. Seven sisters (well, 6 now, thanks cancer, you fking y fker). No photos!

[Dibble]

Shaw Tarse said:

As we're back in the lounge, Dibble have you Eva driven a Mondeo?

Er... Yes. But I killed it. It didn't live long enough to get cancer, so hey, there's a plus...

May I refer the Rt Hon Mr Tarse to my profile pic?






And for all my fellow PHers similarly affected by the loss of a loved one to cancer, I would like cancer to be more fked than that Mondeo.

[Dibble]

And for those of you here (Johnny Jones et al) currently going though it, I've an idea of what it's like. Utterly draining, emotionally and physically, mainly. So look after yourselves too.

[Dibble]

TVR1 said:

Yes, yes but what is this all about?

Dibble said:

. My sister died of the same in 2005, just a few months before our wedding.

Ah. Having reread that, I see why there might be confusion!

My eldest sister died, just a few months before I married the now Mrs Dibble. I didn't marry my then dead sister! I'm not from Norfolk you now.

Edited by Dibble on Saturday 20th March 14:27

[Dibble]

Tango13 said:

Goldmember1 said:

Thankfully this time our health service stepped up . 1 brilliant surgeon and 1 operation later and she's 80% back on her feet. Surgeon fks cancer and when the stty bd c**k sucking cancer gets to where it's been told to fk off to it gets told to fk off some more which it does 'cos cancer is a

Fixed that for you

PS Cancer can go fk itself up the a**e without lube.

And with a rusty fking spike.

[Dibble]

Mrs Dibble had onre of her "routine" follow up mammograms last week. So even though she's a survivor, there's always a niggling, worrying doubt for both of us, tucked away to blindside us both.

More than three quarters of the people she went through treatment with at Christie's are dead.

So on their behalf, from me, Mrs Dibble, and the rest of PH, a hearfelt Sunday morning "fk you cancer, you fking fkery fktard".







"Mammogram" has so much potential (think topless telegram), it's a double disappointment when you find out what it really is (cancer humour, right there folks).

[Dibble]

BMWBen said:

I'm guessing you must be from Cornwall?

[Borat]High six![/Borat]

Someone else already pointed that out! I meant my sister died before I married Mrs Dibble. Still, we saved the cost of a guest... Too soon?

[Dibble]

Tango 13, if I could just make one tiny suggestion? Elisabeth Shue to do the prostate checks? I don't mind a non speaking part if she agrees.

And that's a Sunday lunchtime fk you cancer, with yorkshires and all the trimmings.

[Dibble]

Boshly said:

I had my cancer cut out in a 6.5 hour op two days ago. That showed the bd just need to check for any lurking 'eggs' in the next few days and zap the bds if they're there.

I'm intending on hanging around for a while at least!

All the best for a speedy recovery, Boshly.

Have your very own, personal issue "fk you, cancer" from me.

fk YOU, Boshly's cancer, you ing fking ttface.

[Dibble]

Tango13 said:

Dibble said:

Tango 13, if I could just make one tiny suggestion? Elisabeth Shue to do the prostate checks? I don't mind a non speaking part if she agrees.

And that's a Sunday lunchtime fk you cancer, with yorkshires and all the trimmings.

She's in part II, 'Pissing unleaded onto cancer so it burns in hell like the lowlife chickenst disease deserves'

How about I cast her as the tearful blonde in part one who is inspired to eradicate cancer and tt it into the middle of the next year by the quality breast exam she receives from Natalie Portman?

Also, is it invite only to the stomping that Boshly's of a cancer is to receive or a bring a bottle/pizza job?

Well I guess the final say on the actual stomping (content, delivery and location) is ultimately down to Boshly.

However, as the OP of thread (and apologies to Boshly in advance if I've just exceeded ma authoriteh), please feel free to join me in another rousing chorus of "fk you, cancer, you utter fking miserable of a hateful ttty disease".

Once more, from the top, with feeling. First violins, try and keep to tempo this time please.

fk YOU, CANCER, YOU ING fkING ttTING COCKSTICK.

[Dibble]

br d said:

Top stuff Bosh! fk it right off!

Love the Aliens reference. In true PH style we should definitely fking nuke cancer from orbit.

I'm thinking nuking from orbit might work, whereas throwing a can of Red Bull at it, or sending it a strongly worded e-mail probably wouldn't cut it.

However, a hearty "fk YOU, CANCER" will work wonders.

Stay positive, Boshly.

And chins up to all the other PHers who are going, or have been through similar, either fighting it themselves, or loved ones who have/are.

[Dibble]

Broomsticklady said:

How does one delicately put it that one is expected to sucumb at some point to fking Cancer (secondary breast cancer treatable but not curable - "we can delay the inevitable but it will get you in the end").

My poor OH gets very upset if I say I'm quite happy if I take a corner too fast in eth car and crash it and kill myself cos then I can truly say "fk You Cancer". To the extent he doesn't like me road driving any more - I get to drink, he gets to drive. He's not so worried about the speed stuff - he knows I love my car more than him so won't willingly harm it, but when I suggested another tiger safari and that if I had a close up with a tigger it would be open arms and "enjoy - fk you Cancer" he wasn't took keen on that either.

Funny how having a terminal diagnosis blackens one's humour in this respect but others get so up tight when you express yourself.

Nina

I can't imagine how you feel knowing that someday it'll do for you. I guess it makes you a bit more pragmatic and fatalistic about "whatever else" may "get you".

If it's any help, have a night-before-my-day-off-two-small-Heineken-fuelled "fk YOU, BROOMSTICKLADY'S Y ttFACED stBAG OF A CANCER". No charge.