Dialysis, school me.
Discussion
So, we live in the Philippines, wife daughter and me, and the dreaded Mum In Law also lives with us.
She is diabetic and has several other ailments, a swollen heart too, whatever the technical term, I forget now. She has been in and out of hospital on and off for several years, mainly because she is a stubborn ignorant old biotch and refuses to follow doctors orders about her diet and suchforth.
So, today I'm told she has now got to go for dialysis three times a week, as her kidneys packed up, and muggins here will be picking up the tab, so can anybody give me any information on this sort of treatment?
Three times a week seems a bit frequent, or is that normal? And at about 80 quid a go not an insubstantial sum of cabbage to throw out week after week.
For those people who moan about the NHS, the hospital gave us/my wife the option to pay up and do the treatment, or watch her mum die........
She is in her seventies, if that makes a difference.
She is diabetic and has several other ailments, a swollen heart too, whatever the technical term, I forget now. She has been in and out of hospital on and off for several years, mainly because she is a stubborn ignorant old biotch and refuses to follow doctors orders about her diet and suchforth.
So, today I'm told she has now got to go for dialysis three times a week, as her kidneys packed up, and muggins here will be picking up the tab, so can anybody give me any information on this sort of treatment?
Three times a week seems a bit frequent, or is that normal? And at about 80 quid a go not an insubstantial sum of cabbage to throw out week after week.
For those people who moan about the NHS, the hospital gave us/my wife the option to pay up and do the treatment, or watch her mum die........
She is in her seventies, if that makes a difference.
Edited by King Herald on Sunday 9th February 13:50
Hoofy said:
Not answering your question but I'd pay it because I wouldn't want to see her die but I'd rule her life with an iron fist so she can't happily and continually ruin her health as you've described.
I don't give a s
t if the bloke across the road gets fat - but I would if he then demands I have to pay to stop him from getting ill.
By refusing to pay I would be directly killing the mum in law. Which is tempting, considering some of the vindictive, obnoxious and abusive behaviour she has shelled out to us/me over the year on occasion.I don't give a s
t if the bloke across the road gets fat - but I would if he then demands I have to pay to stop him from getting ill.I have spent years trying to get her to follow the rules of being a diabetic, to no avail. When she is left to her own devices she will scoff cakes and sugary s
t, put salt on everything she eats, drink Coke etc. Three heart attacks, two kidney stone operations, and god knows how many doctors visits over the years, many thousands of quids it has cost me.
When we lived in the UK she had operations on her eyes, numerous check-ups and free medicines, but eventually she was getting so obnoxious we sent her back to the Philippines. Then foolishly we moved there again ourselves and she lodged herself back in with us somehow.
I simply cannot condemn her to death, but like you say, I will be in charge of her diet when I am at home, plus the rest of us will eat healthier too. None of us is exactly skinny, and the wife is always stocking up on junk food, biscuits, snacks and suchforth. That is going to stop.
I was facing unemployment until very recently, but it can still loom on the horizon at any time, and living in Asia work won't be easy to find.
I'm glad this dialysis thing didn't crop up a few weeks ago or I would have been damn near suicidal about the whole thing.
I guess I better brace myself for some long term changes of plan spending-wise. The in-laws in the USA have promised to help, but my wifes three siblings are pretty much useless.
I'm glad this dialysis thing didn't crop up a few weeks ago or I would have been damn near suicidal about the whole thing.
I guess I better brace myself for some long term changes of plan spending-wise. The in-laws in the USA have promised to help, but my wifes three siblings are pretty much useless.
NeMiSiS said:
If you were not there, what would she do?
She'd die. The only reason I have any interest is because it is the wifes mother, and thus directly affects me and mine.
I have little or no affection/feelings for the old bag, other than that she is the wifes mum. She has abused and insulted me several times over the years, been banned from our house a couple of times, but managed to wheedle her way back in. A dilemma for sure.
If it were up to me I know which route I'd take....
Countdown said:
How many siblings does your wife have? Any reason why she (I.e. you) are picking up the tab on your own?
She has three, but one I've not seen for nearly 20 years, the other two are US citizens and not interested in the slightest, too busy buying the latest iPhone etc. citizensm1th said:
your year has been ste so far mate I hope it picks up
have you spoken to desperate? I believe he has contacts out your way I seem to remember
Desperate? Not sure who that is. Yes, it has been a bit miserable so far this year at times, with various things, and this hasn't helped. te so far mate I hope it picks uphave you spoken to desperate? I believe he has contacts out your way I seem to remember
Hospital told the wife yesterday she gets a 50% discount because the old bag is a senior citizen, so that drops the bill a bit. A ray of sunshine.
BlackVanDyke said:
Could you argue she'd get better medical care with one of the siblings in the USA?
It sounds like it's time for the rest of the family to chip in a bit...
She could, but someone would have to pay the US bills, about $5000 a day at current rates. It sounds like it's time for the rest of the family to chip in a bit...
Plus, the siblings there don't really care, as they were adopted by another aunt many years ago. They were sent away to a better life, rather than be brought up in poverty in the Philippines, and they seem to have forgotten their roots now.....
BlackVanDyke said:
Ah. Rats. 
It really sucks that you've ended up feeling so trapped in this - I suspect the ideal scenario would involve being able to pay for a third party to care for your MIL at least during the day .......
We have a maid comes in four times a week, so she helps out round the house and general cleaning. She only costs £4 a day, so no financial dramas there. It really sucks that you've ended up feeling so trapped in this - I suspect the ideal scenario would involve being able to pay for a third party to care for your MIL at least during the day .......
NeMiSiS said:
I see it playing out like this.
You will pay for a 'few' cycles on the machine, she will feel better and in her infinite wisdom she will not bother going back to finish the treatment.
Yes, you've just repeated the cycle we've been through a dozen times already. She gets real sick, we cure her, she feels good and starts eating cakes and buns again...........You will pay for a 'few' cycles on the machine, she will feel better and in her infinite wisdom she will not bother going back to finish the treatment.
citizensm1th said:
you have email mate
Yes, cheers mate. :thumbsup: Despo's contacts are in Thailand and Malaysia, none in the Philippines. In real money this was looking like a bill of £250 a week, but with the discount, and hopefully some donations from the old bags siblings in the USA, I might not get screwed so badly. All depends how long it drags on for....
NeMiSiS said:
I see it playing out like this.
You will pay for a 'few' cycles on the machine, she will feel better and in her infinite wisdom she will not bother going back to finish the treatment.
You weren't far from the truth mate. She soon lapsed back into her old hard-headed arrogant attitude to the whole thing, sneaking about eating anything she wants to and acting ignorant about it if she is found out. Major argument last week between her and the wife over eating platefuls of rice for a meal several times a day, when she KNOWS damn well it is killing her. You will pay for a 'few' cycles on the machine, she will feel better and in her infinite wisdom she will not bother going back to finish the treatment.
"But I like rice" was her answer when she was asked why the hell she did not eat fruit, veggies or any of the other things she KNOWS she should be on. I then caught her ladling sugar into her coffee because "It is tasteless without it"!
I've withdrawn my financial support now, as I threatened to the previous time this sort of argument went down. She's had no dialysis for a week now, had the catheter removed.
The old biotch even had the gall to tell the doctor we don't want to pay for her any more, not that we've stopped paying because she is such an arrogant vindictive old hag!
I guess the end will come soon, though I wanted her to go back to her village and not clutter my home up with the detritus of her life, but she begged to be able to stay here until the guy with the big scythe comes for her.
To be honest, I simply don't care about how she feels, or suffers. I've put up with it for years. She has been such a contrary and vindictive hag, for years, that all her family have basically disowned her, nobody wants to help her, nobody visits her etc. Even the doctor in the UK, when we lived there, told he he can do no more for her if she won't even try to help herself.
I'm sick of the almost daily arguments between her and my wife because she has 'broken the rules', or gets all stty because she has been found out doing so. If you try to talk to her she just gets arrogant and obnoxious. I simply refuse to pour more of my own hard earned into her. None of her own family want to help now, and they all agree with what I'm doing.
In the Philippines you pay for everything, there is no NHS, no charity, no free health care. And I have paid out tens of thousands of pounds over the last 19 years I've been with my wife, and thus her mum.
I'm sick of the almost daily arguments between her and my wife because she has 'broken the rules', or gets all s
tty because she has been found out doing so. If you try to talk to her she just gets arrogant and obnoxious. I simply refuse to pour more of my own hard earned into her. None of her own family want to help now, and they all agree with what I'm doing. In the Philippines you pay for everything, there is no NHS, no charity, no free health care. And I have paid out tens of thousands of pounds over the last 19 years I've been with my wife, and thus her mum.
chevy-stu said:
Maybe this is the way forward with your mother in law, stop or reduce treatments and medications, let her eat what she likes and maybe she'll be happier hence less of a burden.
It has all stopped now, I care not any more. She can eat and drink what she likes now. I just hope when she goes it is not long and messy.Silent1 said:
Is she urinating at all? Hallucinating? Loss of appetite?
i reckon 4-6 weeks will be the ball park but some people have made it out to a year, that is unlikely for her with her lifestyle.
I don't pay any attention to her at all now. She still eats anything she can get her hands on, even though she knows the 'rules'. I feel bad for my wife, being home alone with her, but I hope it is all over when I get back there next. i reckon 4-6 weeks will be the ball park but some people have made it out to a year, that is unlikely for her with her lifestyle.
I assume there will be a funeral, which someone will have to pay for.........
Ray Luxury-Yacht said:
Heya. Just seen your post.
If she has a 'swollen heart' as you say, it's called 'cardiomyopic hypertrophy.' This is usually due to poor lifestyle choices, like drinking, smoking, eating poor-quality foods, and a lack of exercise.
If she has a 'swollen heart' as you say, it's called 'cardiomyopic hypertrophy.' This is usually due to poor lifestyle choices, like drinking, smoking, eating poor-quality foods, and a lack of exercise.
She has, I believe, something called 'ischemia'.
Ray Luxury-Yacht said:
But...type 2 Diabetes is usually self-inflicted, and caused by the poor lifestyle choices above. It IS reversible in most cases, if people make a fairly drastic change to their diet and exercise regime. However, it shocks me that many people diagnosed with type 2 do not bother to make much of a change, despite good advice, and put up with the symptoms and risk a mega amount of damage to their body - from blindness to losing limbs!!!....
....Others are the agents of their own Kidney's demise - again, through abuse and bad lifestyle choices. It is again shocking how many people will continue to stay with their original choices even after a diagnosis of Kidney Failure - and just keep on abusing themselves and their damaged organs, relying on dialysis to keep them alive.
Yes, yes, and yes, she is responsible for basically everything that has happened to her. She has plenty of relatives in the Philippines, and around the world, and every one says she has been so incredibly lucky to have me looking after her, yet she STILL refuses to do anything to help herself.....Others are the agents of their own Kidney's demise - again, through abuse and bad lifestyle choices. It is again shocking how many people will continue to stay with their original choices even after a diagnosis of Kidney Failure - and just keep on abusing themselves and their damaged organs, relying on dialysis to keep them alive.
So, dialysis stopped two weeks ago, I have withdrawn all funding, she is still plodding along, still eating stuff she shouldn't do whenever she gets chance. I'm guessing that by the time I get back there in a month or so it will all be over.
I feel sorry for my wife, having to deal with this while I'm away working, but I feel nothing for the old bag herself.
Ray Luxury-Yacht said:
Ah right, then you've pre-empted me there, if she's already had the MI's that I kinda speculated about!
Well then, I guess, apart from maybe emailing her what I have written - there's not much more you / me can do for someone so wilful.
So I suppose I'll stop now, not much point in trying to help any more, right?!
After all these years I finally arrived at that conclusion myself. If she won't take any responsibility for herself, I can't bring myself to keep pumping effort and money into her. Thanks for your advice, it has actually given me a few ideas/thoughts, about my own lifestyle. Well then, I guess, apart from maybe emailing her what I have written - there's not much more you / me can do for someone so wilful.
So I suppose I'll stop now, not much point in trying to help any more, right?!
King Herald said:
You weren't far from the truth mate. She soon lapsed back into her old hard-headed arrogant attitude to the whole thing, sneaking about eating anything she wants to and acting ignorant about it if she is found out. Major argument last week between her and the wife over eating platefuls of rice for a meal several times a day, when she KNOWS damn well it is killing her.
"But I like rice" was her answer when she was asked why the hell she did not eat fruit, veggies or any of the other things she KNOWS she should be on. I then caught her ladling sugar into her coffee because "It is tasteless without it"!
I've withdrawn my financial support now, as I threatened to the previous time this sort of argument went down. She's had no dialysis for a week now, had the catheter removed........
Update. Been 6 weeks since her last dialysis and she is still going strong. She still complains all the time, but the wife just lets her do what she wants to now. We have salt back in the house, she can use as much as she wants. She eats anything she feels like, nothing changed there then."But I like rice" was her answer when she was asked why the hell she did not eat fruit, veggies or any of the other things she KNOWS she should be on. I then caught her ladling sugar into her coffee because "It is tasteless without it"!
I've withdrawn my financial support now, as I threatened to the previous time this sort of argument went down. She's had no dialysis for a week now, had the catheter removed........
I'm still away working, two more weeks to go, and I had been hoping so much that it would all be over by the time I got back......
And.......May 31st and she is still alive and kicking!!!! :O
I woke up today, 6:30 AM, and could smell frying. She's already sizzled up a bunch of fish and rice for breakfast. :shakehead:
We just leave her to it now, totally given up, no more medicines, she is getting bloated, water retention apparently, but still eats and drinks whatever she feels like.
I woke up today, 6:30 AM, and could smell frying. She's already sizzled up a bunch of fish and rice for breakfast. :shakehead:
We just leave her to it now, totally given up, no more medicines, she is getting bloated, water retention apparently, but still eats and drinks whatever she feels like.
Breakfast today: rice, with sugar sprinkled on. 
I've thrown all the sugar in the bin now. A pointless gesture, I know.
18 years since she was diagnosed as diabetic (at my expense) and she has refused to acknowledge even one piece of advice from any of the venerable medical bodies who have experience with this illness.
Sorry, but I can muster not one molecule of sympathy for this woman, and if she died today I'd not shed a tear. Apart from the fact it is I who will shoulder the funeral expenses no doubt.
I've thrown all the sugar in the bin now. A pointless gesture, I know.
18 years since she was diagnosed as diabetic (at my expense) and she has refused to acknowledge even one piece of advice from any of the venerable medical bodies who have experience with this illness.
Sorry, but I can muster not one molecule of sympathy for this woman, and if she died today I'd not shed a tear. Apart from the fact it is I who will shoulder the funeral expenses no doubt.
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