Discussion
Can't sleep a wink so thought I may as well share my woes.
Had a call today as I was driving home from work to say that my 69 year old father had been airlifted to hospital with a suspected stroke. He'd been helping a friend get a yacht in the water (apparently no lifting, just observing a crane) and with the job finished he was on the yacht with a few others (still in the harbour) when it happened.
I live in the midlands, my folks are in North Wales, and I set about driving to Bangor hospital straight away, all kinds of things going through my head as I'd no idea how he was or even if he was alive. Eventually bits of info came through via family and it seemed he was conscious which calmed me down a lot. Thankfully I didn't get stuck in traffic as I think I would have done my nut.
During the journey it was decided that he was going to be moved to a specialist unit in Liverpool as a scan had shown he has brain haemorrhage and could need an operation. My mum was with him by this point but could not travel in the ambiwlans.
By this time I'd met up with my older sister who was travelling up from Bristol to visit my folks today anyway. We picked up my mum near Bangor and doubled back to go straight to Liverpool to see dad.
It was gone 10pm by the time we arrived and as thankfully he'd been stable and awake the whole time, he was just on a normal shared ward. The ambiwlans hadn't been far ahead of us as they took it very steady and so they were still getting him set up.
After what seemed like ages we were allowed to go and see him.
The only way I can describe it is that my dad is currently a shell of his former self. It is deeply upsetting to see him in this state. He appears to have lost the use of his entire left side and as such his face hangs strangely. Thankfully it seems he's mentally ok; he's able to speak but his speech is very weak and hard to understand. From what we could gather he seemed to remember everything from the day but it is hard to know the long term effects.
It's hard to describe the anguish I'm feeling now. I feel so sorry for him as yes he's my dad but he has a very full life and is very active. He's a semi-retired engineer with long career in the nuclear industry and now works for himself as a consultant to provide training. So much knowledge and experience in that head.
He's also become very community minded in the last view years and to all our amazement has recently joined a male voice choir. (He's a quietly spoken man). He's also started going to welsh lessons as he felt it was about time he learned the language after living in Wales nearly all his life.
He's the type of man who is never still and when he's not out and about he's usually building something in the garden or workshop. He's been making a beautiful toy box for my baby son and it breaks my heart to think that he might not get to finish it.
He even goes to a gym session every week since having a replacement knee 18 months ago. Doesn't smoke, and watches his diet as he's always been mindful that his own father suffered strokes and died at 70.
There's so many little things that have all come crashing down and feels completely out of the blue. We'd planned a big family gathering for his 70th in a few weeks time in a big house in South Wales. I was looking into hiring an Austin healey 3000 for the day for him as he's always said it's his favourite car but I don't think he's ever driven one. Now I don't even know if he will drive again. He and my mum had just paid for a holiday for the two of them too.
Tonight he seemed trapped in his body, barely able to communicate, completely worn out and at the moment it's hard to imagine what things are going to be like from now on.
I should be knackered after all the driving (much of it in tears to be honest) but am wide awake wondering how he's feeling, whether he fully understands what is going on, and if he will recover and generally despairing at the whole situation.
Had a call today as I was driving home from work to say that my 69 year old father had been airlifted to hospital with a suspected stroke. He'd been helping a friend get a yacht in the water (apparently no lifting, just observing a crane) and with the job finished he was on the yacht with a few others (still in the harbour) when it happened.
I live in the midlands, my folks are in North Wales, and I set about driving to Bangor hospital straight away, all kinds of things going through my head as I'd no idea how he was or even if he was alive. Eventually bits of info came through via family and it seemed he was conscious which calmed me down a lot. Thankfully I didn't get stuck in traffic as I think I would have done my nut.
During the journey it was decided that he was going to be moved to a specialist unit in Liverpool as a scan had shown he has brain haemorrhage and could need an operation. My mum was with him by this point but could not travel in the ambiwlans.
By this time I'd met up with my older sister who was travelling up from Bristol to visit my folks today anyway. We picked up my mum near Bangor and doubled back to go straight to Liverpool to see dad.
It was gone 10pm by the time we arrived and as thankfully he'd been stable and awake the whole time, he was just on a normal shared ward. The ambiwlans hadn't been far ahead of us as they took it very steady and so they were still getting him set up.
After what seemed like ages we were allowed to go and see him.
The only way I can describe it is that my dad is currently a shell of his former self. It is deeply upsetting to see him in this state. He appears to have lost the use of his entire left side and as such his face hangs strangely. Thankfully it seems he's mentally ok; he's able to speak but his speech is very weak and hard to understand. From what we could gather he seemed to remember everything from the day but it is hard to know the long term effects.
It's hard to describe the anguish I'm feeling now. I feel so sorry for him as yes he's my dad but he has a very full life and is very active. He's a semi-retired engineer with long career in the nuclear industry and now works for himself as a consultant to provide training. So much knowledge and experience in that head.
He's also become very community minded in the last view years and to all our amazement has recently joined a male voice choir. (He's a quietly spoken man). He's also started going to welsh lessons as he felt it was about time he learned the language after living in Wales nearly all his life.
He's the type of man who is never still and when he's not out and about he's usually building something in the garden or workshop. He's been making a beautiful toy box for my baby son and it breaks my heart to think that he might not get to finish it.
He even goes to a gym session every week since having a replacement knee 18 months ago. Doesn't smoke, and watches his diet as he's always been mindful that his own father suffered strokes and died at 70.
There's so many little things that have all come crashing down and feels completely out of the blue. We'd planned a big family gathering for his 70th in a few weeks time in a big house in South Wales. I was looking into hiring an Austin healey 3000 for the day for him as he's always said it's his favourite car but I don't think he's ever driven one. Now I don't even know if he will drive again. He and my mum had just paid for a holiday for the two of them too.
Tonight he seemed trapped in his body, barely able to communicate, completely worn out and at the moment it's hard to imagine what things are going to be like from now on.
I should be knackered after all the driving (much of it in tears to be honest) but am wide awake wondering how he's feeling, whether he fully understands what is going on, and if he will recover and generally despairing at the whole situation.
Thanks all for your kind words, it means a lot. Some of your stories help put things in perspective and make me realise we are actually very lucky indeed. Some heartbreaking tales above.
Dad has shown some small but steady improvements today. His face looks more symmetrical and he is slightly easier to understand when he speaks (maybe I'm just getting used to it). He actually looks pretty good all considered.
He was given some water and tablets this morning with little problem, which showed his swallow reflex still works. He's then had lots of drinks via straw and was obviously very thirsty. Unfortunately most times after he has a drink he then gets hiccups and feels he's going to be sick, but doesn't actually get to the stage of being sick thankfully. I think he worries he's dribbling when he drinks as he keeps moving his hand to his mouth but he's actually barely losing any at all. Later in the day he was even holding the cup himself but couldn't always locate the straw.
He's even got some movement in his left side! This morning as we arrived we noticed his left leg moving about. He can't actually move it voluntarily but seemed to be able to feel his left foot being touched/brushed. Later he indicated for me to hold his left hand, and he showed me that he could grip with his finger and thumb. He could also feel contact on his left arm whereas yesterday he couldn't at all.
This afternoon he was given soup and ice cream and from what we can gather, it went fine.
Crucially it's apparent he's still of sound mind. He's asking relevant questions and his vocabulary seems fine too i.e he doesn't seem to struggle to think of the words, just struggles to actually speak.
He's still extremely tired/drowsy and seems to doze off as soon as you stop talking to him. He was knackered this evening and I was worried he might be deteriorating but he responded every time and we were even able to share the odd joke. We've told him he's got some rewiring to do tonight in order to get things moving again.
He hasn't expressed any distress at his situation which is good, but equally I was worried he didn't grasp the situation. I no longer thing that, as tonight he told us how glad he was that my sister and I are here to support my mum. So he knows the score i think.
As per last night, we were able tell him we love him and he was able to reply. Reading some of the above posts I'm so glad we can do this. We are a close family but this is not something we normally need to say to eachother (it goes without saying I guess). It's awful to see him so helpless but we're now feeling we can start just focussing on the positives.
Also, we found out a bit more of what happened today as my mum spoke to yacht owning friend. As we knew, he'd got on board the yacht via a vertical ladder on the harbour wall and it was probably this bit of exertion that exposed whatever weakness was lying in wait. Thankfully one of the other men (a vet) spotted the signs straight away and called 999 with no messing about. The Seaking helicopter came from RAF Valley and landed by the harbour. Meanwhile the coastguard also turned up and delivered the Seaking crew to the yacht. They then used the crane that had been used to lower the yacht to get dad up onto the harbour side so that he could then be put in the Seaking. According to his friends he was well within the so called 'Golden Hour' of treatment starting. The Seaking remained on the ground for a few minutes while they started treating him.
I can't help thinking it was extremely lucky that he was on a boat when it happened as I imagine this triggered the air / sea response rather than an ambulance. Far better to happen like this than on his own while digging in the garden or out walking with my sister's young kids as he was the day before.
Again I've waffled on but I find it helps to put it all down in writing. I feel I can now try and think of something else without feeling guilty, if that makes sense.
Thanks again for your support. Really hoping for more improvements tomorrow.
Dad has shown some small but steady improvements today. His face looks more symmetrical and he is slightly easier to understand when he speaks (maybe I'm just getting used to it). He actually looks pretty good all considered.
He was given some water and tablets this morning with little problem, which showed his swallow reflex still works. He's then had lots of drinks via straw and was obviously very thirsty. Unfortunately most times after he has a drink he then gets hiccups and feels he's going to be sick, but doesn't actually get to the stage of being sick thankfully. I think he worries he's dribbling when he drinks as he keeps moving his hand to his mouth but he's actually barely losing any at all. Later in the day he was even holding the cup himself but couldn't always locate the straw.
He's even got some movement in his left side! This morning as we arrived we noticed his left leg moving about. He can't actually move it voluntarily but seemed to be able to feel his left foot being touched/brushed. Later he indicated for me to hold his left hand, and he showed me that he could grip with his finger and thumb. He could also feel contact on his left arm whereas yesterday he couldn't at all.
This afternoon he was given soup and ice cream and from what we can gather, it went fine.
Crucially it's apparent he's still of sound mind. He's asking relevant questions and his vocabulary seems fine too i.e he doesn't seem to struggle to think of the words, just struggles to actually speak.
He's still extremely tired/drowsy and seems to doze off as soon as you stop talking to him. He was knackered this evening and I was worried he might be deteriorating but he responded every time and we were even able to share the odd joke. We've told him he's got some rewiring to do tonight in order to get things moving again.
He hasn't expressed any distress at his situation which is good, but equally I was worried he didn't grasp the situation. I no longer thing that, as tonight he told us how glad he was that my sister and I are here to support my mum. So he knows the score i think.
As per last night, we were able tell him we love him and he was able to reply. Reading some of the above posts I'm so glad we can do this. We are a close family but this is not something we normally need to say to eachother (it goes without saying I guess). It's awful to see him so helpless but we're now feeling we can start just focussing on the positives.
Also, we found out a bit more of what happened today as my mum spoke to yacht owning friend. As we knew, he'd got on board the yacht via a vertical ladder on the harbour wall and it was probably this bit of exertion that exposed whatever weakness was lying in wait. Thankfully one of the other men (a vet) spotted the signs straight away and called 999 with no messing about. The Seaking helicopter came from RAF Valley and landed by the harbour. Meanwhile the coastguard also turned up and delivered the Seaking crew to the yacht. They then used the crane that had been used to lower the yacht to get dad up onto the harbour side so that he could then be put in the Seaking. According to his friends he was well within the so called 'Golden Hour' of treatment starting. The Seaking remained on the ground for a few minutes while they started treating him.
I can't help thinking it was extremely lucky that he was on a boat when it happened as I imagine this triggered the air / sea response rather than an ambulance. Far better to happen like this than on his own while digging in the garden or out walking with my sister's young kids as he was the day before.
Again I've waffled on but I find it helps to put it all down in writing. I feel I can now try and think of something else without feeling guilty, if that makes sense.
Thanks again for your support. Really hoping for more improvements tomorrow.
Edited by Pappagallo on Saturday 19th April 00:56
Hi all, thanks again for the kind and insightful replies. Some very sad tales but also some very encouraging ones.
Dad's doing well. He's still got no movement on the left but is more alert and less nauseous. I haven't seen him for a few days but my brother tells me I'm going to notice a big improvement in his speech and general wellness.
Still very worried about him but things are looking up.
Dad's doing well. He's still got no movement on the left but is more alert and less nauseous. I haven't seen him for a few days but my brother tells me I'm going to notice a big improvement in his speech and general wellness.
Still very worried about him but things are looking up.
It's 3 weeks today since dad's haemorrhage/stroke, and we've been told yesterday that there are concerns with the fact that he still has absolutely no ability to move his left side. My mum's been told he may not regain any movement, which was really upsetting to hear.
I was with him over the weekend and he was and he's certainly better than he was - more alert for longer periods, good speech, but still a long way from being up an about in any way.
We're now hoping that the physio he's been receiving will bring some movement back. Now that he's stopped feeling sick continually they hopefully will be able to have a proper try with him.
I was with him over the weekend and he was and he's certainly better than he was - more alert for longer periods, good speech, but still a long way from being up an about in any way.
We're now hoping that the physio he's been receiving will bring some movement back. Now that he's stopped feeling sick continually they hopefully will be able to have a proper try with him.
giblet said:
It took my dad quite a while before he regained any movement on his left side. He was in hospital for the best part of 4 months and I believe proper physio sessions only started after a month and a half.
Early days yet, chin up chap.
Cheers.Early days yet, chin up chap.
One thing other the doc apparently said is that whatever he's like by 6 weeks is what he'll stuck with. I'm hoping that's b
ks as it seems to contradict other advice and experience we've heard i.e. it's a long process, could be years.As I've just posted about car options for my folks I thought I'd have a look back in here and give a quick update.
Firstly, LotusNotes - so sorry to heard about your dad. I'm afraid I missed your post in May about his passing.
Dad is now home since about a month. I saw him two weeks ago after no seeing him for about 6 weeks and was really pleased with how he's getting on. His left arm is still useless but his left leg is coming on well. He can now pull himself from a wheelchair to a standing position using a wall mounted handle and generally has a lot more movement in the left of his body. He's a long way off being able to walk but we're hopeful.
He saw a specialist this week who also met him when he first had the haemorrhage, and was very positive about his recovery. He's doing well given the size of the bleed he had.
Despite this it's tough times at home. Had both parents in tears at various times during the visit when talking about things to me alone. Never seen my dad cry before. Mum's exhausted from moving ramps and wheeling dad around. But they are ok and there are still happy times.
I took dad to the garage so that we could work on the toy box I mentioned in my earlier post. We managed to get some of it done and it's nearly finished now. Very difficult for him to be stuck in the wheelchair explaining what needed doing but unable to really help.
Still a long way to go, but he's still here and that's the main thing.
Firstly, LotusNotes - so sorry to heard about your dad. I'm afraid I missed your post in May about his passing.
Dad is now home since about a month. I saw him two weeks ago after no seeing him for about 6 weeks and was really pleased with how he's getting on. His left arm is still useless but his left leg is coming on well. He can now pull himself from a wheelchair to a standing position using a wall mounted handle and generally has a lot more movement in the left of his body. He's a long way off being able to walk but we're hopeful.
He saw a specialist this week who also met him when he first had the haemorrhage, and was very positive about his recovery. He's doing well given the size of the bleed he had.
Despite this it's tough times at home. Had both parents in tears at various times during the visit when talking about things to me alone. Never seen my dad cry before. Mum's exhausted from moving ramps and wheeling dad around. But they are ok and there are still happy times.
I took dad to the garage so that we could work on the toy box I mentioned in my earlier post. We managed to get some of it done and it's nearly finished now. Very difficult for him to be stuck in the wheelchair explaining what needed doing but unable to really help.
Still a long way to go, but he's still here and that's the main thing.
Edited by Pappagallo on Thursday 21st August 13:17
Lotus Notes said:
It's good to hear that there is some enjoyment in the household.
As suggested, look after your Mum...a transition (if only temporary) from wife to carer is not easy and she'll try and do everything! Hopefuly you've had the community care team assess the house and provide equipment if necessary - They can come across as interfering though.
My father cried a lot as well - Over simple things, but get him to help himself as much as possible (I can say that as a family, we could have done better).
It'll get easier as the routines set in and your father progresses. I promised to send them on holiday when things were better (A cruise can be a bit like respite care with each of them at separate ends of the ship
)
Indeed there has been a lot of support from carers, physio, rehab team etc. Amazing really. But my folks are glad that it's phasing out now so that they can get on with their own routine.As suggested, look after your Mum...a transition (if only temporary) from wife to carer is not easy and she'll try and do everything! Hopefuly you've had the community care team assess the house and provide equipment if necessary - They can come across as interfering though.
My father cried a lot as well - Over simple things, but get him to help himself as much as possible (I can say that as a family, we could have done better).
It'll get easier as the routines set in and your father progresses. I promised to send them on holiday when things were better (A cruise can be a bit like respite care with each of them at separate ends of the ship
)My parent's house (my childhood home) is a lovely house that my dad built in the 80s. But unfortunately my dad's affinity for single steps between rooms is now become a bit of a pain as they are using portable ramps which continually have to be moved about
They are taking their time about altering the house but mum had the downstairs utility turned into a wetroom so that dad can live downstairs for the time being. They're currently having the front entrance of the house decked so that there's a continuous ramp from the drive to the front door (currently two separate steps). Fortunately they have the means to get these things done.
All the best to you.
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