Friend who is an alcholic
Discussion
Hi,
One of my closest friends (early 30's) has admitted to being an alcoholic.
He has always liked a drink, he rented off me in his mid 20's and he drank frequently and there were times I was worried and we talked about it & he calmed it down.
He then fell off the rails & got really depressed (he was on tablets for this for years) and ended up getting help from the council putting him in a B&B.
2-3 years ago his life all turned around, he found a lovely girl (they had known each other for years) and last year I was the best man at their wedding.
I was so pleased for him to finally be on an upward trajectory.
Its now all gone wrong. He started lying to his wife about his drinking.
When caught he was verbally abusive to her.
She went out one night when he was in "recovery" and I went round to "babysit" him, he had hidden booze somewhere and got off his face throughout the night. Started denying drinking but it was obvious then admitted to having 3 beers. It was clearly spirits.
Since then they have been away on holiday.
Then last week the wife posted on facebook and tagged him in a post stating she is living in hell and he is an alcoholic.
He has been stealing off her to get booze.
His family has basically told her "he's your problem now" and have been f
k all use - his dads an recovering alcoholic (been clean for years).
He is now living in a caravan on his wife's property. Last night he "broke in" to the house (her view but clearly not necessarily legal). Presumably to find booze, money or something to sell.
She now wants him gone.
He has nowhere to go. I offered him the other day to stay with me for a while but if i'm honest (& selfish) i'm worried he will accept and start taking stuff based on his wifes experience.
He refuses to talk to anyone - me included.
Anyway - reason for war and peace; I don't know where to go with this, he really needs professional help. He has attempted suicide before and I cant believe he is far off again and he is one of the nicest people when sober (even when drunk he has always been nice to me).
Is this the sort of thing that can get someone sectioned? Or in a residential alcohol recovery facility? I really dont have a clue what to do for the best he just seems to be on self destruct.
One of my closest friends (early 30's) has admitted to being an alcoholic.
He has always liked a drink, he rented off me in his mid 20's and he drank frequently and there were times I was worried and we talked about it & he calmed it down.
He then fell off the rails & got really depressed (he was on tablets for this for years) and ended up getting help from the council putting him in a B&B.
2-3 years ago his life all turned around, he found a lovely girl (they had known each other for years) and last year I was the best man at their wedding.
I was so pleased for him to finally be on an upward trajectory.
Its now all gone wrong. He started lying to his wife about his drinking.
When caught he was verbally abusive to her.
She went out one night when he was in "recovery" and I went round to "babysit" him, he had hidden booze somewhere and got off his face throughout the night. Started denying drinking but it was obvious then admitted to having 3 beers. It was clearly spirits.
Since then they have been away on holiday.
Then last week the wife posted on facebook and tagged him in a post stating she is living in hell and he is an alcoholic.
He has been stealing off her to get booze.
His family has basically told her "he's your problem now" and have been f
k all use - his dads an recovering alcoholic (been clean for years).He is now living in a caravan on his wife's property. Last night he "broke in" to the house (her view but clearly not necessarily legal). Presumably to find booze, money or something to sell.
She now wants him gone.
He has nowhere to go. I offered him the other day to stay with me for a while but if i'm honest (& selfish) i'm worried he will accept and start taking stuff based on his wifes experience.
He refuses to talk to anyone - me included.
Anyway - reason for war and peace; I don't know where to go with this, he really needs professional help. He has attempted suicide before and I cant believe he is far off again and he is one of the nicest people when sober (even when drunk he has always been nice to me).
Is this the sort of thing that can get someone sectioned? Or in a residential alcohol recovery facility? I really dont have a clue what to do for the best he just seems to be on self destruct.
Thanks all for your responses.
Regarding "functional alcoholic" & only drinking in the evening - that is how he has been in reality but its no life for either him or his wife and clearly its not containable.
He seems to be hunting out excuses and sympathy, people have been offering help and messaging him but then he tells his wife that no-one has even bothered to message him.
She is going to the Dr's again tomorrow - not sure with him or alone (suspect alone).
Ive messaged him again telling him how much I care and how important he is.
If he lives with me I think i'll play it straight with him and ask if he is capable of surviving without booze, if he isnt then I will supply for the short term whilst he gets help. I cant be an enabler long term. Even writing this im not sure its the right thing to do. Think i'll call the alcohol abuse careline to get their take on it.
I cant be the long term solution for him, I hope if he goes and gets help he can patch up with his wife. The longer the mistrust and hurt goes on the worse its going to get.
Thanks again guys.
Regarding "functional alcoholic" & only drinking in the evening - that is how he has been in reality but its no life for either him or his wife and clearly its not containable.
He seems to be hunting out excuses and sympathy, people have been offering help and messaging him but then he tells his wife that no-one has even bothered to message him.
She is going to the Dr's again tomorrow - not sure with him or alone (suspect alone).
Ive messaged him again telling him how much I care and how important he is.
If he lives with me I think i'll play it straight with him and ask if he is capable of surviving without booze, if he isnt then I will supply for the short term whilst he gets help. I cant be an enabler long term. Even writing this im not sure its the right thing to do. Think i'll call the alcohol abuse careline to get their take on it.
I cant be the long term solution for him, I hope if he goes and gets help he can patch up with his wife. The longer the mistrust and hurt goes on the worse its going to get.
Thanks again guys.
Thanks- I agree about him needing to decide to do it. He seems to take the path of least resistance at the moment, saying what people want to hear but doing what he wants. Eventually people get fed up with being lied to though and you get isolated.
He responded to my message today and said "It meant a lot and he never wanted to become this guy & that he will beat this". However I have heard this before. Will see what he is actually going to do.
Won't get him to go cold turkey. My friends mum did this by herself and ended up critical in hospital. He needs professional help as you say.
Cheers.
He responded to my message today and said "It meant a lot and he never wanted to become this guy & that he will beat this". However I have heard this before. Will see what he is actually going to do.
Won't get him to go cold turkey. My friends mum did this by herself and ended up critical in hospital. He needs professional help as you say.
Cheers.
Digger said:
What is he drinking and what quantities? Is he otherwise fit and healthy? Does he exercise regularly?
Previously lager every night 5-6 cans usually but sometimes more. Recently an unknown quantity of spirits. Enough to make him incomprehensible. Physical work - fits log burners & dog walking. Thanks all. His wife has now sent him on his way yesterday with their caravan and a car. I have messaged him and asked him if he has gone to his Dad's (hopefully) or is somewhere else safe. I've also offered him a phone on contract so that he will never need to worry about credit or keeping in contact.
StevieBee said:
Steffan said:
The OP should also be aware that from this point on there is very little chance of the drinking stopping
Sadly, I must concur with this.I have lost one friend to alcohol and know two others who's lives are irreversibly screwed. Nothing have or will enable them to listen to reason.
The chap who did our extension is the only reformed alcoholic I know of. He said that what changed for him was hitting beyond rock bottom. He was living in Australia and was kicked out of the house by his wife and he remembers waking up in park with some tramps and just thought; "there's no f
king way I'm a tramp". He's been off it for 20 years.
No i'm aware the likelihood is this doesn't end up with a happy ending, i'm trying to think the best and hope, like his dad, that he can beat this but all too aware of the percentages.
He was arrested last night for drink driving.
No accident thankfully. He was done for the same thing 10 years ago.
Police drove him home apparently this morning - believe its unusual for them to do this - he is very very depressed, suicidal according to wife.
They are trying to get him into a residential unit.
Should this happen it could be the best thing to happen to him.
No accident thankfully. He was done for the same thing 10 years ago.
Police drove him home apparently this morning - believe its unusual for them to do this - he is very very depressed, suicidal according to wife.
They are trying to get him into a residential unit.
Should this happen it could be the best thing to happen to him.
Steffan said:
Not unless he Is determined to pull out of is alcohol fuelled dive. No external force will stop the drinking it must come from within. He may be sent on several courses/residential units but unless he wants to be saved from this desperate drive for oblivion nothing will help. I hope matters stabilise and improve but I am very very doubtful.
I know. He hasn't made any effort to get himself straight.
He will be dead inside a year if he cant get himself together.
Trying to think positively as the other is painful.
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