Change in Lifestyle or Mild Depression
Discussion
Hey all, I'm the kind of person who prefers to keep things bottled up but just over the past 18 months I've needed to get out how I feel about my life and the direction it's going on paper (well on PH as I love the forum and there is a great bunch of people on here 
). I'm not sure whether I need a change in my lifestyle or if I'm suffering from a mild depression, so I will explain things as to the point as I can. One thing to keep in mind is I have an overactive imagination and constantly think things over so doesn't help sometimes, and some parts of this might sound like a 13 year old ranting!
The past couple of years I've been finding friends more distant. I'm 28 and my friends are a similar age group. A lot of the ones with girlfriends started initially hanging out and now you rarely see them. Even one of my best friends (who admittedly works a lot and doesn't get paid that much) seems to make more excuses not to go out than he used to. Then I've got certain friends who are single but just never get back to you nor make an attempt to get in touch. A lot stay in the city (Aberdeen) and I've lived 10 miles south pretty much all my life, but the ones who moved from the outskirts into the city seem to treat you like you live in a foreign country. One example is my local village Ale festival, which a lot of the guys would have liked, but not one person came to it with me despite me asking people well in advance. Then you notice on social media certain friends did stuff with others the same day which makes me think what the issue is with me. Some of my friends seem to hang about in certain groups and although I get on with everyone, others prefer the groups and I may get excluded for whatever reason. Finally on the friends issue, I had my first BBQ since I moved into my place and over 20 people turned out which was great, but by 7pm most had gone to other parties. These parties had been planned months after I had planned my BBQ where we were going to watch the world cup and everything. Half of me felt grateful they came but the other half makes me feel like they preferred the second option. Certainly if I was invited to one of my friends I'd be happy to go and if something came up I'd ask the other person to consider making it another night. Recently I found out I had passed one of the post graduate modules I'm studying with an A which was beyond my expectations. It felt great and that Friday home it would have been good to celebrate with friends. That Friday I sat in my living room on my own with a beer and it felt like the biggest anticlimax in the world.
Another issue is women. Everyday on my Facebook news feed its another engagement or baby announced, and these are all people several years younger than me. I split up with my ex 18 months ago after 3.5 years on and off of some good times and really nasty times a lot of it. Despite her far from being the nicest person in the world, I've never struggled to get over someone so badly in my life and 18 months on I still think of her every day. Last October I saw her in a club and she kept trying to come over and speak to my friends who she hated just to get my attention. I tried to ignore it, then she was all over some guy in the dance floor and I saw it, couldn't resist and went over pretty drunk (not wanting to start a fight) but saying why could she do all this. I got her mate in my face saying I hurt her so bad which confirmed what I knew that she had basically told her friends I was the nasty one which was far from the truth. My ex didn't even look round, she just smiled into this guys eyes and kept kissing him. I didn't want trouble and just had to leave. I went down some nearby steps and just broke down. Some of my female friends came round and noticed and I was so embarrassed as I've never let any of my friends see me in that state. I was tempted just to run away or drive up north for a few days, cut all contact and hide. I never had the guts and stayed at home absolutely miserable. I thought up to then I had been doing well but this sadly proved I still wasn't over her and how much it killed me inside seeing the girl I'd spent all those close times with in the hands of another guy. I haven't been to the club since, the same one I first met her coming up 5 years ago, and even seeing a photo of her on the club page a month ago made me realise I'm petrified to go back in case I see her.
Strayed a bit there but back onto women in general; I have been internet dating for 18 months too as I'm no longer out as much due to friends not being up for it any more. Couple of dates I liked them and they didn't like me and vice versa. One date where we seen each other 3 months and decided to remain friends. Since February I've only had 1 date. I'm on a few of the free sites so can't expect perfect results, but 18 months of messaging respectable girls and not getting replies is grating on me. What is worse is ones that take an interest in you, speak to you for a couple of weeks, agree to meet then just stop replying out of nowhere. This has happened to about 4 girls recently. I'm getting paranoid I scare off women ha ha. I've had my profiles reviewed and people say they are fine. I'm not an oil painting but probably average looking which a decent job and education. I get the usual cliches from friends and family that I'm a good catch, so what am I doing wrong? I'm not in a hurry to settle down, but feel more in a hurry just to meet someone to spend time with, but never would I message a girl or act like that in person if I got speaking to them as I know I need to take things slowly. Even little things such as on Facebook when I look up why I haven't seen a girls posts for a while, I will find I have been unfriended. And lots of girls have done this with me, rarely guys. I shouldn't give a monkeys really but I'd be lying if I said I didn't. One girl I found who recently unfriended me I had given a big donation to last year for her cancer marathon. For them to physically go on my page and click unfriend makes me wonder what is so wrong with me? I don't put anything bad on my Facebook or rude or annoying. Another was an ex work colleague I used to get on great with, found they had unfriended me but all the other mutual friends were still friends with them. Little things like that make me feel paranoid. Another bad thing is in person I seem to get on with or attract girls who then tell me at the end of the night they are with someone which is also frustrating. I have even started going out in bars on my own just to get out when my friends are being boring, just in the hope I'd get talking to someone but nothing comes of it and I end up feeling worse. I see plenty of guys with not so great looks, not so great jobs getting girls I'd kill for and realise I don't know what to do anymore.
Finally, my work has become stale and I've only stayed for them to pay to gain my Chartered Engineering status. Luckily my old boss has given me an opportunity to do a 4 week rotation down in Angola which I've said I would take if he wants me. It's a great opportunity and could kick start my life, but once again I have the negative thoughts running round my head. Will I get really home sick? Will I be even more distant to my already distant friends? Will it lessen my chances of finding a partner? Will I end up really bored at home and feel more lonely than I currently do?
I feel a bit embarrassed writing all this personal stuff but just really keen to get peoples opinions and thoughts, whether its kind words or words to give me a kick up the butt. At times I have felt really down and tempted to see a doctor but too scared. And then I don't want to waste a doctors time if what I'm going through is just a bad set of circumstances where the people I've met just aren't the best. Over to you
). I'm not sure whether I need a change in my lifestyle or if I'm suffering from a mild depression, so I will explain things as to the point as I can. One thing to keep in mind is I have an overactive imagination and constantly think things over so doesn't help sometimes, and some parts of this might sound like a 13 year old ranting!The past couple of years I've been finding friends more distant. I'm 28 and my friends are a similar age group. A lot of the ones with girlfriends started initially hanging out and now you rarely see them. Even one of my best friends (who admittedly works a lot and doesn't get paid that much) seems to make more excuses not to go out than he used to. Then I've got certain friends who are single but just never get back to you nor make an attempt to get in touch. A lot stay in the city (Aberdeen) and I've lived 10 miles south pretty much all my life, but the ones who moved from the outskirts into the city seem to treat you like you live in a foreign country. One example is my local village Ale festival, which a lot of the guys would have liked, but not one person came to it with me despite me asking people well in advance. Then you notice on social media certain friends did stuff with others the same day which makes me think what the issue is with me. Some of my friends seem to hang about in certain groups and although I get on with everyone, others prefer the groups and I may get excluded for whatever reason. Finally on the friends issue, I had my first BBQ since I moved into my place and over 20 people turned out which was great, but by 7pm most had gone to other parties. These parties had been planned months after I had planned my BBQ where we were going to watch the world cup and everything. Half of me felt grateful they came but the other half makes me feel like they preferred the second option. Certainly if I was invited to one of my friends I'd be happy to go and if something came up I'd ask the other person to consider making it another night. Recently I found out I had passed one of the post graduate modules I'm studying with an A which was beyond my expectations. It felt great and that Friday home it would have been good to celebrate with friends. That Friday I sat in my living room on my own with a beer and it felt like the biggest anticlimax in the world.
Another issue is women. Everyday on my Facebook news feed its another engagement or baby announced, and these are all people several years younger than me. I split up with my ex 18 months ago after 3.5 years on and off of some good times and really nasty times a lot of it. Despite her far from being the nicest person in the world, I've never struggled to get over someone so badly in my life and 18 months on I still think of her every day. Last October I saw her in a club and she kept trying to come over and speak to my friends who she hated just to get my attention. I tried to ignore it, then she was all over some guy in the dance floor and I saw it, couldn't resist and went over pretty drunk (not wanting to start a fight) but saying why could she do all this. I got her mate in my face saying I hurt her so bad which confirmed what I knew that she had basically told her friends I was the nasty one which was far from the truth. My ex didn't even look round, she just smiled into this guys eyes and kept kissing him. I didn't want trouble and just had to leave. I went down some nearby steps and just broke down. Some of my female friends came round and noticed and I was so embarrassed as I've never let any of my friends see me in that state. I was tempted just to run away or drive up north for a few days, cut all contact and hide. I never had the guts and stayed at home absolutely miserable. I thought up to then I had been doing well but this sadly proved I still wasn't over her and how much it killed me inside seeing the girl I'd spent all those close times with in the hands of another guy. I haven't been to the club since, the same one I first met her coming up 5 years ago, and even seeing a photo of her on the club page a month ago made me realise I'm petrified to go back in case I see her.
Strayed a bit there but back onto women in general; I have been internet dating for 18 months too as I'm no longer out as much due to friends not being up for it any more. Couple of dates I liked them and they didn't like me and vice versa. One date where we seen each other 3 months and decided to remain friends. Since February I've only had 1 date. I'm on a few of the free sites so can't expect perfect results, but 18 months of messaging respectable girls and not getting replies is grating on me. What is worse is ones that take an interest in you, speak to you for a couple of weeks, agree to meet then just stop replying out of nowhere. This has happened to about 4 girls recently. I'm getting paranoid I scare off women ha ha. I've had my profiles reviewed and people say they are fine. I'm not an oil painting but probably average looking which a decent job and education. I get the usual cliches from friends and family that I'm a good catch, so what am I doing wrong? I'm not in a hurry to settle down, but feel more in a hurry just to meet someone to spend time with, but never would I message a girl or act like that in person if I got speaking to them as I know I need to take things slowly. Even little things such as on Facebook when I look up why I haven't seen a girls posts for a while, I will find I have been unfriended. And lots of girls have done this with me, rarely guys. I shouldn't give a monkeys really but I'd be lying if I said I didn't. One girl I found who recently unfriended me I had given a big donation to last year for her cancer marathon. For them to physically go on my page and click unfriend makes me wonder what is so wrong with me? I don't put anything bad on my Facebook or rude or annoying. Another was an ex work colleague I used to get on great with, found they had unfriended me but all the other mutual friends were still friends with them. Little things like that make me feel paranoid. Another bad thing is in person I seem to get on with or attract girls who then tell me at the end of the night they are with someone which is also frustrating. I have even started going out in bars on my own just to get out when my friends are being boring, just in the hope I'd get talking to someone but nothing comes of it and I end up feeling worse. I see plenty of guys with not so great looks, not so great jobs getting girls I'd kill for and realise I don't know what to do anymore.
Finally, my work has become stale and I've only stayed for them to pay to gain my Chartered Engineering status. Luckily my old boss has given me an opportunity to do a 4 week rotation down in Angola which I've said I would take if he wants me. It's a great opportunity and could kick start my life, but once again I have the negative thoughts running round my head. Will I get really home sick? Will I be even more distant to my already distant friends? Will it lessen my chances of finding a partner? Will I end up really bored at home and feel more lonely than I currently do?
I feel a bit embarrassed writing all this personal stuff but just really keen to get peoples opinions and thoughts, whether its kind words or words to give me a kick up the butt. At times I have felt really down and tempted to see a doctor but too scared. And then I don't want to waste a doctors time if what I'm going through is just a bad set of circumstances where the people I've met just aren't the best. Over to you
Edited by Mouse1903 on Wednesday 16th July 20:02
Edited by Mouse1903 on Wednesday 16th July 20:02
Thanks for the advice everyone. I still feel embarrassed posting something like this. I guess I need to change or invigorate my life but I don't seem to have a lot of people there to do it with. The worst part is seeing others do things together but me not being connected to similar people like that, forcing me to sometimes try things on my own. I've applied for this new job and I think I will monitor things over the next month before considering seeing the doctor, possibly just for advice. Last few days and this weekend has been a bit better. Someone slap me and tell me to stop worrying about others and worry about myself ha ha
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