Communicating and dementia

[Kiltie]

I struggle to figure out how best to talk to my dad on the days when he's not with it.

When he's talking nonsense, I never know if it's best to challenge him or play along.

I'm ashamed to say that, often, my reaction depends on how frustrated I am.

I suppose there are three different scenarios to which I have specific ways of responding.

1. If he's just talking nonsense to nobody in particular, I pretty much ignore and let him get on with it.
2. If he's talking nonsense directly to me, I try and change the subject on to something connected to reality.
3. If he's asking for something specific to be done but it's nonsense, I try and say the thing isn't necessary as I reckon that leaving stuff unresolved could be a source of anxiety.

Has anyone had any experience they could share?

Edited by Kiltie on Tuesday 21st July 23:32

[Kiltie]

I saw a programme with a chap who kept saying "clonkers" was that the one?

I didn't watch it all I'm afraid. I'll see if I can still get it on catch-up.

[Kiltie]

Nice.

[Kiltie]

BlackVanDyke said:

There's a sort of inbetween option: you don't want to challenge someone outright, there's basically no possible good it can do and might cause stress/upset and screw all sorts of stuff up, but 'playing along' could leave someone who's already got a vague sense of "something's not right here" feeling deceived/pandered to and generally not reassured.

My grandfather had Alzheimer's, he had a patch where he'd think he wasn't at home but at the station in Paris (?!) and due to catch a train and would ask about it over and over. Turned out saying "no, we're at home" didn't really help and neither did "sure yeah, we'll go home soon" but "we're right where we need to be, don't worry about the train, we'll tell you if we need to go anywhere" seemed to land about right.

Sympathies, this stuff can be really tough to deal with. Never hesitate to seek help if you need to.

Sounds familiar.

Last week my dad was insistant that I needed to settle a bill for food and accomodation for "the place he's sent to at night time" (he's been in NHS hospital for >18 months).

My response was that there were currently no outstanding bills but if I saw one I'd sort it out.

Trouble is, despite me being 51 years old and reasonably successful, he still doesn't think I can be relied on to do the simplest things.

I'm pretty sure this belief that I can't be trusted to sit on the lavvy the right way round is stronger than any of his dreams and fantasies.

As a result, I suspect he wasn't entirely satisfied with my response.

[Kiltie]

I'm guessing nothing can be done to reverse or arrest dementia but are there any guidelines for slowing down how it develops?