Rehab for alcohol

[pits]

I think this is the right place for this.
Need some help with my best mate, I'll try keep it concise.
Always liked a drink, has ever since I've known him, we used to have big drinking sessions about 10 years ago, I grew out of it, he hasn't.

It's now at a point where he is at dependency levels, I have to admit it was a poor effort on my own behalf not spotting it sooner, and for the past few months I've been trying to help him.

So,
He drinks st loads, few cans of Stella, copious amounts of vodka.
His relationship with his misses has broken down, he's never there as he is always doing something, then gets hammered, this has gone on for a long time, she's tried to help him, she's bent over backwards for him, not so much allowing him to drink but, she wants him to be there sometime during the week for food, a chat, but of TV, go to bed together, he just wants to drink.

Got 4 kids, oldest 6, she rightfully doesn't want him around them when he is drinking or drink, she has said that if he can spend time with them sober, he can then go up to his workshop do what he wants after, just don't get slaughtered, now he rarely comes into the house.

She's had to kick him out, so he now lives in the caravan in their paddock, she's tried hard to get him to speak to her about it, he passes out.

I've tried hard to speak to him and get a nonchalant attitude from him being fine, he's under control when he isn't.

I will obviously defend him (to a degree) he can be an amazing dad, he works hard and does put in a shift, but his misses and kids are lonely, she knows that she is at breaking point and walking away from it all, but the drink doesn't let him see this.

He doesn't go to his GP meetings anymore, he doesn't talk about it anymore, he just wants to work and drink.

Now I can't see their family split up, she doesn't want, I know sober he wouldn't, he's in a proper hole now though, everything he owns is broken, his world is falling apart, the only way out he sees is more drink, which pushes him further away, leading to more depression and drink, I know being kicked out must hurt, and he was caught swigging a bottle of vodka at 4pm the other day.

She's at her wits end, as am I, I spent a few hours with her earlier, she cried most of the time, we can't do anymore, we appreciate that kicking him out doesn't help him, but there's 4 kids to think of here, the only thing I've got left is to give him the bking of his life, and I've bit my tongue for so long I don't know how much longer I can keep biting it for, bking him won't help at all.

He needs rehab, but everything we say is in one ear out the other, what the hell can I do? I've even toyed the idea of picking him up for an evening and going to an AA meeting, but if I get him there, will he go in? Or just get pissed off?

I just don't know what to do anymore and need some help

[pits]

Very helpful actually, see he is aware he has a dependency, I know he kind of wants to stop but at the same time he also stuck with the shakes when he doesn't drink.
I rang him yesterday, had a chat and offered to go to an AA meeting with him, wasn't keen to start with and I thought that maybe I had brought him around and he would ring me back later on in the evening to discuss it..... still waiting

There's one Monday that I am going to try and drag him to.


Not sure in home rehab would really work for him, he has too many distractions, the only way it would work is to ratchet strap him to a bed and let him sweat it out.

[pits]

grumbledoak said:

pits said:

... the only way it would work is to ratchet strap him to a bed and let him sweat it out.

You'll kill him.

Probably Al-Anon for the wife, and maybe yourself.

For him - whatever it is has got to be his decision. The chances are there is something / are some things that he simply cannot face sober. Obviously he isn't fixing it drunk, but he cannot see another solution. AA may work but it is a bit "churchy". There are non-religious ones too. But he has to go voluntarily, and it isn't a quick fix - it's all about hearing others in the same boat, what put them there, and what they want to do about it. Repeat until those thoughts happen in his head.

More than likely would kill him.
This is the thing that annoys me, I am very logical in how I think. What I see is an amazing partner, 4 beautiful kids, a lovely cottage and I don't get why he would drink over that.

I've asked, but never pushed about why he drinks, I appreciate that everything that you think is natural to do, force him to meetings, force him to stop, bking him will do him no good whatsoever, just make him worse.

I'll support his misses if she leaves him, I fully respect her choice in that if she can't make it work she can't it work, 4 kids and a life of hell isn't a life at all and she needs to make that choice for herself and I will understand.

Just driving me up the wall, I don't get close to people I am a very singular entity, I am not big into personal contact and whatnot, but it's different with him, I have so much time for him I would happily get lost on an island with him as I know he will somehow save us, I have an undying trust for him but it hurts to see him going this way and I am losing that trust, I like constants and to me he is a constant, I'd drop anything for him and he would drop anything for me, but I don't see why, whatever I do doesn't help, and it infuriates me, I wouldn't go mental on him, I just want him to stop, I've done a fair bit, I don't talk about beer around him and I don't take him out to the pub anymore, I raise a comment if he drinks when I am around.

I know the AA meetings are a bit religious and we couldn't care less about religion, but Christ I'd consider giving God a handjob around the back of a bowling alley if it would help him out.

Drink, she's a cruel mistress

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jonah35 said:

Precisely why does he need rehab? He may just be sick of his wife and he is still working and drinking a fair bit?

What, exactly, are the reasons?

Has he been aggressive? Is he constantly drunk and drink driving? Is he being arrested for drunken things?

Sorry had a busy weekend. Drink driving I can't say, I'd hope not, aggressive no he is placid, never been arrested.
But I think 8+ cans of Stella and minimum litre bottle of vodka a night, should warrant it.

But I think I have made some progress with him, living away from his kids is hitting him now and ignoring the part of this where he is going on a stag I got this message the other day.

"
Was thinking!
I would like to take you up on your offer on the aa front but as im off to bugjam for owens stag do next weekend maybe the week after would be a better time to sort thing out.
Then got till october till thar is a good valid reson to drink (or not)."


Not sure what the end means, and he is massively dyslexic

[pits]

I just hope that he has some form of commitment to this, I'm ready for the lying and the st I'll get.

It's encouraging to see so many others have been in a similar place and people have got through it, just have to get into the slog now and try to so whatever I can.

[pits]

andy-xr said:

pits said:

I just hope that he has some form of commitment to this,.

Or else?

Be careful you dont end up in frustration and blame him for things that you have no control over.

If you said, for example, 'I can only be happy if my mate paints himself yellow' then you're giving control of your happiness to a mate who probably wont even consider painting himself yellow. The follow on from that is you get pissed that he hasnt painted himself yet, blame him, call him lazy and useless. He just looks at you and says 'why would I want to be painted yellow?'

I don't really have an, or else, I know there is going to be frustration on my behalf but I know I can't blame him, it's going to be a constant battle, I know we are going to fall out numerous times over this and what will be will be. The whole hoping he has commitment is more aimed at, I'd rather not see my mate die from liver failure or a pool of his own vomit, as we know that if they can't help themselves then that's the only way they are going to go, I'll speak to him later and see if he is still up for a meeting I am not sure how much it is going to help, maybe very little maybe a lot.