Borderline Personality Disorder
Discussion
I just saw a Facebook post about this, recognised the name from somewhere, and Googled it, did several on-line tests.
Now I realise that for most of my life I've had all the symptoms of this.
Turgid relationships, alcohol abuse, wild mood swings back and forth, periods where I just feel empty and useless. I've been married 20 years, long, turgid, emotional years, and I know that my mood can go from happy and worry free to a boiling seething pot of frustration with just a few snappy words from the wife. And the daughter too, as she is a teen........
I had lots of girlfriends when I was younger, but every single relationship was fraught with insecurity, jealousy, continual arguments etc. And when alcohol was mixed into the recipe I was a total a
hole, basically, always have been. And I was always happiest when I was single, that I do know.
I heard something the other day: "I've been scared my whole life". I realised that fits me to the letter. I've done loads of things, travelled, rode bikes, cars, adventure, skydiving etc, but I know down that I've done it mainly to prove to myself that I'm NOT scared, that I can do things, but I've been secretly scared stless inside, all the time. Beer helps, sort of. A couple of beers in my belly and I somehow feel 'whole' all of a sudden, like something was missing.
It's not like I'm a bum drugee, living in some doss-house, on welfare. We currently live in the Philippines, we built a nice big house, also have a house in England, and I've had a job all my life, retired last year at 55.
For years I've told myself that I am just a moody, sensitive guy who sulks a lot, and that the reason I sometimes sit and do nothing for days is just me being lazy, and all the stupid arguments when I'm drunk are caused by other people......but having read all about 'Borderline Personality Disorder' I'm now thinking differently.
I doubt it makes any difference to me, as there is no cure. It just labels me as a nutter, I guess. Nice to finally know what brand of nutter though.
Now I realise that for most of my life I've had all the symptoms of this.
Turgid relationships, alcohol abuse, wild mood swings back and forth, periods where I just feel empty and useless. I've been married 20 years, long, turgid, emotional years, and I know that my mood can go from happy and worry free to a boiling seething pot of frustration with just a few snappy words from the wife. And the daughter too, as she is a teen........
I had lots of girlfriends when I was younger, but every single relationship was fraught with insecurity, jealousy, continual arguments etc. And when alcohol was mixed into the recipe I was a total a
hole, basically, always have been. And I was always happiest when I was single, that I do know.I heard something the other day: "I've been scared my whole life". I realised that fits me to the letter. I've done loads of things, travelled, rode bikes, cars, adventure, skydiving etc, but I know down that I've done it mainly to prove to myself that I'm NOT scared, that I can do things, but I've been secretly scared s
tless inside, all the time. Beer helps, sort of. A couple of beers in my belly and I somehow feel 'whole' all of a sudden, like something was missing.It's not like I'm a bum drugee, living in some doss-house, on welfare. We currently live in the Philippines, we built a nice big house, also have a house in England, and I've had a job all my life, retired last year at 55.
For years I've told myself that I am just a moody, sensitive guy who sulks a lot, and that the reason I sometimes sit and do nothing for days is just me being lazy, and all the stupid arguments when I'm drunk are caused by other people......but having read all about 'Borderline Personality Disorder' I'm now thinking differently.
I doubt it makes any difference to me, as there is no cure. It just labels me as a nutter, I guess. Nice to finally know what brand of nutter though.
LaurasOtherHalf said:
I think you'd be better off speaking to a professional rather than seeking confirmation on some Facebook questionares and some online be personality "tests".
They weren't 'Facebook questionnaires'. It was a post by someone that piqued my interest and thus had me researching elsewhere. And you don't see many/any psychiatric professionals here in the Philippines either.
Noodle1982 said:
All this behaviour could be brought on in a split second. One minute it's all roses and the next all hell is breaking loose.
Hmm, I'm not quite that bad, but when I've had a lot of drink the wife tells me I can change like Jekyll and Hyde if someone says just the wrong word, or I misunderstand or misinterpret something. I gave up drinking for 16 years once, because I was a bad drunk. Started again a few years ago, after we moved to the Philippines again, thinking I may have changed, but after a couple of years the old st started happening again. I stopped again, about three months ago. 
davhill said:
King Herald said:
I actually stopped drinking for 16 years at one stage, just made me less of an ahole. But all this stuff happens when I'm sober too.
I'll be out in the hot rod later today, Friday night cruise round town.
I digress, I know but the vehicle intrigues me.hole. But all this stuff happens when I'm sober too. I'll be out in the hot rod later today, Friday night cruise round town.
Blown Essex V6? And a live front axle on a transvestite leaf spring but I see no dampers/shocks. Or are there a couple of Hartfords tucked away? It's tricky to see on my phone's screen.
Merely idle curiosity you understand.
350 Chevy V8, 5.7 litres, with dual 600 Holleys on a tunnel ram. There are shocks, you can see the top mounting bolts just below the headlights.
I just spent two weeks in the UK, enjoying the English 'summer'...... so won't be back for another year or so.
Keeping away from the booze is the best thing I've done, ever. That little 'hiccup' started when I was about 15, a few beers made me a totally different person, confident, relaxed, I lost all my nervousness with people etc. As a kid I was scared of my own shadow,
terrified of confrontation, but that has got a lot better over the decades.
Keeping away from the booze is the best thing I've done, ever. That little 'hiccup' started when I was about 15, a few beers made me a totally different person, confident, relaxed, I lost all my nervousness with people etc. As a kid I was scared of my own shadow,
terrified of confrontation, but that has got a lot better over the decades.
SplatSpeed said:
be glad treatment is 1 hr a week one to one and telephone support and 1 hr group a week with a therapist and the costs!!
for 10 years!!!!!
They've never heard of 'therapy' over here, just tell you to get a grip......for 10 years!!!!!
I don't think I'm an animal about to self consume and take the family with it, just all the symptoms seem eerily familiar.
burritoNinja said:
.
....For a number of years I was being diagnosed with bipolar. Medications never worked, therapy never worked and round in circles I went. My moods change quicker than you could imagine. I have days of crippling depression and haunted by thoughts of previous experiences. Smallest remarks in the workplace can trigger an episode for me. I feel empty and lost most of the time. It's hard to deal with and I understand why people walk away.
How are things going for you?
Well, life was fairly good when I first posted this but not long after it all went down the toilet totally. Wife and I fell out, yet again, big time this time, irrepairably, so I decided to leave the Philippines and come back to the UK with my daughter. Wife stayed there to sell the house, and is still there. ....For a number of years I was being diagnosed with bipolar. Medications never worked, therapy never worked and round in circles I went. My moods change quicker than you could imagine. I have days of crippling depression and haunted by thoughts of previous experiences. Smallest remarks in the workplace can trigger an episode for me. I feel empty and lost most of the time. It's hard to deal with and I understand why people walk away.
How are things going for you?
I sold the hot rod, packed everything up and flew out back to England exactly a year ago today. 2017 has been the most miserable and depressing year of my life.
I have chronicled some of it in here, much to people amusement, Currently in the process of divorcing the wife, which is proving to be extremely stressful. So, things are not going very well for me, in a nutshell. From living the dream, to looking for a rope and a good solid tree, in such a short time.
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