Feeling down, not depressed, just empty.
Discussion
I retired a year ago, at 55, from working offshore. Have a usable pension, house, money in bank etc. I also have/had a busy hobby building cars, furniture, other diy type stuff, so I assumed I'd be a busy bee and in the garage every day enjoying the retirement I'd worked towards and looked forwarded to for years.
I mean, don't we all welcome the day we don't have to go out and work all week to make ends meet? In the past I have scoffed at people who told me I'd be bored if I retired early, because I have so many ideas and projects I want to do....
But after six months I was fed up. I spent less time in the garage, and more time vegetating in front of the computer or tv.
Now we have moved back to the UK, my cars have been sold, all my tools are packed into a shipping container....and I still have no interest in anything at all.
We bought a car last week, family car, we needed one, but I could hardly be bothered to do that. I trolled round some dealers and let the daughter choose what 'we' wanted based simply on the budget we had.
Yesterday we have a Virgin media installed, I connected it up and gave the controls to my daughter, I can't even be bothered to choose a channel, or learn how to. I bought her an Xbox One, hooked it up, but I just don't feel like playing it.
In the back yard is a 5 x 6 workshop I built ten years ago, it needs a good clean and a coat of paint, but I just have no interest in it. I browse eBay trying to find a project car or bike to get into, to fill the garage with, but nothing appeals.
A lot of the time I just sit staring out the window, unless something actually needs doing. It is 9:30 now, I'm still in bed, I can see no reason to get up, there is nothing to do. If there was something urgent or important to do, I'm happy to be up and about at 6am, as I have done that most all my life.
The school we moved over here to put my daughter in has rejected her application, as it is all but too late to get her into the system. We need to do something about that, but I feel no motivation any more.
Three months ago I gave up drinking, because I am a lousy drunk, but I don't even feel like going out and getting hammered any more, apart from one night in an Indian restaurant that I went to, where I cam so close to buying beer, simply to occupy my day a bit. I resisted, thank Christ.
I don't feel depressed, I just don't really feel anything. I have my health, apart from three weeks of man flu, I have money, a house, I just need a slap in the face and an injection of motivation. Or something.
I mean, don't we all welcome the day we don't have to go out and work all week to make ends meet? In the past I have scoffed at people who told me I'd be bored if I retired early, because I have so many ideas and projects I want to do....
But after six months I was fed up. I spent less time in the garage, and more time vegetating in front of the computer or tv.
Now we have moved back to the UK, my cars have been sold, all my tools are packed into a shipping container....and I still have no interest in anything at all.
We bought a car last week, family car, we needed one, but I could hardly be bothered to do that. I trolled round some dealers and let the daughter choose what 'we' wanted based simply on the budget we had.
Yesterday we have a Virgin media installed, I connected it up and gave the controls to my daughter, I can't even be bothered to choose a channel, or learn how to. I bought her an Xbox One, hooked it up, but I just don't feel like playing it.
In the back yard is a 5 x 6 workshop I built ten years ago, it needs a good clean and a coat of paint, but I just have no interest in it. I browse eBay trying to find a project car or bike to get into, to fill the garage with, but nothing appeals.
A lot of the time I just sit staring out the window, unless something actually needs doing. It is 9:30 now, I'm still in bed, I can see no reason to get up, there is nothing to do. If there was something urgent or important to do, I'm happy to be up and about at 6am, as I have done that most all my life.
The school we moved over here to put my daughter in has rejected her application, as it is all but too late to get her into the system. We need to do something about that, but I feel no motivation any more.
Three months ago I gave up drinking, because I am a lousy drunk, but I don't even feel like going out and getting hammered any more, apart from one night in an Indian restaurant that I went to, where I cam so close to buying beer, simply to occupy my day a bit. I resisted, thank Christ.
I don't feel depressed, I just don't really feel anything. I have my health, apart from three weeks of man flu, I have money, a house, I just need a slap in the face and an injection of motivation. Or something.
Eric Mc said:
Have you any friends local to you?
I've never really been a 'friends' type of person, misanthrope I think the term is. Flip Martian said:
Not being bothered about anything at all. That sounds like depression to me. Its not all about feeling miserable. I wouldn't bother with your GP though who will just prescribe pills. Get yourself something meaningful to do. When I retire, I'll go and work in a charity bookshop or something. I remember going to Haynes car museum in Somerset - lots of retired fellas working there, polishing and maintaining the old classics. What a great job that would be, spending all day with beautiful old cars... Anyway, lots of places need a pair of hands. Find one that you think might interest you that would benefit from your help.
I always thought depression was feeling intensely miserable and unhappy, but this is not really like that at all. Shows how much I thought I knew...I do support an animal charity online, but predictably, it is too far away for me/us to get physically involved with.
As for getting a dog, we just left 8 of them behind in the Philippines. Wife is still there trying to sell our house and also buy some land and set up a place where some friends can look after them, with a little house on that we can maybe visit. Not pleasant leaving them all behind though. Which makes it all the more disappointing when the school here totally refused to let the daughter in here. That was the main reason we came back.
MitchT said:
I can be the same sometimes if I have a spell off work with nothing planned.....
........ I guess the problem you have is that if you can't motivate yourself to deal with your daughter's school situation you're at a whole different level to me when I get like that - having that obligation would force me to do something. You say you're not depressed but I suspect you are. Depression can manifest itself in a number of ways.
In your position I'd establish a pattern of healthy eating, regular exercise, making sure I get enough sleep and identify a goal and start working towards it.
I am up and about now, got my finger out, she is all I am really worried, or motivated, about at the moment. We shall apply at another school today......... I guess the problem you have is that if you can't motivate yourself to deal with your daughter's school situation you're at a whole different level to me when I get like that - having that obligation would force me to do something. You say you're not depressed but I suspect you are. Depression can manifest itself in a number of ways.
In your position I'd establish a pattern of healthy eating, regular exercise, making sure I get enough sleep and identify a goal and start working towards it.
We've come from beautiful sunshine in the Philippines to this dreary miserable English weather. We had a great plan, get the daughter into school, while I stay home and sort out the house and garage, utility connections, cleaning, tidying.......but then the school that sounded so promising decided to play a
holes, and the plan went down the toilet. FN2TypeR said:
Exercise is a great way to kill time - it's good for you too, obviously, both physically and mentally. If you aren't fit walking is a great way to start, a walk can become a jog, which can become a run, you don't have to set the world alight with speeds, times or marathons but exercising would be a start me thinks.
Do you like dogs? Get one if you do, they're a companion if nobody else is around and they require a good bit of work to keep entertained, long walks in the cool winter air, or on a nice summers day, plus when it's wanting out for a ste in the morning you have a good reason to get out of bed and get the day started!
If you're worried about depression I would speak to your GP.
Back in the Philippines I would go out for a walk for an hour every evening, a set route, took exactly 1h 6 mins, no matter how hard I tried to crank it up. I did that more from boredom and guilt and being a couch potato all day, but it was good.Do you like dogs? Get one if you do, they're a companion if nobody else is around and they require a good bit of work to keep entertained, long walks in the cool winter air, or on a nice summers day, plus when it's wanting out for a s
te in the morning you have a good reason to get out of bed and get the day started!If you're worried about depression I would speak to your GP.
Strange now, but the things I got so fed up of over there, the heat, the sun, everything so busy and chaotic, are the things I now totally miss here.
I'm doing my best to keep my daughter busy and positive as none of this disruption is her fault. I feel like I have messed up her young years, the ones that matter most, so I want to do the best I can to get her on track again.
SystemParanoia said:
Its not upto the school to accept-reject pupils.
Speak to the LEA they HAVE to find a place.
I went down to the county council office yesterday, they gave me a phone number for the education department, I was told either appeal to the school that rejected her, or apply to another one. Speak to the LEA they HAVE to find a place.
Not sure exactly who the LEA are, Local Education Authority? Any Googling just points me to gov.uk web sites, that all lead to the same department and essentially the same people. They basically give me the same two options mentioned above.
andy-xr said:
Well, let's be honest, you're not there now and you're not going back.
It's time to objectively look at things right now, in the present. It's Wednesday - wake up.
You're headed towards depression, you might already be there. Big life changes can affect the same person very differently at a different stage of their life. Be aware of it, dont make excuses - be honest with yourself and dont be too hard on yourself if you're not where you thought you would be today. There's the rest of the day to get through which can line tomorrow up much better
I hear what you are saying, I know people who are disabled, unemployed, with terminal illnesses, and they seem to have more drive than I do. Embarrassingly enough. It is something I keep telling myself. It's time to objectively look at things right now, in the present. It's Wednesday - wake up.
You're headed towards depression, you might already be there. Big life changes can affect the same person very differently at a different stage of their life. Be aware of it, dont make excuses - be honest with yourself and dont be too hard on yourself if you're not where you thought you would be today. There's the rest of the day to get through which can line tomorrow up much better
When I get my teeth into something I really get into it, but just getting motivated is the problem I have recently.
I'm up, awake, breakfasted, coffeed-up, just got the get the daughter out of bed now.....
andy-xr said:
NO. It's fk all to do with other people and what they're going through. That's for them to get through.
This is about you. There's no Pity Party going on - there's no shame in saying you're in a rut and you need help. There is help available to you. You dont need to be a martyr for your daughter 100% of the time, somewhere in the middle of it there's You Time too. You need that. You're spinning a lot of plates, not all of them are staying on the pole. Time to take a few off, put them back on the table and concentrate on the ones that are the most important.
Yes, a whole lot of plates spinning here, so much sk all to do with other people and what they're going through. That's for them to get through.This is about you. There's no Pity Party going on - there's no shame in saying you're in a rut and you need help. There is help available to you. You dont need to be a martyr for your daughter 100% of the time, somewhere in the middle of it there's You Time too. You need that. You're spinning a lot of plates, not all of them are staying on the pole. Time to take a few off, put them back on the table and concentrate on the ones that are the most important.
t to do moving countries, setting up everything here. I'm nearly done with setting up all the necessities, rearranging the shelving as it were, just the daughter left to sort out now. My head feels like it is full of cotton wool half the time, can't even work out how to set the house thermostatic controller, the page is semi translated from Urdu.
I constantly feel like I'm just wallowing in self pity, but that's b
ks, I'm better than this, just need to get started on things. Man flu doesn't help either. Just doesn't seem to want to completely leave me alone. Might go to the GP today, tell them it has been three weeks and still bunged up.
Targarama said:
Could your mood be affected partly by SAD - lack of sunlight? Even though you're a Brit and know what our winters are like your body is used to more light, even if it is sweaty, noisy, typhoony etc.
I've heard of that before, might be an idea. I once planned to build a SAD box for the wife, before we moved back to her home country in 2010. But we went to the real sun instead. It worked, for a while....elanfan said:
Couple of things:
Get yourself an electronic copy of the depression self help guide, at the very least I think it will help you put some perspective on things
https://www.ntw.nhs.uk/pic/selfhelp/
Also as you've moved from very sunny to cloudy climes get yourself low wattage (23w 110wequivalent) daylight frequency light bulbs often advertised as SAD Seasonal Afflictive Disorder they are about £6 delivered on eBay.
Oh and give yourself something to look forward to, could be something small or even arrange a home visit by the missus.
The wife drives me up the bloody wall sometimes. That might give me motivation to get my arse into the garage.Get yourself an electronic copy of the depression self help guide, at the very least I think it will help you put some perspective on things
https://www.ntw.nhs.uk/pic/selfhelp/
Also as you've moved from very sunny to cloudy climes get yourself low wattage (23w 110wequivalent) daylight frequency light bulbs often advertised as SAD Seasonal Afflictive Disorder they are about £6 delivered on eBay.
Oh and give yourself something to look forward to, could be something small or even arrange a home visit by the missus.
I'll have a look at that guide, could give me some direction.
Edited by King Herald on Wednesday 18th January 11:46
SystemParanoia said:
Then do both!
When it comes to dealing with disinterested government employees, you have to make a fuss... again and again and again, make so much of a fuss for so long and so often that they will sort it out just to get rid of you...
and conveniently, you have all the time in the world to be a pain to them.
I've been told that if the appeal is successful then she HAS to go to that school. Which is pointless if she has already got into another school and six weeks go by. When it comes to dealing with disinterested government employees, you have to make a fuss... again and again and again, make so much of a fuss for so long and so often that they will sort it out just to get rid of you...
and conveniently, you have all the time in the world to be a pain to them.
TheExcession said:
King Herald said:
apart from three weeks of man flu
King Herald said:
Man flu doesn't help either.
^^^ Pay some attention to post flu depression.It's nasty.
A very likable fella I knew years back on a farm where I was working had a severe case of flu over Christmas. I arrived back from the UK, exchanged pleasantries but had a full list of stuff to catch up on in the workshop and short shrifted him a bit
A few days later I was cleaning his brains, skull fragments and blood off the walls in his farm outhouse. Silly bugger had taken his shotgun for a chew.
Alcohol was a major factor as I was clearing out empty bottles of vodka from every cupboard and also under his pillows and duvet. Seems you are on top of that.
I've a lot of your posts over the years and you've always come across as thoroughly decent.
You've just moved from a tropical climate to the dead and miserable UK midwinter - that's bound to affect you.
I've no real advice to offer other than I would suggest that having committed appointments can make a real difference.
I realise that you've just moved back to the UK, how many people in the local area do you know?
Go out and be a lacky/gofa for a day or two a week, find a local satellite TV installer and carry tools, pull cables for him. Find a local garage and offer to just sweep the floors/tidy up.
Anything that will enable you to be around someone who is motivated and means you have to meet a schedule of being ready in the morning.
Hope you get going again.
Best
Ex
Thanks for the kind words.
Well, I got motivated today, went and got an application form for another school, then took daughter to Frank and Benny's for lunch. Have to fill the form in and go to the school tomorrow.
We had a good video chat with the Mrs on Messenger today, she feels much the same as we do here, she is also in an empty house with nothing really to do.
One day at a time....
I have to drag myself out to the garage and force myself to get some inspiration. Maybe then the enthuse for a new project will grow.
SpeckledJim said:
Get a job? Not because you need to for the money, but because having someone relying on you to help might be what you need to drag you out of the fug.
Being needed and useful is a key driver for motivation.
Being retired isn't something everyone is naturally good at, or enjoys.
When I was still in my teens I was told that having a job you basically dislike makes everything else in life all the more sweeter. I understand now what that meant. I didn't particularly like going offshore, for 23 years, but it did make the days at home more precious, gave more incentive to do things every day.Being needed and useful is a key driver for motivation.
Being retired isn't something everyone is naturally good at, or enjoys.
Maybe a good idea to look for something, even part time, when the wife's gets here and school etc is sorted out.
I actually bought some vitamin D tablets yesterday, started banging them down two a day.
Not sure if I want to get into dog ownership just yet, as we still basically own 8 already and it was hard to leave them behind, to an uncertain fate, when we moved over here.
Hobbies. Hmmm, I feel the need to tinker, but can't seem to decide what I want to get into. I'd like a change from the hot rod direction I was always moving in, but still can't generate any enthuse for what yet. When the flu and the weather improves I'll have a go at cleaning out the garage, coat of paint maybe.
Off to another school today, put an application in. I did feel more positive when I woke up this morning, just thinking about that, and this thread, so that is a start. The flu seems to have abated a bit, with a mix of Covonia, night nurse and Vicks vapor rub, plus the vitamins.
Not sure if I want to get into dog ownership just yet, as we still basically own 8 already and it was hard to leave them behind, to an uncertain fate, when we moved over here.
Hobbies. Hmmm, I feel the need to tinker, but can't seem to decide what I want to get into. I'd like a change from the hot rod direction I was always moving in, but still can't generate any enthuse for what yet. When the flu and the weather improves I'll have a go at cleaning out the garage, coat of paint maybe.
Off to another school today, put an application in. I did feel more positive when I woke up this morning, just thinking about that, and this thread, so that is a start. The flu seems to have abated a bit, with a mix of Covonia, night nurse and Vicks vapor rub, plus the vitamins.
Been out and busy today, went to see another school, took my baby out for lunch, still feel Ebola death flu but more positive today.
Off to the docs tomorrow to see if I have MERs, maybe picked it up flying through Qatar three weeks ago. Symptoms are malaise, tiredness, aching, hard to breathe, flu-like symptoms, and I have the lot.
Off to the docs tomorrow to see if I have MERs, maybe picked it up flying through Qatar three weeks ago. Symptoms are malaise, tiredness, aching, hard to breathe, flu-like symptoms, and I have the lot.
I'm in the Midlands, north of Wolverhampton.
I'm pretty sure if I can just shake this bloody flu I'll be far better. Priority is to get the daughter into school, baby I may end up doing a school run twice a day as it is a good mile and a half to the school we just looked into. Maybe she could walk, or get a bus, but it is a bit of an indirect route so we'll have to work on that.
I did take liberties when I first retired, by deciding to do nothing some days, instead of always trying to do at least one productive thing. And then it was so easy to slip into doing nothing every day. All the years I dreamed of being 'independently wealthy' and when it arrived it was a bit of an anti climax. Not that I ever want to go back to the hypocritical amateurish bllst offshore operations I was in before......
I'm pretty sure if I can just shake this bloody flu I'll be far better. Priority is to get the daughter into school, baby I may end up doing a school run twice a day as it is a good mile and a half to the school we just looked into. Maybe she could walk, or get a bus, but it is a bit of an indirect route so we'll have to work on that.
I did take liberties when I first retired, by deciding to do nothing some days, instead of always trying to do at least one productive thing. And then it was so easy to slip into doing nothing every day. All the years I dreamed of being 'independently wealthy' and when it arrived it was a bit of an anti climax. Not that I ever want to go back to the hypocritical amateurish blls
t offshore operations I was in before......garyhun said:
Too far for a quick pint then 
Keep posting and let us know how you get on - if just to keep me out of trouble moving forwards
Unfortunately I gave up drinking about three months ago, which might be part of the reason for the misery.... Keep posting and let us know how you get on - if just to keep me out of trouble moving forwards
I shall endeavor to update this thread, assuming all goes well.
Wacky Racer said:
With your engineering background, how about offering your services to The Churnet Valley steam railway, not a million miles from you. Just a thought.
https://www.churnet-valley-railway.co.uk/line-guid...
I've been trying to find a project to get into, and something like steam engines actually appeals more than the same old hot old stuff I've been doing for 20 years..https://www.churnet-valley-railway.co.uk/line-guid...
Yes, container will arrive and things will start to happen, the workshop will get sorted out and the juices will flow.
Went to the docs today about the three week old man flu, got some penicillin. I seem to have a clogged lung.
Leaflet in the waiting room tells me to visit to doc if I have a cough for 3 weeks or longer...could be cancer.
Went to the docs today about the three week old man flu, got some penicillin. I seem to have a clogged lung.
Leaflet in the waiting room tells me to visit to doc if I have a cough for 3 weeks or longer...could be cancer.
NeMiSiS said:
I took my truck to the garage as I was told by a qualified mech that I had spun a big end shell, it was knocking its head off.....turned out to be a faulty injector.
Cancer my ar5e, you have a chest infection and I'm not surprised coming to this climate from what you have been used too.
Tell me you are not walking around in a flowery vest, shorts and flip- flops.
If you are then no wonder that used car salesman had you off, he must have thought it was his birthday.
Chin up.
No, no cancer, just seems to be a little 'job security' advertising in the waiting room. Cancer my ar5e, you have a chest infection and I'm not surprised coming to this climate from what you have been used too.
Tell me you are not walking around in a flowery vest, shorts and flip- flops.
If you are then no wonder that used car salesman had you off, he must have thought it was his birthday.
Chin up.
I left there with some penicillin and talk of a clogged up lung, and I must admit I feel a lot chirpier tonight after just two doses. And a flu shot. Never had one before, nurse recommended it though, and she is better trained than me.
I am actually wearing shorts, but with long socks, t shirt, sweater and a wooly hat.....in the house. Heating is on 22c.
RDMcG said:
......I never understood the idea that you would as your last living observation think that you wished you had worked less. I love the involvement and being active in creating change. The boredom has gone away. Now my leisure time has become valuable because there is less of it. I need some adrenalin and could not care less about the good old days. I am well aware that at some stage I will decline physically and move from driving sports cars to some blobmobile or God forbid a self driving plug in toaster with wheels or get cancer or dementia. If so it has been a good ride and tomorrow is more exciting than yesterday. Does not matter what you want to do but find something that demands your time. Don't watch tv or spend all day on the web unless it's work related. Look after your health.
Like many people I slacked off over Christmas and now have a major gym push which is harder as you get older. Stuff hurts. My knees are sore. But by a month I will be back where I need to be.
I guess if I enjoyed my work as much as you obviously enjoy yours, I wouldn't even be calling it work. Like many people I slacked off over Christmas and now have a major gym push which is harder as you get older. Stuff hurts. My knees are sore. But by a month I will be back where I need to be.
I actually enjoyed being offshore a lot of the time, until a few years ago. Things changed, management changed, young heroes came to power, continual improvement at any cost was the order of the day, rules, regulations, reports and systems, all invented by people who had hardly even been offshore themselves.
It is sad to think that I'm not appreciating the extra leisure time of retirement simply because I don't have the misery, or deprivation, of work to make it feel valuable though. When my daughter was in school I was the one up at 6am every day to make sure she was up and ready to go. That I did enjoy.
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