Death and bereavement
Discussion
Mrs S passed away in July and I’m struggling to come to terms with it,she was 52.
Most days are ok and I muddle on but yesterday I was on the verge of crying all day,nothing I did stopped it.
I know it’s still early days but as the days pass my feeling of loss gets greater and everything seems more of a weight on my shoulders and getting heavier.
We have decided to move back to the UK and that seems like a mountain rather than a hill.I know it’s the right decision in the long term but it’s a daunting prospect.
I know in time it will get easier but that doesn’t help now,and it’s now life seems s
t.
Most days are ok and I muddle on but yesterday I was on the verge of crying all day,nothing I did stopped it.
I know it’s still early days but as the days pass my feeling of loss gets greater and everything seems more of a weight on my shoulders and getting heavier.
We have decided to move back to the UK and that seems like a mountain rather than a hill.I know it’s the right decision in the long term but it’s a daunting prospect.
I know in time it will get easier but that doesn’t help now,and it’s now life seems s
t.I think I’m pissed off,like oldaudi said.
I am now responsible for everything and get very little help.My FIL lives with us and he now has the expectation that I am going to house him for ever.That is not going to happen but I have the extra hassle of that.
I can’t put an 82 year old out on the street but he has to accept things have changed and not for the better.
He isn’t my responsibility or obligation.
My only responsibility is me and our children,they are young adults who feel the same loss as I do.
I am now responsible for everything and get very little help.My FIL lives with us and he now has the expectation that I am going to house him for ever.That is not going to happen but I have the extra hassle of that.
I can’t put an 82 year old out on the street but he has to accept things have changed and not for the better.
He isn’t my responsibility or obligation.
My only responsibility is me and our children,they are young adults who feel the same loss as I do.
Today is st.
Every time I go in the kitchen and prepare lunch I turn around and see her sat at the table waiting for me to take her her sandwich. Then it happens,I hear her complain about the pain in her head,then I see her slump and fall off the chair,never to return home.
From that moment she didn't regain consiousness and that was it,6 days later they took her off life support.
I didn't get to say good bye,I didn't get to give her one last kiss and tell her I loved her.From then on she didn't hear my words or feel my touch.I smell her pyjamas to remember what she smelt like but now they just smell of washing powder,or is that her smell. I just don't know.
This is somehow a release,blatherring on to random blokes on an internet forum.
Thanks for listening so far.
t.Every time I go in the kitchen and prepare lunch I turn around and see her sat at the table waiting for me to take her her sandwich. Then it happens,I hear her complain about the pain in her head,then I see her slump and fall off the chair,never to return home.
From that moment she didn't regain consiousness and that was it,6 days later they took her off life support.
I didn't get to say good bye,I didn't get to give her one last kiss and tell her I loved her.From then on she didn't hear my words or feel my touch.I smell her pyjamas to remember what she smelt like but now they just smell of washing powder,or is that her smell. I just don't know.
This is somehow a release,blatherring on to random blokes on an internet forum.
Thanks for listening so far.
Kerniki said:
What was she like? if its not too hard..
Kind,compassionate,loving,generous,everything you would want in a wife and partner.We met when we were 18,she was my first girlfriend,I was her first proper boyfriend.
Our first “date” was watching 9 1/2 weeks at one of her friends houses,we met the following morning and we have been together since then.
I went in the wardrobe this morning for a clean t-shirt,my shelves 1 side ,her hanging space the other.
A quick look through and there were some clothes we bought for her birthday,still with the shop tags on from Koh Tao in Thailand.She hadn't found the right occasion to wear them,now they won't be. I haven't moved a thing of hers,her dirty washing still sits in the laundry basket in the corner of our bedroom,my laundry gets dumped on the floor next to it.
We have decided when the time comes,to get all her clothes made into quilts.That way the clothes aren't just binned and we get to keep her favourite items,plus quilting was one of her hobbies.
Like many have said ,this is going to be a long process. A process I'm finding very lonely and very emotional.
Today is market day so I took the dog out and had a coffee at our regular spot,I teared up as it brings back so many memories,the lady in the shop opposite gave me a knowing nod and the "you poor thing " look.
At least when I take the dog,people ask about her rather than me.
A quick look through and there were some clothes we bought for her birthday,still with the shop tags on from Koh Tao in Thailand.She hadn't found the right occasion to wear them,now they won't be. I haven't moved a thing of hers,her dirty washing still sits in the laundry basket in the corner of our bedroom,my laundry gets dumped on the floor next to it.
We have decided when the time comes,to get all her clothes made into quilts.That way the clothes aren't just binned and we get to keep her favourite items,plus quilting was one of her hobbies.
Like many have said ,this is going to be a long process. A process I'm finding very lonely and very emotional.
Today is market day so I took the dog out and had a coffee at our regular spot,I teared up as it brings back so many memories,the lady in the shop opposite gave me a knowing nod and the "you poor thing " look.
At least when I take the dog,people ask about her rather than me.
You’re right,it will get better.
I feel sorry for our daughter,she entered Uni during lockdown,second year a house mate tried to commit suicide and third year had a house mate from hell.
Mrs S had planned a girly weekend away and she would have her graduation ceremony on the Monday. We were very proud parents,neither Mrs S or I went to Uni.
Mrs S went into hospital the Thursday before. Our daughter never got to her graduation and her certificate languishes in the filing cabinet. She had planned to go travelling in September but that’s now a distant dream on the tide of emotion.She will go,we just don’t know when.
Stay strong my fellow widowers,we will get through it.
I feel sorry for our daughter,she entered Uni during lockdown,second year a house mate tried to commit suicide and third year had a house mate from hell.
Mrs S had planned a girly weekend away and she would have her graduation ceremony on the Monday. We were very proud parents,neither Mrs S or I went to Uni.
Mrs S went into hospital the Thursday before. Our daughter never got to her graduation and her certificate languishes in the filing cabinet. She had planned to go travelling in September but that’s now a distant dream on the tide of emotion.She will go,we just don’t know when.
Stay strong my fellow widowers,we will get through it.
When you said music,I immediately thought of Simon Bates ‘Our tunes’.
It made me chuckle and smile bringing back memories,good memories of Mrs S. Taking solace someboby else was deeper in the st than us at that time and we would soldier on with the ignorance of youth.
Today,someone is having a tougher time than Me and I haven’t got much to winge about. Pull up my socks and get on with it. In between the weeps,little bouts of tears and happy memories.
It made me chuckle and smile bringing back memories,good memories of Mrs S. Taking solace someboby else was deeper in the s
t than us at that time and we would soldier on with the ignorance of youth.Today,someone is having a tougher time than Me and I haven’t got much to winge about. Pull up my socks and get on with it. In between the weeps,little bouts of tears and happy memories.
Edited by smifffymoto on Wednesday 11th October 06:41
Mrs S was a Christmas fanatic,if only for the food and excuse to try new dishes and perfect some old favourites.
On the shelf is a couple of jars of mincemeat and a home made Christmas pudding which was made last year. They will be used when we are back in the UK with the rest of the family.
This year we haven’t done anything,no tree,no decorations,nothing. To be honest it just doesn’t feel like Christmas without the driving force that was Mrs S.
On the shelf is a couple of jars of mincemeat and a home made Christmas pudding which was made last year. They will be used when we are back in the UK with the rest of the family.
This year we haven’t done anything,no tree,no decorations,nothing. To be honest it just doesn’t feel like Christmas without the driving force that was Mrs S.
Happy New Year !
Things are better for me,I have accepted the loss of my wife and admitted to myself she won’t be coming back and it’s getting easier,still have the odd tear set off by the daftest of things but generally ok.
Had a few viewings for the house and they are looking promising so I hope we will be back in blighty sometime in the Spring.With the move I feel I can begin the next chapter of my life.
Stay strong.
Things are better for me,I have accepted the loss of my wife and admitted to myself she won’t be coming back and it’s getting easier,still have the odd tear set off by the daftest of things but generally ok.
Had a few viewings for the house and they are looking promising so I hope we will be back in blighty sometime in the Spring.With the move I feel I can begin the next chapter of my life.
Stay strong.
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