Wanted: A manly,virile monster of a vehicle

[Vytalis]

Today has been a bad day, I bought a Hyundai i10 (red, active 1.2 if it matters). That as I see it is akin to handing my balls back and spending all day ironing and changing nappies. So, I need something to restore the balance - something so unbelievably vicious and masculine that if it was human it would be a cross between Ade Edmondson in The Young Ones and Chuck Norris. To get started, these I think should be on the list:

Pontiac Firebird (smoky and the bandit car iirc)
Ac cobra
Confederate wraith (motorbike)
Jensen interceptor
70s Aston Martin
V8 classic range rover or Chevy powered defender
Outerlimits offshore catamaran
Pitts s2c acrobatic biplane
Alvis stalwart

Not on the list:
V8 ferraris (too elegant, maybe excepting the 308 due to the magnum effect)
Toyota supra, evo or Nissan skyline (wrong image - this isn't about technology, it is about welding the thing yourself and fixing things with a lump hammer after the 70s tyres let go...)
Mx5 or BMW 330 (too normal, practical, efficient
Yamaha r1 or anything else with a fairing.

Help me please before they shrivel up and drop off...

[Vytalis]

davepoth said:

Anything with a V8 and no silencers. Preferably painted black.

Hammerite for preference?

Edit and OT: I used to work with someone who painted a vauxhall viva in Hammerite, by hand brush, with gold wheels. He then rear ended another car whilst watching a scantily clad young lady walk down the street one fine summer's day.

Edited by Vytalis on Sunday 7th October 19:25

[Vytalis]

vrsmxtb said:

Can we assume a woman was involved in this purchase?

You realise you need minimum a car that will shoot flames on the overrun to balance out?!

Yes, but she has a fantastic rack so I'd lost before I started.

A black v8 that spits flames on overrun from side exhausts is now on the 'must have these features' list

[Vytalis]

EvoSlayer said:

I bought this last month...



A 5.8 V12 has got to be worth a few PH points

Too elegant and classy. That engine in a ford pop (or the bloody i10) might work though.

[Vytalis]

Pobolycwm said:

Landrover Wildcat.......enormous cojones obligatory........or the desire to have them

Agreed. So, a tomcat (cheaper version) v8 with side exhausts that spits flames on the overrun in hammerite. That may allow me to keep the man card.

[Vytalis]

v8will said:

Rover P6 3500. Leftfield? What sort of work for me if I was in the OPs situation.

That one works, or a Capri 3000 (not 2.8iS though)

[Vytalis]

belleair302 said:

Dodge Viper.....
Any 1990's Lambo, especially an SV
Porsche 993 GT2
AM Vanquish S
AMG G-Wagon
Morgan Aeromax
Bentley Brooklands
Ultima GTR
Ariel Atom V8 500
Caterham R500
Lambo LM 002
Previous generation Alpina B7 (E60 version)
Renault Clio V6


Finally a TVR Tuscan Speed Six.

Ultima and gt2 are too refined and high end. All others work well.
Clio v6 reminds me of another option: Renault 5 turbo.

[Vytalis]

DrTre said:

Buell, any but the Firebolt was niiiice.

Really liked te xb12s I rode, much nicer than the super duke IMHO. Norton commando or triumph thruxton works too maybe or an unfaired hayabusa turbo (as per ghost rider)

[Vytalis]

Powerrr said:

He asked for masculine. Not gay as fk.

Jeep wrangler?

[Vytalis]

Paul v8 said:

Get a Monaro Vxr has the v8 growl , mean in a mirror ,pops and bangs on overrun

Friend has one. Sounds lovely but a bit too civilised inside for the full effect.

[Vytalis]

DrTre said:

Buell, any but the Firebolt was niiiice.

http://m.youtube.com/#/watch?v=9emYdPL44Ao&desktop_uri=%2Fwatch%3Fv%3D9emYdPL44Ao&gl=GB

(Yes I know it's a Harley but the principle is right)

[Vytalis]

andy-xr said:

Ooh, I just thought of a serious one

http://classifieds.pistonheads.com/classifieds/use...

A lovely car for certain, but a bit too suave - a Lamborghini Miura would work but only because of this:

http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=KQIRbV_noi8

[Vytalis]

ConorE said:

Holden Ute, and supercharge for good measure. Couple in the classifieds for about 9k. Look no further.

Interesting - f150 lightning or gmc syclone also added to the list.

[Vytalis]

paranoid airbag said:

Or just a Cobra rep

Definitely on the list, as is the Morgan aero 8 / aeromax mentioned earlier

[Vytalis]

Max_Torque said:

Job Jobbed!


(note: you're not allowed to modify it too much, that reaks of "trying too hard". So, a subtle suspension lift and a set of new wheels and slightly larger than std tyres and you're done!)

If anything, those mods are too much, an exterior that looks untouched but with a 5.7v8 (+ hidden side exit exhausts) may be the answer. Pass the hammerite and checker plate.

Edit: and the BFG radial all terrains with white lettering of course

[Vytalis]

VX Foxy said:

Just needs a red indian and a construction worker to complete the picture...


OP, the damage is done. There is no return.

There's the door ->

Well if the damage is done, I may as well get another Harley

You can't beat a v twin that vibrates directly through the pillion seat at 70mph as foreplay IMHO - my last bike did exactly that, many a time I would get a tap on the shoulder and a gasped 'don't slow down' from female pillions. God I miss that bike.

[Vytalis]

230TE said:

Will this do?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DruAUxV9kaI&fea...

Yes, I rather think it will. Now, where did I put that moustache wax?

[Vytalis]

BeirutTaxi said:

RE: The i10 - whyyyyyyyyy?

Because:

Vytalis said:

vrsmxtb said:

Can we assume a woman was involved in this purchase?

You realise you need minimum a car that will shoot flames on the overrun to balance out?!

Yes, but she has a fantastic rack so I'd lost before I started.

A black v8 that spits flames on overrun from side exhausts is now on the 'must have these features' list

[Vytalis]

Beefmeister said:

Is there a budget for this throbbing cock extension?

I've just bought an i10, what do you think?