Friday 14th November 2014

Shed Of The Week: Mitsuoka Viewt

A Japanese curio of the very oddest kind takes Shed's fancy this week

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Shed's a thick-skinned sort of fellow. He needs to be to cope with the disdainful comments Mrs Shed makes in response to very occasional witticisms such as 'how do you turn a fox into an elephant?' (answer: marry it).

Strength of character is also a useful tool when it comes to dealing with the hurtful comments sometimes posted here in respect of his Shed of the Week choices. He'll need all that and more this week.

Looks like the price has been reduced..

What we have here is a Mitsuoka Viewt. Regarding it from a very long way away, or with your specs on back to front, it looks like a Mk2 Jag. In reality, it's a dressed-up Mk2 Micra, a rather different animal that, without Mitsuoka's fibreglass add-ons, is not without its own charms.

When he's not on his gap year (pfft) Shed Minor uses a 1.0 Micra for his daily chores, i.e. running down to the chippy to do a few deals involving small pieces of Bacofoil and of course for collecting his weekly protection money from that nice old blind lady on Gasworks Ave. In two years of bashing this Micra about the county with nary a kind thought for the poor thing, the only item that's gone wrong has been a sticking brake caliper. Well, three sticking brake calipers actually. And a super-keen starter motor that just never knows when to stop. The camchain is a bit thrashy too, but that's easily ignored (he finds).

So, there's nowt amiss with the basic Micra in terms of reliability and its refusal to die even in the face of heavy provocation. Whether you think there's anything wrong with the Viewt depends entirely on your viewt. This particular one has a set of 17in wheels on it that will almost certainly do the ride no favours, that's if they're not fouling the arches most of the time. The car would look better with some perf'd steelies on it anyway, and you'd have no bother finding a set of those in your local scrappy.

Get rid of those 17s for a start

One thing the Viewt is not short of is character. If you're the sort who wants to keep your exposure to the public to an absolute minimum then you'd probably be best leaving it alone. But if you like the idea of a highly distinctive little car that will make you smile (if not laugh out loud) every time you walk up to it, with the practicality and low running costs of a five-door Japanese supermini, you won't go far wrong. And it's a bit of a steal at this price. It's unlikely to be worth any less than what your man is asking here, up until the day it fails its MOT for the last time.

Talking of a laugh, we recommend a visit to the Mitsuoka UK website ('a small factory with a big dream'). Clearly Mitsuoka HQ was tapped up by the same British chancer who went out to Japan in the 1980s with nothing more than a TEFL certificate and a bullet train Rover ticket in his hot little hand. That's the only explanation for some of the mad Jenglish that came out of Japanese car factory press offices back then.

It's all history now, except at Mitsuoka UK. They never got round to sorting out the text on their website. Maybe they deliberately left it like it was to keep the whole package 100 percent retro. Here's what they say about their Ryoga, a dross - sorry, typo, that should say 'cross' - between a Wolseley 6/110 and a Bentley Arnage that's been stood out in the Venusian atmosphere a bit too long. The original copy has some Japanese characters in it, which for your reading convenience have been replaced here by the word 'squiggle'. You can come up with your own meanings for the squiggles. Think of it as an early Christmas quiz.

Just in case you did actually think it was a Jag

"Each time a new one is over. Over yonder. I think that single-minded move. One of fulfilment get to the summit, however, gone tomorrow. Go even higher. So his way over for the continued though. "Excel". YUDANERU spirit of my car. (Squiggle) life is the same person. Who's not. Ask for my own happiness. (Squiggle) era without the Joneses without it. Own aesthetic dictates just wrestle, run. "Excel". YUDANERU aspirations of my car. Again, age, the boy remain. (Squiggle) journey. (Squiggle) mind. Fresh air to the brain and sink into (squiggle) come. Beyond the day-to-day is a much more relaxed. The boy's heart is as full of adventure. "Excel". YUDANERU freedom of my car. Challenge. The dream destination. And the mountains, valleys. Road is not flat. But his (squiggle). As long as my aim, without having to succumb to the difficulties face forward. Now the dream is still on the way. (Squiggle) on making the utmost efforts. "Excel". YUDANERU my life to the car."

All we're telling you by way of translation is that 'yudaneru' means to devote oneself to something. A life of ironic mockery, presumably.

Here's the ad. Excel.

1997 p reg, 1.0l 5 speed petrol, 90k CD player, sunroof, central locking, 17 inch alloys, lowered 200mm,angel eye headlights and spots, tinted windows, Nissan Micra kit car, (search Mitsuoka viewt) mk2 jaguar replica, green pearl with rainbow mini flake, fibreglass front end, steel bonnet and full steel rear end, bolt on to back panal and weld roof and quarters,mot till end of March 15, 10 months tax, built as a prop for my wedding hence the last pic over a year later it's now in the way,
Minor faults include, horn on button, clutch knows the micras on 17s but not slipping, Dodgey fuel gauge, fuel light is working Perfect,
Must see!!!!! drives surprisingly well!!!
May Px why?
Come and view it!!!!!
Car is in bristol

[Strawman]

One of the ugliest things ever to make it onto the road, just no.

[Strawman]

I think the idea used to be, something that people might consider buying, some SotW were even bought and a delighted buyer posted up about their purchase. How many of the people proclaiming they love this week's turd have actually owned a viewt? None I'll wager.

[Strawman]

EskimoArapaho said:

Well, for starters they're very rare. Next, outside of a few moneyed-up car collectors, we all like far more cars than we can afford to keep and run. For now, I prefer to run a V8 saloon.

I can only speak for myself, and I'd have one in a heartbeat if I could.

Not whining just amazed anyone likes them, having seen one in the metal (and fibreglass) it is genuinely something I can't see the appeal of at all. Perhaps because it is such a poor attempt at a pastiche of something that was stylish in it's day, the mk2 Jaguar. The body is obviously a Micra and the bonnet and boot obviously grafted on and out of proportion, it is slow, ugly and about as funny as Jim Davidson.

[Strawman]

SpeckledJim said:

Did you honestly take the article as a genuine exhortation for you to go and buy it? That the author was recommending it to you? Seriously?

You understand the concept of something being the best example of something on offer this week? The title is Shed of the week after all. Speed matters has gone as a tagline, being interested in cars at all seems the next casualty. Replaced by inane attempts at humour.

[Strawman]

bangerturner said:

SpeckledJim said:

Some of the responses make me wonder whether the care and wit put into Shed is completely wasted.

Great article and good recent decision to stray a bit from the 'serious recommendation' formula and cover more unusual stuff.

Ignore the spluttering green-ink brain-farts from those who never could quite work out when teacher was joking.

Kudos to you.

This

I'm glad you quoted this, I missed thew smug patronising pomposity the first time around. Who ever here sincerely laughed at a teacher's joke? No doubt delivered with a knowing wink and a ponderous mirth sapping pace. Probably the same sad sack crowd who declare school days were the best days of their lives.
This cut and shut represents nothing a car enthusiast could appreciate, IMO. Uglier than the car it is based on? Check. Less useful with a stupid boot? Check. Taking the piss out of a cherished design? Check. Slow, Check? Still a micra on the V5 innit? Check.

[Strawman]

gigglebug said:

I can never understand why so many people bother to take the time to post about the article they have clearly just read bemoaning

It's called a forum, people post their views on something, not that hard to understand, people have different views, I always wondered who watched programmes like Last of the summer wine but then tastes vary.

gigglebug said:

It looks like it could have plenty of that little thing that we like to use to describe anything that makes us smile but in actual fact is a little bit ste. Character. And there's nothing wrong with that

Fake character that is less than skin deep, a bit like Astroturf, yes it looks a bit like grass and costs
nothing to maintain but it lacks many of the the other qualities of the real thing.

[Strawman]

gigglebug said:

But thanks for your input on anyway

Why bother reading my post when it is clear you've set your mind to disagree with everything in it anyway? Your insincere thanks weren't wanted either. I've been reading shed of the week for years now and commenting on the cars, mainly because I often have enjoyed the cars reviewed and the discussion afterwards. Now self righteous morons like yourself want to take exception to anything negative posted about a car I can see this becoming a narrow minded lacuna of the internet full of braying sheeple.

[Strawman]

gigglebug said:

Oh dear, oh dear. Has someone had to resort to verbal abuse as they are too inarticulate to form a proper response when another person has shown them up on a forum??

You are the one who started with the attacks

gigglebug said:

You know full well that the majority of people bhing knew as soon as they saw the picture that they weren't going to like the car yet they have still read the article and wasted their own time posting about it. The words "grow" and "up" spring to mind!

I merely responded in kind.You have yet to explain what you think is so great about this st heap you have never driven or seen. Yet you know exactly what the people who don't like it are thinking and feeling. Name one thing it does better than the Micra it is based on, and don't say "It looks funny" It looks about as funny as a bowl of sick to me. Here is a rare car for shed of the week, one no one admits to ever owning, and I would imagine that is down town fact it slower, less useful etc.
You seen the one hard of thinking and pumped up with self importance.

[Strawman]

gigglebug said:

There are plenty that seem fit to berate the quality of the feature and the choices of cars week in week out yet still come back to read it and berate again. That just seems a little counter productive and a waste of time to me

Who are these people? I've never noticed this but then I don't pay much attention to each and every post, yet you say there are plenty of them and I wonder if you are imagining it.