Friday 24th April 2015

Shed Of The Week: Alfa Romeo 164

British barges ditched by Shed for a very rare kind of Italian stallion

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One hundred years ago this August, a Neapolitan entrepreneur called Nicola Romeo became a director of the ALFA car company.

Romeo's first job was to produce munitions for the Allied war effort, but the cars following that first bout of world unpleasantness laid the foundations for a motoring brand that blended steel and romance in a way that few other marques have been able to capture.

Good job white is back in fashion, right?

Since the 1960s, Alfa Romeo has been most strongly associated with smallish (and generally excellent) sporting coupes and ragtops. With one or two notable exceptions like the Alfasud, the company's attempts to muscle in on the Joe Average market have enjoyed about as much success as an SNP candidate in South Ken, but many of Alfa's big execs turned out surprisingly well.

We've had two or three 166 Sheds in the last two and bit years, but ready-to-go 164s don't wander onto our patch all that often. The only one we've had in all that time, in fact, was back in July 2013. It was black and had the same 2.0-litre Twin Spark engine as this week's Shed, along with ten months MOT, six months tax, and a headscratchingly low £250 price tag.

Oh well, you say, that's because it only had the 2.0-litre engine, so it must have been about as nippy as an Italian battle tank. Not so, signor: back in 1991, the horsepower in your engine went a lot further than it does now. It's all about the weight. Even in its most basic form, today's Ford Focus lards in at around 1,270kg. At its 1987 launch, the Alfa 164 weighed 1,200kg. This may seem astonishing for a car in the 5 Series/E-Class bracket, but it's true, and it gives you a clue as to why even a humble normally-aspirated 2.0-litre four of the 1980s will zing this big Alfa along at a spritely pace.

No need to bemoan a lack of V6. Really

Of course, fripperies like crash protection and noise insulation were nothing like what they are now, but in the case of noise at least, that's not necessarily a bad thing. The irony of manufacturers now adding technology (and weight) to create fake noise won't be lost on fans of pure, pre-nanny state tackle like the 164. The TS lump is a high-character unit that needs no artificial aids to get your neck hairs a-tingling. Using an early twin-stage valve timing system, it develops peak power at a giddy 5,800rpm. Cam drive is by chain.

Looking at the pics of this privately-owned 2015 specimen, and the mention in the ad of a second 164 available for spares, you don't need to be a mindreader to work out that this is another enthusiast-owned car. Yes, it's in benefits spec, with cloth seats, the worst colour, and the 'wrong' engine.

But surely the best plan here would be to enjoy the particular delights of the Twin Spark for as long as they're on tap and then, if you must, slip a cheeky 3.0 in there for the rest of this (apparently sound) shell's life. The six will certainly go better, and even the most ardent Twin Sparkist would struggle to argue against it sounding better, but just bear in mind that the 230hp 24-valve car waddled onto the scales at over 1,500kg, a full 300kg more than the four-potter. You'll definitely feel that up in the car's nasal area, despite the rear placement of the battery to even up the front to back weight distribution. Following its own testing at Arese, even Alfa admitted that there was a 25 per cent greater chance of skidding in the V6. You can to some extent mitigate against any frontwards bias by booting the hell out of the poor V6 at every opportunity, but this really isn't necessary in the very neutral TS.

Well the style is distinctive at least

The 164's ventilation system depended on bits of Lego and plastic cutlery to make it work, and the electrical system was designed by a mouse, but this is a car that might confound your expectations if they're low. More pre-launch factory testing included running a bunch of 164s over the equivalent of the Paris-Dakar rally course, and by all accounts they came through it jolly well. That's because Alfa knew it was up against the Germans, so spent rather more time and effort on quality than might have traditionally been the case up to that point. Galvanisation was cool then, and liberally indulged in on the 164.

It worked, too: Alfa flogged over a quarter of a million 164s. This is one of them. It has a full MOT, with no advisories - praise the Lord!

Be warned, though. These cars grow on you like tasty Tuscan funghi. That £250 car from 2013 had been in the same ownership for the previous 14 years. Alfa sickness is one of the best diseases you can get.

Here's the ad.

Twin spark manual, sunroof, 12 months mot, no advisories, new tyres, drives very well, also another 164 twins spark lusso for spares.

[V8 FOU]

Proper shedding! Great and now, rare, cars. No cam belt worries either. the TS cars were always reckoned to be a better bet, noise apart, for handling etc.
Best shed for a while.