How to free up the roads, reduce stress, and save the planet
Discussion
*WARNING- THE FOLLOWING HAS BEEN INFLUENCED BY BEER AND A LARGE HELPING OF TOP GEAR MATHS*
So following another 'orrible commute home, full of A grade numpties bimbling along to their various destinations via a selection of stupid, absent-minded and downright dangerous manoeuvres, a beer-induced constructive debate ensued.
Now I've only been driving a New York minute by most people's standards, and I'm by no means an angel, but there are just too many motherf
kin' idiots, on our motherfkin' roads. Driving becomes stressful, free-flowing rivers of Tarmac become gridlocked nightmares, and I live forever in fear of dying an agonising death with a Vauxhall badge imprinted on my forehead.The solution? Make the driving test, a test. I'm talking advanced car control, pre-planning and reaction times, and a serious emphasis on smoothness. Something that cannot possibly be fluked. Will Joe Average be able to pass it? Probably not. But competent drivers will. And if we're to command 2-tonne machines capable of over a hundred miles an hour, isn't that exactly what we should be?
But how will Joe be able to get to work, I hear you say? Well, beer has an answer for that. Mr Average will take the train. Massive amounts of money from all the average commuters being plowed into a government-owned infrastructure. A key point- this must be organised so that this money actually finds its way into the government coffers and not into Mr rail-franchise fat cat's pockets. Something that already needs addressing now, truth be told. This huge turnover in cash can then provide vital infrastructure upgrades to the full-to-capacity routes, making them capable of meeting the extra demand.
But what if Mr Average lives nowhere near the station, I hear you cry? Beer has it covered. Even if he lives out of reach of his local councils expansive bus routes, he will get a taxi. How many taxi companies have emerged in the last few years putting emphasis on using hybrid and electric cars? I've seen plenty. Government subsidy for 'leccy-utilising companies will provide affordable taxi transport so that the average commuter can make a renewable energy, greenie-friendly journey to work.
But what if this makes a journey into work for the average commuter long and arduous, I hear you desperately plead? Trust in beer. Is this not an incentive for these people? Joe will know that if he gets his s
t together and brings his standard of driving up to scratch, he will be able to own his very own car and will be free to use it as he wishes. Every disused runway, every open space in the UK, a training ground. People actually learning true driving skill in a bid to earn a licence.An improved rail system providing faster, more efficient journeys. Better drivers making driving less stressful and accidents less frequent. Cheaper car insurance due to 17-year olds not being able to fluke their test and crash at free will. A larger proportion of electric to internal combustion cars on the roads day-to-day meaning happy eco-hippies and less sanctions for gas-guzzlers. A network of genuinely good drivers trustworthy enough for the monopoly of speed cameras to be lifted. And clear roads for us, as truly competent drivers, to enjoy our wonderful machines here and now before they're wiped out completely.
Job done.
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