First phone for 11yo
Discussion
Looking to get our daughter her first phone. Please park all comments about she doesn’t need one until she’s 16, etc 
Looking at iPhones as we are, for better or for worse, an iPhone family.
Second hand - she is very careful but it will probably get dropped or nicked at some stage, so £250 price point.
Ideally something which has at least a couple of years of updates in it. Will probably be used mostly for messaging, YouTube, photos and games.
I’ve been looking at iPhone SE (2) from 2020, the 128gb version. 64 seems small for games and photos etc. iPhone 11 is much more expensive (64gb is similar price to 64gb SE, but bump it to 128gb and it’s an extra £100.)
£240 for a pristine one from musicmagpie (used them for my 12 pro max). Any reason I shouldn’t?
Looking at iPhones as we are, for better or for worse, an iPhone family.
Second hand - she is very careful but it will probably get dropped or nicked at some stage, so £250 price point.
Ideally something which has at least a couple of years of updates in it. Will probably be used mostly for messaging, YouTube, photos and games.
I’ve been looking at iPhone SE (2) from 2020, the 128gb version. 64 seems small for games and photos etc. iPhone 11 is much more expensive (64gb is similar price to 64gb SE, but bump it to 128gb and it’s an extra £100.)
£240 for a pristine one from musicmagpie (used them for my 12 pro max). Any reason I shouldn’t?
Rest assured it will be locked down tighter than a nun’s chuff. Will be monitored and using Apple family sharing etc. she’s a good kid and self censors - for example if somebody swears in a vid she is watching she stops it and deletes it from history 
I know parents can be a bit blind to their kids’ faults but we both work in education so are fairly wise to most of it. Would prefer to avoid WhatsApp but unfortunately her secondary school next year use it for class groups etc. so she’ll need to be on it.
Prefer to stick with Apple for location/app sharing etc.
Still Mulling, what size did you go for, 64 or 128?
Popeyewhite: when you talk about pre teen mental health, are you referring to potential bullying issues/inappropriate content, or the potential to have their heads buried in it 24/7? Obviously we will be setting screen time limits and monitoring conversations/history (with her knowledge as a prior condition of her getting a phone)
I know parents can be a bit blind to their kids’ faults but we both work in education so are fairly wise to most of it. Would prefer to avoid WhatsApp but unfortunately her secondary school next year use it for class groups etc. so she’ll need to be on it.Prefer to stick with Apple for location/app sharing etc.
Still Mulling, what size did you go for, 64 or 128?
Popeyewhite: when you talk about pre teen mental health, are you referring to potential bullying issues/inappropriate content, or the potential to have their heads buried in it 24/7? Obviously we will be setting screen time limits and monitoring conversations/history (with her knowledge as a prior condition of her getting a phone)
Thanks all, some useful thoughts here.
- Social media is completely out for the foreseeable, and she’s not interested anyway (currently).
- I am undecided about WhatsApp. It would be useful for family chats. The school don’t use it officially, but it seems that classes have a WhatsApp chat group for homework etc. I am well aware of bullying risks, but fear that she will get left out if she’s not in this group. WhatsApp can be locked down quite a bit (not being autoadded to groups, etc,) which we will be doing.
- a Nokia is an option but seems a bit silly as the other things she currently uses a tablet for (youtube etc.) could all be kept on one device.
- I’ve only had my (second hand!) iPhone 12 Pro Max a year or so and bought it needing it to last 4 years minimum for it to make sense. A 2020 SE is much cheaper - it’ll get a decent case/screen protector. She’s a pretty careful kid and I think she’ll look after it, but if she doesn’t then she’ll learn!
There will be limits/rules in places and she knows we will be doing spot checks. If I’m honest she checks stuff with us all the time anyway. Again, I’m aware that things will change as she gets older and tests the limits.
The thing that concerns me most is bullying etc. She had a proper falling out today with her best friend of 6 years and it has really hit her hard as she knows things have been going on behind her back. This will of course happen with bells on with WhatsApp etc. - but as somebody pointed out, not having a phone won’t stop it happening.
It’s such a tough world for kids to grow up in now. Things were so much easier for us.
- Social media is completely out for the foreseeable, and she’s not interested anyway (currently).
- I am undecided about WhatsApp. It would be useful for family chats. The school don’t use it officially, but it seems that classes have a WhatsApp chat group for homework etc. I am well aware of bullying risks, but fear that she will get left out if she’s not in this group. WhatsApp can be locked down quite a bit (not being autoadded to groups, etc,) which we will be doing.
- a Nokia is an option but seems a bit silly as the other things she currently uses a tablet for (youtube etc.) could all be kept on one device.
- I’ve only had my (second hand!) iPhone 12 Pro Max a year or so and bought it needing it to last 4 years minimum for it to make sense. A 2020 SE is much cheaper - it’ll get a decent case/screen protector. She’s a pretty careful kid and I think she’ll look after it, but if she doesn’t then she’ll learn!
There will be limits/rules in places and she knows we will be doing spot checks. If I’m honest she checks stuff with us all the time anyway. Again, I’m aware that things will change as she gets older and tests the limits.
The thing that concerns me most is bullying etc. She had a proper falling out today with her best friend of 6 years and it has really hit her hard as she knows things have been going on behind her back. This will of course happen with bells on with WhatsApp etc. - but as somebody pointed out, not having a phone won’t stop it happening.
It’s such a tough world for kids to grow up in now. Things were so much easier for us.
Sorry to hear that theboss, sounds awful 
We would definitely be limiting screen time. At the moment she’s borrowing my wife’s ipad for Toca World etc and my MacBook for SIMS 4. Even if she had her own device we’d be limiting it. It is very worrying though as whilst she’s fine now and on board, they grow up so quickly and she could be a different person in 6 months. I work in schools a lot, and I see it all the time, especially with girls - recent experiences of lovely kids starting in year 7 and within 6 months they are withdrawing, sullen, eating disorders, mental health problems etc. There’s a lot of factors at play of course, especially with changes of school and puberty etc but screen time/online bullying/lack of social interaction is definitely something to think about.
On balance I suspect we will go with a s/h iPhone SE, lock it down tight, not in her room (certainly overnight, maybe at all for now), random spot checks, no social media, and limited WhatsApp. As has been said though, it’s almost impossible to go back once these things have been given…. It’s not something we’re entering into lightly.
One thing that did shock me, I have a good contract with EE (I am ex-Plusnet so they threw deals at me to keep me) and adding my daughter even on the most meagre deal will double the prices and be a 24-mo contract (currently paying about £11 for 20GB on a rolling 30 day!). Is this just what it costs now or is it worth looking at PAYG? I thought having her on my contract might make it easier to keep a handle on and monitor…
We would definitely be limiting screen time. At the moment she’s borrowing my wife’s ipad for Toca World etc and my MacBook for SIMS 4. Even if she had her own device we’d be limiting it. It is very worrying though as whilst she’s fine now and on board, they grow up so quickly and she could be a different person in 6 months. I work in schools a lot, and I see it all the time, especially with girls - recent experiences of lovely kids starting in year 7 and within 6 months they are withdrawing, sullen, eating disorders, mental health problems etc. There’s a lot of factors at play of course, especially with changes of school and puberty etc but screen time/online bullying/lack of social interaction is definitely something to think about.
On balance I suspect we will go with a s/h iPhone SE, lock it down tight, not in her room (certainly overnight, maybe at all for now), random spot checks, no social media, and limited WhatsApp. As has been said though, it’s almost impossible to go back once these things have been given…. It’s not something we’re entering into lightly.
One thing that did shock me, I have a good contract with EE (I am ex-Plusnet so they threw deals at me to keep me) and adding my daughter even on the most meagre deal will double the prices and be a 24-mo contract (currently paying about £11 for 20GB on a rolling 30 day!). Is this just what it costs now or is it worth looking at PAYG? I thought having her on my contract might make it easier to keep a handle on and monitor…
Many thanks for all the help chaps. iPhone SE 2020 128GB ordered.
Screenprotector and case the next things.
Happy to turn the debate to keeping it safe for her now. She has a sensible head on her shoulders and decent group of friends. Will use Apple family stuff. Are there other 3rd party things we should have installed to keep her safe?
Not sure what to do in terms of SIM cards - PAYG or something linked to my or my wife’s account…
Obviously she will have an Apple account now with an email address but I’ll probably give her one on my domain that points to it that I can delete if it gets ruined!
Screenprotector and case the next things.
Happy to turn the debate to keeping it safe for her now. She has a sensible head on her shoulders and decent group of friends. Will use Apple family stuff. Are there other 3rd party things we should have installed to keep her safe?
Not sure what to do in terms of SIM cards - PAYG or something linked to my or my wife’s account…
Obviously she will have an Apple account now with an email address but I’ll probably give her one on my domain that points to it that I can delete if it gets ruined!
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