Childish Chants

[Pixel Pusher]

There was a boy from Mars
Whose balls were made of brass
In stormy weather
They knocked together
And sparks shot out of his arse


There was an old lady from Ealing
Who had a peculiar feeling
She laid on her back
And opened her crack
And pissed all over the ceiling



Probably funnier whan you were abou 10 I guess.

[Boydie88]

Vocal Minority said:

Extend it to football chants and 'We can see you holding hands' as used by basically every away fan at Brighton and Hove Albion

"I want to go home,
I want to go hooome,
Ched Evans touched me,
I want to go home"

Sung at Shef United a couple weeks ago TROLLOLLOL

[goldblum]

LOL

[expensivegarms]

There was once a man from Nantucket,
Who's dick was so big he could suck it,
He said with a grin as he wiped off his chin,
If my arse were a I would fk it!

[parapaul]

The boy stood on the burning deck
His feet were full of blisters.
The fire came up and burned his pants
So now he wears his sisters.

Poor lil' Johnny's dead and gone,
We'll see his face no more.
For what he thought was H2O was H2SO4

[Pints]

Steamer said:

8Ace said:

goldblum said:

I'll get in before the thread is closed.

Always like the simplicity of this:

Mary had a little lamb
She thought it was a runt
She tied it to a five bar gate
And kicked it in the .

Most schools have at least one unbelievably foul mouthed kid. OUrs came up with a version of the above:

Mary had a little lamb,
and it had a fringe
she tied it to an electric chair
and volts went up its minge.

Poor old Mary's Little Lamb!

She tied it to a pylon,
10,000 volts went up it's arse..
and now it's wool in nylon!

Mary had a little lamb
Jonny had a duck
They put them on the mantelpiece
To see if they would... fall off.

[Moospeed]

Potentially the wrong spelling but...

Ams tram gram
Pic et pic et colegram
Bour et bour et ratatam
Ams tram gram

No harm done to Mary's lamb but it may have been burned up as part of a demonstration against something...

[xaero1]

Old King Cole was a merry old soul,
and a merry old soul was he,
He called for his food,
he called for his drink,
and he called for the lavatory,
The lavatory was occupied and so was the kitchen sink,
OH IT HAD TO BE DONE, IT HAD TO BE DONE,
so out the window he stuck his bum,
Farmer White was walking by,
he heard a rumble in the sky,
He looked up,
it came down,
And now they call him Farmer Brown!!

[Vocal Minority]

We all shagged Matilda
We all shagged Matilda
We all shagged Matilda and so did our mates
She moaned and she groaned as we took her up the billabong
We all shagged Matilda and so did our mates

(to the tune of waltzing matlida, obviously)

[DanDC5]

One that may well annoy a few people as they sit at their desks trying to say it to themselves.

Red lorry yellow lorry
Red lorry yellow lorry
Red lorry yellow lorry
Red lorry yellow lorry
Red lorry yellow lorry
Red lorry yellow lorry
Red lorry yellow lorry
Red lorry yellow lorry

[funkyrobot]

She stood on the bridge at midnight,
her lips were all a quiver.
She had a big cough,
her leg fell off,
and floated down the river.

Not technically right in terms of grammar, but I do recall hearing that at primary school.

[funkyrobot]

You have to do this one with accompanying actions:

Milk, milk, lemonade.
Round the corner chocolate's made.

[RadioRental]

We are the Essex girls,
We wear our hair in curls,
We wear our dungarees
To show our sexy knees,

You see the boy next door,
He got me on the floor,
He counted 1, 2, 3,
And stuck it into me,
Counted 1 to 10 and took it out again,

My mother was surprised,
To see my belly rise,
My father jumped with joy,
It was a baby boy.

[TwigtheWonderkid]

GTIR said:

Ledaig said:

Jesus Christ Superstar,
Came down from heaven on a Yamaha.
Did a skid, killed a kid
& Caught his balls on a dustbin lid

or

Jesus Christ Superstar
Wears frilly knickers and a see through bra

In my school, early 70s, it was

Charlie George, superstar
Walks like a woman and he wears a bra.

A West London primary, no time for Arsenal.

[Twincam16]

goldblum said:

Maybe not so childish..lol

'Three German Officers crossed the Rhine'

Tune: 'Mademoiselle from Armentieres'

Three German Officers crossed the Rhine, parlez-vous
Three German Officers crossed the Rhine, parlez-vous
Three German Officers crossed the Rhine
To fk the women and drink the wine,

(Chorus) Inky-dinky parlez-vous

They came to the door of a wayside Inn, parlez-vous
Pissed on the mat and walked right in, parlez-vous
(Repeat)

(Chorus)

'Oh landlord have you a daughter fair?', parlez-vous
'With lily-white tits and golden hair?', parlez-vous
(Repeat)

(Chorus)

'My only daughter's far too young', parlez-vous
'To be fked by you, you bd hun', parlez-vous
(Repeat)

(Chorus)

'Oh father dear I'm not too young' parlez-vous
'I've just been fked by the blacksmith's son', parlez-vous
(Repeat)

(Chorus)

At last they got her on the bed, parlez-vous
And shagged her 'til her cheeks were red, parlez-vous
(Repeat)

(Chorus)

They took her down a shady lane, parlez-vous
And shagged her back to life again, parlez-vous
(Repeat)

(Chorus)

And then they took her to a bed, parlez-vous
And shagged her til she was nearly dead, parlez-vous
(Repeat)

(Chorus)

They shagged her up they shagged her down, parlez-vous
They shagged her all around the town, parlez-vous
(Repeat)

(Chorus)

They shagged her in they shagged her out, parlez-vous
They shagged her up her water-spout, parlez-vous
(Repeat)

(Chorus)

Now seven months later all was well, parlez-vous
Eight months later she began to swell, parlez-vous
(Repeat)

(Chorus)

Nine months later she gave a grunt, parlez-vous
And a little fat Prussian popped out her , parlez-vous
(Repeat)

(Chorus)

The fat little Prussian he grew and grew, parlez-vous
He fked the cat and the donkey too, parlez-vous
(Repeat)

(Chorus)

The fat little Prussian he went to hell, parlez-vous
He fked the devil and his wife as well, parlez-vous
(Repeat)

(Chorus)

You went to school with Boris Johnson, didn't you?

[bob1179]

172ff said:

He's fat he's round he bounces on the ground, his name is bob!

He's gay, he's queer, he takes it up the rear, his name is bob!

How very dare you!

[Pints]

When you wake up in the morning with a devil of a stand
From the swelling of the semen in the seminary gland
If you haven't got a woman, gonna have to use the hand
Gonna revel in the joys of masturbation

Glory, glory! Masturbation! (x3)
And we ain't gonna wk no more

When she wakes up in the morning, juices flowing like a lake
And the stench between her legs is like a sixty day old hake
If she hasn't got a man, then why the fk is she awake?
Gonna revel in the joys of masturbation


Sang this daft ditty on more occasions than I care to remember at Uni.

[Shay HTFC]

Daisy, Daisy, give me your tits to chew
I'm half crazy, my balls are turning blue
I can't afford a johnny, a plastic bag will do
So get on your back, and open your crack
And you'll see what I can do!

[Dalto123]

Yankee Doodle went to Mas but ended up on Venus,
A shooting star went up his arse and Paralysed his penis.

[Saddle bum]

Pints said:

When you wake up in the morning with a devil of a stand
From the swelling of the semen in the seminary gland
If you haven't got a woman, gonna have to use the hand
Gonna revel in the joys of masturbation

Glory, glory! Masturbation! (x3)
And we ain't gonna wk no more

When she wakes up in the morning, juices flowing like a lake
And the stench between her legs is like a sixty day old hake
If she hasn't got a man, then why the fk is she awake?
Gonna revel in the joys of masturbation


Sang this daft ditty on more occasions than I care to remember at Uni.

Chorus:

Cats on the rooftops, cats on the tiles,
Cats with Syphilus, cats with piles,
Cats with their ar****es wrethed in smiles,
As they revel in the joys of masturbation.