Thursday 5th December 2013

You Know You Want To: BMW 540iP

Spooked by the idea of gun toting Dacias? BMW 'Protection' 5 Series has the answer!

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'Bulletproof'. One of those tired cliches often used in vain in the PH classifieds. Used to describe everything from old Volvos to Toyota Corollas, it's usually filed, upon reading, onto the same mental shelf as other irrelevant fluff like 'absolutely spotless' and 'first to see will buy'.

All the usual toys, plus a few more on top

But wait. Because lurking within the classifieds, it turns out, is a car which is advertised as being bulletproof in the rare, non-metaphorical sense of the word. In other words, get shot in this thing, and you'll be just fine.

It's a rather rare E39 BMW 540iP, that unusual suffix signifying that this particular example was specified with BMW's Protection package. That means it's been kitted out with aramid armour plating and bullet-resistant glass with polycarbonate skins, both of which will protect against ballistics up to CEN B4 level, equating to most pistols and 12-gauge shotguns. It's also fitted with run-flat tyres, while the rear windows are fixed in place and can't be opened. Oh, and you get a public address system, too. Pretty cool, no?

It isn't just the Protection package that makes this example appealing, though. In addition, you get a vast swathe of the E39 options list thrown in, including niceties like the colour screen infotainment system, the comfort electric memory seats, and the electric rear window blind. Its provenance couldn't really be much better, having been owned only by BMW and loaned to the British government. Mileage is a paltry 45,676, and every service has been carried out on time at BMW's UK headquarters. And we haven't even mentioned the burbly, 296hp 4.4-litre M62 V8 under the bonnet yet.

Bulletproof quality, one careful owner, etc...

Granted, all that extra glass means it won't exactly be Elise-light, which will dull performance somewhat compared with a standard 540i. Handling, too, will probably verge on the wallowy - especially with the less-precise steering box setup that V8-powered E39s came with. What's more, this finery doesn't come cheap - £11,950 is enough to buy you a very nice M5, which will handle and go much better. It seems especially pricey when you consider that the only time you'd really put its extra features to good use would be to shout through the PA system at someone who'd just cut you up, then hide inside when they got all road-ragey, safe in the knowledge that nothing short of a high-powered rifle could get through. Er, not that we'd condone that sort of behaviour, of course.

But despite all that, we can't help but feel unmistakeable pangs of want for this big old special ops bruiser. We're not sure why. There's no logical reason; it isn't even a car that man maths can justify. We just want it. Who's with us?

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BMW 540iP
Price: £11,950
Why you should: It really is genuinely bulletproof. And it has a PA system.
Why you shouldn't: It's pricey, heavy, and it'll tempt you to incite road rage. Probably.

See the original advert here.

[mrclav]

I'm with you on this one. Very very cool.

[dublet]

Any car with a PA system to address the peasants gets a thumbs up from me.

[Andy ap]

Allready started this thread:

http://www.pistonheads.com/gassing/topic.asp?h=0&a...

[RossP]

You could just spend £12 on this http://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/12V-CAR-SIREN-HORN-PA-SY...

[SuperHangOn]

A perfect London runaround.


BTW how solid and well-proportioned do E39's look now, the conservative styling actually stands out among the over-styled, contrived looking crap being churned out now. Going to have to try one while decent cars are still fairly easy to pick up.

[monthefish]

"PH'ers were already talking about this a month ago here"

[foxhounduk]

Lol!

I loved this article. Nice one Dan!

I wish this was a spec option on all BMWs because i'd certainly consider it just for the coolness of it.

[j_s14a]

SuperHangOn said:

BTW how solid and well-proportioned do E39's look now, the conservative styling actually stands out among the over-styled, contrived looking crap being churned out now. Going to have to try one while decent cars are still fairly easy to pick up.

IMO the E39 530D is THE best all rounder available. That's why I have one, a 2003 530D SE manual saloon. I'd have preferred the touring, but good ones are hard to find.

[Matt UK]

Probably quite appeal to those in the pharmaceutical distribution trade.

[Hammerhead]

What a 540i does not need is extra weight! Mostly 'meh' from me I'm afraid.

[J^2]

j_s14a said:

SuperHangOn said:

BTW how solid and well-proportioned do E39's look now, the conservative styling actually stands out among the over-styled, contrived looking crap being churned out now. Going to have to try one while decent cars are still fairly easy to pick up.

IMO the E39 530D is THE best all rounder available. That's why I have one, a 2003 530D SE manual saloon. I'd have preferred the touring, but good ones are hard to find.

Agree all round - I picked up a 530D touring a couple of years ago and it's an awesome car. I originally wanted a manual but I couldn't find a decent one and I've become used enough to the nice lazy auto that I'll forgive its extra thirst.

The only potential replacement that's even vaguely tempting is the Jag XF Sportbrake but it will be a few years before that's in a price range I'll consider.

[Garlick]

monthefish said:

"PH'ers were already talking about this a month ago here"

As we always say, not all PHers read the forums. Home pages reaches more eyes.

[Smitters]

Or for something more offroad oriented... http://www.pistonheads.com/classifieds/used-cars/t...

[bobbo89]

I bet they have some shady characters come to view that!

[renaultgeek]

Matt UK said:

Probably quite appeal to those in the pharmaceutical distribution trade.

sales reps?

[Axionknight]

dublet said:

Any car with a PA system to address the peasants gets a thumbs up from me.

Agreed, love it!

I personally think these older 5's have aged well too, not in the fact that they look modern or up to date like they've just rolled off of the assembly line, but they look good to me, handsome and purposeful, yes reasoanbly understated, especially compared the to crap looking stuff BMW trot out these days.

[Remagel2507]

SuperHangOn said:

BTW how solid and well-proportioned do E39's look now, the conservative styling actually stands out among the over-styled, contrived looking crap being churned out now. Going to have to try one while decent cars are still fairly easy to pick up.

+1 even though the ones I want will probably hit my wallet very hard as a student

One of my uncles always used to get offered a variety of armoured BMWs but all were LHD and were over 50k iirc, never quite understood who the customer group was though

[edo]

i am surre this was for sale for half the price privately not long ago?

[Matt UK]

renaultgeek said:

Matt UK said:

Probably quite appeal to those in the pharmaceutical distribution trade.

sales reps?

Sales certainly.

And supply chain...
And the Buying team...

Maybe see it as a pool car?

[J4CKO]

I want to know how much it weighs compared to a normal 5 series, suspect it is over two tonnes once armoured.