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The Beaver King

4,593 posts

75 months

[news] 
Friday 3rd January quote quote all
bhstewie said:
Ikemi said:
How would you feel if she starts seeing someone else? Could you blank it out and continue to be friends still?
I'll have to deal with that when it happens tbh - suspect not if I think about it.
A quick test to see if you can remain friends:



Stop what you're doing right now, close your eyes and imagine her being pounded silly by some bloke. He is Mr Perfect, handsome, rocks a six-pack and she is absolutely loving it.

Now; if that little image made you sick to your stomach, then you can't stay friends....

Timberwolf

4,718 posts

98 months

[news] 
Friday 3rd January quote quote all
Very much dependent on the people and the situation. Although I'd add the caveat that in my experience, genuine post-relationship friendships are far outnumbered by stilted attempts at rekindling things and situations which only exist for one person to tell the other how much better they're doing since moving on - in awkward, frosty conversation.

BoRED S2upid

10,151 posts

120 months

[news] 
Friday 3rd January quote quote all
How are you going to feel when she is seeing someone else?

MocMocaMoc

1,524 posts

21 months

[news] 
Friday 3rd January quote quote all
The Beaver King said:
bhstewie said:
Ikemi said:
How would you feel if she starts seeing someone else? Could you blank it out and continue to be friends still?
I'll have to deal with that when it happens tbh - suspect not if I think about it.
A quick test to see if you can remain friends:



Stop what you're doing right now, close your eyes and imagine her being pounded silly by some bloke. He is Mr Perfect, handsome, rocks a six-pack and she is absolutely loving it.

Now; if that little image made you sick to your stomach, then you can't stay friends....
I'm a nice guy. I'm not going to jump on his missus that quick.

  • double thumbs*

bitchstewie

Original Poster:

9,257 posts

90 months

[news] 
Friday 3rd January quote quote all
She was married and has a kid so in some ways I've "imagined that" quite a few times in the time I knew her - point taken though as after is always different smile

Part of me wants to make some sort of grand speech tbh, the other part just thinks don't burn any bridges and just shut the fk up and leave it and see how it pans out.
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stewies_minion

685 posts

67 months

[news] 
Friday 3rd January quote quote all
bhstewie said:
stuff &

just shut the fk up and leave it.
Fixed it for you.

The Beaver King

4,593 posts

75 months

[news] 
Friday 3rd January quote quote all
bhstewie said:
Part of me wants to make some sort of grand speech tbh, the other part just thinks don't burn any bridges and just shut the fk up and leave it and see how it pans out.
Grand speech? You know how you imagine it in your head and you think it sounds pretty cool/intense/sensible?

Well it doesn't....

You'll say it, look like a tt and then probably cry.


Best bit of advice I can possibly give; step back, cut contact and immerse yourself in something else until you stop thinking about her every 5 minutes.

At the minute, all you are doing is desperately trying to maintain that link between the both of you because you can't handle not being with her. You will just end up being a little lap dog that she can discard at will.

You need time and space to be able to appreciate the real situation without your dick or heart getting in the way.

bitchstewie

Original Poster:

9,257 posts

90 months

[news] 
Friday 3rd January quote quote all
The Beaver King said:
Grand speech? You know how you imagine it in your head and you think it sounds pretty cool/intense/sensible?

Well it doesn't....

You'll say it, look like a tt and then probably cry.


Best bit of advice I can possibly give; step back, cut contact and immerse yourself in something else until you stop thinking about her every 5 minutes.

At the minute, all you are doing is desperately trying to maintain that link between the both of you because you can't handle not being with her. You will just end up being a little lap dog that she can discard at will.

You need time and space to be able to appreciate the real situation without your dick or heart getting in the way.
Fair point and I imagine I would probably sound a bit like Simon off the Inbetweeners tbh smile

Very sound advice tbh and I think the step back part is very true as I really don't want my head fked any more than it already is.

stewies_minion

685 posts

67 months

[news] 
Friday 3rd January quote quote all
bhstewie said:
Fair point and I imagine I would probably sound a bit like Simon off the Inbetweeners tbh smile

Very sound advice tbh and I think the step back part is very true as I really don't want my head fked any more than it already is.
Perfect planning.

No open line of contact means no chances of a kick in the bks.


The Beaver King

4,593 posts

75 months

[news] 
Friday 3rd January quote quote all
bhstewie said:
Fair point and I imagine I would probably sound a bit like Simon off the Inbetweeners tbh smile

Very sound advice tbh and I think the step back part is very true as I really don't want my head fked any more than it already is.
Indeed, leave the massive 'romantic ultimatum' speeches to the films, as that is the only place they work.

Well, come back in a few weeks and let me know how you are getting on; because I almost guarantee you will have cracked and spoken to her. Nothing against you personally, but I have seen it and even done it myself.

Depending on the kind of girl she is, she may well try and initiate contact with you. I suggest you ignore it, otherwise you'll just end up going in circles and never really getting over it.

Be strong you poof! thumbup

Ki3r

2,449 posts

39 months

[news] 
Friday 3rd January quote quote all
stewies_minion said:
Careful you don't accidentally have sex with her.
We kinda broke up earlier last year for a bit, still saw each other and stayed over, however still in the same bed. Big mistake. First time was ok, second time we ended up sleeping together.

I'm now on the sofa if I stay over. I don't want to complicate anything.

stewies_minion

685 posts

67 months

[news] 
Friday 3rd January quote quote all
Ki3r said:
stewies_minion said:
Careful you don't accidentally have sex with her.
We kinda broke up earlier last year for a bit, still saw each other and stayed over, however still in the same bed. Big mistake. First time was ok, second time we ended up sleeping together.

I'm now on the sofa if I stay over. I don't want to complicate anything.
Sounds like a situation that needs booze to quickly reverse itself.

pauly87

28 posts

5 months

[news] 
Friday 3rd January quote quote all
The Beaver King said:
A quick test to see if you can remain friends:



Stop what you're doing right now, close your eyes and imagine her being pounded silly by some bloke. He is Mr Perfect, handsome, rocks a six-pack and she is absolutely loving it.

Now; if that little image made you sick to your stomach, then you can't stay friends....
This is probably the best test mentioned, me an my ex broke up in October an we have spoke a couple of times since. I have had this thought everytime we have spoke and it makes me feel sick because of the feelings etc I still have for her.

I think most of us have felt the same as someone mentioned earlier, that we have lost the closest person to us who knows more about us than anyone else. It's horrible and you do feel a bit lost. At work, if it was me I would stay pleasant and try and be normal but outside of work it would be best to keep a distance.

Ikemi

6,645 posts

85 months

[news] 
Friday 3rd January quote quote all
Ki3r said:
I'm now on the sofa if I stay over. I don't want to complicate anything.
Don't be taken for a fool, Ki3r. Be careful. This just sounds odd. She wants you there near her, but not in the same bed ... ? The sofa is for friends (who have been drinking and cannot drive home), the bed is for something more. Any other situation and I'd be in my own bed, thanks!

bitchstewie

Original Poster:

9,257 posts

90 months

[news] 
Friday 3rd January quote quote all
The Beaver King said:
Indeed, leave the massive 'romantic ultimatum' speeches to the films, as that is the only place they work.

Well, come back in a few weeks and let me know how you are getting on; because I almost guarantee you will have cracked and spoken to her. Nothing against you personally, but I have seen it and even done it myself.

Depending on the kind of girl she is, she may well try and initiate contact with you. I suggest you ignore it, otherwise you'll just end up going in circles and never really getting over it.

Be strong you poof! thumbup
Actually less of the "romantic ultimatum" and more how fking angry I am at how little our "friendship" seems to mean right now, though I won't be doing that.

A "few weeks" will be a challenge, to be frank right now a few days seems like one and I probably will crack - just not built powerfully enough biggrin

Rude-boy

17,907 posts

113 months

[news] 
Friday 3rd January quote quote all
Ikemi said:
Don't be taken for a fool, Ki3r. Be careful. This just sounds odd. She wants you there near her, but not in the same bed ... ? The sofa is for friends (who have been drinking and cannot drive home), the bed is for something more. Any other situation and I'd be in my own bed, thanks!
yes agree fully.

You are being used. If that is cool with you than let it roll, if you don't like being used though I'd walk away.

The only reason I stayed in the same house as my ex once we had split was down to cost. As soon as the house was sold I was out of there and dispite living in the same little Market Town as her only bump into her 3 or 4 times a year.

andy-xr

9,266 posts

84 months

[news] 
Friday 3rd January quote quote all
bhstewie said:
As for her saying she wants to stay friends, yes, I asked outright and she has said she still wants to.
.
Maybe friendship has a different meaning to her than it might to you.

To you, it could be just like a scene from Friends where everyone gets along and you still hang out, but to her it could be agreeing to a friendship as not wanting to admit that she doesnt want that kind of contact for fear of it creating more problems. It's one of those that you probably wont find a clear answer from in words, but in actions. Give it space and time and see how it goes, but for Gods sake, dont get soppy, drunk or soppy and drunk

Ki3r

2,449 posts

39 months

[news] 
Friday 3rd January quote quote all
stewies_minion said:
Sounds like a situation that needs booze to quickly reverse itself.
Well we did have a bottle of Baileys to get though NYE...but didn't get started.

Ikemi said:
Don't be taken for a fool, Ki3r. Be careful. This just sounds odd. She wants you there near her, but not in the same bed ... ? The sofa is for friends (who have been drinking and cannot drive home), the bed is for something more. Any other situation and I'd be in my own bed, thanks!
There are a few mixed signals lately if I'm honest, but I do read into things too much at times, but we shall see. She has had a awful lot of st in her life the last few years, and don't want to push her away/pressure her into anything if she isn't ready.

I stay on the sofa because she lives 40 miles away, so its just easier to sleep there, means I don't either have to drive home late, or leave hers early.

(Sorry OP for kinda taking it OT from you!)

Rude-boy

17,907 posts

113 months

[news] 
Friday 3rd January quote quote all
In the meantime this is what easy girls are for.

Far better to have a clear head and empty balls when dealing with recent ex's.

Axionknight

1,074 posts

15 months

[news] 
Friday 3rd January quote quote all
IMO, her phone number and any contact avenues such as Facebook ETC need to go - they'll only be there to tempt you if your feeling low or get drunk, delete them and throw yourself into a hobby, the gym, work, anything like that. If you two meet again by chance and it seems amicable enough then maybe get her contact details again, but I'd leave it a good long while.

I would bet my last pound that if she starts seeing someone else any time soon it's going to ruin you and the pain/unhappiness or whatever you want to call it will start over again, you need to stay away, sorry.
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