Shed Of The Week: Mitsuoka Viewt

A Japanese curio of the very oddest kind takes Shed's fancy this week

Shed's a thick-skinned sort of fellow. He needs to be to cope with the disdainful comments Mrs Shed makes in response to very occasional witticisms such as 'how do you turn a fox into an elephant?' (answer: marry it).

Strength of character is also a useful tool when it comes to dealing with the hurtful comments sometimes posted here in respect of his Shed of the Week choices. He'll need all that and more this week.

Looks like the price has been reduced..

What we have here is a Mitsuoka Viewt. Regarding it from a very long way away, or with your specs on back to front, it looks like a Mk2 Jag. In reality, it's a dressed-up Mk2 Micra, a rather different animal that, without Mitsuoka's fibreglass add-ons, is not without its own charms.

When he's not on his gap year (pfft) Shed Minor uses a 1.0 Micra for his daily chores, i.e. running down to the chippy to do a few deals involving small pieces of Bacofoil and of course for collecting his weekly protection money from that nice old blind lady on Gasworks Ave. In two years of bashing this Micra about the county with nary a kind thought for the poor thing, the only item that's gone wrong has been a sticking brake caliper. Well, three sticking brake calipers actually. And a super-keen starter motor that just never knows when to stop. The camchain is a bit thrashy too, but that's easily ignored (he finds).

So, there's nowt amiss with the basic Micra in terms of reliability and its refusal to die even in the face of heavy provocation. Whether you think there's anything wrong with the Viewt depends entirely on your viewt. This particular one has a set of 17in wheels on it that will almost certainly do the ride no favours, that's if they're not fouling the arches most of the time. The car would look better with some perf'd steelies on it anyway, and you'd have no bother finding a set of those in your local scrappy.

Get rid of those 17s for a start

One thing the Viewt is not short of is character. If you're the sort who wants to keep your exposure to the public to an absolute minimum then you'd probably be best leaving it alone. But if you like the idea of a highly distinctive little car that will make you smile (if not laugh out loud) every time you walk up to it, with the practicality and low running costs of a five-door Japanese supermini, you won't go far wrong. And it's a bit of a steal at this price. It's unlikely to be worth any less than what your man is asking here, up until the day it fails its MOT for the last time.

Talking of a laugh, we recommend a visit to the Mitsuoka UK website ('a small factory with a big dream'). Clearly Mitsuoka HQ was tapped up by the same British chancer who went out to Japan in the 1980s with nothing more than a TEFL certificate and a bullet train Rover ticket in his hot little hand. That's the only explanation for some of the mad Jenglish that came out of Japanese car factory press offices back then.

It's all history now, except at Mitsuoka UK. They never got round to sorting out the text on their website. Maybe they deliberately left it like it was to keep the whole package 100 percent retro. Here's what they say about their Ryoga, a dross - sorry, typo, that should say 'cross' - between a Wolseley 6/110 and a Bentley Arnage that's been stood out in the Venusian atmosphere a bit too long. The original copy has some Japanese characters in it, which for your reading convenience have been replaced here by the word 'squiggle'. You can come up with your own meanings for the squiggles. Think of it as an early Christmas quiz.

Just in case you did actually think it was a Jag

"Each time a new one is over. Over yonder. I think that single-minded move. One of fulfilment get to the summit, however, gone tomorrow. Go even higher. So his way over for the continued though. "Excel". YUDANERU spirit of my car. (Squiggle) life is the same person. Who's not. Ask for my own happiness. (Squiggle) era without the Joneses without it. Own aesthetic dictates just wrestle, run. "Excel". YUDANERU aspirations of my car. Again, age, the boy remain. (Squiggle) journey. (Squiggle) mind. Fresh air to the brain and sink into (squiggle) come. Beyond the day-to-day is a much more relaxed. The boy's heart is as full of adventure. "Excel". YUDANERU freedom of my car. Challenge. The dream destination. And the mountains, valleys. Road is not flat. But his (squiggle). As long as my aim, without having to succumb to the difficulties face forward. Now the dream is still on the way. (Squiggle) on making the utmost efforts. "Excel". YUDANERU my life to the car."

All we're telling you by way of translation is that 'yudaneru' means to devote oneself to something. A life of ironic mockery, presumably.

Here's the ad. Excel.

1997 p reg, 1.0l 5 speed petrol, 90k CD player, sunroof, central locking, 17 inch alloys, lowered 200mm,angel eye headlights and spots, tinted windows, Nissan Micra kit car, (search Mitsuoka viewt) mk2 jaguar replica, green pearl with rainbow mini flake, fibreglass front end, steel bonnet and full steel rear end, bolt on to back panal and weld roof and quarters,mot till end of March 15, 10 months tax, built as a prop for my wedding hence the last pic over a year later it's now in the way,
Minor faults include, horn on button, clutch knows the micras on 17s but not slipping, Dodgey fuel gauge, fuel light is working Perfect,
Must see!!!!! drives surprisingly well!!!
May Px why?
Come and view it!!!!!
Car is in bristol

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Strawman

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