Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 8)

Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 8)

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glenrobbo

35,087 posts

149 months

Sunday 5th February 2017
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K12beano said:
I've just discovered Jim'll Paint it which is well worth a look if you haven't already, meanwhile:

K12beano, that is a masterful piece of work! clap
I like all the subtle nuances such as Odd-Job tucking into his strawberries and cream, the Voodoo man ( is it Papa Lazarou? biggrin ) with his Pimms, and Mike Myers as Dr. Evil stroking his pussy yikes. And SC's opponent on the scoreboard: G. Lazenby! Ha ha! No real contest then, hence the casual vodka martini wink. But best of all is the clock showing 09:58. Brilliant! bow

PoleDriver

28,616 posts

193 months

Sunday 5th February 2017
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Which one grew up to be the president of the USA?

glenrobbo

35,087 posts

149 months

Sunday 5th February 2017
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Poley, that takes me back.
Alfred E Neuman. MAD magazine. Early '60s. Oh what fun we had back then! biggrin

Apparently it ( the US Presidential fight ) has been a close run thing on previous occasions:



What? Me worry? yikes

Edited by glenrobbo on Sunday 5th February 14:10

havoc

29,929 posts

234 months

Sunday 5th February 2017
quotequote all
glenrobbo said:
Mike Myers as Dr. Evil stroking his pussy yikes.
:ahem:

Donald Pleasance as Ernst Stavro Blofeld. Still THE Bond villain, despite all the later ones... Where do you think Mike Myers got the idea from???


Please hand your man-card in on the way out... wink

Muntu

7,631 posts

198 months

Sunday 5th February 2017
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My wife told me to go and get some pills that help with an erection...

You should've seen her face when I tossed her some diet pills.

fatboy18

18,930 posts

210 months

Sunday 5th February 2017
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Muntu said:
My wife told me to go and get some pills that help with an erection...

You should've seen her face when I tossed her some diet pills.
rofl

glenrobbo

35,087 posts

149 months

Sunday 5th February 2017
quotequote all
havoc said:
glenrobbo said:
Mike Myers as Dr. Evil stroking his pussy yikes.
:ahem:

Donald Pleasance as Ernst Stavro Blofeld. Still THE Bond villain, despite all the later ones... Where do you think Mike Myers got the idea from???


Please hand your man-card in on the way out... wink
I'm sorry, but it looks more like Mike Myers than Donald Pleasance to me. rolleyes And MM was definitely far more sinister! biggrin

You'll have to fight me for my man-card.

havoc

29,929 posts

234 months

Sunday 5th February 2017
quotequote all
glenrobbo said:
I'm sorry, but it looks more like Mike Myers than Donald Pleasance to me. rolleyes And MM was definitely far more sinister! biggrin

You'll have to fight me for my man-card.
biggrin

With a name like glenrobbo you sound Scottish...definitely not fighting you! wink :runsandhides: :keyboardwarrior:


PS - Baron Samedi. Papa Lazarou is just League of Gentlemen. Papa Legba was something voodoo I think...

Edited by havoc on Sunday 5th February 16:38

GloverMart

11,773 posts

214 months

Sunday 5th February 2017
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An oldie but a goodie...

Mr "I had to show my grey chest hair to get my pension today"

Mrs "You should have shown them your cock, we'd get disability allowance then too!"

Fluffsri

3,161 posts

195 months

Monday 6th February 2017
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K12beano said:
I've just discovered Jim'll Paint it which is well worth a look if you haven't already, meanwhile:

Follow him on Facebook! He takes random scenarios from requests and paints them, my favourite was Bob Monkhouse as a Ghostbuster LOL.

louiebaby

10,651 posts

190 months

Monday 6th February 2017
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I was asked to run an "icebreaker" event at a large team meeting. I did the thing where a picture is cut up into small squares, and people split up into teams of 4 (or so) and have to recreate them on larger squares.

The the bits are then put together to see what the whole picture is. I used this from Jim'll Paint It:



I wasn't ever asked to do another event like that, so I think it was a success. thumbup

simoid

19,772 posts

157 months

Monday 6th February 2017
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PoleDriver said:
Dr Interceptor said:
I asked the Mrs for anal sex last night...

I thought, "why not, she takes everything else the wrong way!"
rofl
Mine asked if we could do it in "the other hole" at the weekend - just for a change. I was horrified.

"You can get pregnant that way!" I told her.

evil len

4,398 posts

268 months

Monday 6th February 2017
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I put my root beer in a square glass. Now it’s just beer

I’m reading a great book about antigravity — I just can’t put it down.

Q: Why don’t Calculus majors throw house parties?
A: Because you should never drink and derive.

When I was a child my father attacked me with cameras; I still have flashbacks.

Q: What do you call a parade of rabbits hopping backwards?
A: a receding hare-line.

Karate: the ancient Japanese art of getting people to buy lots of belts.

My neighbour is in the Guinness World Records. He has had 44 concussions. He lives very close to me. A stone’s throw away, in fact.

A farmer counted 196 cows in the field. But when he rounded them up, he had 200

So what if I can’t spell Armageddon? It’s not the end of the world.

Why did Humpty Dumpty push Mrs Humpty Dumpty off the wall?
To see her crack.


Doofus

25,732 posts

172 months

Tuesday 7th February 2017
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evil len said:
So what if I can’t spell Armageddon? It’s not the end of the world.
But you can. confused

Monkeylegend

26,227 posts

230 months

Tuesday 7th February 2017
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Murphy was struggling to load a wardrobe onto the back of his removal van.

"You should get Paddy to help you with that" said Mick

"He is" said Murphy "he's inside carrying the clothes"

Alex

9,975 posts

283 months

Tuesday 7th February 2017
quotequote all
evil len said:
Q: What do you call a parade of rabbits hopping backwards?
A: a receding hare-line.
Q: What do you call a Lamborghini Diablo being driven backwards?
A; The Satanic Reverses.

Evangelion

7,642 posts

177 months

Tuesday 7th February 2017
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What happens if you stick a Viagra in each ear?

You become hard of hearing.

V8A*ndy

3,695 posts

190 months

Tuesday 7th February 2017
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Police issue photofit of wanted criminals in the Windsor area.


MarkwG

4,813 posts

188 months

Tuesday 7th February 2017
quotequote all
havoc said:
glenrobbo said:
I'm sorry, but it looks more like Mike Myers than Donald Pleasance to me. rolleyes And MM was definitely far more sinister! biggrin

You'll have to fight me for my man-card.
biggrin

With a name like glenrobbo you sound Scottish...definitely not fighting you! wink :runsandhides: :keyboardwarrior:


PS - Baron Samedi. Papa Lazarou is just League of Gentlemen. Papa Legba was something voodoo I think...

Edited by havoc on Sunday 5th February 16:38
What on earth would Mike Myers be doing in a Bond homage?!? And more sinister than Mr Pleasance, I hardly think so! Got your 6 O'clock, Mr Havoc, go get him biggrin !

K12beano

20,854 posts

274 months

Tuesday 7th February 2017
quotequote all
V8A*ndy said:
Police issue photofit of wanted criminals in the Windsor area.

hehe

Bet those criminals are bricking it now.....

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