Shed Of The Week: BMW 330Ci

Shed attempts to atone for that Metro Chairman with his second BMW six in as many weeks

Mrs Shed is quite a large person. This can lead to some embarrassing episodes. On this year's summer holidays she was slumbering peacefully on the beach in her new black and grey one-piece bathing suit when four well-meaning blokes came up and tried to roll her back into the sea. Not only is Mrs Shed a glutton, her manners aren't the best either. Whenever Shed takes her to a posh do where all the big knobs hang out, he always has to warn her about talking with plums in her mouth.

Well it was probably red in 2003

Shed was thinking about such matters in the course of selecting this week's SOTW, which is a BMW. Or, as it will doubtless be called, 'another BMW'. Some may say that three BMWs in the last two months amounts to a glut, a Munchengladbarf Oberfest in which someone like Mrs Shed would most happily indulge herself as long as there was plenty of Knackebrot on the side.

Shed takes a different view. He reckons it's impossible to pig out on BMWs. They're just too good. And as far as he's concerned, the bigger the engine, the better the BMW, so this E46 330Ci Sport is right up his Strasse.

Yes, it's got miles. Yes, it looks like it's been dragged through a hedge backwards. And yes, the MoT history reveals an ongoing advisory for a leaking diff. But these things are all fixable, up to and including the mileage if you know the right person. Which of course Shed doesn't.

If the diff leak is serious, which seems unlikely bearing in mind the length of time it's been an advisory issue, your two most obvious options are to pay someone to sort the leaky seal or to fish around on eBay for a scrapper's replacement unit. Sorting E46 diff seals is not a 10-minute job, so Shed's recommendation would be to sink £100 tops into a dry replacement diff and just drop it in. Given this car's mileage, that would be a bit like hormone replacement therapy and therefore surely a good thing.

Well what's an old 3 Series without some M3 reps?

Of course, there's always the third way - otherwise known as the normal Shedman approach - which is to 'keep your eye on the leak'. Or the fourth way, which if we're being honest is also the third way, i.e. to ignore it completely and hope it goes away.

Shed thinks there might be a superficial smattering of tinworm on the front arches. Either that or Mrs Shed has been spit-spraying peanut butter onto his screen again. Again, it's not a major problem. Judging by the mileage that's been racked up over the last couple of years, it's been bashing up and down the motorways with hopefully enough wind and water whistling over it to stop corrosion getting a toe grip on the undercarriage.

These days 'motorway use' has become about as trustworthy a phrase in an ad as 'one elderly lady owner'. It doesn't appear in this ad, but it may well be true here. Running the mechanicals regularly and at the right temperature is all good if, like Shed, you believe that the best way to treat a German car is to give it a good beasting.

What's the worst that could happen?

The paintwork and alloys you'd expect to respond nicely to a few proprietary products or a mop and refurb at worst. The other MoT advisory of a worn ARB bush shouldn't interfere too much with one's enjoyment of the car as long as there's sufficient headroom remaining on the stereo volume. Once your issues are fixed, what have you got? A stormingly quick (six-second 0-60) and handsome coupe in a great colour with stylish alloys, black leather, a manual gearbox and one of the best petrol sixes BMW ever made. What's not to like?

If your answer to that is 'another BMW', be advised that the final choice this week was between this 330Ci or a mint-condish Nissan Sunny automatic with the intriguing feature of 'central licking'. Which one would you have chosen? Exactly.

Here's the ad.

Red, 5+ owners, BARGAIN PART EXCHANGE TO CLEAR!, , 2003 BMW 330Ci Sport, nearly full service history, poor cosmetic condition, starts and drives very well,car is HPI Clear and MOT'd till December 2016., , This vehicle has covered 209k miles from new! Just run in then!, , Just some of the spec includes PAS, RCL, Air Conditioning, Full Leather Interior, Electric Windows, Electric Mirrors, CD Player, Alloy Wheels + More!, , TRADE PRICE BARGAIN YOU WONT FIND ONE CHEAPER IF YOU DO PLEASE BUY THE OTHER ONE INSTEAD OF BIDDING US!, , Viewing highly recommended., , CALL US NOW ON 0191 270 0011 TO RESERVE OR TEST DRIVE!, , www.appletreecars.co.uk, Call us now for a test drive!, £800 p/x to clear
3.0 330Ci Sport 2dr

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YellowCar

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