Time for another Flashman love disaster thread
Discussion
So, the best friend was a no-go; we both decided in a thorough and mature fashion that we would be risking too much if we got it wrong. Also, she is concerned (rightly so) that I haven't really been single long enough (a mere 5 months) and that I may still have feelings for ex-Lady Flashman. A fair point, if I'm honest with myself.
So in the couple of weeks since the incident, we have returned to our old bantering ways and excellent relationship. There has been lots of going out, drinking and general partying-like-we-always-have-done.
Last Saturday, we're out in a big group. I am approached in a bar. I end up pulling the (rather lovely) approacher.
Best friend acts entirely normally. Later, when a bit drunker, gets upset and goes a bit off the deep end. Well, a lot off the deep end actually, and gets quite upset.
Moral of the story, chaps. If you have a good girl friend, don't pull her. Because if you do, things change; either for you, or for her, or both. You may think that you can just potter on but when it comes to the crunch you find out that all is no longer as it was. In my case we (both) decided that going out with each other would not be a good idea and she said that while pulling me had been fun, it was not something that she ought to do again, and that she didn't think about me in that way. All fine and, to be honest, a mighty relief.
It was a lie, and so my relief was short lived. She went nuts when she saw me with someone else. Everything is now different.
DON'T PULL YOUR FRIENDS!!
Flashman now faces a nasty choice - carry on rampaging around London but risk losing a woman he cares about deeply, or stop philandering. The whole going out with each other thing is not an option (that's been done to death, so no need to discuss it here
- suffice it to say that I know my own feelings now; I love her but am not in love with her, and would rather be single at the moment than in a relationship anyway).
So no women for me for a while. 'Tis a crying shame
Oh, and also, don't be a simpleton like me. Never assume that what a girl says is actually what she means. Schoolboy error
>> Edited by Harry Flashman on Wednesday 25th May 15:12
So in the couple of weeks since the incident, we have returned to our old bantering ways and excellent relationship. There has been lots of going out, drinking and general partying-like-we-always-have-done.
Last Saturday, we're out in a big group. I am approached in a bar. I end up pulling the (rather lovely) approacher.
Best friend acts entirely normally. Later, when a bit drunker, gets upset and goes a bit off the deep end. Well, a lot off the deep end actually, and gets quite upset.
Moral of the story, chaps. If you have a good girl friend, don't pull her. Because if you do, things change; either for you, or for her, or both. You may think that you can just potter on but when it comes to the crunch you find out that all is no longer as it was. In my case we (both) decided that going out with each other would not be a good idea and she said that while pulling me had been fun, it was not something that she ought to do again, and that she didn't think about me in that way. All fine and, to be honest, a mighty relief.
It was a lie, and so my relief was short lived. She went nuts when she saw me with someone else. Everything is now different.
DON'T PULL YOUR FRIENDS!! Flashman now faces a nasty choice - carry on rampaging around London but risk losing a woman he cares about deeply, or stop philandering. The whole going out with each other thing is not an option (that's been done to death, so no need to discuss it here
- suffice it to say that I know my own feelings now; I love her but am not in love with her, and would rather be single at the moment than in a relationship anyway). So no women for me for a while. 'Tis a crying shame
Oh, and also, don't be a simpleton like me. Never assume that what a girl says is actually what she means. Schoolboy error
>> Edited by Harry Flashman on Wednesday 25th May 15:12
Awww Harry - feel sorry for you on this one. Having recently departed the last mrs_tony shortly after eurohoon, (all amicable) I decided to remain stoically single for the summer.
Cue I end up spending a lot of time with best female mate. We are now happily seeing each other since being good mates for the previous 3 years and couldn't be happer. It's not easy, she's a delicate sort, but she loves her fast cars (a must) and she's smarter than me (also a must but not so difficult!). I'm currently on
:smuggrin:
Still having said that it's summer in london, and being single in such an environment if you're up for a laugh is about as good as it gets!
Cue I end up spending a lot of time with best female mate. We are now happily seeing each other since being good mates for the previous 3 years and couldn't be happer. It's not easy, she's a delicate sort, but she loves her fast cars (a must) and she's smarter than me (also a must but not so difficult!). I'm currently on
:smuggrin: Still having said that it's summer in london, and being single in such an environment if you're up for a laugh is about as good as it gets!
Harry Flashman said:
So, the best friend was a no-go; we both decided in a thorough and mature fashion that we would be risking too much if we got it wrong. Also, she is concerned (rightly so) that I haven't really been single long enough (a mere 5 months) and that I may still have feelings for ex-Lady Flashman. A fair point, if I'm honest with myself.
So in the couple of weeks since the incident, we have returned to our old bantering ways and excellent relationship. There has been lots of going out, drinking and general partying-like-we-always-have-done.
Last Saturday, we're out in a big group. I am approached in a bar. I end up pulling the (rather lovely) approacher.
Best friend acts entirely normally. Later, when a bit drunker, gets upset and goes a bit off the deep end. Well, a lot off the deep end actually, and gets quite upset.
Moral of the story, chaps. If you have a good girl friend, don't pull her. Because if you do, things change; either for you, or for her, or both. You may think that you can just potter on but when it comes to the crunch you find out that all is no longer as it was. In my case we (both) decided that going out with each other would not be a good idea and she said that while pulling me had been fun, it was not something that she ought to do again, and that she didn't think about me in that way. All fine and, to be honest, a mighty relief.
It was a lie, and so my relief was short lived. She went nuts when she saw me with someone else. Everything is now different.
Flashman now faces a nasty choice - carry on rampaging around London but risk losing a woman he cares about deeply, or stop philandering. The whole going out with each other thing is not an option (that's been done to death, so no need to discuss it here
So no women for me for a while. 'Tis a crying shame
Oh, and also, don't be a simpleton like me. Never assume that what a girl says is actually what she means. Schoolboy error
>> Edited by Harry Flashman on Wednesday 25th May 15:12
You have much to learn, methinks...
When you "agreed" that it would best just to be friends, I'd bet my house that what she actually was hoping for was a lengthy passionate monologue from you which revealed your undying love and admiration for her. In the absence of this she'll just have thought "ah well, he obviously doesn't like me." Which means that you missed your chance and she feels like crap...
Rob - I know. I didn't say it was reasonable, but that's the way it is.
And I now suspect that I could be going out with her if I had got it right - but 2 weeks of cooling off have proven to me that I actually don't think about her in that way, despite a hot moment when I thought that I might. On paper, she's amazing. In reality, we'd be a disaster together. I thought she felt the same way - that's what she told me (before I told her how I felt, by the way).
So, like I said, don't pull your friends. It's a nightmare.
And I now suspect that I could be going out with her if I had got it right - but 2 weeks of cooling off have proven to me that I actually don't think about her in that way, despite a hot moment when I thought that I might. On paper, she's amazing. In reality, we'd be a disaster together. I thought she felt the same way - that's what she told me (before I told her how I felt, by the way).
So, like I said, don't pull your friends. It's a nightmare.
Have to say that women seem to often do that sort of thing. They might say for instance when starting out that a relationship is just "a bit of fun". In my mind that means you're free to go out with other people, but to them - oh no! A few weeks later, you're well and truly trapped and have to either a) finish it (pain! and how do you finish something that hasn't started?) or b) realise the futility of the situation and kill yourself err I mean carry on. There's no compromise.
Just go on the pull and don't tell her. Sounds like you don't want a relationship at the mo anyway
Just go on the pull and don't tell her. Sounds like you don't want a relationship at the mo anyway
And Ironically I'm having a purple patch beyond anything I have experienced since university. It must be the time of year that women cast off their inhibitions and just decide to gun for us blokes. And it's all going to have to go to waste...
You can guarantee that by the time this infernal mess has been sorted, I shall be unable to pull for toffee. Murphy's law.
You can guarantee that by the time this infernal mess has been sorted, I shall be unable to pull for toffee. Murphy's law.
These are not the droids you're looking for..Gazboy said:
Um So you cant have her yet because of her you cant have anyone else?
One or the other please...
Does she want you to be single until you slip on the chip-board-overcoat? Not much of a mate.
Don't think she wants me to do anything but live life how I wish to; she got upset, not angry, and didn't make any demands.
The question is what do I want to do? Not hurt her is the answer.
So, stealth pulling missions, here we come. vixpy1 said:
The question is what do I want to do? Not hurt her is the answer.
Do I have to spell it out for you?
S - H - A - G .... H - E - R.
He's got a point you know.....
Call me old fashioned, but I still think she's *the one*
BliarOut said:
Do I have to spell it out for you?
S - H - A - G .... H - E - R.
He's got a point you know.....
Call me old fashioned, but I still think she's *the one*
There will be no shagging, chaps. We've been through this.
Her brunette friend though - wow! And now tragically off limits.
Harry Flashman said:
There will be no shagging, chaps. We've been through this.
Her brunette friend though - wow! And now tragically off limits.
Typical woman, wants it both ways. You have to be Strong. Tell her she can't have it both ways!!
Either she sleeps with you, her mate sleeps with you...
Or.. (and here my Genius starts to show its full potential)
They both sleep with you at once so no one feels left out
>> Edited by vixpy1 on Wednesday 25th May 15:54
Harry Flashman said:
And I now suspect that I could be going out with her if I had got it right - but 2 weeks of cooling off have proven to me that I actually don't think about her in that way, despite a hot moment when I thought that I might.
Hmm been there, back at christmas with the lass I am now happily entangled with. We both 'decided' that it would be better for us and our group of mates if we were sensible and stayed mates. (yeah right, if its there its there and it comes back to bite you in the ar*e every time!!)
Harry Flashman said:
On paper, she's amazing. In reality, we'd be a disaster together. I thought she felt the same way - that's what she told me (before I told her how I felt, by the way).
err as others ahve said - what she said was designed to find out how YOU feel - not tell you what SHE feels. Don't feel bad - plenty more time if you did want to sort this out. If not then you've got to be clear as day about this - maybe set her up with a nice bloke for a date (i.e. not vixpy
) so you can go out and do what you want to do, and she can ponder for an evening whether you're really worth it after all and give you some space.... good lick - not an easy one!
Fella,
You've passed the point of no-return. What you need is distance from the situation and unless you feel she really IS 'the one' then you have to find that distance. Not hurting her (and yourself) is no longer an option but you can minimise the damage by not continually bumping it back to the top of your joint agenda.
Keep smiling.
You've passed the point of no-return. What you need is distance from the situation and unless you feel she really IS 'the one' then you have to find that distance. Not hurting her (and yourself) is no longer an option but you can minimise the damage by not continually bumping it back to the top of your joint agenda.
Keep smiling.
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