SOTW: BMW 535i

Ollie's away, the shed piggy bank is mine

So, we've sold the Peugeot. It's gone and Ollie is wondering what to buy next while he has a week’s skiing holiday. But while the work-shy are away, I’ve been picking the lock on his desk drawer in an attempt to get my hands on the shed piggy bank.

We've now had two hot hatches. Well, we’ve had an MG Maestro and one hot hatch – both finished in red, both decent to drive and both returning a decent profit. So far, so good, then? Well, no actually. I say bah humbug to hot hatches.

Maybe it's because I’m the oldest member of the team, or maybe I'm just boring, but I like my sheds to be large - large in body and large in engine. I love the way old barges waft about like they own the place, I like the way I get on first name terms with the bloke in my local Shell station as my mpg dips into single figures. I like the way that I have plenty of buttons to play with on my dashboard, some of which work and some which don't, I like the smell of old leather and I like the fact that some rich type paid ten or twenty times what I paid when the car was new.

Now, I don't want to break tradition, so I have chosen a red shed. That’s where the similarities end, however, because I have chosen a car made in Germany, I have chosen a manual transmission, I have chosen rear-wheel drive and, get this, I have 3.5 litres of environmentally unfriendly engine to play with.

This 535i has some MOT, it has some tax, it has unmarked cowskin covering the seats, an M steering wheel and electric everything; it even has some history and was last serviced only 2000 miles ago.

It's not all good, though. The central locking only works from the boot (big deal) and the fuel gauge isn't working but, as the owner says, the trip computer tells me my range anyway. A bit of rust won't put me off, and neither will a broken lumber support.

So all I need to do is get to the envelope containing the cash. I got his drawers open in the end, but the sneaky chap had taken the cash with him when he went on holiday. So my dream of having a proper shed in the PH car park remains just that. A dream.

Can someone lend me a grand - or at least go and buy this thing before someone else does.

Auto Trader Advert says: 1989 BMW 5 Series 535i 4 door Saloon

Manual, 119,000 miles, RARE Manual. -Passed last MOT only needing 2 front tires (expires June) - Taxed till 5/08 - Leather seats in good condition, no rips. - Leather "M" Steering wheel - Armrests - Electric windows - Electric mirrors - Trip computer - PAS - Radio / Tape player - Remote Alarm and central locking - Alloy wheels - Fog lights - ABS - BMW Carpet mats - Service History Bad Points - Fuel gauge bit erratic but trip computer shows you how many miles left in the tank anyway. - Central locking needs to be locked from the boot lock. When boot is locked you can use remote to open and close all other doors. - Drivers seat electric lumbar support not working - Paint faded on door mirrors - Bit jerky when very cold but fine after minute or so. Runs very nicely and is so smooth to drive. Engine was last serviced about 2 thousand miles ago (oil is still golden). It pulls well in all gears and is very quick for its size! No smoke from the exhaust at all. I have run it for a few thousand miles since owning it and its never let me down. Starts first time everytime! Bodywise its in pretty good condition for its age with only a few minor scratches. No dents anywhere. Bit of surface rust inside fuel filler door and a small bubble on front offside wing (not noticeable until up close). £999.

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nobrakes

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