We've just returned from the AMG Winter Driving Academy, an incredible experience, and about as much fun as it's possible to have in Scandinavia unless Ulrika Jonsson turns up at your sauna wielding a birch twig.
Unfortunately we missed out on the sauna party, but we're definitely going to post more about the AMG Driving Academy as soon as we get our films back from the chemist. Meanwhile the Swedes have another pastime up their sleeves that's almost as entertaining as either of the above - and judging from our brief experience snowmobiling is potentially far more painful than being flogged with a sapling.
Protection from wind chill and fir trees
PH's chariot of choice was the Polaris 800 Dragon Switchback snowmobile which, after flicking through the Swedish catalogue that currently adorns my coffee table, appears to be a sort of 'crossover' model that fits between the company's touring and sports versions. It costs the hefty equivalent of £12,000 in Sweden if my maths is correct, and the beast certainly looks racy enough when I size it up for the first time at the Polaris Experience centre near Arjeplog.
Its faired-in plastic bodywork, adjustable double wishbone/coilover set-up at the front and monoshock rear end all suggest a machine that's built for speed. Underneath the engine cover is a two cylinder two-stroke 800cc motor making a mighty 154bhp, and revving all the way up to 12,000rpm if the dial is to be believed. Ever had one of those 'should I really be doing this' moments?
A rubber track puts the power down
The Dragon starts on the button and settles to a busy idle, a bit like the butterflies are doing in my stomach as I carefully re-adjust goggles, lid and gloves before climbing onboard.
'Oops!' It turns out the snowmobile has a novice-friendly CVT transmission, but it doesn't half take off with a bang when a ham-fisted mitt is applied to the controls. Gently does it next time then, especially as we've been warned that the rear disk brake doesn't shed speed at anything like the rate the Dragon's engine is able to pile it on.
We trundle around behind an instructor for about a mile, getting to grips with the basic concept. It seems idiot proof, with only a throttle, brake and handlebars to contend with and although I've only seen 4000rpm on the clock it's still pretty exhilarating whizzing along the snow-covered trails through the forest.
Suspension is fully adjustable
Then the trail opens onto a frozen lake, and our instructors stop to split our group into fast and slow contingents. I haven't been warned about this bit, and 'oh sh*t' is my cowardly reaction.
But when 'Speed Matters', there really isn't much of a choice. I watch with trepidation as our group leader guns his machine across the lake, disappearing rapidly into a white blizzard kicked up by its track, then take-off after him.
On the wide open space of a lake, it doesn't take long to discover how utterly mental these things are. I though I'd been accelerating quickly up to 4000rpm, but stick to your guns and the Dragon takes off from there like a scalded cat.
Rev-counter goes all the way to 12,000
I was too busy clinging-on to make even a mental note of the revs, but I did manage to keep squeezing the throttle until the digital speedo showed an utterly heroic 124km/h - a gnats shy of 80mph. Then the problem becomes how to slow down, as the self-preservation instinct of releasing the throttle is likely to result in a crazy nosedive that shovels a cubic metre snow onto your visor with enough force to compact it solid - in my case causing a moment of genuine blind panic as the still speeding craft wobbled terrifyingly while I tried to rub the frozen white stuff off my face.
Steering at speed is a bit of an issue, too. Especially in deep snow, as the Dragon has an unnerving tendency to list towards the outside of the corner you're trying to carve, even if the pilot is hanging it all out on the other side. Sometimes it stays tilted even as you straighten up, just to add to the fun.
Polaris - 'way out' indeed!
It's a surprisingly rough ride, too, with the constant thuds and bumps giving your spine a real workout especially over the forest trails. So quite different to the magic carpet experience I was expecting, and almost a relief to get off when we got back to base after an hour or so. Almost!
A vaguely surreal experience then, overall, at least for the average Brit who - until this winter set in - has rarely seen a snowflake unless disporting in the Alps.
With climate change now firmly on the agenda, will we all have a Dragon in the garage in a year or two? It wouldn't be a bad thing, I reckon, even if the experience is arguably more frightening than fun - at least until you get the hang of it. And if the cost includes losing a slice of Essex to the rising North Sea... well, you've got yourself a deal!
Chris-R: 'Can I have the E63 AMG back now then?
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