The glovebox briefcase - why didn't BMW think of that one? Perhaps if it had, the 5 Series wouldn't have flopped and triggered a collapse in the company's image and Alfa wouldn't have gone on to become the dominant force in sporting exec saloons.
And then I awoke from the dream.
Quite why someone in County Antrim is selling a 39K mile Alfa 90, with supporting text speaking as if the car is in Australia, is anyone's guess. But that doesn't mean we shouldn't gawp in wonder at the depths Alfa would stoop to in the face of 80s German competition.
80s styling doesn't come much more ... 80s
Bertone's mob didn't have their best day with the pencils when they drew the 90, but neither was it their worst. Angular and clean is the kindest thing I can say about it, but the boot section is pretty lumpy.
The 90 fitted the basic strategy of all 1980s Alfas - take an old platform, tweak the styling to make it look like it should feature in a Human League video and then add some insulting cod-technology that the advertising loons could use in their blurbs. In this case we had the aforementioned briefcase dashboard and the electronically adjustable front spoiler - a must as you approached that giddy 126mph maximum.
Never mind that the 90's structure was a contemporary of the SS Great Britain and, in Gold Clover Leaf 2.5 trim, it offered just 156hp - the car was actually very light. Even better news, soon after you took delivery the claimed 1,170kg kerb weight would reduce as key areas of the bodyshell oxidised. The cabin was drizzled in as much velour as a Milanese industrialist could stomach and, according to the pictures, the interior lights were green.
But if the product itself is baffling, and the Antipodean connection in the words is even stranger, then surely they are both out-weirded by the fact the vendor has left this piece of 80s magnificence as Price on Application.
ALFA ROMEO 90 2.5 GOLD CLOVERLEAF
Engine: 2,492cc V6
Transmission: 5-speed manual, rear-wheel drive
Power (hp): 156@5,600rpm
Torque (lb ft): 160@4,000rpm
MPG: 22.2mpg (Autocar 'overall' figure)
CO2: N/A
First registered: 1985
Recorded mileage: 39,000
Price new: £11,130 (OTR, before options)
Yours for: POA
See the original advert here.