Remember Jack and the Beanstalk? When Jack's family cow suddenly goes as dry as a dead dingo's dangler, Jack's flinty mum packs him off to the market to sell it. Instead, he swaps Daisy for a packet of seeds, much to mum's displeasure. Which you can sort of understand.
An unlikely mix, more appealing at this price
The rest is history, albeit made up, so not history as such, but you get the drift. When the man of the family is sent out to do something sensible but does something stupid instead, he can expect to cop a bit of bother from Her Indoors.
Imagine then the frosty atmos in the home of the man who in 2005 was sent out to get an MPV and came back with a Zafira VXR. 240hp of peaky madness not really channelled to the road by a six-speed gearbox and a skateboard chassis, it was the answer to a question nobody asked. Autocar described it as the most pointless car since the automatic Mitsubishi Evo.
MPVs used to be perceived as women-only purchases. Ford unlocked the market with the sharp-handling S-Max, but the Zafira was just too mumsy to appeal to anyone with gentlemanly parts, so Vauxhall went for Competitive Dads instead, the mad, teeth-gnashing, forehead-vein-throbbing stomach ulcers on legs who would love to find out exactly how the 7.2-second 0-60 time might be affected by a full complement of children and family elders. Not the sort of dad most of us would want, but a sale is a sale.
Sensible MPV and mentalist hot hatch in one
For the used car buyer of 2013 this means that, if you ignore any selfish demands that your inconsiderate family might wish to impose on you, there's some fun to be had in a secondhand Zafira VXR, and for as little as £5K. Better yet if you fancy something a bit more understated than the
240-Volt blue
or baboon bum red that a lot of Zafira VXRs come how about this silver on black one
for £5,200
this black one
at a trader for a couple of grand more? All surprisingly sober inside with half leather and just the odd slice of shiny tin on the dash with all the usual Zafira stuff of more seats than you'd think possible in such a modestly sized vehicle paired with an engine verging on the unhinged. Just the ticket for a calm and relaxed school run.
VAUXHALL ZAFIRA VXR
Price: £5,200
Why you should: An amusing subversion of the MPV mindset, more so at this price.
Why you shouldn't: What did Boney M ever know about cool?
See the original adverts here (silver car) and here (black one).