Years of humping Land Rover diffs, Bedford propshafts and matrimonial guilt around the yard have made Shed a right martyr to his back. As a result, the first priority when considering any new car for his own use is not blazing acceleration, drop-dead styling or even Scrooge-like economy. It is ride quality.
New cars could still learn a lot reckons Shed
Now that the motor industry is nothing more than a front for a global osteopathy conspiracy, Shed's strict pre-condition of purchase rules out every affordable car built in this century. Read just about any mainstream magazine road test nowadays and the 'cons' will almost certainly include some reference to a jittery ride. Even so-called luxury motors must now rely on weapons-grade electronic systems to take the edge off their jackhammer ride, a feature recently brought into even sharper relief by our newly poxed-up flood-damaged roads.
Why do modern cars have such bone-crumblingly hard suspension? Shed's theory is that it's a combination of CO2-reducing lightness gone too far; excessive pandering to journalists who can only compare cars by their Nurburgring lap times; and a vast, teetering stockpile of Italian-made one-size-fits-all shock absorbers from the 1990s that the world's car makers are slowly working their way through.
Only half leather, but it looks great
It wasn't always like this. The Jaguar XJ6's mix of comfort and handling was so well-judged that we can now say (with a heavy heart) that it was, and probably always will be, the high water mark in passenger comfort allied to driver pleasure. And it worked its magic in the natural old-fashioned way too, with steel springs and conventional dampers and nary a whiff of ride-optimising electronics. Just as well really, because Jaguars of a certain age don't really get on with electricity.
You could include this week's Shed in that undesirable catchment area, but if any '90s Jag was worth a punt, surely this one is it. Just look at it: mica paint and unblemished chrome glinting seductively, showroom interior and a front numberplate that looks like it's never seen a 50mph breeze. For a different Valentine's Day experience, you and your loved one could buy it and then eat your dinner off the engine - up to and including a cool, crispy salad, if the mechanicals are living up to their stereotype by not working.
And if the interior seemed clean...
But surely they would be working? It looks so clean. The list of potentially dodgy parts on the model succeeding this one, the post-'94 X300, was as long as a Jag dealer's service invoice: radios, speakers, door and brake light switches, clocks, auto-dimming rear view mirrors, heated/memory seats, boot lock barrels, headlamps, J-gate lights, seat frames, loose trim panels, steering wheel motors, cables, cam cover seals, O-rings and head gaskets, radiator mounting bushes, thermostats, crankshaft position sensors, fuel senders, oxygen sensors, power steering hoses, exhaust manifolds, idler pulleys, ABS modules, corroded/bubbling cam covers, suspension bushes, headliners, information displays, bulbs; they could all go, and did.
The XJ40 is somewhat sneered at in Jag aficionado circles, but the people who actually run them rate them higher than the X300. You do need to check for rust. Look at the bonnet edges front and rear, the front suspension subframe, windscreen surround, A-posts, door skins, jacking points, fuel filler flap and under the boot carpet (where it's normally surface corrosion).
Advert's OK, pics are good; worth a shot?
Driveshaft and diff bearings fail, but the 24-valve AJ6 engine and transmission are generally tough. As a base '92 model, this one won't have the troublesome hydraulic suspension fitted to upscale Sovs.
Electrically speaking, as Stephen Hawking might say, most of the XJ40's initial problems were sorted by the time this car rolled off the line. Air con units were never that long lasting, and you might get a 'blown bulb' indicator on the dash, but this is most likely to be a problem with the indicator rather than the bulb.
Forget all this stuff. Just look at it. It's bloody lovely, an impression reinforced by the vendor's quietly confident tone. Shed still uses a Commodore computer and screen, so is never quite sure on colours, but he believes this one to be in Carnival Red, the best XJ6 hue in his opinion, with seats in the perfectly contrasting oatmeal. Only half-leather, but when cloth is as spotless as this, who cares?
Our car is in Lancashire, God's own county, where the welcome, the beer and the tea are all at the same temperature and the people are honest. In fact, according to the phone number, it's in Blackpool, and a very nice bit of Blackpool too, going by the pics.
Some might see the phrase 'changed circumstances' and jump to the conclusion that this car might be owned by a retired TV entertainer with some upcoming legal costs to cover, but Shed isn't like that. He reckons this is a totally genuine XJ, loved and cared for throughout its life, and now waiting hopefully for some PHer to come along and, er, rag it to death.
For Sale My Jaguar XJ6 Auto Reg 1992 MOT Oct 2014 The car is in super original condition as can be seen from the photos. It is fitted with the usual jag refinements, A/C Electric windows. Mirrors Seats CD etc. with all electrics working. All chromework like new Selling due to changed circumstances Any inspection invited. A gift at £995 ono
Contacts 01253 884164. Mbl 07944166372.