Whilst supping a small pint of Guinness this evening I saw one of the new MR2s drive past my local hostelry. Upon discussion and reflection I came to the conclusion that this has to be one of the most backward styling steps made in recent years. What's got into Toyota? The MR2 looks like it was made from an old washing machine. Both previous incarnations were aesthetically pleasing but this looks like a school project. And what have they done to the Celica? What's happened to curves?!
Vinyl Seats
When I was a kid, we all drew cars in the traditional three box design. Boot big enough to lock someone in, a passenger compartment (complete with vinyl seats) and a huge box up front for a weenie four cylinder Ford lump. The cars of the future that we sketched with our crayons were all curves and swoops. So come the 21st century, I'm looking for a delivery on my childhood dreams. But oh no, the design students of today think straight is sexy. Designers of the eighties were brought up on a diet of Sam Fox and Linda Lusardi. Spotty oiks studying the automotive form these days have Kate Moss and Jodie Kidd on their walls. Well that's no good lads - bony cars don't do it for me.
Kate Moss
I remember when I first saw a Sierra. Having finished my paper-round (and not won Sun bingo again), I copped my eyes on a stunning beige Jellymould Sierra. It was truly exciting - the future had arrived and in the shape of an aerodynamic Dagenham Dustbin. If Ford could do it then surely exciting designs were only months away. My dreams of entering the 21st century in something Buck Rogers might drive were sadly disappointed.
So what the hell has happened to car design? Well aside from the feminine influence it's those damn computers I reckon. Car designers have dumped their crayons and their interesting collection of pencils and have been designing point and click cars. I don't want a drag and drop styled car, I want a car that has curves like a woman. Curves are sexy, curves sell. I want to look at a car and feel my blood pumping, be reminded of why I'm alive, not be reminded of Pythagoras.
Liz Hurley
Even the great stylists of the past seem to have been caught napping. What's happened at Ferrari? They produce the gorgeous little 355, a real Liz Hurley with just enough on show and teasing you with so much more. The 456 cuts the mustard too - an older more sophisticated type, yet still dignified, still sexy. Then they roll out the 550 Maranello. Well it's just a fat bird isn't it? I'm sure, mechanically it's a very pleasing car to drive, but it's a big old girl isn't it? If the 550 needed to buy clothes it would squeeze into a size 22 and sweat too much.
Still there's hope yet. Who's producing curves still? Rover! That nice old 75 has the right idea. Rip that chrome trim off and underneath there's a curvaceous if somewhat plump old girl. Or have I just got my beer goggles on...?
