Volvo XC90

PistonHeads does have readers that drive Volvos, so for their pleasure and probably noone else's we bring you news of their latest estate on steroids. We were promised a "New Generation SUV", and that's what they've given us - a new generation of Slow Ugly Van.

It's big and it's probably clever but it's not very exciting. Looking like a jacked up plastic toy, it's a sad reflection on modern design that stylists are following each other like sheep on a roundabout.

The trend for jacked up charabancs like this is capturing manufacturers' imaginations despite the obvious pitfulls from an engineer's perspective. We believe one major car maker is already working on a design for a double decker hatchback.

Safety

It's an irreversible trend unfortunately. Sitting higher than other road users makes you feel superior and safer. With more and more SUV's on the road, the more insecure members of society then feel obliged to sit even higher. Bad news for anyone in a 'normal' car for whom a minor collision with an SUV will result in a hideous decapitation. So much for the advance of road safety.

The desire to sit higher than anyone else on the road is having a knock on effect to other road users. The Post Office is running secret trials in which postmen are being given Penny Farthings to negotiate city traffic whilst Unigate is experimenting with delivering milk via C130 transport planes.

Range Rover

Police forces have also expressed concern at the trend and are asking the Home Office for permission to try out the new multi-story Range Rover. High ranking officers are very keen on the idea. It now becomes obvious that the Range Rovers air suspension was years ahead of its time and the ability to lower the car to pass under bridges was inspired.

The specialist British manufacturers are also aware of the trend and most have projects under development to ensure they don't get left behind. Morgan's wooden framed five story 4/4/4/4/4 comes complete with tudor style facades, a spiral staircase and thatched roof.  Not to be outdone, TVR's new Tuscan Townhouse features a monocoque tub (ensuite) and dormer style windows for better aerodynamic efficiency.

Even Porsche spotted the trend and despite making sportscars since the year dot, they've been dragged into the ridiculous farce and produced a jumped up SUV of their own. If that's not proof that the world's gone SUV mad then I don't know what is.