Why don't cars
have bins in them eh? Anyone who's travelled in the the cars I've owned over the years
will have noticed my desperate need for on board refuse facilities. What's a man to do? I
don't want to nonce around with a supply of plastic bags like some fussy muvver. I need
man-sized garbage processing tools. Those poxy little ashtrays you get in car doors won't
take more than a couple of pork pie wrappers. Leaning across the car to fill the passenger
ashtray with the left-overs from a bargain bucket is positively dangerous. Ever tried
getting chicken bones in amongst the discarded pay-and-display tickets and decomposing
chewing gum? Wheely Bin
It's frustrating that manufacturers are taking so long to wake up to the realities of life in a car. Despite the fact that we all spend much of our lives in our four wheeled homes, the facilities on offer for the modern day consumer are positively hopeless. Land Rover came up with the curry hook to hang your takeaway on, but this took many decades to evolve. It worries me that I won't get my in-car wheely bin for some time to come.
How many of us experienced badly timed chunders in taxis, parents' cars and perhaps even our own mobile puke pots? Time for Rover to steal a march on the competition me thinks. A limited edition Rover 75 with front and rear 'hurling hatches' would prove a sensational success with anyone in touch with their oesophagus.
Progress is just so slow in interior design. For decades we made do with two indents in the back of the glove box lid as being sufficient for holding cups. Now VW spend millions of pounds developing cup holders that pop out from all over the dashboard to satisfy the fluid dependent public. I don't want to dangle my Special Brew from the rear view mirror, I want to drink it and bin it. I want a bin!!!
Larder
Why stop at cup holders? I need more comprehensive facilities. Scoffing a burger whilst on the move generally results in a dose of ketchup crotch. Give me a chin level picnic table, then I won't have to drive one handed. Never mind multiple airbags, how's about a larder and spitoon instead? Sod the sat-nav, gi's a mini grill to burn me bacon on.
It doesn't stop there either. I need a clever little device to hold the other end of my Werther's Original wrapper as I derobe it. I need a tool to open sandwich wrappers with one hand. How's about a mirror on the roof so that I can see where I'm going whilst pouring crisp fragments into my hungry food hole. What do I get instead? More sodding cup holders!
So come on
Vee-Dub, never mind about cup holders in the engine bay, how's about a big green bin where
the gearbox used to be. You've kindly moved all that gubbins under the bonnet leaving a
nice big gap where the transmission tunnel used to be. Slot it a 130mph rated dustbin and
I'll have one of your boring Boras tomorrow. I know you have the technology - now give me
a kebab friendly car.
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