Summer's arrived and the countdown is on until the school holidays. Right now millions of kids around the country are preparing for the 'most important' exams of their lives (weren't you told that every year?). Even seven year olds are turning to booze because of the stress.

There's light at the end of the tunnel though. Once those troublesome tests are complete, it's holiday time. A time we can all look forward to with the roads once again devoid of 4x4s full of little brats and distracted mums.

Parents around the country are already preparing for those long trips to the far flung reaches of the country. We all know a  lot of preparation is needed too if the journey isn't to be punctuated with endless cries of "Are we there yet?" and incessant whinging and whining (and that's just your missus).

Which of course is where the fun and games came in. In my youth we didn't have video screens in the headrests of the Viva. Come to think of it we didn't have headrests. There were no Walkmans to listen too, only my mum's singing or the harmoneous song of cross plies on concrete. If someone had asked I wanted a Gameboy I'd have referred them to my sister. Back then, we had to amuse ourselves by counting bridges, traffic lights, roundabouts or sticking two fingers up at the driver behind without Dad noticing.

It was hot, my legs stuck to the vinyl seats and a trip from London to Wales would take about eight hours. They say necessity is the mother of invention so it's no wonder I've got such a rich collection of amusements to keep me going on long journeys these days.

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"It's me Gran" (1-6 players)

It's not your gran really, but bear with us on this one as old folk are tremendous fun. This game is a chance for the driver to score a few points over the passengers. You may have noticed that most towns and villages have lookouts posted in the form of pensioners doddering along or secured to the gateposts of their bungalows. A long bellow of your horn and a cheery wave will soon wake 'em up. Points are scored as follows:

Grannie waves back: 2 points
Old duffer waves back: 1 point (old blokes usually wave back or salute instinctively)
Confused look/heart attack: No points

"The Brady Hunch" (4 to six players)

Not an easy one this. If you can find an XR2 on the motorway complete with scroat at the wheel then you're in business. Look out for the faded baseball cap, and the skinny, naked frame hunched over the wheel like his nipples are tied to the column stalks. Then get the whole family to lean forward in the same style and peer to one side with a big grin.

Scroat floors it and his exhaust falls off: 5 points
Scroat tries to drive into your car: 3 points
Scroat gives you the bird: 1 point

"Chris-Cross" (1 player or more)

This one takes the tedium out of stopping at zebra crossings or traffic lights. Whenever you have to stop and people cross in front of you, get all the occupants of the car to yell out 'Chris!' from the windows of your car. Keep yelling a few times. Two points for anyone called Chris who stops and checks you out and a whopping ten points if they come up to you to see who you are.

"Connect Four" (1 player or more)

One for more alert drivers this and a useful safety measure. When you see a hold up on the motorway ahead rather than brake gently and have the numpty behind slam into your car, slam your anchors on as hard as you can as early as you can. As you're doing that grab a low gear ready to set off again. The numpty behind will panic, slam his stoppers on on the three cars behind him will join him in a mash of tangled metal. You simply accelerate a little - you've safely avoided a rear end shunt and got four points into the bargain.

"Death Wish"

This one's usually played when going skiing, but with the right equipment and the right political climate it can be hilarious entertainment for the whole family all year round. Simply get the whole family to don their balaclavas and then drive around the city of your choice (it's important to adopt a fixed stare forwards at all times).

Fun for all the family as you sit outside the embassy of your choice and watch the reaction. See the traffic open up before you as you and your clan gaze straight ahead fully focused on your next task - getting the ice creams in. Watch how quickly people use the crossings when you've got your bonny balaclavas on. Chuckle heartily as an Armed Response Vehicle comes to check you out and the jackpot's yours when you can sue the police for harrassment.

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With a bit of imagination car journeys need never be the same again. It only takes a bit of thought to lighten up those trips, keep the family amused and possibly get your head kicked in too. So next time your kids are begging for expensive technology to keep them amused, tell 'em to buckle it and get their balaclavas on. Top value!