"Hello, is that PistonHeads? I'm here to pick up your van." Last time this happened a panicked phone call to the BMW press office bought us a stay of execution and an extension of the loan at the 11th hour. We weren't going to get away with it again. And so farewell.
Another scalp for the Mini on track ... honest
But not before we had a final fling. Two missions for the Mini to accomplish before it went back for destickering and delousing. One, to get round a track. And, two, a return to Le Mans to bring our year with it full circle, it having joined us just days before last year's trip out there.
First to Silverstone though and a perhaps unexpected appearance alongside the exotica attending the RMA/PistonHeads track day. If you've not done one of these yet you need to - Graham at RMA's no nonsense briefings are legendary. Unlike most events overtaking is possible on either side, the slower car sticking to its line and the faster one taking the responsibility of finding a way round safely. Graham's only real rule is, basically, 'if you're driving like an idiot you can f*** off', which is refreshingly simple and definitive. Nobody appears inclined to argue, that's for sure.
The Mini takes to PH's top secret test track
With a 1.6-litre diesel engine and a mighty 112hp there was little doubt we'd be getting a grandstand view of the overtaking policy too and as the Porsche Cup cars and Ferrari Speciales prepared to go out I felt more than a little nervous lining up among them in the Clubvan. Seemed like a good idea at the time and all that...
How did it go? Surprisingly well. The Clubvan isn't as mobile around front axle as other Minis - stubborn understeer is your lot if you get over ambitious - so with tyres howling I did my best to drive it as smoothly as possible and carry speed where I could. Diesel cars on track always feel a bit weird anyway, especially on circuits with long corners like Silverstone where you can rapidly run out of revs mid-turn. So you don't shift down before the corner, which works the brakes harder but at least means you've got some propulsion left for corner exit. Well, you would if you had more than 112hp. To its credit the Mini carried good speed round the corners, it just couldn't build any more up the straights. So you'd have the weird situation of exiting faster corners like Copse or Chapel at 90mph or so ... and then maintaining pretty much that speed up the following straight. From the onboard vid I reckon it was about a three-minute lap of the full Silverstone loop, which doesn't seem too bad considering. Honour satisfied I returned to the pits and nicked Matt's Caterham for some rather more exciting laps.
Well, Matt brought a suitable car to the track
After Silverstone it was back to more regular service, providing transport to Le Mans for the ads team and, indeed, rescuing some of their number after they ran out of fuel in another vehicle. Oops. The Mini continued to turn heads though, ads man Ben summing it up by saying "It was a noble steed it has to be said! We got plenty of waves on the ride over. A number of people pulling up alongside us for an acknowledging nod and wave before the obligatory down shift with hard acceleration ahead of us."
And that's what it was all about. A proper little workhorse and a fun way of spreading the PH message, the Clubvan is going to be missed. There are plans to replace it with something equally eye catching though. Watch this space for more...
A lap of Silverstone in the PH Mini Clubvan
Fact sheet:
Car: Mini Cooper D Clubvan
Run by: Everyone!
On fleet since: June 2013
Mileage: It was taken away so fast we forgot to check but Sam reckons about 20,000
List price new: £19,575.50 (Basic list of £14,275 +VAT plus £400 for Midnight Black paint, £1,700 for Media Pack, £55 for Storage Pack, £50 for space saver spare, £105 for leather two-spoke steering wheel, £60 for velour floor mats, £45 for warning triangle and first aid kit and £30 for front passenger airbag deactivation switch. All options prices inclusive of VAT.)
Last month at a glance: Hectic final month with the van includes lapping Silverstone and a return visit to Le Mans
Track photos: Jakob Ebrey