Ugly and overpriced; that seems to be the unfortunate consensus of opinion about the JCW from reading your comments over the last couple of months. Certainly on the first point, I'd have to agree. Subjective or not, I don't think anyone could convincingly argue that the F56 is an improvement on its forerunners in the looks department. It may only have swollen a few centimetres here and a there, but the overall effect is considerable. No matter how many vents, grills and ducts try to mask the extra flesh, to my eyes legislation has irrevocably damaged its predecessor's endearing proportions.
Where cost is concerned, however, I feel a defence should be offered. For exhibit A, simply scan your eyes down to the bottom of this page and marvel upon the considerable list of options, the sum total of which raise the JCW's basic price by around 30 per cent. YC15OFR, like all of its fellow launch cars, is stuffed to the gills with equipment, most of it completely unnecessary. Sure, it all works great, it's amusing to have loads of gadgets to tinker with, and most prospective owners will go to town on the options list, but let's be honest; if price is really a concern, then almost all of them could be replaced with a simple £10 phone holder.
So, having used almost every gizmo on the car now, I set myself a challenge. Adopting the spirit of Matt's new GT86 Primo, I put on my best pragmatically frugal hat and headed over to the Mini JCW configurator to spec up my own car. I began with a manual in plain white, with a red roof and black 17-inch alloys (£75). Standard equipment is already pretty high - it includes Bluetooth connectivity, USB audio, DAB radio, air-con, cruise control and sports seats - so I simply added parking sensors (£260) and variable damper control (£240) to complete the package.
The only box I would like to have ticked - but doing so would add the Media Pack XL at £1,400 - was the head-up display. What I first considered a gimmick, I now regard as one of the most useful elements of the cabin, as it gives vital information about speed, gear selection and revs in a format that's easy to absorb at a glance. Something the standard analogue instruments fail to do.
In the end, my austerity challenge yielded rather nice looking JCW for £23,625. Definitely somewhat more palatable, even if that figure still surpasses the Clio 220 Trophy, 208 GTI 30th and, inevitably, the Fiesta ST Mountune. And the quality of the interior build, materials and function is well beyond any of those rivals. It really does feel like a well-screwed together product that's not going to end up like a 230hp maraca in a few years.
Adorning the roof now, also courtesy of the options list, is a pair of roof rails. Mini has also added roof bars, from its accessory range, and I've topped it all off with a Pendle fork mounted bike rack. It's an addition that has made transporting my bike around considerably easier, and so far I've even managed to avoid driving into any height restrictions.
While it was in the workshop getting the roof rails installed, Mini fitted a set of new tyres. Apparently the change was due to a few nicks in the old Pirellis discovered during a routine inspection, and nothing to do with any criticisms of the rubber previously made here, or indeed elsewhere. Either way, gone were the P7 Cinturatos, replaced by Dunlop's Sport Maxx; a tyre I had good experiences with when mounted to the Clio 200 last year. Sadly, these ones are runflat versions, so not entirely comparable. Now they're scrubbed in, grip levels have improved from that of the Pirellis, but I still think this is an area where the JCW disappoints. While unrelentingly, addictively quick on the straights, and completely unflappable under braking, the JCW is utterly underwhelming in the corners. Turn in is really vague, and being that there's so little grip to begin with, there's nothing really for the steering to feed back.
My experiences on the road have been further reinforced by a brief opportunity to drive the JCW on track at Silverstone's Stowe circuit. I arrived with all sorts of good intentions to try out different sport mode configurations, sample alternative tyre options and have a play with the stability control turned off. But, as is often the case in these situations, lots of standing about rapidly turned into a frantic 10 minutes behind the wheel before the track closed for the day.
At this point I'll hold my hands up and say I definitely didn't get into the groove during those brief few minutes. But between bouts of ham-fisted over-driving, a couple of things about the JCW became obvious. Firstly, the levels of understeer I'd experienced on the road, particularly on turn-in, really hamper the Mini on track. Secondly, the throttle map in Sport mode is too aggressive, giving gobs of power alongside even tiny applications of the throttle. And I was not the only one struggling; despite lapping all day in the JCW, even my instructor was having trouble making it dance through the corners.
Obviously the silver lining of this particular cloud is that swapping tyres is a fairly simple and relatively inexpensive change. I'd be keen to hear from any new JCW owners, that have done just that, to find out what difference it has made.
FACT SHEET:
Car: Mini John Cooper Works
Run by: Danny Milner
On fleet since: May 2015
Mileage: 5,607
List price new: £31,945 (Basic list of £24,445 plus £750 for Rebel Green paint, £1,400 for Media Pack XL, £2,470 for Chili Pack, £240 for variable damper control, £140 for run-flat tyres, £220 for sun protection glass, £215 for seat heating, £210 for Mini Yours fibre alloy interior, £590 for Park Distance Control, £150 for LED headlights, £590 for Harman Kardon hi-fi, £140 for intelligent emergency calling, £450 for head-up display)
Last month at a glance: Danny asks for roof bars, gets new tyres too - hm!
[Track photos: Lee Tuckett]