Any other expectant Dads?
Discussion
24lemons said:
Don’t wish it away. I have a 3 year old and at times it is difficult and I look forward to the things you have mentioned. At the same time, photos of her as a baby pop up on my phone and I just don’t know where the time went. I sometimes can’t remember her being a baby and I can’t remember the feeling I had when I cuddled her. Now she’s 3 and she’s becoming a little person. I have to remind myself that it won’t be long before she doesn’t want to snuggle up with me on the sofa or hold my hand as she toddles along. As difficult as things can be at times it will soon pass so enjoy the good stuff while you can.
You make a very good point. One thing I am determined to do second time around is enjoy the newborn/baby stage more, owing to a few problems it was a real grind for both of us first time.this is one of the points which causes me the most anguish. As hard as it can be, I can't allow myself to wish it was behind me because in doing so I'll have be acknowledging to myself that I've missed the chance to be a good dad in that stage, to enjoy today, to be positive and happy, to be present and all of those things. I'd be chalking up a failure as a parent, to my mind. I want the down period to be over, but I would be / will be kicking myself that my kids are now grown up and I just got caught up in my own emotions and wants. They get bigger and more independent with every day that passes, and with that you lose them just a bit more every day too.
Blown2CV said:
i kind of don't want to go on about it as i don't want to scare the new and expecting parents and actually it's really lovely for me to hear stories of other people in this thread just embarking on this whole journey... but i would say at 47, right now for me is an all time low point. Maybe this is what they mean by mid-life crisis.
Please be assured that what you are feeling is very common. You are not alone, and I think you are being very hard on yourself.The "U" shape of happiness is very well established and is worth reading-up about:
https://www.theguardian.com/science/head-quarters/...
You are just at the bottom of the U, I'm afraid. But lots of us are.
I am in a very similar position to you (other than being a bit younger) and I can completely empathise. If you were able to have honest and open conversations with your peers I would expect that most of them would be in the same boat.
For me, becoming a parent has resulted in me feeling completely trapped, which in itself is frightening and can be overwhelming. But I have taken some comfort from the fact that this is simply a tough stage of life, and things will improve. So I am endeavouring to enjoy the moment when I can, but not beat myself up when I can't.
If I can bring a perspective on the U shape happiness thing. I am 54 and my kids 24 and 27.
We had zero issues with our first. But plenty with our second up to about 2 or 3 years ago
Very close to both of them. They're both "sorted".
Now well into the upper part of the U!
Life begins again. There is hope.
We had zero issues with our first. But plenty with our second up to about 2 or 3 years ago
Very close to both of them. They're both "sorted".
Now well into the upper part of the U!
Life begins again. There is hope.
Anyone else have an 8yr old boy and really struggle with their behavior? He can be brilliant, doing really well at School and sports but just really difficult to be around when things aren't going 'their' way.
We had a great day out the other week (just us 2), not a cross word said all day and as soon as Wife/Mum gets home, all hell breaks loose, culminating with him saying 'we never had a good time together' etc. It can be really upsetting at times for me which isn't necessarily recognized in the household ..
When we have time together he's an absolute angel, but just pushes the boundaries when we're both parenting and it's always me that is the bad person..
We had a great day out the other week (just us 2), not a cross word said all day and as soon as Wife/Mum gets home, all hell breaks loose, culminating with him saying 'we never had a good time together' etc. It can be really upsetting at times for me which isn't necessarily recognized in the household ..
When we have time together he's an absolute angel, but just pushes the boundaries when we're both parenting and it's always me that is the bad person..
RayDonovan said:
Anyone else have an 8yr old boy and really struggle with their behavior? He can be brilliant, doing really well at School and sports but just really difficult to be around when things aren't going 'their' way.
We had a great day out the other week (just us 2), not a cross word said all day and as soon as Wife/Mum gets home, all hell breaks loose, culminating with him saying 'we never had a good time together' etc. It can be really upsetting at times for me which isn't necessarily recognized in the household ..
When we have time together he's an absolute angel, but just pushes the boundaries when we're both parenting and it's always me that is the bad person..
Is there a pattern? Is it after the two of you have had a day out? Does he want it to be the 3 to f you together? Is it better when it is the 3 of you together? We had a great day out the other week (just us 2), not a cross word said all day and as soon as Wife/Mum gets home, all hell breaks loose, culminating with him saying 'we never had a good time together' etc. It can be really upsetting at times for me which isn't necessarily recognized in the household ..
When we have time together he's an absolute angel, but just pushes the boundaries when we're both parenting and it's always me that is the bad person..
BoRED S2upid said:
RayDonovan said:
Anyone else have an 8yr old boy and really struggle with their behavior? He can be brilliant, doing really well at School and sports but just really difficult to be around when things aren't going 'their' way.
We had a great day out the other week (just us 2), not a cross word said all day and as soon as Wife/Mum gets home, all hell breaks loose, culminating with him saying 'we never had a good time together' etc. It can be really upsetting at times for me which isn't necessarily recognized in the household ..
When we have time together he's an absolute angel, but just pushes the boundaries when we're both parenting and it's always me that is the bad person..
Is there a pattern? Is it after the two of you have had a day out? Does he want it to be the 3 to f you together? Is it better when it is the 3 of you together? We had a great day out the other week (just us 2), not a cross word said all day and as soon as Wife/Mum gets home, all hell breaks loose, culminating with him saying 'we never had a good time together' etc. It can be really upsetting at times for me which isn't necessarily recognized in the household ..
When we have time together he's an absolute angel, but just pushes the boundaries when we're both parenting and it's always me that is the bad person..
Our little ones 1st birthday today. I’ve generally found the whole thing very positive. She didn’t sleep that well between 6-9 months. Her personality is really developing now and find it very fun.
Biggest adjustment for me has been the “schedule”. I’ve always been pretty independent (only child to single parent) and value my downtime.
Biggest adjustment for me has been the “schedule”. I’ve always been pretty independent (only child to single parent) and value my downtime.
Edited by NerveAgent on Tuesday 7th May 21:14
Pleased to announce our 2nd arrived on the actual due date, popped out 70 mins after parking at the hospital and barely 45 mins after being examined at 4cm.
All are doing great, juggling the needs of two different ages will take some adjustment. Laundry will be an endless task with both in cloth nappies.
Batteries empty, heart full.
All are doing great, juggling the needs of two different ages will take some adjustment. Laundry will be an endless task with both in cloth nappies.
Batteries empty, heart full.
RayDonovan said:
Anyone else have an 8yr old boy and really struggle with their behavior? He can be brilliant, doing really well at School and sports but just really difficult to be around when things aren't going 'their' way.
And I was just gonna ask here if there is a light at the end of the tunnel? 
RayDonovan said:
Blown2CV said:
we've got two (5 and 7) and we're done now. I've struggled a lot over the last 7 years to be honest... not just because of parenting, but that has been one of the largest parts. Parenting is never what you expect it to be, no matter what you expect it to be. The experience of being a Dad is incredibly mixed in my opinion, and there are plenty of elements to it that society is not really configured to assist with, because we're so focused on the mum. Sometimes it can feel like you're a means to an end... a cash machine... the bad guy who is the only one who enforces boundaries... guilty every day about working and not being present... trying so hard to have a career and not be like your own father, but failing. It feels like you get beaten with the modern man stick AND the traditional gender roles stick. Sometimes it feels like what I am really getting out of this.
All of that said, there are moments that make all of that melt away and be forgotten about even if just for a while.
Having kids is without a doubt one of the hardest things I've ever done.
Really well said.All of that said, there are moments that make all of that melt away and be forgotten about even if just for a while.
Having kids is without a doubt one of the hardest things I've ever done.
So me and new wife decided she will be the wage earner, and I wii be full time stay at home dad.
By the way, the other 4 are all flew the nest.
Sure its hard, its permanently tiring.
The night feeds at about 1 ish, and 4 ish are so tiring.
Blown2CV said:
i kind of don't want to go on about it as i don't want to scare the new and expecting parents and actually it's really lovely for me to hear stories of other people in this thread just embarking on this whole journey... but i would say at 47, right now for me is an all time low point. Maybe this is what they mean by mid-life crisis.
47 is going to be a walk in the park.Well, not really.
I am 67, and its the night feeds and lack of sleep that tire me out.
Register1 said:
Blown2CV said:
i kind of don't want to go on about it as i don't want to scare the new and expecting parents and actually it's really lovely for me to hear stories of other people in this thread just embarking on this whole journey... but i would say at 47, right now for me is an all time low point. Maybe this is what they mean by mid-life crisis.
47 is going to be a walk in the park.Well, not really.
I am 67, and its the night feeds and lack of sleep that tire me out.
t! Brave! Congrats filthypig said:
Nola25 said:
10 weeks left till our boy comes into the world.
Everything going ok, he’s a little big according to the last scan (est 3lb 3oz) so they think he may be arriving a couple of weeks early unless he slows down.
Nearly have everything we ‘think’ we need, but after recommendations for a sterilizer and formula prep machine if anyone has any experience?
Getting a little excited now, been a long time coming!
Tommee Tippie Perfect Prep machine. Absolute best thing we’ve bought. Bottle sorted in less than 2 mins. Buy the little tommee tippie formula holders. Saves measuring the formula out at 2am when bleary eyed and you can’t remember how many scoops you’ve put in the bottle!Everything going ok, he’s a little big according to the last scan (est 3lb 3oz) so they think he may be arriving a couple of weeks early unless he slows down.
Nearly have everything we ‘think’ we need, but after recommendations for a sterilizer and formula prep machine if anyone has any experience?
Getting a little excited now, been a long time coming!
We’ve got the Tommee Tippie electric steam steriliser too. Dead easy to use and clean (white vinegar overnight and it’s brand new looking again). We’ve used Mam bottles in them without issue for the last 6 months so don’t think you need to have a matching steriliser & bottle set.
Awesome, save so much screaming.
Blown2CV said:
Look into the internet discussions on those milk prep things as there are downsides some of which might be dealbreakers. I think something to do with sterilisation and the heat of the liquid? Can’t remember.
From what I remember when we were looking at them before our first was born, the issue is when they haven’t been in use for some time & are empty. Can get mould build up in the lines.Essentially if you’ve got one, get rid of it when you no longer use it, don’t store it thinking you’ll use it again.
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