Insurance advice/thoughts

Author
Discussion

mmmunch

Original Poster:

233 posts

126 months

Saturday 14th October 2017
quotequote all
Hi all,
I just thought I’d share a quick update to all those who gave such good advice earlier in the week.
So, he got a bed in a secure unit at St Peters in Chertsey on Wednesday and we visited him on Thursday, he had the impression he’d be able to come and go as he pleased as he wanted to leave on Friday to spend time with his friends and girlfriend over the weekend.

On delving deeper it appears that his girlfriend (although I use the term loosely as she’s shown she is a master manipulator over the last few days) was the root cause of this latest incident, however she’s in pretty much constant contact on his phone, that the unit are not allowed to take from him. She’s been told that she’s not allowed to visit him in the unit as she’s been particularly absuvive to the staff there on the ward when she called to try and see him.

We had several texts today saying that he’d had enough as ‘the food is ste’. And he wants to see the girlfriend- my wife asked her to leave him alone to get better but that only resulted in her telling him that his mum was interfering and that she was forcing her to cut contact with him.

Unfortunately as he was in the ward voluntarily he walked out today to see her, and very sadly when my wife text her to again ask her to leave him alone to get better and to tell her he’d left the ward her response to her was ‘cool, he’s coming to stay with me now’.

We aren’t able to do anything about this now as he’s classed as an adult and I guess we just have to wait for the fallout from when it inevitably happens again..

Very sad and sadly pushing both my wife and I to breaking point with our daughter stuck in the middle..

pidsy

7,958 posts

156 months

Saturday 14th October 2017
quotequote all
Christ!

Sounds like the car and the insurance issues are the least of your problems right now. The girlfriend is seriously endangering your son - he doesn't see it - but everyone else can. Can you speak to his mental health team and explain the situation more? They should have the power to stop her entering the unit or him leaving to see her. They can also involve the police to stop her contacting him by phone.

Hoping all this gets sorted for you and your son OP.

TooMany2cvs

29,008 posts

125 months

Saturday 14th October 2017
quotequote all
Christ, what a trainwreck.

I hope she's proud of herself,.

InitialDave

11,854 posts

118 months

Saturday 14th October 2017
quotequote all
Does he have any close friends you can ask to keep an eye on him/keep his girlfriend under control? Preferably one who won't put up with her st.

mmmunch

Original Poster:

233 posts

126 months

Saturday 14th October 2017
quotequote all
pidsy said:
Christ!

Sounds like the car and the insurance issues are the least of your problems right now. The girlfriend is seriously endangering your son - he doesn't see it - but everyone else can. Can you speak to his mental health team and explain the situation more? They should have the power to stop her entering the unit or him leaving to see her. They can also involve the police to stop her contacting him by phone.

Hoping all this gets sorted for you and your son OP.
Thanks, unfortunately the team in the hospital seem pretty useless in doing anything- re taking the phone, ceasing further contact with the gf- whilst also saying that they thought she had issues herself just from the conversation with her....

He’s currently at her house and she is quite smug that he is there. His friend who is a police officer said to him that she is the issue but he won’t have any of it...

mmmunch

Original Poster:

233 posts

126 months

Saturday 14th October 2017
quotequote all
InitialDave said:
Does he have any close friends you can ask to keep an eye on him/keep his girlfriend under control? Preferably one who won't put up with her st.
Unfortunately not, she,s keeping him away from them, as it stands, we don’t know exactly where she lives, and he will be dependent on her for transport ( for obvious reasons)..

egor110

16,818 posts

202 months

Saturday 14th October 2017
quotequote all
mmmunch said:
pidsy said:
Christ!

Sounds like the car and the insurance issues are the least of your problems right now. The girlfriend is seriously endangering your son - he doesn't see it - but everyone else can. Can you speak to his mental health team and explain the situation more? They should have the power to stop her entering the unit or him leaving to see her. They can also involve the police to stop her contacting him by phone.

Hoping all this gets sorted for you and your son OP.
Thanks, unfortunately the team in the hospital seem pretty useless in doing anything- re taking the phone, ceasing further contact with the gf- whilst also saying that they thought she had issues herself just from the conversation with her....

He’s currently at her house and she is quite smug that he is there. His friend who is a police officer said to him that she is the issue but he won’t have any of it...
I'm sorry to hear about your situation .

What does the so called girl friend actually want out of the relationship , surely anyone would realise that he needs help to get back to his old self which i assume is what attracted her to him ?

Re the secure unit , i've collected post from two different ones and you couldn't just wander onto the wards as the doors are all card locked.

General access was into the lobby and a reception desk , everything beyond that was all locked.

elanfan

5,516 posts

226 months

Saturday 14th October 2017
quotequote all
If I may add a couple of points:

With regard to the unsuitable/unstable girlfriend - any comments, actions you make will be pounced on by your son and will drive him all the closer to her - unfortunately! You could offer to meet him on neutral ground away from home along with his girlfriend as he wont turn up otherwise. Buy them lunch and try to get talking again. When she goes to the loo tell your son you'll always love him and that there's always a safe place at home for him whenever he's ready. You have to let him see for himself that things aren't right with this girl and eventually he will. When that time comes you need him to know you're there for him. Once this girl realises that you aren't upset by her and her antics she'll stop trying to get a rise out of you. She may not seem as attractive to him then either.

Regarding the insurance own damage claim - if they continue with their stance I'd be surprised, you may need to have a proper go at them, threaten Ombudsman etc. IMHO I'm not sure they can refuse a claim - yes he 'deliberately' caused the damage but proveably he was not in his right mind at the time. Insurers could argue ' you ignored the lights/traffic sign/ junction markings etc etc so that's a deliberate act too. Might be worth contacting anniesdad on here for an opinion. I'm sure in the circumstances he'd be glad to help.

mmmunch

Original Poster:

233 posts

126 months

Saturday 14th October 2017
quotequote all
elanfan said:
If I may add a couple of points

Regarding the insurance own damage claim - if they continue with their stance I'd be surprised, you may need to have a proper go at them, threaten Ombudsman etc. IMHO I'm not sure they can refuse a claim - yes he 'deliberately' caused the damage but proveably he was not in his right mind at the time. Insurers could argue ' you ignored the lights/traffic sign/ junction markings etc etc so that's a deliberate act too. Might be worth contacting anniesdad on here for an opinion. I'm sure in the circumstances he'd be glad to help.
We will have to see what happens as he also had an accident last Saturday that wasn’t mentioned, pulled out onto a main road without looking and hit a car driving past, so that coupled with what happened when he had the big one last Monday-( he was at a T junction and deliberately drove a speed through a fence into a garage that subsequently collapsed onto the car) I’m fully expecting the policy to be cancelled.

As much as I hate to say it I’m glad the car is a total loss-in the last 6 months since he got his license he’s got 3 points for speeding, and 3 accidents, one of which has resulted in property damage and a total loss. I’m just grateful he hasn’t hurt or killed anyone else at this point. It’s doubtful he will be able to afford insurance for the next few years so I’m not going to worry if the insurance Co refuse to pay out...

TooMany2cvs

29,008 posts

125 months

Saturday 14th October 2017
quotequote all
mmmunch said:
His friend who is a police officer said to him that she is the issue but he won’t have any of it...
He needs to learn this for himself.

He will - sooner or later - the question is what'll happen on the way.

mjb1

2,552 posts

158 months

Sunday 15th October 2017
quotequote all
I wish you the best and hope he gets himself sorted out. The relationship sounds particularly toxic though, can't see him ever getting his head straight while the current g/f is still on the scene.

But it concerns me that someone in this state doesn't have to surrender his driving licence on medical grounds. Frankly, the thought of him being able to get back behind the wheel for a very long time is pretty scary. Obviously it'll be very difficult for him to get insured, but can't people who've been sectioned be told to give up their driving licence under these circumstances/doctors orders?

Psycho Warren

3,087 posts

112 months

Sunday 15th October 2017
quotequote all
as he was ill, it shouldn't really be considered deliberate damage but no one in the government takes mental health seriously so I suspect you will struggle to get an insurance company to either.

Surprised they aren't trying the "act of god" line to try and get out of the whole claim. A few years ago a friend had property damage and a couple of cars written off by an old lady who fell ill at the wheel and crashed. They claimed act of god and he ended up having to make "fault" claims against his own insurers who did pay up and didnt use "act of god" as the definition varies insurance company to insurance company.

TooMany2cvs

29,008 posts

125 months

Sunday 15th October 2017
quotequote all
Psycho Warren said:
Surprised they aren't trying the "act of god" line to try and get out of the whole claim. A few years ago a friend had property damage and a couple of cars written off by an old lady who fell ill at the wheel and crashed. They claimed act of god and he ended up having to make "fault" claims against his own insurers who did pay up and didnt use "act of god" as the definition varies insurance company to insurance company.
How many times do the insurance people on here need to say that there's no such thing?

CanAm

9,114 posts

271 months

Sunday 15th October 2017
quotequote all
TooMany2cvs said:
How many times do the insurance people on here need to say that there's no such thing?
There's no such thing (in the world of insurance). Unless you read the website of Confused.com, which is full of absolute drivel.

Snails

915 posts

165 months

Sunday 15th October 2017
quotequote all
Psycho Warren said:
as he was ill, it shouldn't really be considered deliberate damage but no one in the government takes mental health seriously so I suspect you will struggle to get an insurance company to either.

Surprised they aren't trying the "act of god" line to try and get out of the whole claim. A few years ago a friend had property damage and a couple of cars written off by an old lady who fell ill at the wheel and crashed. They claimed act of god and he ended up having to make "fault" claims against his own insurers who did pay up and didnt use "act of god" as the definition varies insurance company to insurance company.
I think there might have been a misunderstanding as 'act of god' is not an exclusion within a car insurance policy.

It could have been the defence of 'automatism' whereby the third party has a total loss of control through no fault of their own, such as a heart attack. Unfortunately, this means that neither party is at fault and you cannot claim from the third party or their insurer.

ZOLLAR

19,908 posts

172 months

Sunday 15th October 2017
quotequote all
desolate said:
bradjsmith88 said:
desolate said:
I can't see any reputable company seeking to avoid the property damage claim.
I'd hope not in the circumstances - but there's a well known case that is very very similar where the insurer did exactly that.

If I can help I'd be happy to do so, but I don't want O/P to be under any false illusions.
I did say reputable!
(That was a joke in case our friends in Cardiff are watching)
They are hehe but it's not an area of claims I deal with so carry on, although as a human I understand the comments made.
OP just read your update, really sorry to hear about what's happening, it must be incredibly difficult and I hope things do work out to be better soon.

ShampooEfficient

4,266 posts

210 months

Sunday 15th October 2017
quotequote all
Can't help with the insurance situation, but genuinely hope your son gets his head straight and, crucially, realises she's a censored and moves on.

TwigtheWonderkid

43,248 posts

149 months

Sunday 15th October 2017
quotequote all
Psycho Warren said:
Surprised they aren't trying the "act of god" line to try and get out of the whole claim.
rolleyes

Pica-Pica

13,621 posts

83 months

Sunday 15th October 2017
quotequote all
mmmunch said:
Hi all,
I just thought I’d share a quick update to all those who gave such good advice earlier in the week.
So, he got a bed in a secure unit at St Peters in Chertsey on Wednesday and we visited him on Thursday, he had the impression he’d be able to come and go as he pleased as he wanted to leave on Friday to spend time with his friends and girlfriend over the weekend.

On delving deeper it appears that his girlfriend (although I use the term loosely as she’s shown she is a master manipulator over the last few days) was the root cause of this latest incident, however she’s in pretty much constant contact on his phone, that the unit are not allowed to take from him. She’s been told that she’s not allowed to visit him in the unit as she’s been particularly absuvive to the staff there on the ward when she called to try and see him.

We had several texts today saying that he’d had enough as ‘the food is ste’. And he wants to see the girlfriend- my wife asked her to leave him alone to get better but that only resulted in her telling him that his mum was interfering and that she was forcing her to cut contact with him.

Unfortunately as he was in the ward voluntarily he walked out today to see her, and very sadly when my wife text her to again ask her to leave him alone to get better and to tell her he’d left the ward her response to her was ‘cool, he’s coming to stay with me now’.

We aren’t able to do anything about this now as he’s classed as an adult and I guess we just have to wait for the fallout from when it inevitably happens again..

Very sad and sadly pushing both my wife and I to breaking point with our daughter stuck in the middle..
Sorry about the situation but WHOA, hold up, you cannot comment to us about the girlfriend as she is not here to comment or defend herself, what you tell us is hearsay, and is unacceptable.

anonymous-user

53 months

Sunday 15th October 2017
quotequote all
Pica-Pica said:
Sorry about the situation but WHOA, hold up, you cannot comment to us about the girlfriend as she is not here to comment or defend herself, what you tell us is hearsay, and is unacceptable.
Are you being serious or am I due a parrot?