Signs that you're a Geordie

Signs that you're a Geordie

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tvrbob

Original Poster:

10,800 posts

214 months

Thursday 12th May 2005
quotequote all
Just received this by e-mail.

1. You call everyone "Pet" or "Bonnie Lad".

2. You think that crossing the Tyne to Gateshead requires jabs and a passport.

3. You think that anyone from below the Tyne drinks shandy and smells of lavender.

4. You call Newcastle "The Toon".

5. When away from the Toon you insist on drinking Newcastle Broon Ale from a half-pint glass yet when you're out in the Toon you only drink pints of lager.

6. You know you're guaranteed a shag if you hang around the Bigg Market at around five to two on a Friday or Saturday night.

7. You think Eldon Square rivals both the Metro Centre and Oxford Street.

8. Anyone from Middlesborough is a c**t.

9. Anyone from Sunderland is a reet c**t.

10. You always go to Whitley Bay for your summer holiday.

11. The A1058 is the road to the coast!

12. You know you can get to London for 10 on National Express but you never bother going.

13. When out on a night if you're a bloke you must only wear shirt sleeves whatever the weather. This is especially true if it's winter.

14. You still read Viz.

15. You still find Viz funny.

16. You wrote into Letterbox with some Viz Top Tips of your own.

17. You believe that Viz's Top Tips are really quite practical.

18. You call your lunch "bait" (pronounced baert)

19. Your speech is punctuated with "howay!" and "aye".

20. You still wish they'd called Newcastle Polytechnic the City University of Newcastle upon Tyne instead of the University of Northumbria when polys became Unis - (you need to look at the acronym!).

21. You think that Byker Grove should win a BAFTA.

22. You also think Ant and Dec sold out and now are now Southern Shandy Drinking Poofters.

23. The A19 south is the road to ruin.

24. Hexham, Ponteland and in particular Darras Hall is where you aspire to live if you won the lottery.

25. You would rather Manchester United won the FA Cup if you had to choose between them, Sunderland and Boro.

tvrbob

Original Poster:

10,800 posts

214 months

Thursday 12th May 2005
quotequote all
...and if you're from Middlesbrough

1. You always refer to Middlesborough as The Boro.

2. If you're posh and from the Boro you pronounce it "Middlesbroe".

3. You know someone who knows someone else who knows Chubby Brown.

4. You aspire to live in Yarm and Nunthorpe when you win the lottery.

5. You have no job and no money yet you dress only in the most expensive designer clothes from "Triad" and "Psyche".

6. You call everyone "Mate" (pronounced "mayet"

7. You understand what Pork Parmesan is.

8. You think that Pork Parmesan is quality food.

9. You think nothing of going everywhere by taxi.

10. You know you can get to London for 10 by National Express and you do so once a year, for the day, to do your Christmas shopping.

11. You beat up anyone who refers to you as a Geordie.

12. Anyone from Sunderland is a β€˜kin c**t.

13. You're proud of the Riverside Stadium but you usually leave it just after half time in despair.

14. You refer to Sunderland's football ground as "the Stadium of Shite".

15. You go to Redcar for your summer Holiday's. Or if you're feeling adventurous Whitby.

16. You don't trust anyone from Stockton, Hartlepool or Sunderland, especially Hartlepool & Sunderland cos they're all in-bred.

17. If you've been out to dinner you tell all your colleagues the next day in detail what you and your fellow diners had for each course.

18. You refer to food as "scran", your friends as "marras" and blokes as "gadgeys".

19. You drink anything that's cheap.

20. At the end of the night you tell everyone you're "gannin yam".

21. You find shell suits deeply stylish.

wedg1e

26,736 posts

224 months

Thursday 12th May 2005
quotequote all
Well, I thought 'marra' and 'gan yem' were Geordie torms... sorry, terms....

wendyg

2,071 posts

202 months

Thursday 12th May 2005
quotequote all
What the heck IS Pork Parmesan?

mawds

825 posts

199 months

Thursday 12th May 2005
quotequote all
Think chicken Kiev, only with pork.

And parmesan.

tvrbob

Original Poster:

10,800 posts

214 months

Thursday 12th May 2005
quotequote all
wendyg said:
What the heck IS Pork Parmesan?
Slice of pork covered in breadcrumbs and then liberally topped with parmesan cheese grilled to melt. Normally served with salad and chips. Very tasty and enough calories to last a month.

volvos70t5

852 posts

188 months

Thursday 12th May 2005
quotequote all
mawds said:
Think chicken Kiev, only with pork.

And parmesan.



Indeed. Now if you were to say Chicken Parmesan.

Byff

4,425 posts

220 months

Friday 13th May 2005
quotequote all
wedg1e said:
Well, I thought 'marra' and 'gan yem' were Geordie torms... sorry, terms....


I thought marra was a Sunderland term. I still use it. Unfortunately I have also started calling people Bonny Lad - Our Lass was quite embaressed and said it made me sound like an old gadgy.

unrepentant

20,246 posts

215 months

Friday 13th May 2005
quotequote all
volvos70t5 said:


Indeed. Now if you were to say Chicken Parmesan.


We call it Parmesan Chicken down here in sophisticated North Yorkshire. I had it last night and it's lovely, perfect with a pint of 'Sheep.

Selmer

2,760 posts

201 months

Friday 13th May 2005
quotequote all
wendyg said:
What the heck IS Pork Parmesan?

Wendy we need a PH night out at the 'Europa' restaurant in 'boro.
Once a genuine Italian gaff it now ranks up there with all the other 'eye-ties' in the town.
For about a tenner you too can scrape off melted cheese from the top of your escalope of turkey/pork/chicken composite, whilst enjoying the impromptu cabaret of Middlesbrough finest working girls having slagging matches with off-duty bobbies.
True.
Fun though.
And essential after a night out.

Selmer

2,760 posts

201 months

Friday 13th May 2005
quotequote all
Byff said:

wedg1e said:
Well, I thought 'marra' and 'gan yem' were Geordie torms... sorry, terms....



I thought marra was a Sunderland term. I still use it. Unfortunately I have also started calling people Bonny Lad - Our Lass was quite embaressed and said it made me sound like an old gadgy.

Let's not let this get out of hand and we can all remain good muckers. Sorry, there's another one

wedg1e

26,736 posts

224 months

Saturday 14th May 2005
quotequote all
How pet, shurrup man!

Other Teesside specialities:

Gerrearnow! (Come here at once - usually applicable to children that have run out in front of a passing car)

Ah'll nack yer! (I will have to resort to phsical violence)

F**koffyer dafkun' (I am unable to win a reasoned debate with you so shall leave, however I need to make it look like you backed down first)

Shannun/ Cortnee/ Bri'nee/ Jord'n/ Cam'run (term of endearment to be screamed at offspring in Argos/ KwikSave/ Lidl)

Binjer (pre-smoked cigarette, to be found in ashtrays and relit)

Guvvy job (task or goods that will be paid for in cash, never to be declared to the Inland Revenue, wife or DSS as appropriate)

....etc etc....

grahamw48

9,944 posts

197 months

Saturday 14th May 2005
quotequote all
Sign of a Yorkshireman:

1st Round - "I'll buy me own"

2nd Round - " Well if you're twisting me arm"

3rd Round - (while returning from gents) " has anyone found a wallet ? "

wedg1e

26,736 posts

224 months

Sunday 15th May 2005
quotequote all
grahamw48 said:
Sign of a Yorkshireman:

1st Round - "I'll buy me own"

2nd Round - " Well if you're twisting me arm"

3rd Round - (while returning from gents) " has anyone found a wallet ? "


Hey up, by 'eck as like as not, tha' knows...

It was me, incidentally, terrorising your neighbourhood at about 1230 hours Saturday in the Esprit. Overtook a people-carrier at warp speed from a standing start and nearly threw myself into the scenery on that left-right as you enter your village.
If I had been in the TVR, I probably would have: as it was I merely turned a little harder and the Esprit miraculously followed the road
A novel concept that I feel should be applied to more cars....

grahamw48

9,944 posts

197 months

Sunday 15th May 2005
quotequote all
Huh, you ruddy townies.

Some on us ave te be up int mornin to get cows in fromt
top field.

Just mek sure you don't upset couple at our LOCAL shop.

DH9

4 posts

3 months

Tuesday 11th August
quotequote all
20. You still wish they'd called Newcastle Polytechnic the City University of Newcastle upon Tyne instead of the University of Northumbria when polys became Unis - (you need to look at the acronym!).

The initials got picked up by UKAS on their computer systems (C - * - N - T), who contacted the new University to tell them about it. All the stationary and campus signs had been printed and made, all suddenly disappearing. However, lecturers wasted no time in telling students about it anecdotally in lectures.

It's less certain how the name "City University of Newcastle-upon-Tyne" came about, though the story is it was a suggestion slipped in from a student from the other place (i.e. University of Newcastle-upon-Tyne). Apparently, no-one had realised what the initials spelt until the very last minute.

University of Northumbria was the hurriedly made-up new name, which had to have "at Newcastle" added as no-one knew where Northumbria was.

This is what the logo could have looked like (second in list).


BlackZeD

720 posts

167 months

Sunday 16th August
quotequote all
Ever wondered why the Tyne and Wear Automatic Transport System was renamed to the Metro......

Skyedriver

10,573 posts

241 months

Monday 7th September
quotequote all
DH9 said:
20. You still wish they'd called Newcastle Polytechnic the City University of Newcastle upon Tyne instead of the University of Northumbria when polys became Unis - (you need to look at the acronym!).

The initials got picked up by UKAS on their computer systems (C - * - N - T), who contacted the new University to tell them about it. All the stationary and campus signs had been printed and made, all suddenly disappearing. However, lecturers wasted no time in telling students about it anecdotally in lectures.

It's less certain how the name "City University of Newcastle-upon-Tyne" came about, though the story is it was a suggestion slipped in from a student from the other place (i.e. University of Newcastle-upon-Tyne). Apparently, no-one had realised what the initials spelt until the very last minute.

University of Northumbria was the hurriedly made-up new name, which had to have "at Newcastle" added as no-one knew where Northumbria was.

This is what the logo could have looked like (second in list).


Well I'll go to the foot of our stairs

bobfather

Original Poster:

10,800 posts

214 months

Tuesday 8th September
quotequote all
Holy thread revival Batman, 15yrs ago smile

bobfather (aka tvrbob)

DH9

4 posts

3 months

Wednesday 9th September
quotequote all
Skyedriver said:
Well I'll go to the foot of our stairs
@Skvedriver, very good!!!

Northumbria University, I mean the "City University of Newcastle-upon-Tyne" has come up with a few oddball incidents as well as the renaming incident.

1) Three male lecturers who turned up at the beginning of different years as trans-women. Two left, but the the remaining fella / lady later had to cover up male-pattern baldness. Another found 60 students in a class meant for 30.

Because of that, with the University of Newcastle-upon-Tyne proper called "the other place", Northumbria got called "the transvestite university".

I ran into one of the sex-change lecturers myself when a student over at "the other place" outside Haymarket Metro station.

2) The caffeine poisoning incident of 2018, when leaving out a decimal point meant student test volunteers had 30 mg of caffeine rather than 0.3 mg. I feel genuinely sorry for the students.

3) A flooding incident in 2003, where a pipe gave way on an experimental rig over a weekend and the water flooded into builder's rubble dodgy builders had stuffed into ceiling cavities. The flood itself knocked out allegedly £1 million pounds worth of equipment, permanently damaging £1/4 million that couldn't be recovered. The soaked builder's rubble later crashed through a ceiling onto the head of a lecturer at his desk, who because of the incident was supposed to be found to be knocking one out to porn on his Uni. computer.

The lad whose rig it was got shouted at for three days, made to attend a health and safety NEEBOSH course then was let off the hook. Elsewhere, he'd probably have been moved on either by sacking or later "redundancy", but it was a Uni. and people forget such matters there as they disappeared back into their respective hiding holes.




Newcastle University proper has it's own peculiar tale, where students decided to take a cow off the Town Moor and put it into one of their mate's bedrooms in Castle Leazes student halls of residence. Unfortunately, the cow had a heart attack, died in the lift and the body of the cow got stuck.

The fire brigade got called, who had to chainsaw the body of the cow to remove it from the lift and the building.